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The Secret Life of Professor Snape

Delivery

Two weeks past and Hermione was still living with the Snapes. Professor Dumbledore insisted that he did not have enough wards to keep her safe and so she traveled back and forth to and from Hogwarts. Faustine continued to follow Hermione while they were at the school and Hermione had daily meetings with Albus. Her anxiety was easing up a bit and her depression was slowly lifting.

The only real problem that Hermione still faced was sleeping at night without Ron. His presence was more than a comfort to her and she knew it. Grieving together had brought out feelings that had been kept under tight wraps and now Hermione understood why Mrs. Weasley was so concerned. The two spent all of their classes and meal times together and continued to argue amicably, but a tension had built up between the two. It was so strong that it was nearly palpable and kept members of the opposite sex away from both. Everyone knew that it was only a matter of time before the wizards that survived gave into their feeling, but in the meantime, Hermione's presence at the Snapes kept them apart.

Hermione would never admit it, but she enjoyed living with her professor. He was rude and aberrant at school, but so kind and clever at home. His manner was relaxed and Faustine brought out his sense of humor, which was surprisingly delightful. That night the two adults had been discussing names for the twins. Faustine suggested Manchester and Severus began to laugh.

"We can't name a boy that!" he protested, "He'll get beaten to death by Liverpool fans!" Hermione sat amazed by her professor's wit and looked at his spouses annoyed gaze.

"Ha, Ha," Faustine drawled, "Then what about Creighton?"

Tears began to stream down Snape's face, "Wonderful! Then he can be called One-Ton Creighton. That's great Faust, keep it up..."

Faustine threw her hands in the air as Hermione giggled. "Fine Snivellus, you think up a better name!" she challenged him.

Severus shot his wife a venomous glare. "Well we all can't be named Lucky like you dear..." Severus continued with a sly grin. "I was considering Fredrick and George. The Weasley brother's always seemed to make my life miserable, maybe if we named our children after them they'd do the same to you."

Faustine swatted her spouse playfully, "Oh for goodness sakes!" she shouted with exasperation. "What about girl's names?" she asked giving up.

Severus glanced at Hermione and cleared his throat and spoke shyly, "Well, I'd like to name one girl Lily, if that would be alright with you."

Faustine patted her stomach, "Yes, that would be a good tribute to your old friend and Lily would sound very nice with Minerva, wouldn't it?"

"You and your obsession with McGonagall," Severus chuckled. Faustine wrinkled her nose and made a face at her husband causing the group to laugh. "Minerva and Lily... that could work," Severus continued.

Fasutine sighed, "Okay, so back to boys. What about Severus?"

Snape deadpanned, "Yes, I want my child to be made fun of, just like I was..."

Hermione chuckled, "It's not that bad Severus. I'm stuck with Her-my-oh-knee aren't I?"

Snape threw back his head, "Yes, yes. But I'd like it if the boys could have normal names."

"Well, we might not even have to worry about that dear, we might have two girls," Faustine snickered.

"Hey, you're the one who doesn't want to know..." Severus laughed.

Faustine sighed, "It's a miracle and is one of the last few surprises that we have left in the world."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Severus groaned.

Hermione continued to laugh at the exchange as the couple began to throw pillows at each other and giggle spontaneously.

The next day Hermione and Ron sat together brewing a potion for solidifying all things liquid. The potion was difficult and required a lot of concentration, so naturally, the two were fighting.

"Ron, pour the pureed Mandrake slowly and tap the cauldron three times, not twice!" Hermione spat.

Ron slapped the boiling potion with his wand and continued to stir.

"Ron! You're doing it wrong, stir clockwise..." Hermione corrected him again.

Ron dropped the ladle and turned to his partner. "'Mione, stop yelling at me! Why don't you just do it the strait away to begin with and let me sit back and watch you, Miss Know-It-All!"

"But you need to practice!" she shouted with annoyance. Ron rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair.

Hermione scuffed and picked up the ladle to fold over the potion. As she stirred she looked up at Professor Snape who was pacing in front of the class. He had been incredibly quiet all morning which worried her. Faustine had deposited her in his class and disappeared which made her suspect that something was wrong. Suddenly Snape fell to his knees. Hermione stood to go to him, but fell as a flashing white light of pain ran behind her eyes. She felt Ron drop to his knees beside her and the two collapsed as the light of pain disappeared. Both tried to sit up, but instantly vomited.

Dumbledore burst through the doors to the room and barked, "Neville, Seamus, Draco levitate them to the infirmary."

The three did as they were told and Dumbledore faced the class and explained, "This is nothing for anyone to concern themselves with. Your professor and friends will be fine, but potions will be cancelled for the rest of the week as your professor will be otherwise detained. Your homework is marked in your assigned texts." Dumbledore waved his arms to mark the assignment and strode out of the Potions class, "Have a good day," he shouted behind to the dumbfounded students remaining.

