A/N: I do not own Sesame Street or Star Trek just to clarify.

Valerie strode down the hall of her RIW Kaleh, Vokar by her side. They had become fast friends within the past few hours, and were now eagerly hunting down Erik's ship.

"Is there any news of anything?" Valerie asked him as they walked. "We think they might be returning to Earth, perhaps, or Vulcan," Vokar answered. Valerie stopped and faced him. "Well, which is it?" she asked impatiently. Vokar shrugged and she sighed. "Can't our scanners work any better than this?" she asked.

"Well, one's broken and the other is borrowed," Vokar answered, a teasing light in his eyes. Valerie laughed, and they continued to walk.

"If you do not mind my asking," Vokar said, "what does the name 'Valerie' mean? It's an odd sort of name."

"Valerie means evil," Valerie said. "It fits, doesn't it?" She laughed. "But you are right: it's hardly a fitting name for a commander." "And chairman of the Tal Shiar," Vokar said. "How could you forget that?" "I'm a Chairman?" Valerie asked in disbelief. Vokar looked at her a little dubiously. "Yes," he said.

"Oh. Right. I knew that," she lied. "Anyway, you're right about the name thing. I should change it. Hmm...in fact, I think I'll head to my quarters now and consider possibilities. Alert me if you find the Federation ship."

"All right," Vokar said, and they parted.

Mara woke up gradually, sensing someone watching her. She blinked her eyes open and screamed in fright to see a woman in her room sitting in her chair watching her. She gasped in shock at seeing the nurse who had worked with her the other day, and clutched her heart.

"What are you doing here?" she asked when she finally got her breath, and started to raise her head, and then moaned at the headache and laid it back down. The nurse giggled and came over to Mara's side.

"Sorry," she said. "I just couldn't wait for you to wake up. I just had to ask you: what's it like to date the commander?"

"WHAT?" Mara screeched, raising up and then groaning in pain, sinking down again. "Did you just ask me what it's like to date the commander?" she asked her. The nurse nodded eagerly, kneeling by the bed and propping her head on her hand. "Give me juicy details," she giggled again.

Mara looked at her in shock, disgust, and a vague sense of amusement. "I mean, when Julie walked in on you two last night-you know," the nurse continued, "she was so embarrassed. But now that someone's finally dating him, we can find out...stuff."

Mara thought she was going to die of gagging. "Do you need a trash can?" the nurse asked in sincere fright. Mara waved her away, trying to control her gag reflex, and managing to keep the bile down.

"Okay, look, what's your name?" she asked the nurse a moment later. "Um...Rhonda," the nurse answered. "Okay, look, Rhonda," Mara said, pulling her head down towards her own. "I want you to hear this, and hear it well, all right?" Rhonda looked puzzled, but nodded, putting her ear near Mara's mouth. Mara took a deep breath and shouted as loud as she could, "Erik and I are NOT dating!!"

Rhonda pulled away, her hand over her ear, and an offended look on her face. "Geez, no need for that," she protested, trying to hear over the ring in her ears.

"Actually, Rhonda," Mara said, "I've found that the only way to deal with people who start rumors and are hopelessly in love with gossip is to shout the truth as loud as possible and hope they hear it for what it really is! I have never...done anything with Erik, and I'm sure he will agree with me."

Rhonda looked at her and said nastily, "Well, that's not what it looked like last night." Mara rolled her eyes and looked towards the ceiling for hope of the Rapture so she wouldn't have to talk to this woman anymore. Nothing. She looked back at Rhonda and said quietly, "Things are not always as they appear."

Rhonda was about to make a quick comeback when she saw Mara's eye and gasped. "Oh, my-did he beat you?"

"Beat me?" Mara asked in shock. "Your...your eye!" Rhonda gasped again. "My eye?" Mara touched her and was instantly awash in pain. "Oh...yeah, my eye."

"Oh!" Rhonda was gasping with indignation now. "How-what...what a monster! Oh, don't worry, he'll pay for this! I'll alert Starfleet immediately!"

"What? No!" Mara grabbed Rhonda's arm. "He didn't beat me!" "You didn't have that bruise yesterday," Rhonda pointed out, "and your nose wasn't swollen to the size of a mango."

"Listen," Mara said, swallowing a grin, "if you could see his face right now, you'd realize I wasn't the only one who was beaten."

Rhonda looked at her, and then to the door and let out a strangled little squeak in confusion. "But...but..." she stammered. "Trust me, Rhonda, nothing romantic happened last night between Erik and I...if anything, we gave each other black eyes, swollen noses, headaches that you wouldn't believe, and incredible brain damage," Mara said matter-of-factly. "Now, go to sickbay, and I will be down soon."

She shooed the reluctant, confused Rhonda out the door, and collapsed on her bed in pain, and swore he would totally pay for this.

Erik stared at the ceiling, his whole body aching. Just then, there was a knock on his door, and he bid them enter.

A man in a yellow shirt came in and sat down by the bed. "What is it?" Erik asked hoarsely. "Well," the man said excitedly, squirming in the chair, "we...that is, some of us..." Erik sighed in exasperation. "Anyway," the man continued, "we were wondering-what's it like dating Dr. East?"

Erik choked on his spit, and sat straight up, coughing. The man had to clap him on the back to help him breathe. When he finally regained oxygen, he yelled at the top of his lungs, "ARE YOU COMPLETELY SANE??????????????????"

The man got out of the chair, and took a few steps back. "Um. Yes," he answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Mara and I," Erik said, "are not dating. Look at what she did to my eye!" he said, pointing to a very black eye. "Does that look like something a person would do on a date?"

"Well, okay, new subject," the man said. "What's it like to..." he drew in his breath slightly, "hold her?"

