When you're under pressure, your inner world changes. It becomes suddenly smaller, less oxygen, fewer options, and no time. But things in your outer world are the opposite, they seem bigger, more scary.

In my case, it's a basketball hoop that seems to be a hundred feet away. It's the nerves, of course. Putting the ball through the hoop is easier than people think. There are tons of angles that will get you the point, even if you're off.

I know this, but I can't relax.

I can dribble the ball as long as I want, but the more I don't shoot it, the more I think about the pressure. I'm being watched by hundreds of people and then

there's the payday.

Slow, deep breaths. That doesn't work.

My friends–Tino, Carver, and Tish–are depending on me to make their dreams come true. The more I think about it, it bothers me. They should be making their own dreams come true. I am. I spend all my free time practicing for more than just fun. This anger is not helping my concentration, I really should just throw it.

Something changed inside me after I sank the first two. I really want this. The old me would have thrown it by now, and probably would have missed. The new me places the ball on the court, between my feet, and wipes her hands dry.

I shoot the ball and it goes through the basket like it's the only possible path. From the moment I let it fly, I knew it would go in.

By the time the ball hits the court again, the audience is going nuts, but I'm too far away to listen. I'm too concerned with what's going on inside me. It feels like I'm being born again.

I'm outside the stadium now. What happened after I made the shot until now is a blur, but I can imagine what happened, and it doesn't really matter.

Tino, Tish, and Carver are waiting right outside and I know what they want from me. I hope they at least congratulate me before asking for their cut.

While I was dribbling for the last free throw, I was thinking that I was being to generous with the money. Carver didn't really help me much, and Tino just dialed the phone. The only one I really owed was Tish, and even so, I went through hell for that money, she just happened to know the answer. I was not going to split the money evenly.

"Wow Lor! That was amazing!" yells Tish. "You really did it!"

"I knew you could do it, Lor." says Tino.

"Yeah, good job! Shoe-shopping spree, here I come!" says Carver.

What a surprise.

"Thanks guys, I wasn't expecting to make it. You guys have no idea how bad it was out there."

"You looked like you had it under control." says Tino.

"Can we talk about this at the mall? They're still open for one more hour." says Carver.

I sit them down on the parking lot instead. The lot's empty by now, even my dad is gone. With so many kids, I can't expect him to give me all his time.

There are bugs flying around the lights in this lot, and right now, I'm hoping they'll attack Tino or at least make some noise, because I'm feeling nervous.

"Guys, I was thinking about the money, and I don't think it's fair to split it evenly. You guys helped a little, but I still did most of the work."

Tish and Tino have shocked looks on their faces, but don't make a sound. Carver wastes no time.

"Whoa, you're going back on your word all of a sudden? If it wasn't for me, you might have missed. You already promised us. Just how much are you planning on giving us, then?" he says.

"One thousand for Tish. Five hundred each for Carver and Tino." I say.

"That's crazy! After I helped you with your shot!"

"You just told me what slipped my mind at the moment. I would have remembered during the contest, no matter what. What do the rest of you think?"

"I'm a little disappointed." Tino says. "But it's your money, so you can do whatever you want with it. I know I didn't really help. Just being your friend shouldn't entitle me to what's yours."

"I agree with Tino." Tish says. "So I guess you're giving me more because I answered the question, right? Maybe you should split up that extra five hundred so there's no hard feelings."

"No." interrupts Carver. "That's not what I want. I want you to keep your promise, Lor."

"I didn't promise anything, Carver." I say. "When I said that, it was just a spur of the moment thing. And if you're gonna be such a baby about it, maybe I won't give you anything."

"I can't believe how greedy you are. You haven't even had that money for an hour and you're already a different person."

"No Carver, becoming a different person is what let me win that money. I'm tired of people calling me stupid. I'm not going to be recognized only for my athletics. I'm going to take that money and I'm going to make more. And if you don't like it, you can go fuck yourself!"