Dumbledore opened the doors for Neville, Seamus, and Draco to bring in Hermione, Ron, and Severus. Madam Pomfrey appeared in the doorway ready for her patients and Albus rushed to help Snape as he was laid upon a bed.

"Thank you children," he said waving them off. Neville, Seamus and Draco left begrudgingly after being pushed out by Poppy. "Severus," Albus said with concern as he patted the man's head, "It has started."

Snape's eyes grew wide and filled with fear. "Where is she?" he asked anxiously.

"Here with Poppy," Albus responded confidently, "When you get your land legs back, go to her. I've taken care of your class." Snape nodded appreciatively and went to his wife.

Ron and Hermione laid on beds across from their professor. Neither had the strength to move or speak, but they could hear loud grunts coming from the back of the room. Madam Pomfrey appeared and sat next to Ron.

"Mrs. Snape said it was alright for me to tell you," she started. "She's gone into labor and she had to disconnect herself from you. She is unable to focus her energies. She apologizes for the pain, but she couldn't control it..."

Hermione's eyes grew wide with fear, "That was the pain from the labor?"

"Yes dear," Poppy replied with concern. "Why?"

"It was bloody terrible," Ron complained.

Poppy smiled sympathetically, "Yes, it can be. That's why we women have the babies Mr. Weasley." Ron and Hermione smiled meekly and followed Madam Pomfrey to Mrs. Snape's wing in the hospital. A curtain shielded her, but her argument with her husband could be heard.

"Severus, you've got to take that awlful glamour charm off! I won't have my children gazing at their father for the first time if he looks like that!" Faustine bellowed.

Ron and Hermione quickly looked at each other and quietly laughed at the bizarre row. From within the curtain they heard Snap hiss, "Faustine, I can't just return to my normal self. I'm unprotected here and my cover could be blown!"

"If you care more about your bloody cover than you do your own family, you can get out now!" Faustine screamed with a contraction.

Poppy took this opportunity to drag Ron and Hermione into the shielded area saying, "I've brought young Weasley and Granger to see you Mrs." The young wizards walked out from behind the curtain and faced Faustine and Severus, who looked furious. Severus threw up his hands in frustration and began removing the glamour charm. His long greasy hair shortened and appeared clean, his dark robes dissipated into blue jeans and a oxford shirt. He was the loving husband and friend once again. Faustine's face visibly relaxed though it was covered in sweat from her hard work. She reached out and took her husband's hand firmly within her own.

"Hi kids," Faustine mumbled.

Hermione ran to her side and took her other hand, "Are you alright Faustine?" she asked with concern.

Faustine nodded, "Yes, just tired. A wizard's labor is tedious and powerful. I'm afraid I won't be able to look after you with my powers just now, so you'll have to stay here." Faustine stopped talking as a moan fell out of her lips and she slowly took in deep breaths. Ron and Hermione watched with terror as their protector and friend's face contorted with pain. After a minute her face relaxed and she stared at the group before her, "Sorry. Uncle Al, 'Rus and I'll all be here with Poppy so you'll be safe." She sighed, "I'll be having the babies soon!"

Hermione smiled with excitement and Ron turned a putrid shade of green. "I think I'm gonna be sick," he said backing out of the room and rushing to the loo. He returned minutes later with Poppy.

"Here's an antiemetic for you Mr. Weasley," Madam Pomfrey said with a sniff.

Ron swallowed the foul potion. "Ugh. I thought this was supposed to stop the vomiting..." he complained. Poppy, Albus, and Severus laughed at Ron, but their attention was drawn back to Faustine.

"Alright all," Poppy ordered suddenly, "Only the husband stays."

Albus went to the mediwitch to complain, but Pomfrey cut him off. "Albus Dumbledore! I don't think you want to be around for her examination, now scoot!"

Albus' eyes flashed with recognition and he followed Ron and Hermione behind the curtain. They waited for several minutes and finally Poppy said, "Well she's fully dilated and effaced Severus. Oh look, you can see the baby's head!" With that a loud thump and a squeal came out from the other side of the curtain.

Dumbledore, Ron and Hermione rushed over and found Professor Snape on the floor, unconscious. Albus snickered as Poppy slapped Severus' cheeks, "Wake up you git! It was only one of the heads, nothing to worry about." Ron began to rock and Hermione caught him just in time before he fell next to Snape on the floor.

"Honestly Ron, you'd think you were seeing something horrific or terrible. It's just the miracle of life!" Hermione spat as she pushed him onto a chair.

