Part 4

Upon arriving back at Drovers, Nick had carried Tess up to her room. She had fallen pretty hard, and he didn't want her walking when he could just as easily carry her up stairs. Guilt came into it as well though. He felt guilty for pushing her so far, guilty for making her admit what was going on before she was ready to.

"You right?" Nick asked after he pulled the covers over her.

She nodded in response, "Yep... thanks."

He smiled as he noticed the large bear sitting opposite them in the corner of the room "He's cute"

Tess only smiled back at him.

Nick sat on the edge of the bed beside her and looked deeply into her eyes, "I'm sorry, Tess." The sincerity ran deep "I didn't mean to-"

"Don't worry about it," Tess cut him off "It's over now... lets not relive it okay?"

Nick nodded and placed his hand on hers, "I missed you, Tess..."

Tess shook her head, "Don't, Nick. Don't say that, please"

They both knew what was happening. And although Nick knew she was vulnerable, he continued. He needed to tell her how he felt, how he still felt. "When you came back, I was still so angry with you. I hated the fact that you let my mother ruin us... but I can't stay mad at you, I-"

"No," Tess put her hand up to silence him. She knew exactly where he was going with the conversation, and exactly what he was going to say. She couldn't let him. "Nick, please... can we just keep the past in the past?"

She didn't want to relive it. She didn't want to remember how stupid she had been. She didn't want to remember how weak she had been when Liz Ryan had warned her off Nick. Most of all she didn't want to remember how she fell into the arms of another man... a man who beat her.

Nick nodded as he continued to stare into her eyes. He had forgotten how beautiful they were. Even with the bruise surrounding one of them, she was beautiful.

He reached over and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Moving closer, their lips met.

It had taken Tess by surprise, but she hadn't pulled away. She wanted to remember how it felt to kiss Nick Ryan, how it felt to be touched by him.

A tingle shot through her body as the kiss deepened and his hands came around her now smaller body.

She pulled away "Nick," She spoke softly as she tried to catch her breath. "I can't." Tears began to stream down her face as she saw the hurt wash over his face, "I want to, but I can't."

He ran his hand down her shoulder and found her hand, "Tess we-"

She shook her head, "If things were different... if I wasn't... Nick I'm sorry, but I just can't do this."

As much as she wanted him, she couldn't let herself have him. They had broken up for a reason. Liz Ryan may have been a very stupid thing to break up over, but they still broke up. Besides that she was married. And although she wasn't as happy as she should be, she loved Chris, and he loved her. She had to remind herself of that. No matter how bad things got with him, he had always told her he loved her.

Nick let go of her hand and cleared his throat, "I guess I'll see you later then." He stood up and made his way over to her bedroom door. As he turned back to her, he looked into her eyes and said, "One day we'll get the timing right, Tess."

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Chris threw a vase across the room in frustration as he saw the pair kiss. He had seen every movement, and heard every word exchanged between the pair. Tess was his, not that Ryan's! His! And he would get her back if it was the last thing he did!. If he couldn't have her, then nobody would!.

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Alex stopped in the middle of the dirt road as he saw his brothers ute approaching. Nick slowly pulled up beside him.

"You been to see Tess?" Alex stuck his head out the window.

"You were right," Nick replied "She's covered in bruises."

"That bloody bastard. If he sets one foot on Drovers I'll-"

"She still loves him, Alex... all the other stuff doesn't matter to her"

"What? You mean-"

"She's not ready to face it... not properly," Stated Nick.

Alex shook his head in dismay, "Well we'll help her. There's no way in hell she's going back to that bastard. If he wants her, he'll have to get through both of us."

Nick nodded, "Listen I'll be back over later... I think Tess needs a bit of a break from me. Oh and Blaze... I sent the girls out looking for her, she was taken by a mob of brumbies."

"Righto. Catch ya, mate," Alex wound up his window and sped off towards Drovers, while Nick headed for Wilgul.

