Rhapsody Theorem

Disclaimers: Revolutionary Girl Utena belongs to Be-papas and Chiho Saitoh.

Warnings: Everybody will be OOC, drug-addicts, and raving lunatics. It's surreal, rambling, and half of the fanfic might not make any sense…

Rants: This takes place after Utena 'escapes' from the TV-series Ohtori. What exactly happened after the million-sword-stabbing-her-body incident that Kunihiko Ikuhara effectively blacks out upon? Well... this is one (really random) take. There is a parallel universe, separated by dark matter, connected by a portal called the focal point of a Mobius strip…

Summary: Utena meets her favorite professor again, with some interesting consequences.

11

It was a beautiful, sunny morning, and Utena noticed that the roses on her windowsill had been changed. They were white roses now, and as she put on her jeans and her shirt, she walked into the kitchen. Anthy was already there, and the smell of pancakes reached her nose.

"G'morning." She yawned, and sat down at the table, propping her chin up with a hand.

"Good morning, Utena."

"I don't know," she suddenly said, and was looking out the window, the sun streaming in through, Anthy's white rat curled up on a pillow directly under one of rays of sunlight.

"Don't know what?" Anthy said, and walked over, placed a stack of pancakes (three) in front of Utena, a fork, a knife, wrapped in a napkin, and a bottle of maple syrup.

"Don't know why--"

You're here. Why Mikage isn't just a professor. Why this doesn't feel like it's real, why my dreams don't feel real. Why there's war. Why people need to revolt. Why roses remind me of princes, why you're the princess and the witch in my dream. I don't know why Doug isn't coming back, I wonder why our microwave hasn't been fixed yet.

Utena shook her head. "I don't know whether your rat has been neutered."

Anthy blinked her large, green eyes, looking somewhat like a doe. "Neutered? I don't think so."

"Listen--" Utena tried, but her mouth quirked in a half-smile. "I don't want him to breed all over the place with the other rats in the walls."

Anthy turned to the thing curled up on the pillow, and smiled as well. "I think he's celibate."

Utena was pouring her coffee and she almost spilled it. "You're kidding, right?"

She shook her head. "I've never seen Chu Chu affiliate with anything. He's just not a romantic, I guess."

"He doesn't crap all over the place, does he?"

Anthy gave her a demure smile. "Have you smelled anything?"

The room smelled like daisies and lilies and roses, and Utena looked around for an air freshener, maybe one of those that you plugged into the wall. "No."

"He doesn't."

"That's good."

"Anyway."

She added the milk to her coffee, stirred the sugar in, the spoon clinking inside the cup.

"He's not, you know." Anthy suddenly said, and Utena glanced up.

"What?"

"Tou-- Doug." She corrected. "He's not coming back. He told me himself, he had already moved some of his things out when you were in class the other day. He gave me a few forms and told me to fill them out and turn them into the administration by the end of this week."

Utena shrugged, suddenly feeling as if a load had been lifted off her shoulders. "You're a better roommate."

Anthy seemed to flush, although her dark skin wouldn't have shown it. "Really?"

"Yeah." Utena said, through a mouthful of pancake. "You can cook." She gave Anthy a smile, half-joking. "And you don't insist on having sex with anonymous strangers right before I wake up."

"Oh." Anthy probably was blushing now, but she bowed her head, and Utena couldn't see her face. "Did he--"

"Mm-hmm." Utena nodded, taking a gulp of her coffee. "Syle's not really a stranger... but still. Right when I woke up after my coma."

"Your coma." Anthy said, and the room suddenly became still. Utena felt vaguely uncomfortable, although she couldn't figure out why.

"I think I overdosed on opium, or at least that's what they told me." Utena snorted. "You don't overdose on opium-- I mean, the stuff is outdated. It had to be some kind LSD, combined with something else. I can't really remember anything before that. I mean," she paused, gauging Anthy's expression, "I knew everybody."

"Did you?" Anthy's voice seemed far away.

"Well." Utena colored. "No. But I was comfortable around them, so I guess I subconsciously remembered, or something like that. I mean, they're all... them. Themselves."

