Title: This is My Life, pt 8

Author's Note: Faith's POV

888

The room went silent all eyes were split between Sirius and I. My jaw clenched before I forcibly relaxed myself. "Didn't you know?" I inquired, my voice deadly silent. "That's why Albus found me. I'm the only slayer in history to have killed someone and then joined the black hats."

Sirius eyes widened slightly, before narrowing at me. I could see the vain pulsing and his left eye was twitching angrily. His hands were clenching and unclenching, as he looked ready to take a swing at me.

"I'm also the thread holding Harry together." I said softly. "Did you know he's worried about killing Voldemort? That he doesn't want to become a murderer even though it's expected of him. He's sixteen years old, who's had to grow up way too fast and he's now starting to live the age he is because he knows that he can depend ON ME."

I'd moved closer to Sirius noticing that he wasn't much taller than I, standing probably close to 5'9, as we stood toe to toe. His breathing was ragged and his posture was ridged with suppressed anger.

"I know what I did was wrong." I stated. "I suffered months of quiet solitude after begging Angel to kill me and end my pitiful life. I suffered quietly in the tower at Hogwarts for months before I was semi-comfortable with being thrown into the hands of students that needed my help. The ones that needed to know that while taking someone's life might feel incredible it's not something that people should have control over."

It took me a moment before I realized that angry tears were streaming down my face, during my rant causing Sirius to look at me in a different light. A felt a hand on my shoulder, knowing it was Albus because of the presence that followed the wise wizard.

"If you'd like, Faith, you can floo back to your rooms." Albus said softly and I nodded, my eyes traveling towards the ground. I was moving between he and Sirius when I felt someone's hand grasp my arm.

Raising my eyes I saw black eyes that softened considerably. "Protect Harry with your life."

I wrenched my arm free and walked away without a second glance. As the door closed behind me I heard Albus' words against Sirius' actions and for the things he said to me. I stopped listening when he stated that they needed me to help in the fight against Voldemort.

"Hogwarts, Faith's Room." I called stepping into the flames, throwing the powder down. I felt a similar feeling as I fell through the fireplaces that were all connected to the floo system.

Calmer than I had been before I stepped out of the fireplace into my familiar tower and walked into the bathroom. Splashing cold water onto my heated cheeks I chanced a look in the mirror and saw saddened eyes yet there was a spark.

I shouldn't have said what I did to Sirius, I realized, but I couldn't help it. He challenged me and I rose to the challenge rather than sitting back and taking it or walking away. Although I am proud that I didn't physically strike him like I would have prior to Allen Finch.

Drying my face I decided to change, grab something from the kitchens – thanks to Harry I know where they are – before getting Connor from Minerva. I pulled on a pair of jazz pants, a white tank top, my white trainers and a pair of plain black robes I headed into the hallway.

It was still early, so I had time to find Harry and tell him what happened. I knew I probably shouldn't, but he needed to know and I wanted him to find out from me rather than from someone else.

The fruit bowl portrait appeared sooner than I expected, so I tickled the pear granting me entrance to the kitchens. "Misses Faith!"

"Hello Dobby." I greeted having been here once with Harry after one of our training sessions made us both hungry. It took all the convincing abilities from Harry to prevent me from being wigged out by the small creatures and thinking they were tiny demons.

"What can Dobby get the misses?"

"A sandwich, some fruit and butterbeer if you can." I shrugged and watched as he nodded and ran off to prepare her meal. The sandwich – ham and cheese – a bowl of apple slices and a bottle of butterbeer appeared moments later. "Thanks Dobby."

"Anythings for Harry Potter's friend." Dobby said before leaving her alone to her thoughts.

I ate my food, thinking about how I had changed over the course of a year and what I was going to do once this was all over. I had no plans, I had always thought that I would die fighting in some honorable way being the slayer, but then I had to go and negatively change my path.

Though my time here at Hogwarts has been the best few months that I've ever had. My childhood sucked, being raised by a mom who was never there and a dad I never knew. I had to teach myself how to live independently and yet here I am getting help that I should have always had.

I finished eating, thanked Dobby and stepped into the hall. The sun was already down meaning it was around seven or eight. I found Harry coming in from the outside holding his broom, his features brightening up when he saw me, but dimmed slightly at my stance.

"Everything alright?" He asked softly.

"Come with me." I replied before turning to walk back towards my rooms where I knew we could talk without being interrupted. I would talk to Harry, and then he would decide if he wanted to spar tonight before I would go pick up Connor from Minerva's quarters.

We walked in relative silence, Harry's green eyes were confused as he gazed at me, but mine remained in front of me. I tried not to give away my feelings anger not being there anymore, but I was tired.

We sat down on the couches in my room and I rested my elbows on my knees, hands clasped together. "I met the Order tonight." I began. "They know who I am Harry. They know what I've done."

"But you're not like that anymore." Harry protested.