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Tess sat in the study staring at the picture Claire had painted. She smiled as she remembered teasing Claire about it on many occasions. Tess didn't really hate her sisters art work. In actual fact she loved it. She just did the sisterly thing... what else was she supposed to tease Claire about? Painting was the one thing that Claire wasn't perfect at.

Her smile quickly vanished when she realised that Claire would never again hold a paintbrush, let alone paint another piece of art. Her sister had slipped away so quickly, like so many others in her life.

She wondered if Claire even knew how much she meant to her. What kind of a sister was she anyway? She hadn't visited Claire once since marrying Chris. She didn't even come back for Charlotte's naming ceremony.

That feeling of guilt had been burning away at her insides ever since Tess had found out about Claire's death. She should have been there more for her sister.

Tess jumped as she heard footsteps approaching. She let out a long sigh when she saw that it was Alex.

"I just saw Nick," He stated as he perched himself on the desk.

Tess looked away, she knew what was coming next.

"He told me about the-"

"I don't want to talk about it, Alex," Tess was firm when she turned back to him.

"Listen," Alex' voice took on a more gentle tone as he took her hand. "I've already lost one McLeod that I care about. I won't lose the other. I know I was one of the first in line to crack open the bubbly when you and Chris got hitched, but Tess you can't let him treat you like your something he stepped in."

Those words pulled at Tess' heart strings, urging her to listen to Alex, listen to what he was saying, and most importantly believe it. But she couldn't. No matter how much she wanted to, she just couldn't. Chris' spell was much too strong for her to break.

"It isn't always like that Alex," Tess explained. "He loves me, and he knows what he's doing is wrong. He's getting help while I'm here. Things will get better, Alex."

Alex shook his head, "You really believe that, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. Of course I do, Alex, he's my husband"

Alex stood up and looked down at her, "So you'll be going back to the city - back to him, after the funeral?"

"Yes," She answered, "I am."

Alex moved to leave the room. He stopped and turned abruptly as he said, "I never picked you for a coward, Tess. I thought you were better than that. Obviously I got it wrong hey?"

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Tess wiped her tears away as she heard her bedroom door open. She looked up to find Blade standing there.

"What are you doing back?" She croaked.

"Got a call from Chris. He wasn't at all happy with you," Answered Blade as he closed the door behind him. "Says that I'm not keeping a good enough eye on you. He seems to be all worked up about that Nick Ryan."

"What? Why?" Quizzed Tess.

"He didn't say, just told me to get him out of the picture," Blade told her.

"What do you mean get him out of the picture?" Tess asked frantically, knowing exactly what the answer would be.

"What Chris usually means," He said "Kill him."

Tess shook her head and stood up, "No!"

"If there was another way, I would gladly take it, but Chris was adamant about it. He wants it done, and he wants it done today," Blade informed her. "I'm sorry, Tess."

Tears began to sting at the back of Tess' eyes as she paced the room. "Can't you do something? Can't you-"

Blade took hold of Tess firmly and steadied her, "There's nothing I can do to stop it. I've got my orders" He told her again. He looked her straight in the eye, "But if Nick isn't around, I can't kill him can I?"

Blade let go of Tess, "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Tess nodded, before rushing over to her suitcase. Luckily it was still packed.

"You don't want to take too long," Blade continued "Chris is probably on his way to make sure I do the job properly."

"What about Charlotte? I can't leave her here, if he-"

"Take her. I've arranged a car, you can pick it up in fisher. I made sure it was fitted with child restraints."

Tess rushed for the door, "I better pack some stuff for her"

"Meg's already doing that for you, just go over to Nick's place and someone will bring the child and belongings over to you," Blade instructed.

"Okay," she whispered as she picked up her suitcase and rushed out the door. A moment later she came back in, "I knew you weren't all bad."

"Unfortunately it might get me shot, but hey, it's all part of the job I guess. Now go, Tess," said Blade.