"Oh."

"But yeah." Utena grinned, somewhat into her pancake, somewhat at Anthy. "I saw your forms for housing application-- you're missing one, so I'll get that for you."

"Thank you." Anthy said, and sat down next to Utena, staring off into space.

"Did you eat breakfast?"

Anthy looked at Utena for a minute, as if not seeing her, and then slowly shook her head. "No."

"Then make yourself something." Utena frowned. "You can cook well enough."

"No--" Anthy shook her head again. "I'm not usually hungry."

"Right." Utena finished her coffee, grimacing at the empty mug. "Hey, Anthy."

"Yes?"

"Do you know how to brew tea?" She blurted, and didn't know why. Flashes of memories through her head, and then they left, as if they had never been there.

"Yes. We can have it tomorrow morning, if you don't mind." Anthy seemed pleased, she was sitting back in her chair, her hands clasped together.

"Yeah." Utena was suddenly embarrassed, and she avoided eye contact by staring into her empty plate. "It just didn't seem right without the tea."

There was a breeze blowing that morning, and Utena's eyes followed a stray can as it rolled off the sidewalk and into the grass.

"Hey, girl."

A hand on her shoulder, and Utena almost jumped. Doug's smile was a little off today, a little hazy.

"All right, what happened?" She tried to scowl, but it ended up turning up into a smile.

"Syle just happened to be in the mood this morning."

"Since when wasn't he?"

"I don't know." Doug said. "But it's different. He was kind of... well... out there. For a while."

Utena squinted towards the sun and kept walking. A squirrel darted in front of her, crossing the sidewalk, and disappeared into the bushes on the other side.

"I mean," Doug went on, and Utena listened, "he was spacing out. And then he pounced on me when I asked him what was wrong." Doug laughed. "Horny bastard."

"Aren't all men?" Utena said, and Doug mock-slapped her upside her head.

"So how's your new roommate?" He asked her, once she had finished pummeling his side.

"I told her she makes a better roomie than you do." Utena scoffed. "And she actually does stuff around the dorm. Unlike somebody I used to know."

"You still know me." Doug replied easily. "And I don't remember a certain girl doing stuff around the dorm either."

"I'm sure you and Syle do all sorts of stuff all the time."

"And what would this stuff be?"

Her lips quirked. "Queer."

Doug shrugged. "You never argued about it before."

Utena shook her head in exasperation. "Never?"

"Never."

"Then I wonder why the hell I was thinking about hitting you when I woke up."

"When you woke up--" Doug's eyes widened, glimmered with mirth. "Well, that was a mistake."

"... Consciously deciding to engage in scandalous acts with your so-called boyfriend in front of a comatose woman... that was considered a mistake? Let me write this down."

"It was a mistake." Doug pouted. "You don't believe me?"

Utena laughed. "I'm just kidding. Keep your pants on."

Doug sighed. "If you absolutely insist."

They walked in silence for a while, and Utena let the noises of other peoples' conversations filter into her head. Doug really had no sense of decency sometimes, but nature called. Sex was inevitable. Utena frowned. Oh wait, that applied to pissing. Never mind.

Wait--

"Hey, Doug."

"Hm?" He glanced in her direction, and they veered off the sidewalk in the direction of the lecture hall. The stepped on leaves, and she heard them crunch under her feet.

"How'd I get out of the hospital if I was still in a coma?"

The question didn't faze him, and he kept walking. "Actually, Utena, you woke up in the hospital."

"I did?" Utena blinked. "And there's another thing I don't remember. Shit."

"Calm down." Doug said. "You woke up and you were babbling incoherently about being a florist. Roses everywhere. And you were apologizing for failing something. Your entrance exams, maybe?"

I'm sorry I couldn't save you--

Utena blinked again. "My entrance exams." She said blankly. "Right."

"Well, you went to sleep after that, and then you woke up again and you were talking all right. You called me Touga when I came to visit you. The doctor said it was some sort of selective amnesia or something, that Touga must have been somebody from your past. Of course, this stuff all passes eventually, or that's what they said. But still, you freaked out when I visited you another time and Syle was there with me." Doug whistled. "Damn."

