If Only I was different

The Diary of Hermione Granger

And her secret love

For Draco Malfoy

Dear Diary, 3-24-05

If only my hair wasn't so bushy, maybe he'd like me.

Dear Diary, 3-25-05

Today he called me a dirty little mudblood. I guess I should be used to it now,

But I don't think I ever can be, I love him so. Maybe one of my books will

Tell me what to do. Yes, I'm going to get my books. Goodbye.

Dear Diary, 3-26-05

Today was a little better. He didn't call me a mudblood. But if only………

………if only he knew how I feel about him.

Dear Diary 3-28-05

It's been a few days since I wrote. I tried to slip him a note yesterday, but I

Was too chicken. I couldn't find anything in my books. Not one thing seems to

Be written that can help me. Except, well, one of the darker books said that

Suicide was an answer, but I don't believe in suicide. Not since……well, not since

Dad died.

Dear Diary 4-13-05

I'm really considering suicide now. Today while we were in Quidditch practice, he pushed me off my broom, then got rid of all the bones from my elbows to my fingers

In my right hand. God! And to make it worse, Ron and Harry aren't speaking to me.

I accidentally left you in the Common Room, and Ron picked it up. He saw that it was

Mine, and thought it may be funny to read it. He read from the beginning to yesterday,

And told Harry that I like Draco. Why do they always have to contradict everything I have in mind or say or do?

Dear Diary 4-14-05

I have the supplies. The rope was sent to me by mum. I transfigured a goblet into a knife.

The parchment is in my trunk, waiting to be read. But in my mind, I don't know if I'm ready. Malfoy may later be willing to give me a chance. But what if he's not? What if he is? If he is, suicide would have been in vain. If not, I'll only suffer more.

Dear Diary, 4-15-05

I decided against suicide. Draco is ignoring me completely, and Harry and Ron are talking to me again.

Dear Diary, 4-16-05

I love you so, Draco. This last entry is for you. You see, I've loved you since the first time I saw you. From your beautiful blonde hair to your perfectly sized shoes. But I suppose a pure-blood like yourself would never love a filthy, dirty, ugly, smart ass like myself, would you? I'm nothing but a filthy mudblood, but I never asked for it. I was thrilled when I was accepted here five years ago, and I've never been happy since. You made life worth living. When I showed up, I was considering suicide in the beginning too, because of Ron. And now, I'm back at the thought. You may've never known me for the person I am, and you'll never get the chance. This doesn't mean I've given up hope. No. I've given up on life. Life is not worth living. First dad was taken away, and now I know I'll never have you. You're too interested in Pansy and pretty girls. I'll never be as pretty as them. Goodbye, my sweet. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But now you can be the top of the class, like you deserve.

Love, Hermione.