Come Cryin' To Me
Disclaimer: JAG does not belong to me. I could only hope to own them, in my most desperate fantasies. Also some of the flashbacks might be taken out of context. I apologize for that but hey it's my story and I can manipulate the facts. Writer's privilege. I also don't own the title, which belongs to Lonestar. They sing it and it is one of their greatest hits.
The break up between her and Mic hadn't been that bad. It wasn't expected; but in point of fact, it was almost a relief. But what Mac couldn't figure out was why she felt so miserable. Mic had said that he couldn't compete with a ghost, granted Harm wasn't dead. Mac had let him think what he wanted. Harm wasn't a threat to him. He was her best friend and they had agreed that friends were all that they could be.
Mac stared at the ceiling of her bedroom. She was lonely. That was what she told herself everyday that she tried to justify being with Mic. She sighed. Mic had gone back to Australia today and that's what she thought was wrong with her at the moment. It seemed that she couldn't stop crying. Harm was safe, Mic was gone and the relief from having the wedding called off felt incredibly good. However it felt like the stress was just beginning. What was it that the Admiral had said about Mic being a fool? Mac shook her head against the pillow. It wasn't Mic who was the fool. He had been the smart one by calling off the wedding when he did. It had saved him the heartache of being married to a woman who would never love him in a way that he deserved, whole-heartedly. He deserved better. She, herself, was the fool for not telling him sooner that they would never work. Yes she loved him but Mac had never been in love with him.
Mac knew another fool and she just happened to be in love with him. However, because of regulations, she could never tell him. Yes, Lieutenant Colonel Sarah MacKenzie was in love with her commanding officer and there was nothing she could do about it. He was the perfect man for her and yet unreachable. Mac sighed again. Staring at the ceiling wasn't helping. She got off the bed and went into the kitchen to make coffee as it seemed that she wouldn't get to sleep anytime in the near future. She pulled a mug out of the cabinet, and leaned against the counter as she waited. Getting her cup of coffee, she settled onto the couch. Mac sipped slowly, letting the heat from the cup warm her hands and seep into body. She had been cold for a while and just couldn't place what had made her that way. She recalled a brief moment of warmth when she had spoken to the Admiral. Mac thought back to each moment when she had felt herself falling in love with him all over again. The first day was obvious. He was gorgeous and then the uniform, and the voice. It was all she could do not to melt into a puddle at his feet.
Flashback8
AJ: You know Major there are two sides to duty. Occasionally you have to do things we don't want to do and sometimes duty can be about resisting the temptation to do what we'd like to do.
Mac: You're not talking about my Article 32 hearing next month are you Sir?
AJ: No I'm not.
Mac: Understood Sir.
AJ: Good.
End Flashback
That one had hurt but she knew it had been for the best and it made her love him more because of his sense of honor and duty as well as his strict adherence to the regulations. That conversation had also instilled in her an even deeper fear of ruining another mans career. She had destroyed one and wasn't about to ruin another. She just wished that she would have completed that kiss that day in his bedroom.
Flashback
Mac: I will have some of that aspirin.
Their fingers touch and they lean toward each other.
AJ: This is a mistake.
End Flashback
The next memory that flashed through Mac's mind was when she and the Admiral had gone to rescue Josh Pendry. She had kissed him on the cheek but hadn't wanted it to end there. She wanted to drag his head down to her and press her lips to his and mold her body to him, and never let go. She had satisfied herself with the small kiss and the Admiral had said that it could never happen again. Mac recalled the party where she had danced with him as well. She hadn't wanted to let go then either. He was so strong and so handsome. It was all she could do to keep her hands still on his shoulders. When she asked him to walk her down the aisle, the thoughts that were truly going through her head were how much she wanted him to be the one waiting for her at the end of that walk, not the one that was walking beside her.
