Title: This is My Life, pt 4
A.N. Still in Faith's POV
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The week went by relatively quickly bringing the winter holiday and sending most of the student's home. The table at meal times was a single table filled with mostly Gryffindors, a few Slytherins, two Hufflepuffs and two Ravenclaws.
I made it a point to sit next to a different person during the meals bringing my Slytherin Dante with me. At first the Gryffindors stared at me with disbelief but by the end of the first week they settled down.
I still wasn't sure what I was going to do at Hogwarts, Albus still hasn't told me, though I'm not sure I want to know. He looks at me with a certain look within his blue eyes that makes me uncomfortable. I think he's waiting for me to concede to tell the students about my past and hardships.
"Snape, can I talk to you a moment?" I asked after hearing his gruff invite from inside his classrooms in the dungeons.
"Of course, Miss. McRae." He replied putting his quill down and leaning back into his chair steeple shape with his fingers. "Have a seat." He added as an after thought.
"Thanks." She replied pulling one of the nearest chairs up to his desk. "I was wondering if you could help me decide whether or not the dada students would benefit from past."
Snape sat there for a moment pondering his response, his features remained neutral, void of any emotions. "That all depends."
"On what?"
"If you're ready to share them."
I sat there wondering if I was ready. "How do you know if you're ready?"
"Tell me, when you look in the mirror what do you see?" He inquired causing my eyebrows to rise. "If you are able to look at yourself and see a young woman that's made choices ::bad and good:: and dealt with the consequences when they arise, then you are probably ready to share your past."
"Or?"
"Or do you see yourself as a failure." He shrugged. "Someone that has made choices and ran from the outcomes."
"A little of both." I answered softly. Snape's head tilted as a silent question was asked. "I killed a man on a patrol." She stated. "The council tried to take me to England, but I escaped and joined the black hats of Sunnydale."
"Was it an accident?"
"It started out that way, but I guess the rush was too much and I wanted more." I answered. "By the time I realized what was happening to me, I was so far into a hole that I couldn't dig myself out."
"This is what Albus wishes you tell the students?" Snape asked after a few moments of silence.
Was it? "I'm not sure." I answered truthfully. "Albus came to me asking for my help with the Voldemort problem and I'm still trying to figure out what I can do for the students."
"Perhaps you're to show them that there is life after war."
"Is there?" I inquired. "I've been through my share of let downs, but is there really life after death and war?"
"A new day always arises, Faith." Snape told me. "It may not seem like much, slaying a vampire here and a demon there, but you're making the world safer."
"That's the thing, this isn't my fight."
"It can be." Snape countered. "Though it may not seem obvious to you now, but Albus is right. You do have survival tendencies that would help our young Mr. Potter among other students."
"So I'm supposed to tell Harry that it's not his fault when he has to kill Voldemort, but it was his job. His duty?"
"Not in such a way." Snape answered carefully. "The approach would benefit more if you taught him to shield his emotions. That it's normal to feel a sickening feeling and yet the rush of power knowing you've ended someone's life."
"I think I get it." I replied realizing that there was much more to Severus Snape than the snarky, slightly creepy potions master. "I'd better let you get back to your work. Sorry if I took too much of your time."
"My door is always open, Miss. McRae." Snape said carefully. "Will I see you at the feast?"
"Yep, Albus wants me to sit next to him."
"Did you warn Mr. Moore?" Snape inquired knowing how much Dante liked me. Everyone knew it but I didn't mind.
"I was just down there talking to him when I passed by your classroom." I answered.
"Good." He said.
"Thank you Snape." I replied leaving the classroom hearing a soft, 'your welcome' from Snape. I walked quickly to my tower and pulled the sheets of parchment that Albus gave me for whatever I needed them for.
I sat behind my desk and my hand suddenly started writing. I'm not sure who it's to, but it mentions how sorry I am to have done what I did. I wrote that it was my fault the murder of Allen Finch, the murder of the Professor and a few others.
I wrote how much I had learned in my time at Hogwarts. I wrote about what I learned when Angel caught up to me before making it to Boston. I wrote about Harry, Draco, Dante and a few other students that I've met in my short time.
I wrote about Albus and his oddities. The way he can look at you so that you know he knows what you're thinking, what you're feeling and what you're going to do.
My thoughts flowed onto the sheets of parchment and before I knew it I had no more thoughts. No more fears. No more demons.
No. My demons were left behind in my written testimony of all things I've done, learned and what I was going to become. I wasn't just a slayer, or a rogue slayer but a guardian slayer.
A clean slate.
Relieved I stood leaving the sheets on my desk and headed to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Once finished I placed my hair up and dressed in my casual dark green robes – that Albus bought and gave me for an early Christmas present.
Walking quietly towards the great hall I found myself feeling lighter, freer but I didn't understand how writing my frustrations helped so much. The hall was decorated with great festivities and colors. A large tree, that Hagrid brought in earlier, was decorated with all sorts of colors.
"Happy Christmas, Faith." Dante replied.
"Happy Christmas." I echoed hugging the boy briefly before taking my seat at Albus' side.
"You're looking happier." Albus commented to me.
"Yea."
"Care to explain?"
"Not really." I shrugged. I wasn't prepared to verbally say that I was free from my past as I had fully accepted it, but I knew that he knew from the look on his face and the twinkle in his eye.
"Very well." He said sounding disappointed. "You look lovely in your robes."
"Thank you for them." I said looking at him. "For everything you've done for me."
He smiled at me and I felt a small smile appear on my face. "You're welcome, Faith." Then he stood up and made a charming speech on the feast they were about to have. Then he called the food forward and the students and staff alike began to eat.
As the celebration was passing with ease, but it was sorely disrupted when the large oak doors shot open. I noticed that several teachers and students stood with their wands pointed ready for anything. But my heart nearly stopped at the sight that greeted us.
"Angel." The words left my mouth as I slowly stood up, causing every noise in the room to stop.
"Faith." He said before his weight buckled.
I wasn't sure I could move so fast in robes, but I vaulted over the table and was at his side before he could hit the ground. "What happened to you?" I asked shifting his bulky form.
"Help me." He whispered before passing out.
Hefting his weight I didn't bother to see what was happening as I half carried half dragged the vampire out the door. On my way out I saw Cordelia holding something, Wesley and some guy and girl I didn't know.
"Faith!" Cordelia gasped.
"Hey Cordy." I said a bit surprised myself. "A little help here." I grunted adding, "I mean I know he's already dead but he's got some serious dead weight on him."
With the help of the man I didn't know the six of us stumbled up to my private tower. I whispered the password and my statue that was shaped like an angel, moved gently out of the way showing a short pair of stairs before getting to my door.
We placed Angel on my bed before I made sure all the candles were lit and the windows were shut before bringing out a basin of water and washcloth. I knelt at my bed's edge and slowly cleaned Angel's wounds before wrapping them in bandages.
The rest of Angel's group was waiting down stairs, where I had been writing my thoughts earlier. I came down the stairs and said, "He's all cleaned up. I need to talk to Albus to get blood for him so that he can heal."
"Thank you Faith." Cordelia said softly.
"No problem." I replied. "So what brings you to Scotland?"
The group exchanged a glance before the unknown girl, who was now holding the bundle stood up. "Faith, we'd like you to meet Connor." The soft spoken brunette said. "Angel's son."
End pt 4
Author's Note: I know I sped things up with bringing Connor in to this. Lets just say things happened a bit differently than in the show. Reminder: This is AU!