"What'd I do?" Utena asked. She remembered pieces of her childhood, yes, her parents dying in an accident, her imaginary friends she created to help her through-- the prince, the princess, she had pretended she was the princess. And then she remembered barely getting through high school, determined to go to college, and then she was here. And she remembered Doug as her roommate, going to a party, and being high on drugs, something, and purple waves. Everything after that was a blank, and here she was now.

"You took him aside and spoke with him." Doug laughed, a hint of bitterness in his voice. "Asked what the hell he was doing with me. Said that he could do better than a whore like me. You rambled on about some girl named Wakaba, and how she almost died when he didn't ask her to the prom. He thought you were a complete lunatic. He couldn't remember what you called him, but it wasn't Syle."

"Oh." Utena said. "I don't remember--"

"Well, of course you don't." Doug snapped. "And it's really, really, convenient that you don't."

"Shut the fuck up." Utena spat, glowered as she stared at her feet and counted to ten. Doug reached it before her, because the next thing, she was in his arms and he was rubbing her shoulders.

"I'm sorry." He said. "It just bothers me that you don't remember anything. And I feel partly responsible, because it was me who took you to that party."

"It's all right." Utena sighed in relief, and felt her body sag against his. "Just tell me how the hell the doctors let me go. Aren't they anal about that kind of thing?"

Doug stood back and regarded her. "Well, they said that it would take time for you to readjust to your surroundings, things like that. And that maybe it would help if you were back in your dorm, living like before. I had to call them every day, but otherwise, you did fine."

"Did I still call you Touga?" Utena asked apprehensively.

"Yeah." Doug grinned. "You must have really hated him. You kept bitching at me. Said I was worth something, but other than that, nothing at all."

Utena scratched her head and stared ahead.

"Well, after a couple days of that, I really couldn't take it anymore." Doug shook his head. "We had a fight. Almost. You really were acting strangely-- you seemed completely shocked that I was gay-- and that Syle was my boyfriend. And you kept telling him to stay away from me, that I'd just hurt him again." Doug frowned. "I didn't even know where you got all those ideas from. And those stories you told. If they didn't offend me so much, I would have thought they were interesting. This Touga character was really something else."

"What stories?" Utena croaked, but Doug didn't hear her.

"Well, we had a falling-out. Almost. And then we sort of reconciled-- you said you'd try to accept us. We kind of got along after that, and you should have seen yourself-- buying roses every fucking day of the week. Vases after vases, bouquet after bouquet of roses. I called the doctor after that night, and he told us to just humor you, since it would pass. And then he told us that when you regained your stability to pretend as if it never happened."

I'm sorry I couldn't save you I'm sorry I wasn't your prince

"It was good, I guess," Doug continued, "that you woke up one morning and you said you didn't remember anything. I had to reintroduce you to everybody without being completely obvious about it."

Silence, and then Utena finally spoke. "I guess I have to thank you, then. That must have been a huge thing for you."

"It was an ordeal, yeah." Doug ran a hand through his hair.

"Was that the reason why you moved out?"

Doug stared at her. "No." He shook his head. "Don't think about it that way. It was just that... you know, sometimes, you find somebody, and it's just amazing that I've overlooked Syle for so long. He's always been there for me, even when I haven't been there for him, and then with everything happening, and that girl moving in with you-- it's just a fortunate coincidence, I guess."

Utena's voice was bleak. "Fortunate coincidence. It's really a shame I don't remember."

I'm sorry that I didn't realize sooner I'm sorry that you had to survive that without me I'm sorry I was never there

Doug looked at her, concerned. "Are you all right?"

Utena forced herself to laugh. "As all right as I'll ever be, I guess. Come on, let's get to class."

I'm home.

Welcome home, Utena.

Why is it you're always gone on Saturday nights?

I visit my brother.

You have a brother?

"Utena?"

"What?"

It was early in the evening, and Anthy walked into the bedroom, licking the cookie batter off her thumb. "Are you going out with Doug tonight?"