Mac got up and refilled her coffee cup. She knew that dawn would be breaking soon. Her internal chronometer told her it was nearing 6:30. Sighing for what felt like the millionth time, Mac rose again and went to her bedroom to change into sweats for running. This triggered yet another memory of the man she loved. He had offered to run with her for the JAGathon. That was a test of her restraint. Seeing the Admiral in running shorts and a t-shirt had sent her feminine side into an absolute tail spin. That first morning Mac met AJ, as she thought of him that three months, for running, she had to ball her fists to control the itch that ran through her, to touch him. She wanted nothing more that to run her hands over his chest and reach her arms around his waist and latch onto his tight ass.
Shaking off her reverie off, Mac picked up her keys and cell phone, knowing that if she didn't have her phone, she would be called. She left her building quickly and set off at a brisk walk to warm up her legs. A few minutes later, she was at a park near her home and was running full tilt on the path around it. The other joggers and runners avoided her after she passed them for the second time. She didn't know any of them and they didn't know her by anything other than face and that fact that she always ran like the demons of hell were nipping at her heals. Mac on the other hand ignored everything around her. She focused on the sound of her feet hitting the ground and keeping her breathing steady. By the time she had lapped the park 12 times, she was starting to feel the strain of her pace. She slowed to an even jog. Lapping the park another 3 times Mac slowed to a comfortable walk and started home. As she was walking she checked her cell phone for messages. Not finding any, Mac entered her apartment and checked her home machine. Not finding any there either, she threw up her hands.
"No messages. I was gone for an hour and I have no calls. I have no one to come home to and no one to run to when I need a shoulder. Even Jingo is gone. And now, I'm talking to myself." Mac said quietly to her empty apartment. "Maybe I should get another dog." Mac stripped down and jumped in the shower. While she was in she made her decision. She would get another dog. If nothing else she would at least have someone to greet her when she got home.
Mac left not twenty minutes later and when to the local pet store. She didn't know what kind of dog she wanted but she had the feeling that it wouldn't be too hard to find the perfect one. As she entered the store, a large Malamute puppy ambled up to her and collapsed on her feet, its tail thumping wildly as she kneeled to scratch his ears.
"He likes you. I don't suppose you would be looking for a dog." A young woman said as she approached.
Actually I am. He's adorable. May I ask why you're giving him up?" Mac asked.
"My two had a litter of puppies before we realized what was happening and the pet store could only take two. I've found good homes for the rest but this little guy is the last and nobody seems interested in a Malamute. They are rather large." The woman said giving an easy smile. The vibe Mac got from her was a good one.
"I would love to take him. My old dog decided that he wanted to go home with my little sister and I've been thinking about getting another dog because it's so empty without him and I really want someone to come home to. Are you selling him or giving him away?" Mac asked.
"I'm giving him away. I didn't have the heart to sell them. I'm sure that you'll give him a good home." The woman smiled gently, giving the pup a last scratch on the head.
"Thank you." Mac said to the woman's retreating back. "Now what should we call you?" The puppy just wagged his tail and yipped before pawing at her foot. Mac picked him and grabbed a shopping cart. Placing the puppy in the basket, she set off to find food and everything else that he would need, all the while mulling over a name for the puppy. As it turned out, Mac went a little over-board, buying a bed, bowls, food, toys, a collar and leash, and a name tag after finally deciding to call the puppy Shade.
When they got home Mac settled the puppy into her arms as she hit the message machine again. She had been gone for a little over an hour and a half. There was one call. Surprisingly enough it was the Admiral.
"Hey Mac. I just wanted to see how you were doing. I know things have been stressful lately but I wanted to check on you and let you know that if you need anything, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, a face to rant at, that I'm here for you. Anytime. Call or just come over. I'll be here. I'll talk to you later." Mac was startled to find tears in her eyes. Not even Harm had made that kind of offer, granted he was still in the hospital at the moment. Thinking quickly, Mac made sure she had Shade's leash, collar and bed before heading back out the door.
