50/50 Chapter 2
by Mystic
February 2005
Kate jerked awake, looking around at the inside of the cave as she listened. She wasn't sure if she'd heard it, or if it was just in her dreams, but there were whispers somewhere. It's what she dreamt of every night. Jack tried to give her sedatives, but she refused to take them. She would deal with her demons straight out, that's how she liked it. His arm wrapped around her midsection and he mumbled something in his sleep.
She smiled down at him and let herself fall backwards onto the ground. Turning on her side, she watched him breathe calmly through his nostrils. Kate remembered the first time they'd made love. It was out in the jungle, on a night when they were too tired to return to camp. They'd been searching for fruits and had wandered too far in. Kate knew her way back.
"We could travel by moonlight, Jack." She told him, a finger lifting casually into the air.
He smiled. "I think it's just safer to stay put, we'll travel by daylight."
Kate threw her hands up, a smile playing on her face. "Fine."
"Fine," he repeated. "We should build a fire."
"Scare away the scary things," Kate teased.
He frowned. "Come on, Kate, you know as well as I do there's things out here that wouldn't mind messing with our heads."
"Or eating our hearts," Kate snorted.
Jack let out a quick laugh and tossed several logs towards a spot in the center of a clearing. "We don't know what they do."
"Claire didn't seem too keen on them." She told him, looking around for branches that would catch fire quickly.
He shrugged. "They kidnapped her."
"What happens when they kidnap the next person?" Kate stopped and looked up at him.
Standing still, he didn't look at her, he was thinking. He didn't really know. Turning slowly, he lowered his head and went back to looking for firewood. Kate went towards him and grabbed him and kissed him. It'd been killing her all day. They'd kissed, a couple times, everyone had seen them. Why was he stalling, she wondered. Maybe, she knew, he wasn't like other guys who just wanted to jump in the sack with girls.
But as she released him, she could see the hunger in his eyes, could feel him against her jeans. It was hours later when they finally started the fire in their camp and they laid wrapped in each other's arms. She loved the feel of his body pressed against her, holding her protectively. Kate didn't think she'd ever know what that really felt like.
Now he lie sleeping, his eyes moving quickly behind his lids and she touched his cheek, sliding her smooth palm against the stubble until he opened his eyes and looked down at her. She smiled at him and he grinned back. Each day that passed made his heart beat faster at the thought that maybe she'd been right, maybe the other group in the jungle would want her eventually.
She'd heard something as she showered under a waterfall a few weeks before. Jack couldn't remember seeing terror on anyone like he'd seen when she emerged from the thick brush still soaked, her clothes clinging to her body, exposing for the entire camp the bump forming at her midsection.
They hadn't known before. She wanted it that way.
"Why not tell them?" He'd asked her a week after she'd returned to camp.
Kate flung her arms in the air and grabbed her backpack, strapping it firmly to her back. She was going into the jungle with Jack for fruit because she was starving and it seemed their stash had somehow diminished itself. Kate wouldn't admit she'd been eating it at night. It wasn't lying, to avoid the questions.
He watched her a moment, then told her, annoyed, "Come on, Kate, they can't protect you if they don't know what's going on."
She shook her head, not meeting his eyes. "I haven't heard anything since we got back. Maybe you're right. Maybe it's just all in my head."
Jack let his head roll to the left as he stared at her knowing damn well she didn't believe what she'd said.
She smiled up at him. "Would you believe me if I said I was slightly superstitious?"
He nodded.
Kate sat down. "I thought I was pregnant once before. When I was married. Turns out I wasn't." She paused. "Not that I wanted to have a kid with this guy, but at the time, I wanted to have a kid."
"You don't want to have one now?" He asked, curious.
She shrugged. "I want to have a kid with you." Kate blushed slightly. "I just don't know if now's the best time."
"Ain't it funny how things work out," Jack told her, taking her hands and pulling her up off the rock. "Let's go, momma, we got some fruit to find."
He remembered the way she pulled away from him and walked into the jungle without waiting for him. Jack watched her now, the calm that had enveloped her in the early morning hours. It was always like that with her, for as long as he'd known her. But everyone was less tense in the morning. They hadn't listened to whispers all day, or monstrous howls, or boar grunts. They hadn't worked a full day collecting food, or rebuilding part of their shelter. Morning was the best time at the camp.