After classes, Doug had made off with her in one arm, strangely jumpy. Syle was waiting for them outside the library, and the three of them had congregated outside. Touga had slipped his hand into Syle's, and they had talked for a while, the usual questions, how was your day, how's the weather, and Utena had tried her best not to shrink away when Syle looked at her. She didn't know what the hell she must have been thinking, to tell Syle things like that. For one thing, Doug was a perfectly wonderful person. Sometimes. And the second thing-- she didn't willingly interfere with other people's business. That was something she left to do the do-gooders of the world.

Surprisingly, it was Syle who had mentioned the party that was being held in a club down south, and Doug had squeaked enthusiastically. Utena had rolled her eyes, but with much pleading and cajoling, she had finally relented, after making Doug swear that he would not tempt her with alphabet letters again. It would be wonderful if all three of them could return by a certain time in their right minds.

"It's never happened before." Doug had protested, but he was joking. Utena was almost looking forward to it. And maybe she'd see that Jerry woman again. Maybe. According to Doug, she didn't inhabit clubs often, but one never knew. And it wasn't that Utena wanted to see Jerry. No, that was just a side assortment.

Utena's head popped through the shirt, and she put her arms through the sleeves. "You want to come with us?" The tone was half-teasing, but Utena meant it.

Anthy visibly shrunk away from the door. "I don't think so. I'll just stay here."

"You recluse." Utena smirked, and slipped into a skirt, the fit tight around her hips. "You should get out more often. You can borrow my clothes, if you want. I think we're the same size."

Anthy shook her head. "No. That's okay. I have things to do--"

"More house chores?" Utena rolled her eyes. "You've already washed the dishes for today, dusted the furniture, vacuumed the floors. I think you do that every day."

"It keeps things in good order." Anthy protested mildly.

"You don't get out enough." Utena said, and walked over to her, waving her arms in the air, hips swinging to an inaudible beat. "You don't dance?"

"I don't see the point." Anthy quipped, and walked back into the kitchen. Utena followed her.

"You don't see the point?" She laughed." It's self-expression."

Anthy was silent, and Utena sat down at the table and sighed. "And that's the problem. You don't express anything."

"Utena." Anthy turned, and then she didn't say anything. They stared at each other like that for a while, and then the doorbell rang. That would be Doug.

"When will you be back?" Anthy asked, and Utena closed her eyes, feeling strangely nauseous, strangely stifled.

"I don't know." She said, and stood up. "In the morning, I guess."

Green eyes met blue eyes again, held them there for a second before looking away.

"You don't express confusion through dancing." Anthy said.

"You wouldn't know how to." Utena replied.

"Don't let me go home with anybody."

"I might." Utena said. "Just to see Syle's reaction."

The stoic man gave her an indifferent look, and Doug pouted in Utena's direction. "None of us are that masochistic."

Utena shrugged.

They entered the club after showing their identification, and Utena immediately shrank away from the dance floor, her expression carefully neutral as she surveyed the bar area up front. No sign of the lawyer. Damn, and she'd been hoping to get another free dinner.

Hospitals, she thought, and sat down at the bar, pursing her lips. She signaled for a can of beer. Hospitals, and sickness. She thought she could remember the smell, if anything. A stale, pungent smell, sweet and bitter.

"Utena. You don't remember me, do you?"

"That stupid bastard Touga. Good-for-nothing playboy. What does he think he's doing? There's no Rose Bride anymore, but he's still the dominant one, isn't he? Always lording it over the others. Bastard. And now Saionji's falling for it again. Again. Bastard. Doesn't he know he's only going to get hurt? "

"Utena. Don't you remember? Shiori was my Rose Bride."

"There is no Rose Bride anymore. I wanted to free her. I wanted to rescue her, and Touga's up to something again. Why is he visiting me? He's got other things to do. And Saionji. And Wakaba. I hope Wakaba's all right. I don't think she knows where I am."

"Shiori was my Rose Bride, but I loved Juri. It's a sad thing, isn't it? Unreciprocated love. That's the way it always is, once you give into being a Rose Bride, once you give into taking one. It's a temptation, it's a curse. "

"I wish I could have saved her. I wish I could have done something. She never knew. She never knew that I--"

"Utena."