I turn and walk away, surprised at myself. I expected that Tish and Tino wouldn't have much to say, and I'd rather talk to them alone, later. As I walk away, I hear Tino say, "did she just say..."

I spoke to Thompson last week. No stuttering or anything. It was right after we had called the radio station and was set to make those free throws. I was excited about it, so I wandered Bahia Bay looking for him. I didn't even think about my anxiety around him. I told him about it and he wasn't impressed.

"Ten grand seems like a lot," Thompson said. "but when you think about it, what can you really do with it? You can buy stuff, but nothing that will last. You can't even buy a new car with that. I'm happy for you, Lor. I think you can do it, but if you do win, don't expect it to change your life."

"What would you do with it if you won it?" I asked.

"I'd probably find a way to invest it. Most of it, at least. I'm too young to do it myself, but my old man knows about that stuff. By the time I got out of high school, I'd probably have enough to go to college without getting a part-time job. You see where I'm going with this? Responsible planning will secure my future."

"You're such a wild man, Thompson."

He cracked a smile. Did I really say something that smooth in his presence?

"Seriously though, I have some savings bonds now, but not enough for college. But I'm not worried because I have a plan for however much money I end up with. I'm not trying to tell you how to spend your money, Lor. I just don't to see you end up with a bunch of stuff that will only make you temporarily happy."

"Thanks, Thompson. I'll think about it. Really."

And there went my idea to buy a horse with the money. I wouldn't have been able to keep it for long with only ten grand, anyway.

I walked home that day and really thought about what I wanted. I wanted to be responsible with my money, but I also wanted to have fun. I wandered the town, trying to focus.

In an alley between two shops along the beach, I noticed a woman holding a long pipe chasing a man. She caught up with him and started hitting him, then kicking him. After the man stopped struggling, she took his wallet and took the money out. Then she dropped the pipe and started walking towards me.

I couldn't stop staring at her. I couldn't even blink. She stopped in front of me and looked at me, not saying anything. Her clothing was revealing and her make-up was caked on. I guess she had what it took to lure in a few poor suckers. She continued looking at me, then she just started walking away.

"Why did you do that?" I asked.

I couldn't tell you why I didn't just let it go. I had gotten two tastes of success that day, it must have gone to my head.

"I do what I have to do to survive, little girl." she said. "Money isn't free."

Sometimes money is free. But not enough to last. Any amount of free money is just a chance to change your life a little. To live comfortably, we have to rely on ourselves. Those are Thompson's words, not my own, but I believe them.

The woman walked away, with the beat-up guy's money in her bag. Her life in her own hands.

Now, I'm back on that street where I met that woman, thinking about how to invest my money. I don't want to end up the same stupid Lor, with a bunch of stuff that means nothing.

I'm back by the alley from last week,

She's there. With Thompson.

My first thought is to run to him in case he needs help. But I stand behind the corner looking at them. They seem calm.

Thompson holds something in his hand and gives it to her. She's not holding any kind of weapon over him. He turns away quickly and heads toward me, so I scoot back and act casual. He turns the corner and yelps a little when he sees me.

"Hey Lor." he says. "How's it going? Oh, it must be going great huh?"

By now, everyone in town knows I won the contest.

"Yeah, I'm doing good." I say. "So how are you? Talk to any scary women in the alley lately?"

"So, you saw. huh? It didn't mean anything, Lor, I swear?"

"Did she take your money?"

"Well, yeah, that's what they do."

"How can you accept it so easily? You're lucky you didn't end up like that guy from last week. She beat him pretty badly."

"Well, I had to pay. That guy probably owed her money and didn't pay. That must be why she beat him. But now that you mention it, it is pretty weird that she did it herself. They usually have some guy do it for them."

"Why do you keep saying 'they,' Thompson?"

"You mean you don't know? You thought she was just taking people's money? Well, let's take a walk, I'll tell you all about it."