Poppy looked nervously around her and then turned to Dumbledore. "I'm afraid that I'm going to need help for this Headmaster. Given the familial history with difficult pregnancies and the fact that we are delivering twins, I will need at least a second pair of hands. I know we can't go to St. Mungo's Hospital but do you think I could send for another Mediwizard?"

Albus' face radiated with fear. "I'm afraid not Poppy. We have to keep my niece's identity and Severus' marriage a secret."

"But none of you will be of any help to me!" Madam Pomfrey shouted with frustration.

Ron thought for a moment, "Professor Dumbledore, couldn't my mum help her?"

Albus raised his eyebrows and Poppy smiled. "Oh yes Albus! Molly Weasley has had seven children, and delivered twins. Let her come!"

Severus and Faustine nodded encouragingly to their uncle and he conceded. "Fine, I'll send for her," he said leaving the infirmary.

Twenty minutes later, Dumbledore and Molly Weasley walked into the hospital wing. Both heard moans of pain and the rustling of busy bodies.

Molly saw her son and Hermione standing outside the curtained off area and smiled.

"Mum!" Ron shouted with joy, "I've never been so bloody glad to see you."

Molly swatted her son's arm, "Ron, language!" Ron shrank away from his mother as she walked into the concealed area.

Severus and Faustine stood there with Poppy running back and forth to fetch equipment and potions. Molly stared at the young couple in wonder and they both looked at her pleadingly.

The silent tension was building, but Faustine was unable to focus on it due the frequent pains in her abdomen and back. Molly looked at the laboring woman with empathy. She smiled, "So you've been protecting my son and Hermione have you? And you're married to Snape, you're Dumbledore's great niece, and you're the granddaughter of Voldemort? You've got a lot going on for such a young lass!" Molly exclaimed good naturedly. Faustine managed a quick smile as she continued to breathe in pants. "Thank you," Molly sighed as she rolled up her sleeves and stood next to Poppy, "I'll have to return the favor."

During the active stage of Faustine's labor the hospital wing rang with wails of pain and shouts of encouragement. Ron, Albus, and Hermione sat outside the curtained area and paced as they listened to the sounds from inside. When Hermione could no longer stand the pressure, she asked Dumbledore what Madam Pomfrey meant by history of difficult labors.

"Well, the Dumbledore women are notorious for dying during or after labor," Albus began. "My mother died after my sister was born and my sister died giving birth to my niece Rosemary. It is not necessarily a tradition amongst the woman, but it has tendency to happen." Ron and Hermione swallowed their fears. This information explained all of the anxiety in the room

After a nerve wracking hour and a half of hard pushing a baby boy emerged. Ten minutes later, his sister made her appearance. The two babies were healthy and very beautiful, albeit red and blotchy from their birth. Ron and Hermione were allowed to enter the concealed area only after the babies had been cleaned and their mother healed. The teenagers took seats next to Severus as Molly dropped a baby into each of their arms. Hermione awkwardly held the baby girl who favored her father with dark eyes and hair, while Ron confidently held the boy who was the image of his mother with golden locks and green eyes. Ron and Hermione sat cooing at the children as Severus, Faustine, Albus, Molly, and Poppy looked on.

After several minutes the great doors to the infirmary opened and quick footsteps could be heard. Severus took out his wand, but Albus motioned for him to put it away. "It's just Minerva. I imagine she wants to see the babies," Albus chuckled.

"You're quite correct Headmaster," McGonagall shouted as she walked into the back of the ward. She looked down at Faustine with genuine love and concern, "Are you alright, Deary?"

Faustine nodded, "Yes Minerva. I'm fine."

Minerva smiled and turned to Ron and Hermione and inspected the bundles in their arms. "And what do we have here?" she asked excitedly. She reached under her robes and pulled out a wizard's camera and began taking pictures of the babies.

Severus smiled and stood next to the professor, "Ron has our son and Hermione has our daughter!" he exclaimed pointing them out.

Minerva stopped taking pictures, clapped her hands together and kissed Severus' cheek. "Wonderful! What are you going to name them?"

Faustine threw her hand over her eyes, "Merlin, I don't know!"

Albus snickered, "You sound like your mother, Faustine." Hermione perked up at the mention of Faustine's mother, who was rarely mentioned. "She never did pick out a name for you..." he muttered less enthusiastically.

"What about family names?" Poppy suggested.

Severus turned pale, "I will not associate my children with my family. The closest they'll ever get to that lot is their sirname."

Faustine ignored her spouses outburst and stared dreamily at her daughter. "We could name her for my mother," Faustine began, "Tallulah would be a nice name for her, wouldn't it 'Rus?"

Severus smiled and put a tender hand against his daughter's cheek. "Yes, I rather like the name Tally."

"Tallulah Lillian Minerva Snape has a certain ring to it, doesn't it?" Faustine beamed.