"Who the hell are you? Shut up. I'm thinking."

"Grant a dying man's request and look at me."

"So I'm looking now."

"We're in that place between life and death, Utena. We're somewhere in between. Do you remember who I am?"

"Ruka."

"Don't act so surprised."

"What the hell are you--"

"Utena, I'm already dead."

"It's a surprise to see you here."

Utena looked up, trying to dispel the spots from her vision. Jerry stood in front of her. "Hi." Utena croaked, clutching the can of beer tighter in her hand so that it crinkled under the pressure. "I didn't expect to see you."

"Then we're both in the same state of mind." Jerry said, and signaled to the bartender.

"Do you know somebody named Ruka?" Utena blurted suddenly, and wished that she hadn't.

The other woman sat down, contemplated it. "I can't say that I have."

"Never mind, then." Utena said, exhaled heavily. She felt nauseous again. "Excuse me. I don't feel well."

"Would you like me to take you home?" Jerry's offer was subtle, her voice was silky.

Utena shook her head. "No, that's fine. I'll be back."

The turning in her stomach had subsided a bit, but a cold sweat had broke on her forehead. She stumbled into the empty restrooms, pushed open into a stall and sat down on the toilet. "Fuck."

Grant a dying man's request and look at me. We're in that place between life and death, we're somewhere in between, Utena. Do you remember who I am?

She didn't remember. With that thought in her mind, her uneasiness lifted, and she said it again, resolutely. I don't know who the fuck you are and I don't give a fuck so just fuck off.

She didn't know who Utena was.

"If you don't know," a voice came from outside, and Utena's heart skipped a beat, she held her breath, apprehensive, "then you shouldn't be here."

It's a Mobius strip, Utena. We're at that focal point right now, where the two intersect. We're at that place in between, Utena.

A car, a fire, her body burning, Mikage, look in front of you.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" Utena screamed as she kicked open the door to the stall, met a pair of red eyes under the flickering lighting of the bathrooms. "And why the fuck are you stalking me?!"

"It's a fortunate coincidence." Mikage replied smoothly.

"It's a girl's bathroom." She said. "Get out of here."

"I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time, just like you are. Except your interference is on a much larger scale. I should be asking you to get out."

"Get out?" Utena laughed hysterically. "Yeah, sure, I'll get out. I'll just leave the club. Leave your motherfucking ass to yourself, you pervert, coming into girls' bathrooms and jacking off to the smell of piss in your nose. Would that make you happy? You motherfucking asshole!" She threw her fist at him, and he caught it, tightening her grip so that she winced at the sudden pain, and then yanked her hand out of his.

"Utena." Mikage said, walking towards the sinks, and he looked at himself in the mirror. "Just go. But I want you to leave this place. I want you to go back to where you came from. I know you heard my seminar. I know I explained to you what my theory was, what it always has been. Utena, it's a matter of arriving there first, it's a capitalist philosophy. You were one step behind me, you were only a shadow of me. You don't understand what will happen if you stay. Utena, I created this world, and you were not supposed to be a part of it."

"You didn't fucking create anything." Utena spat. "You didn't create anything except for your own, fucked-up illusions of grandeur. I have no fucking idea what you're talking about, and I don't care. But you want me to leave her, and I'm not going to."

Mikage shook his head. "Do you even remember what happened?"

Utena trembled, managed to keep herself under control. "No. I don't. And I don't think it matters."

"Everything matters." Mikage said, and he smiled, and Utena could see it from the mirror, the light playing off of strange angles, and it distorted his face, her face.

After pulling Syle over and telling him she was going to go home early, she took a taxi back to the dormitories. The lights in the kitchen were on, but Anthy was asleep. Utena shut them off and put an oversized tee-shirt on, laying on the bed without bothering to slip under the covers. She turned so that she was facing Anthy, and she watched her like that, in the dark. There was no moon out tonight.

Mikage was there, again, and the white star hung in the background. He was on top of a horse, dressed like a prince.