The drive to McLean seemed to last forever. When she reached his house, he was out in his front yard raking leaves. He looked up when he saw the little red Corvette pulling into his driveway. He knew exactly who it was. He set the rake aside and stripped off his gloves. Mac sat there for a moment. She was unsure if she should have come. The Admiral tapped on the hood of her car as he walked around to the driver's side. Mac looked up, startled. She hadn't seen him approach.
"I see you got my message." The Admiral said as he leaned back against his Escalade.
"Yes sir, I did. I don't exactly know how I made it here. I just steered my way here by memory and sheer dumb luck. I'm surprised I wasn't pulled over." Mac said.
"Mac, drop the sir. It's the weekend and we're out of uniform. Call me AJ and then tell me what the fur ball is in your passenger seat. It just moved." AJ said gently.
"That's Shade. I just got him today. He's a Malamute puppy. Chloe took Jingo with her to her grandparents and I was feeling lonely and I was sick of coming home to an empty apartment. So I went to the pet store today and this little guy just flopped on my feet. I couldn't resist him." Mac smiled at him as she ran a finger down his spine.
"Is he house broken?" AJ asked with a twitch of his lips.
"Yes…"
"Well then let's go inside and you can tell me why you felt the need to rush over." Mac nodded and got out of the car. She walked over to the passenger side of her car and scooped up the bed with the puppy in it and followed AJ into his house. She set the puppy down on the floor by the couch. He didn't even stir.
"Do you want something to drink?" AJ called from the kitchen.
"A glass of water would be great." Mac answered. AJ came back a second later, handing her a glass, and gesturing for her to sit. Mac toed off her sandals and tucked herself into the corner of the couch, above the puppy. AJ looked on, his lips twitching again.
"So you want to tell me what's bothering you."
"I was thinking about my wedding and Harm dropping into the ocean and how relieved I am that Mic went back to Australia. It seems that everything just piled up one after another and I just didn't know what to do. I'm just so stressed and relieved at the same time that I don't know what to do."
"First of all, take a deep breath. It always helps. Now it looks to me that you're doing the right thing so far. You've accepted the fact that Mic is gone and that he wasn't right for you. I imagine that you are keeping in touch as friends." At Mac's nod he continued. "Harm will be ok and you should be proud of your ability because you found him. He'll be back on his feet and annoying as ever in no time at all. You still have your best friend and he still has you. Harriet and Bud are going to have another baby whom they plan on calling MacKenzie. You'll have your name sake as well as your godson to look forward to babysitting. And now you have Shade to keep you company and guard your six when Rabb isn't." Mac couldn't help but smile. The image of the little ball of fluff trying to tear someone's leg off just appeared hilarious and she laughed.
AJ's eyes softened. He loved her laugh. That almost kiss had almost been his downfall. At that time he wasn't ready for the repercussions that would ensue from that moment. He still wasn't ready. There had been Mic as an obstacle and now there was another one. Meredith.
"Thank you AJ. That's what I needed." Mac smiled at him. He loved her smile as well.
"Mac, there isn't anything you need to thank me for. I'm doing what any friend would. I want you to remember that you don't always have to be strong. All of us are here for you, especially me. Now, do you want to stay for lunch? I feel this need to feed you since you drove all the way out here. I think we can scrounge up something for this little guy as well." Mac's smile got bigger.
"Lunch would be great. I'm starving." AJ shook his head.
"You and your stomach." Mac laughed.
"Now you know ho Harm feels. He dreads taking me to lunch when I want Beltway Burgers."
"Come on; let's see what we've got." AJ went into the kitchen with Mac following right behind. He opened the refrigerator and started digging around. "Do you want sandwiches? I made pasta salad this morning as well."
"That sounds great." AJ nodded and set out everything for sandwiches and the bowl of pasta salad. They ate in a silence that was comfortable until Shade got up and trotted into the kitchen and sat at their feet. He reached a paw up and batted at Mac's shin. She laughed. AJ looked down to see little brown eyes looking up from a ball of fluff.