Minerva dabbed at her eyes with a tissue, "Oh you don't have to do that," she insisted.

"Yes I do, Minerva," Faustine explained. "My daughter should be proud to be named after my godmother."

Albus kissed his niece's forehead, "It is a wonderful tribute," he said as a tear fell down his cheek.

"And your boy?" Molly asked impatiently as she stood behind Ron.

"Well we thought about Fredrick or George..." Severus started.

"Heaven's no!" Molly interrupted him. "If you name him after my boys he's sure to be a reckless rebel rouser."

Minerva cackled. "What about Albus? You could name him for your uncle," she suggested.

Dumbledore shook his head. "It would draw too much attention, Minerva. Remember, she's not supposed to be my relative." The group collectively agreed, Albus was not to be used.

Hermione handed Tally to Poppy and stared at the baby in Ron's arms. "What about your middle names Professor? Percival, Wilfric, and Brian are all names not directly associated with you." Faustine and Severus considered this.

Ron stood and handed the baby boy to his father. "You could always name him after his grandfather, Angus," he suggested.

With that suggestion Minerva and Albus both started to faintly cry. "What a wonderful idea!" Poppy exclaimed exuberantly as she handed Tally back to Faustine.

Severus and Faustine stared at their children adoringly. "I think Angus Percival Snape is lovely," Faustine said as she attempted to suppress a yawn.

"'Gus and Tally..." Severus muttered, "Fitting, very fitting."

Albus clapped his hands together, "Then it's settled!" He leaned down and kissed his niece and nephew on their foreheads. "I'm so happy for you two," he continued pulling out his own wizard's camera and taking a few pictures of the babies, "You deserve all the best!" The couple blushed and thanked their uncle as he disappeared from the room.

"They'll be the most beautiful and intelligent children at Hogwarts!" Minerva chortled as she waved goodbye snapping a few more photos.

"They're a Hogwarts first," Poppy said as she picked up the room and disappeared.

Hermione nodded, "There's never been a delivery on the grounds before," she explained.

"Let me guess," Ron said sarcastically, "You read it in Hogwarts, A History."

Hermione scoffed, "I did."

Molly, Faustine and Severus laughed at the couple knowingly.

"What?" Ron and Hermione asked, annoyed.

"Why do people always laugh when we row?" Hermione asked with frustration.

"Because they see what you do not," Molly answered her with pride.

"And what's that Mum, that we can't be in the same room together without yelling at each other?" Ron asked with irritation.

"No," Severus interjected, "They see how much you know and love each other."

Hermione and Ron exchanged confused and embarrassed glances at each other while Molly, Faustine, and Severus laughed at them again. After several minutes, Severus turned to the young wizards in earnest.

"Ron, Hermione," he started, "Faustine and I have discussed it and we'd like for you to be our children's godparents." Ron and Hermione stared in shock at their professor and his wife.

"We know you're young, but we also know what good, strong, sensible people you are," Faustine continued.

"We know it's asking a lot, but we'd really like you two to be a part of their lives," Severus explained.

Ron jumped up, "Well I'm fine with it. As long as you don't expect me to stop fighting with 'Mione."

Hermione slapped his arm. "As if there is a cure for that!" she giggled. Then she faced the Snapes, "It would be an honor to be your children's godmother."

Molly sniffled and threw her arms around the young wizards. "I'm so proud!" she sobbed as Ron and Hermione nervously patted and tried to console her.

"Mum, maybe you should head back to the Burrow," Ron suggested. "You're looking awful tired."

Hermione agreed, "Yes Mrs. Weasley, you've worked so hard."

"That I have," Molly agreed, "But I've still got to figure out what to do with you two."

Severus cleared his throat. "Why don't you take them home with you Molly," he suggested.

"Yes the wards were intact at our last visit and they are very powerful," Faustine agreed. "Besides, I've reattached myself to them and am protecting their magical identities again."

Molly radiated with excitement, "Take them home? For the entire weekend?" she questioned. "That would be wonderful!" Hermione and Ron kissed their godchildren and Faustine and waved to Severus.

"Goodbye," the three shouted as the flued out of the wing.

Seveurs and Faustine smiled and waved as the trio disappeared in green flames to the Burrow. They then turned their gazes to their sleeping babies. Faustine scooted over in her bed and patted beside her for Severus to climb in. Once together, the couple wrapped their arms around each other, put their sleeping infants between them and fell asleep with relief and exhaustion.

I found the strange baby name jokes on the Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing—A Primer on Parent Cruelty Website. I did not intend to infringe on copy write laws or anything, I just thought that they were funny and fitting for my story. Please don't sue me! I have no money and do not plan on making any from my story, I just wanted to share the jokes. More funny baby name jokes can be found on the Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing—A Primer on Parent Cruelty Website at