We both revolutionized the world for them.

Mikage, she said. Where do we go when we're done? Where do we go when we've finished it?

Isn't it ironic, he said, that I created the system with the help of Lucifer, that I made a deal with the devil to save Mamiya, and in the end, I can't even save myself?

Mikage, she said. Where do we go if we've accomplished it? Where do we go when we've revolutionized the world?

Utena. He said. You didn't revolutionize the world for yourself. You did it for Anthy. Utena, you're not the one who is free.

He rode at her, a sword in his hand. She turned to look at the glaring light of the white star, felt her eyes collapse in her head, and didn't feel the sting of the blade as it cut through her neck.

She blinked, and as her eyes focused, she saw a white ceiling above her, pristine white walls cascading down. Sunlight streaked in from a window beside her when she looked, and she had to turn her head slightly to her right. The window was large and a vase of white roses stood on the nightstand next to her. Outside, there was the sun, there were the shadows of people walking by and she saw somebody peer in through the window with interest. She sat up, her head spinning, ignoring the person who was looking through the window.

"So you're awake." A voice said, and she looked around. Somebody in a white school uniform was leaning against the frame of the door, and he ran a hand through his hair as he approached, crouching down next to her. She subconsciously backed away, and pulled her covers around her.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Touga Kiryuu." He said. "This is Kyouichi Saionji." He gestured to the person next to him who looked at her with faint disdain in his eyes.

"Charmed, I'm sure." She said uncertainly.

"You were found outside the entrance of the school." Touga said. "A stray baseball had managed to hit your head, and I guess you were knocked out." He shrugged.

"So what's your name?" Saionji asked, and she blinked as they stared at each other. "Are you a student here?"

"I--"

"Touga! Saionji--!"

The man in question groaned. "Not again." He muttered, and Touga gave a good-natured laugh.

A girl with doe-like eyes peered through the door. "There you are!"

"Where else would he be?" Touga stood up.

"Well, he's always with you, Mr. Ex-Student-Council-President." The girl said, raising an eyebrow. "Saionji, you don't need to hide from me, you know."

Touga smiled warmly even as he stood a little closer to Saionji, almost protectively. "Congratulations on the election results, Wakaba."

"It's not every day you get to be the new student council president." She grinned. "And being the student council president, I have to take it upon myself to... I don't know. See to the well being of the students. As you always did, Touga."

He laughed, and Saionji glowered. "I always did, didn't I?"

"Anyway." Wakaba ushered her way towards the cot, and extended her hand out in greeting. "I'm Wakaba Shinohara, the new student council president of Ohtori Academy."

She couldn't help but grin at the girl's incessant cheerfulness, and felt herself smile as well, and shook Wakaba's hand. "I'm--"

The girl suddenly withdrew her hand and took a step back, her eyes wide in shock. "Oh." She gasped. "It's you."

Saionji's expression changed as well. "Utena."

"You've changed." Touga was beside her again, and he stared at her face coldly, his lips thin. "We didn't recognize you."

"Utena Tenjou." Wakaba said, and she smiled uneasily, confusion inherent in her voice. "What happened to you? Where'd you go?"

"Where did I... go?" Utena's eyes widened, and she looked around her hopelessly. "Didn't you say I was found outside the school grounds?"

"You left so suddenly." Wakaba said. "You just disappeared. And we had all thought that you transferred to a different school or something."

"Did I?" Utena found herself short of breath, knew that these faces should be familiar.

"Welcome back, Utena." Touga said. "Will you be attending Ohtori again?"

"Where is this?" Utena asked, and Wakaba looked like she had been slapped, and Saionji and Touga both froze.

"Utena, what happened to you?" Wakaba asked.

"What happened--" Utena said, and a bell rang somewhere.

"Classes are starting." Saionji said, and looked at her. "We'd better leave."

"Utena." Touga was saying. "You don't remember?"

"What's there to remember?" She asked, and it was like it had all happened before, like she was reading off a script somewhere, and she was just rehearsing it, and her life was going to be an act in a play, in the grand scheme of things.

