Inu Yasha yelled to Kagome as he flew down the well to her time, clad in her school girl outfit. Dare Kagome not let me borrow this! This is trendy shit!' he snuckled to himself. (Yes, snuckle is a word. I made it up myself, Its a mix between a snort and a chuckle.) He flapped his arms and flew out of the cave, wiping a bat out of his face and grinning as he dove into the bowl of giant ramen!
Little did he know it was ...
POISONOUS! Gasp!
He gluggled and and flailed some before realizing that ... Gasp! Where had his wings gone! OH NOOO! The giant slug back in that cave eated them! Why? Oh cruel fate, thou art ... uh ... cruel? he shrugged before returning to removing himself from the evil bowl of noodle doom. I like noodles.
So anyways, he slurped up the noodles and his skirt started flapping and all this bad shit happened. Have at thee! he howled, all dramatic like. He stomped his foot and fell into the middle of the earth! he shrieked, bearing the very likeness of a little girl.
Damn it sure is hot in hell! he said, wiping sweat from his brow. I wish it werent so hot down there. He waves to Satan before going to play a round of pin the tail on Sadam.
Shrieks the evil cuban man. That's not my ass god damnit!Slurpees! Get your hot fresh slurpees! Come round and gather the good stuff. CAMPBELLS! MY AFTERLIFE FOR SOME FRESH PINE SCENT! says Mister Twitch, the neighborhood alchemist. He was beheaded for bearing the king of France a boy. Naught naughty.
Hey a snow cone machine? I could really go for something nice and toasty. Mmm, freezie goodness. said Inu Yasha as he approached Mister Twitch. Give it to me.God, you whore! Fine if you want me like that then just take me you fucking rapist! I never really meant it when I said I loved you! Waah! he ran off sobbing and recieved a few pats on the back by the pitiable Sadam. He also recieved a sad sigh from the even lesser of fortunates, Osama. A.K.A.- Pinata Osama. Dun dun dun!
I didn't want it to turn out like this... he admits. I was just really drunk one time and my friends though that watching a couple stupid towers fall over would be fun. I never considered that people would actually inhabit those stupid towers. God damned Americans. Always loving, always ... His face attains a sad and sickened look. he slurs out and spits.
A little girl near by listening to his tale sniffs and looks up at him with starry eyes. If I hit you, will candy come out? she asks.
If you hit hard enough. he thinks for a little while being clobbered by the four year who, by the way, had a wicked back hand. Say, why are you here little girl? You look sufficiently cute. Aren't people supposed to love you?I ate a whole nun once. she says and grins.
Wow, impressive. he says. I stopped once I got to the thighs.When your older. he replies simply.
Bad monkey! Inu Yasha chides at the ape like attatchment to his arm. If you bite me any harder ... I swear! He pauses before adding. My arm will fall off. The monkey sends him one hurt, loving, gaze before walking into the sunset with a bag around his shoulder.
Inu Yasha swears he heard I've always loved you.' on the wind before the monkey completely disappears into the horizon. He drops down on his knees and rubs his eyes. The ITCH! he yells. Damn you sexually transmitted diseases! He rubs some more then adds. And also damn that whore Kikyo! Stupid ho! He takes out a heart shaped locket and touches the glass before muttering for no reason.
Pork rinds. He licks his lips and gets up. ITS STILL SO FUCKING HOT OUT! EVEN AFTER THAT STUPID ICE PACK I STOLE FROM THAT DAMNED HOBO! He sighs. Its still in there. he says and looks into his pants. A lot more wet then i used to be though.
He fiercely slaps his cheek. Trichinosis be damned! he says and kicks that pig. Dumb pork! Rind, damn you, RIND! he says and rubs some wet pork slappies on his face before turning into a hotdog and cooking in the sun. So hot. So stupidly ... hot. he mutters before he starts singing, OH I WISH I WERE AN OSCAR MAYER WEINIE! So somebody would take a bite of me-ee-ee! Oh if I were-
Don't worry Inu Yasha, I'll always be there to take a bite of you. He looks up and soft beautiful (but ho-like) eyes meet soft pork eyes.
NO! Not you you damned whore Kikyo! You bite like a bitch! Or maybe you bite like a ho, I'm not sure which. He comtemplates before saying. But Inu Yasha! she moans! I have this incredible craving that only you can fulfill! A craving for ... for ... for ... ... MEAT! YOUR MEAT! I LIKE THESE STUPID EXCLAMATION MARKS!I LIKE THEM TOO! He retaliates. They look into eachothers eyes some more and they soon reliase they are madly in love and that sh must bear him little hot dog.