"I know, Harry." I soothed. "They were checking me out, I suppose. I met Remus, Kingsley, Tonks, the Weasley's and Sirius." I whispered the last name.

"Really?" Harry sounded excited. "Why aren't you excited?"

"Sirius and I had a disagreement, Harry." I stated plainly. "He's worried about you because of my past. I…I said a few things I probably shouldn't have."

"Like what?"

"That I was like your sister because you trusted me."

"You are." Harry insisted.

"That you didn't want to murder Voldemort even though it's what's expected of you to do."

"I don't want to, you know that."

"I said that I was the one allowing you to be the sixteen year old that you are because – "

"I trust you?" Harry finished in a question like manner, though it seemed that he knew there was no question about it. "True on all counts. I'm not seeing what's so bad, Faith."

"I said that the only reason Albus wanted me was because I was a murderer." I stated, continuing before Harry could open his mouth to protest. "And that I had wanted Angel to kill me. I begged him to end my life, but he wouldn't."

"You never told me that." Harry's eyes went wide at my revelation. "Why would you want to end your life?"

I knew the underlining question was, 'would he want to end his life after killing Voldemort'. "I hated myself, Harry, I thought I had nothing else to live for because I was destructive. I destroyed everything that I came into contact with."

"But you're good now."

"Good and bad are all relative, Harry." I said sadly. "To you, Albus and several others I'm good, but to outsiders that only look at what I've done believe that I'm evil. When Albus introduced me I could feel the stares, almost hear the thoughts they must have been thinking and their feelings flowing off them whether they be negative or positive."

Harry stared at me for a moment before gazing into the fireplace. My rooms were silent for a long time that I didn't think Harry was going to say anything. "I won't desert you because of what my godfather says, Faith."

Shocked I stuttered, "I…I-"

"I mean it Faith." Harry interrupted standing up and began pacing the training area. "You've been here for me more than anyone I've ever known and I will not let them take that from me." He continued. "Ron worries all the time about what you and I share and I defend you to him and he's my best friend."

"Harry." I heard my voice say, I sounded faint.

"You're like my sister, Faith." Harry continued, green eyes peering down at me, as I stayed seated. "I've never felt as comfortable around anyone, nor have I been able to open up like I've done with you and I'll be damned if I let anyone try to take you away from me."

Sighing I stood and placed a hand on his shoulder, which was interesting because he's a great deal taller than I. "You're quite the man, Harry. You'll be fine once Voldemort is gone and you can live life even fuller than now."

A boyish smile appeared on the green-eyed man's face as he pulled me into a warm embrace. I tentatively wrapped my arms around his waist and my mutinous eyes closed against my will as we stood there.

I was walking down the hallway a long while after Harry left, we both decided to rest for the night before reconvening the next evening. I was almost to Minerva's quarters when I felt someone grab my arm and drag me into a nearby classroom.

The next thing I felt was magical ropes binding my arms to my body and a pair of angry eyes glaring at me with a hateful stare. I stared confusedly at the man with his wand pointed at me.

"What'd you do to Harry?" The brown-eyed boy asked.

"What are you talking about?" I questioned back. "I didn't do anything to Harry. Why is he hurt?"

"Don't pretend you care about him." He snipped. "I did a little research on you and found out about your seedy past."

"That I murdered a man named Allen Finch and a professor that studied volcanoes?" I inquired seeing the shocked look in his eyes. "Harry knows what I've done, and so does Albus." I added conveniently forgetting to mention the Order knowing that even if he knew about them, I wasn't supposed to divulge on any information. I was proud of Harry, as he was almost a member along with Hermione and Ron.

"Why are you here?" He asked curiously as he lowered his wand and I felt the ropes loosening their hold on me.

"To help Harry in ways no one else could." I responded softly.

There was no reason to lie to Harry's best mate being that I felt guilty about splitting them up, though logically I knew I didn't really do anything. The young man's wand dropped ending the spell and I cautiously moved my arms trying to regain some circulation.

"How can you help him better than me and Hermione?" He asked slumping into a seat.

I knelt before him grabbing his eye contact. "I can help him because of my 'seedy' past, as you so kindly brought up. No one knows better than I how to recover from killing someone and it's worse for me."

"How?"

"I had a bout with insanity and joined the black hats." I stated seeing him moving towards his wand and quickly went into action. "Now wait! Hear me out Ron." I pleaded softly.

A brief nod was all I got in return from the red haired youth. He was rather intelligent, more so than I would have expected because no one had walked up to me and stated they'd known what I'd done. Draco had been subtle about it the first night, but hadn't mentioned anything else.

I shorthanded the story I told to Harry, feeling that Harry was the only person to hear the full version, about the accident and how I ended up in a coma because someone tried to kill me. I mentioned about my brake down, my transition, and how Albus sought me out.

By the time I finished, Ron was looking at me with a different gleam in his eyes. "So glad to finally meet you, Ms. McRae." 'Ron' said before pushing something into my hands.

End pt 8