Touga, Saionji, Wakaba. She thought. And there's Miki, Kozue, and Kanae. There's Keiko, and Nanami, and Juri, and Shiori, and Ruka. There's Tsuwabuki, and Chu Chu, and Akio, and Anthy--

"Where's Anthy?" She asked, and Touga and Saionji and Wakaba stared at her like she was from outer space.

"She left." Touga said, the first one to speak. "She left the campus a while ago."

"We have no Rose Bride, if that's what you mean." Saionji said, and Touga glared sharply at him.

"Rose Bride--?" Wakaba said, and Touga gave her a reassuring look.

"It's nothing."

"And Akio--?" She asked. "Where's Akio?"

"You don't need him." Saionji said. "We never needed him."

"Akio?" Wakaba said. "The chairman?"

"We should be going." Touga said. "The bell rang."

They left, and shut the door after them. Utena's legs felt numb, and even if she had wanted to chase after them, she wouldn't have.

A change of clothes lay at the foot of her bed-- a girl's school uniform. She took off the infirmary robes, and put on the skirt and the shirt, slipping the tie through the collar. She put the socks and the shoes on, rubbed her hands to get some feeling in them, and then stood up. There was nobody in the room with her, nobody who would watch her leave.

It was as if something was pulling her in some direction, and she followed her instinct, let the invisible hand guide her. Students glided around her as she pushed through them and towards a looming forest, trees hanging ominously overhead.

A castle, she thought. I think there's a castle up there.

A door of marble stood in front of her, water running down the sides of a path. She put her hand on the door's handle, and heard something clicking and whirling, like her dream, where somebody was rolling down the hill, mechanisms of clocks turning in their heads, everything breaking when it reached the bottom, the source of the water, that glittering lake with the diamond fish in it.

Minnows. They change direction in the water quickly. I wish I could be like that, change, and turn, without looking back. I wish I could have saved you, without thinking of the consequences, without wondering what would happen. I wish we could have revolutionized the world together, and maybe we did, and maybe we didn't. But we both escaped, and he wants to put me back here. There are an infinite number of universes that exist. I don't need to be confined to one place. I don't need to be here.

Water crashed around her, and she looked at her ring finger, and felt that something was missing.

It's so many things. It's fighting for these abstract ideals that you find that there are places where you don't belong. Nothing ever agrees with itself, you know, nobody ever supports you unanimously. I want you to recognize that pain, to feel as I did, the isolation, the loneliness, fighting for something you want. You revolutionized the world for them, but you'll be the only one who recognizes what it means.

Mikage, she says, and it's a whisper. Mikage, what are you doing to me?

Utena. We can't exist together, you know that. You're the only one who ever succeeded.

Go back, Utena.

Mikage, I can't. She says. She followed me out here. I can't bring her back there. I can't.

Her eyes are wide open when she wakes up, because something has startled her. Water is dripping down her face, and her pillow is wet. She stares up at the ceiling, just as the first rays of dawn come in through the blinds. Her hair is plastered to her face as looks around the room. Anthy is still sleeping, her chest rising and falling with each breath. The vase on the windowsill has been tipped over, the water is dripping on her face, and the roses lie on the floor.

She sits up in bed and picks up the roses, avoiding the thorns, and puts them back in the vase. She goes into the bathroom and fills the vase up again. She wipes the water off her face with a towel and returns to the bed and puts the filled vase back on the windowsill. She turns her pillow over so that it's dry, and closes her eyes, and ignores Mikage's voice in her head.

I promise I AM going somewhere with the fic. ;_; It's actually starting to come together now. In a way. Sort of. You see, Mikage is being a selfish bastard. Hm.

Thanks to everybody who still believes in this story (and reads it!). =D RL has been really hectic lately, but I hope this somewhat-longer chapter makes up for it a little.

As to the readers who have fished out some of the symbolism in the story, hooray for you! ^_^ For one thing, my efforts have been noticed (which makes me very happy). All right! This isn't such a loony story after all!

Next chapter: Stuff will happen. What exactly does Mikage want, and why?