"It seems that we have an audience." AJ said as he looked at the puppy.
"Yes it does. He's really sweet." Just then Shade whined. "I think he needs out."
"I think I would agree." AJ looked at the puppy again before getting up. "Come on dog." Shade just looked at him and cocked his head to one side. Mac put a hand over her mouth to cover her smile. She was trying to hold back her laughter. "Come on pup, let's go." Shade just staid there.
"Maybe you should call him by his name." Mac said holding back her giggles, barely. AJ looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
"Shade. Come." The puppy got up and raced to him. AJ opened the door and the puppy went out.
"See, I told you." AJ looked at with a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. Mac who had risen to clear the dishes knew that look.
"Really. I guess you did." He stalked closer. Mac had her back to him. AJ reached out and wrapped an arm around her waist and started tickling her sides. She flinched and squealed, trying to get away but AJ had her pinned to the counter. "Say 'Uncle' and I'll stop." He teased.
"Uncle, Uncle" Mac said breathlessly, still laughing. AJ's hands stilled and smoothed down her sides until they reached her hips, before releasing her. He had a smile on his face and it melted Mac's heart. She loved it when he gave her one of his full smiles. AJ turned to let Shade in, as he was yipping at the door. Shade walked in and collapsed at their feet, tongue hanging out and tail flopping steadily on the floor.
"It seems I've passed muster." AJ commented dryly as the puppy rolled onto his back and batted his paws at him.
"So it seems. Thank you for lunch."
"Your welcome. Let's go sit down." They returned to the living room and Shade dutifully followed them. Mac sat and AJ hit the power button on the stereo. The sound of Lonestar filled the room as he adjusted the volume. Mac laughed.
"I never figured you for the country type." AJ glanced up as he took a seat next to her on the couch.
"What did you figure I liked?" Mac thought for a moment.
"I don't, just not country." AJ smiled.
"A good Texas boy like me, not liking country music, that's unheard of." Mac laughed at his teasing. She was enjoying herself. The Admiral was teasing her and smiling. Things seemed to be going good. "Dance with me." Mac looked from his out stretched hand to his face and back again before taking it. He led her to the middle of the living room and pulled her close.
I can see it in your eyes
You're livin' a troubled life
And you've been hurtin' more and more these days
You don't have to hide it
Don't even have to fight it
Baby all you have to do is just turn and walk away
"This song makes me think of you, and I want you to take every word to heart." AJ whispered to Mac.
When you're tired of it all
And tears need to fall
You back's to the wall
Come cryin' to me
You don't have to be strong
You don't have to hold on
You've been there too long
Come cryin' to me
I'll leave the living room light
Burning all night
No don't even pack
Don't even look back
Baby come cryin' to me
AJ sang the words softly and Mac could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. AJ saw them and held her closer as he kept singing to her.
You can get beyond this
All those empty promises
They don't have to hold you down no more
Nothin' to explain to me
You don't even need a key
All you gotta do is knock and I'll unlock the door
When you're tired of it all
And tears need to fall
You back's to the wall
Come cryin' to me
You don't have to be strong
You don't have to hold on
You've been there too long
Come cryin' to me
I'll leave the living room light
Burning all night
No don't even pack
Don't even look back
Baby come cryin' to me
I'll leave the living room light
Burning all night
No don't even pack
Don't even look back
Baby come cryin' to me
Baby come cryin' to me
Baby come cryin' to me
By the time the song ended, AJ had stopped singing and they had stopped dancing. He was holding her she sobbed. Mac eventually stopped crying and looked up at him. The tension between them was rising. She could feel the heat from his body and his eyes. Mac tilted her face up to his and AJ brushed the last traces of her tears away.
"Sarah…" He began to say but she stopped him with a finger to his lips.