"That's it!" Erik roared. He got up and swayed on his feet as dizziness took over, but quickly regained his balance, and shoved the man out. "Stay out, and if I ever hear about this again, I swear, I'll have you demoted!"

Finally, when Erik called Mara on her little metal thingie, she forced herself to get up, although it hurt more than anything.

She didn't want to look in the mirror, but there was one on her closet door, and she caught a fleeting glimpse of her reflection: two purple eyes, just as Erik had predicted, a swollen nose, a bump on her head, and bruises on her arms and one very abnormally large foot.

She groaned again, and slowly got into her uniform. She looked at herself in the mirror again, and closed her eyes, praying this was all a dream and she would not have to wear this ridiculous outfit.

She shook her head. Erik was right; purple didn't go good with green. She sighed and walked to sickbay, feeling very paranoid and vulnerable.

She arrived in sickbay out of breath, to see Erik lounging in the office. As she walked in, smoothing down her hair and uniform, all of the patients' eyes simultaneously followed her as she walked into the office, hoping to see something interesting.

Mara looked at him angrily. "What?" he asked.

"You lied," she answered sullenly. "I got hit on twice." "Oh." Erik cleared his throat. "Maybe on the TV series they cleaned it up a little or something?" Mara's steady glare unnerved him, and he cleared his throat, and looked around the room.

"What do you need?" Mara growled. "Listen...I just wanted you to know that your name doesn't have to remain Mara," Erik answered. "You're allowed to change it." "No, thank you," Mara answered.

Erik shrugged. "Okay. But from now on, refer to me as T'Son, or better yet, Admiral." "Hmph. Not likely," Mara said.

"All right, then," Erik said, getting up. "Mm-mm. Wait a minute," Mara said, her eyes glittering in a way that made Erik very nervous. "I was looking through some files yesterday and I happened to come across your medical record. You haven't had a check-up in over six years, Erik." She shook her head. "You ain't goin' nowhere," she said, adopting a country accent.

Erik groaned. "What exactly are you going to check?" "EW!!!!!" Mara shrieked. "You have SUCH a dirty mind!" Erik smiled. "What can I say? I'm a politician."

"Okay, get on the table," Mara said. Erik sighed and got on the table, swinging his legs rebelliously like a small 6-year-old. "You do know how wrong that sounds?" Erik asked her. Mara looked at him warningly and he shut up.

"Hmm," Mara said, writing something down. "It looks like you took a pretty hard beating. Let me guess: 300 pound man, really big fists, um...oh yeah! Phaser set on...stun?"

Erik glared. "You don't look so good yourself," he answered. "Your nose is the size of a kiwi." "Mango, actually," Mara said, writing something else down. "Why would anyone hit on you when you look like that?" Erik asked. "Don't ask me," Mara answered. "I'm sure I don't know. Breathe." Erik breathed.

"Hmm. Your breath is shaky. You're gonna need a shot for that," Mara said, pulling out a needle. "Why isn't there anything in the needle?" Erik asked as she inserted the needle. "It's invisible," Mara answered flatly, pushing. "Ow!" Erik protested as she pulled it out. "You did that on purpose!" he accused her.

Mara shrugged, but didn't deny it. She looked in his ears. "Ooh. Look at that. Lots of fluid. You're gonna need a shot for that." Erik looked at her warily, but let her give him an injection of the "invisible" fluid.

"Remind me again, when did they come up with this?" Erik asked. "2324," Mara answered, pushing it in. "This is 2271," Erik said. Mara froze, her eyes looking around the room. "Uh...I mean, silly me," she laughed. "Did I say 2324? I meant 2224, of course." "Yeah, I'm sure," Erik said, looking at her suspiciously.

Mara took his blood and examined it quickly. "Ooh, look at that. You're gonna need a shot for that." "What now?" Erik asked in exasperation. "Your blood is...uh...red," Mara answered. "Dr. East?" Erik asked. "Blood is always red." "Eh," Mara said. "Yours is supposed to be pink. Haven't you read your file?"

"You are lying, and I am out of here," Erik said, starting to get off the table, but Mara yanked out the needle and planted a hand on his chest and pushing him down. "We are not done with your check-up, mister," she said. "Now, if you're a good little boy, I'll give you a Band-Aid with Elmo from Sesame Street on it!"

She stuck a stick down his throat to test his gag reflexes-they worked. As he threw up in the trash can, she glanced at the stick and said, "Ooh, look at that. There's green stuff all over the stick. You're gonna need a shot for that."

"That's my vomit!" Erik yelled at her. "Get on the table now, mister!" Mara ordered him, pointing at the table. "If you do not have a yearly check-up, Starfleet will get mad. You haven't had yours in 5 years. I'm sure they'd be very interested to find out about that."

Erik glared helplessly at her, and got back on the table. She gave him another shot of the invisible fluid. "Anything else, Doctor?" Erik asked sarcastically. "One more thing," Mara answered. "We need to X-ray."

She took out a portable X-ray machine and put it next to his head. It beeped a little, and she took out the picture. "Ooh, look at that. There's a white round thing in your head with teeth and eye sockets. You're gonna need a shot for that."

Erik gritted his teeth angrily as she gave him yet another shot. She pulled out a Band-Aid that she had brought with her, and placed it on his arm. "There, now was that so bad?" she crooned. "Now-orange or grape lollipop?"

Erik scowled at her, and said sullenly, "Grape." She pulled out a grape lollipop and handed it to him. "Wow," Erik said. "You weren't lying about Elmo, were you?" "Well, actually, I was," Mara confessed. "That's the Cookie Monster."

Erik left the sickbay with a very sore arm in addition to all his battle wounds, a Cookie Monster Band-Aid, and a grape lollipop to nurse him back to help.