"Ready for another day?" He asked her, touching her shoulder gently.
"Jack, those anxiety pills…"
He sat up. "What's wrong?"
"I don't know if it's nightmares or reality, but…" she sat up, scratching her head and then stood. Kate stretched and her shirt lifted over her stomach revealing the innie had finally become an outtie. Jack had been waiting for it. It was five months now. But she was smaller than he'd imagined she'd be at this point. He worried she wasn't eating enough.
Jack rolled over and rubbed his eyes a bit, taking the sleep out of them before getting up and pulling a T-shirt over his head. He watched her pull her own shirt off and rummage through a pile of clothes in the corner. She pulled on one of his shirts and touched her stomach thinking he wasn't watching her. He knew she was curious. He knew she was scared. He crept up behind her and hugged her, placing his hands atop hers.
"The pills are mild, they won't hurt the baby." He assured her.
Kate shook her head. "I don't even like popping Aspirin."
"I'm not going to force you to take anything, Kate, but stress can take a toll on both your health and the health …"
"I know, I know, doctor Shepard." She laughed and he kissed her cheek. Kate had gotten used to the stubble that scratched her. He kept it trim with a knife Locke had given him not long after they crashed, but she knew he was afraid to use it to cut it off, afraid to slice his skin.
He released her and she shoved her feet in her hiking boots, bringing them up onto the cave wall to tie them. Kate pulled on her backpack and pushed past the door of woven branches Michael had designed. The caves and huts had 'doors' now. People could knock, lock and ignore. She saw other people still sleeping. Lots of people slept late, made the days go faster. Kate knew there were important things to do, and she stepped out into the jungle to take a deep breath of the foggy air that had settled over the camp on this morning.
It made her slightly nervous, not being able to see beyond about ten yards, but she saw Locke and Charlie gearing up to go into the jungle as well. Walt pulled on a backpack near the duo and Kate made her way to them, noticing her walk was quickly becoming an odd waddle. She hated change she couldn't control. Forcing her legs to walk straight, she stopped in front of them.
"What are you guys up to?"
Charlie smiled. "We're off on a hunt."
"Locke said I could come," Walt shot quickly. He watched Kate nervously, as if she had authority to tell him to stay.
Her vision traveled to the older man at the head of the expedition. He nodded at her. "Coming along well?"
"What?" Kate asked.
Locke smiled and pointed his knife at her belly. "You're coming along well."
She didn't know whether to nod or thank him. So she smiled and touched her stomach and gave a nod towards Walt. "You sure about this?"
The older man put a hand on Walt's shoulder. "Boy's got talent. And he's a strong young man."
"Can we talk a sec?" Kate said, squinting her eyes slightly.
"Sure," Locke said, walking away from Charlie and Walt with her. "What's up?"
"Are you sure about this?" She asked him again. She watched the way he looked back at the duo they'd left behind. There was an uncertainty there she didn't like.
He touched the large knife in his belt. "Honestly, I trust the kid more than Charlie. He's got a wild aim and while his intentions are good, he doesn't know the butt of a rifle from the butt of a rhino."
"Then why do you take him?" Kate asked.
Locke shrugged. "A man who has a family and can't provide for them starts to feel useless."
"So you felt sorry for him?"
The man smiled and lowered his gaze to her stomach. "You planning on going out into the jungle?"
Kate crossed her arms over her chest. It was meant to distract him, but it simply showcased her stomach more. So she dropped her arms and played with the straps that didn't encompass her waist anymore. "We're going to find food."
"I think it's about high time you let your man provide for you."
"Jack 'provides' for me," she snorted. She watched the way he stared at her, concerned. "John, I'm not going to kick off my shoes and lounge around for the next four months."
"You should help Claire with Adam." Kate looked stung by the proposition and Locke raised his arms slightly in a rebuttal. "Not saying the women should stay home and the men should hunt, just thinking about your safety. You should definitely stop climbing trees and going for the long hikes now. And you don't actually expect to spit out a baby and go right back to the jungle the next day, do you?"
She lowered her head. "I just can't… stop."