"Please don't speak." Mac said quietly before leaning forward and pressing her lips gently to his. AJ wasn't expecting her to kiss him but he also couldn't pull back either. He had wanted to kiss her for so long. She wanted the same thing. AJ responded to her kiss by gently running his tongue along her lips. Mac opened them willingly and their kiss deepened. A moment later they broke apart breathing hard.
"I've wanted to kiss you since that night when you kissed my cheek. You looked so sexy standing there in that black out fit, adrenalin running through you after kicking ass. I wanted to take you right then, but I knew I couldn't, and then you kissed me on the cheek and I thought I would die." AJ said quietly.
"I've wanted to kiss you since then too. It took all my will power not to plant that kiss on your lips. And then when you had that party for Franchesca and we were in your room…God, I thought I was going to collapse right then and there. I wanted you to take me right then and damn the consequences." Mac said equally quiet.
"This is highly inappropriate but I'm going to say it anyway. I'm in love with you, Sarah." Mac looked up startled. She hadn't been expecting that. But it felt so good to know someone loved her.
"It may be inappropriate but I'm glad you told me, because it will make it so much easier to tell you this. I'm in love with you too." Mac looked down but AJ tilted her head back up to meet his eyes and kissed her again. When they broke this time, the desire they felt for each other was very apparent. "AJ, we need to talk about this before we move any further I don't want you to be court martialed. I love you but I don't want to have to love you through the bars or Leavenworth."
"You're right. And then there's Meredith. Can I ask you a question?"
"You just did but go ahead and ask another." Mac said with a teasing grin.
"Oh, you. Seriously though, what possessed you to introduce me to that woman? I swear she is tying to kill me with all her interests. She doesn't know her limitations and that scares me, a former SeAL."
"I thought that you would be good together, since I couldn't have you, and I didn't know that you were in love with me. I figured that I would try to make my friend happy instead." Mac looked sheepish.
"She is entertaining but I can't stay with her any longer. If I do, then I won't be with the one I love and I'll probably end up dead in a month or so. Sarah, I need to know, how long could you wait for us to be together?"
"As long as it takes AJ, as long as it takes. I love you and I will wait forever if I need be."
"That's good to know. I think I can arrange something. Would you be willing to work at the Pentagon, if I could?"
"I'm willing to resign if it means being with you. I love you AJ. Working at the Pentagon would be fine."
"Well the General had been nagging at me for the last year, every 3 weeks or so, to get you transferred over. I didn't think that the offer was good enough for you; however he upped the stakes in his last request. You would get full Colonel within 6 months. You would be over seeing their legal division and still be working closely with JAG. We'd probably see you at HQ once a week or so, and you would probably see me at the Pentagon for my bi-weekly meetings with the SECNAV. Are you interested? I mean, if you don't want the position, I am more than willing to retire to be with you." AJ looked at her closely, gauging her reaction.
"I would be running the legal department at the Pentagon? Good lord how could I pass that up? And bird-Colonel within 6 months? Jesus! That's like a girl's fantasy come true." Mac said teasingly. "Seriously though, I don't want you to retire until you feel the need to. I think that the transfer would be a good idea. There are opportunities for me and it would be good for my career and I could be with you, without worrying about regulations and being court martialed. Yes, I'll take the transfer."
"Ok. I can live with that. Now you wait right there and I will make a phone call." AJ disappeared into his office. Mac could hear him talking but it wasn't loud enough that she could make out the words. AJ came back exactly 12 minutes and 8 seconds later.
"Well…" Mac started.
"It seems that you will report to the Pentagon on Tuesday, your transfer is affective immediately and as of Friday at 2300 hours you were officially off my staff and part of the General's. Congratulations Colonel, you are now free to throw the UCMJ out the window." AJ answered with a small smirk. Mac just looked at him with smoldering eyes and a sly grin.
"Really? Then the first order of business is to do this." She reached up and pulled his face down to hers, kissing him soundly. Then she grabbed his belt buckle and started backing toward his bedroom. "I believe that we have a kiss to finish in a certain room of your house." AJ just grinned and kicked the door shut behind them.