(Insert graphic displays of love, courtship, and messy, terrible, meaty sex. Smothered in gravy!)
So was it good for you? the ho asks.
Inu Yasha, still in weinie form, mind you, rolls out of his bun. He hits the floor with a plop! Kagome runs over to him and yells, Inu Yasha! Show me you meat faced lesion! she gasps. Oh no, it ... BURPIES! YOU DID KIKYO DIDNT YOU? She sobs and grabs his throat. But Inu Yasha... she grins seducively. I know what you're thinking.No you don't.I doooo. she said and opened her arms THIS wide. I love you THIS much! he chews on her toe.
You always did have the most beautiful feet Kagome. he says and starts on the other one. This little piggy went to the store, the little piggy rented a boat, this little piggy became a whore, this little piggy is ... KIKYO!YES! Inu Yasha! Thats the spot, I have toe fungi donchaknow? She takes another sip of her soup an he spits his out. Thats the lst time I EVER have sex in an elevator! He storms out. Now I'm mad. And still hot. Damn it. He decides that he must take the power or the guardian before unlocking the lucky charms.
Its he key to my heart. Kikyo says and dangles a key, winking seductively. Want in? she winks again and looks really corny.
I'll have to confiscate this Kikyo! You naughty naughty rhinocerous! May many gazelle cross your path! And step on your toes -which are not as nice as Kagomes. He walks away, leaving the poor girl broken hearted. She bangs her head against a tree and is dead instantly. Poor girl. She never had a chance. But she lived on in some random persons heart or whatever.
Inu Yasha splatted the bloody heart on his plate and walked away. Licking his lips he grabbed Kagome. God damnit! Every time I catch her I miss her ass! he snaps and walks away, heart brok-ed. His heart falls off his plate and he leans over to pick it up. He blushes, remembering the stupidly short whore skirt he's wearing. Nuu! I forgot to wear pants! He blushes as everyone laughs and points. My virgin eyes! someone howls. Inu Yasha wonders: If their eyes are virgin does that mean that a penis has not yet been in them? And if so, why would anyone do that anyways?
Itchy, itchy, itchy. he chides, wiping sweaty sweat away from his face. HOLD ME BEYOTCH! He grabs Kagome. She grins seductively and Inu Yasha can already taste the entailing lemonade. Lemony fresh! he says.
But one thing. she says. Im not who you think I am. she says and pulls her face off. Honestly, being as horny as he was at the moment he didn't quite care who it was he was gonna screw. But when she pulled her face off, GASP! IM KAEDE! He howls. He moans. He screams. He runs for his life. Pant, pant, pant. he says, looking through the rack of pants. One pant, two panti, red pant, blue pant. Oh no! Yes, the cheese IS red! Why are you staring at me? STOP LAUGHING AT ME!
MY BUUULGE! she screams and pushes that thing down. Inu Yasha! Kagome moans. Inu Yashaaa ... Inu Yasha ... shaaaa... aaaa...Inu Yasha? Hellooo? Kagome's sweet voice rang through his ears like skim milk.
he winced up into the brightness of the fire in the hut. He wiped his hot forehead, sticky from sweat. She placed a cold washcloth on his forehead.
Feel any better? she asked.
My head is still killing me. he said and clenched his eyes shut. Hurts like a-Inu Yasha. Her voice dropped an octave. Shippou is here. she said and looked over to the fox demon playing with a top near the fire. And what did I tell you about that dirty mouth of yours? he moaned.
Poor Inu Yasha. Still sick from that demons poison. I think you have a fever. she said, placing the back of her hand against his forehead. Yup, you're definitely warm. She sneezed. I think I might be catching that sickness from you. she said and wiped her nose.
he asked.
I suppose staying around your sick little self is making me sick too. I guess its contagious. she said.
I should probably get some rest, I'm starting to feel rather tired. she said and layed down on the mat next to him.
Good night. he said. After further thought he then asked, Hey Kagome? She glanced over at him.
Yes, Inu Yasha? she answered.
Are nightmares contagious?
Author's Notes
Poor Inu Yasha. Having such terrible, but hysterical, dreams. Well I hope you liked it. I might do another chapter where Kagome gets sick and has a bad dream as well, but I'm really not up to it at the moment.
Reviews please!