Locke smiled and put a hand out, waiting for her to turn red and nod. He placed it delicately on her stomach and then touched her chin, raising her head to face him. "Kate, I'm not your father. I'm not going to pretend to be. But if I were, I wouldn't want you to do anything foolish. You're fatigued, everyone can see it, you need to relax."
Pulling away from him, she managed a grin and went back towards the caves to find Jack as Locke returned to his hunting party. She knew Jack had told him to protect her. She'd caught him watching her from time to time. He gave her extra boar whenever there was a catch. It made her feel inadequate, to have people trying to care for her as if she couldn't care for herself.
Jack emerged from the caves as she reached the entrance and she removed her backpack, handing it to him. "You pick me some good stuff."
"What?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
She threw a glance at Claire who was bathing her son in a tub they'd made out of a hollowed tree. "I'm gonna kick back here for the day."
"You want me to go out there alone?" Jack asked with a laugh.
Kate turned back to him quickly. Her shoulders tensed and she felt strong hands clamp down on them. "No worries, Freckles, I'll keep the good doctor company while you catch a few rays with Sunshine over there."
Sawyer released her and smiled at Jack who shook his head and handed him Kate's backpack. He took it and gave Jack a look.
"I ain't wearin' no sissy backpack. Brought my own, thanks," he tapped the straps on his own shoulders. He threw Kate a charming grin. "No offense."
"None taken," Kate responded, taking her pack from him as Jack gave her a sympathetic look. He turned away from her and left with Sawyer.
Sawyer watched Jack's body as they entered the jungles on the paths. He was tense and it looked almost as if he were still trying to listen to her. Sawyer turned back to see she'd gone towards Claire and the kid he'd come to call 'Short Shit', or 'Shorty' when his mother was around. "Jack, you can calm down, she ain't gonna break."
"I just know she's going to get restless." He gripped his fists and looked about for something to hold. He found a large rod and picked it up, hitting the side of a tree to test its strength before continuing.
"Plannin' on stabbin' somethin' to death?" Sawyer asked.
Jack turned back. "I just like having something in my hands."
"Could bring out the big guns."
He threw a glance back at Sawyer. "We could, but throwing them at oncoming threats won't get us anywhere."
Sawyer jerked in response. "We run out of bullets, Doc?"
Jack nodded. "Long time ago, actually."
Glancing around, Sawyer found his own rod and poked Jack in the back. Jack turned, shouting in shock. "Got my own big stick now. If you get bored, we can have a sword fight, it'll be just like old times with my buddies back in Tennessee."
"Wouldn't have figured you for a swordsman." Jack said, reaching to scratch the spot that itched from where Sawyer poked at him.
Sawyer smiled wide. "Jedi actually. One of the things I'm most upset about being on this island… can't find out how the brat turned into Darth Vader. I mean, this ain't like getting pissed 'cause someone took your toys. The boy went evil."
Jack stopped walking and started laughing.
"What so funny?" Sawyer asked.
The other man pointed. "I'm just imagining you, waiting in line to see Star Wars, dressed up as Han Solo."
Sawyer grinned. "How'd ya know?" They two shared a laugh and then Jack shook his head and continued walking. He veered off the path and Sawyer stopped. "Whoa, Doc, don't think you know where you're goin' here."
"Best fruits are off the path," Jack said matter-of-factly.
"Kate teach you that?" Sawyer asked.
Jack nodded his head.
"She taught you a lot of things, hasn't she." Sawyer broke into a sly grin and looked at the ground as Jack leapt against the tree, taking hold of a branch and hoisting his weight up higher. "Guess she has."
Going higher into the tree than he knew he probably should have, he reached out and started picking fruit. He looked down at Sawyer, who pulled off his bag and placed it on the ground, then waited for Jack to start tossing them down. After he'd cleaned a branch, he came back down and Sawyer looked at him.
"What, that all there is up there?"
Jack shook his head. "No, but it's best not to pick them clean. I mean, there's tomorrow and the next day…" he smiled. "This way we can keep the same paths and not use up all the fruits."
"Damn, that girl's smart."
Smiling, Jack picked his rod back up. "She's just got common sense, Sawyer."
End Chapter 2