Left In The Dark

It would be 6 long, depressing years before I would see her again. I was 26 when I left her, a skinny, cocky, unwise boy who thought he was King of the world. I was now 32...and a much wiser man than I had been. 6 years can do a lot to a person, people change, and so did I. I had, in a sense, grown up, I had filled out, and smartened up. After leaving her, I had joined the Rangers in the North, and been sent from battlefield to battlefield, leading the brigades of Rangers against the scum of the Earth. Because of this, I had grown much stronger, my upper body was finally filled out with muscles, and I could now fight for longer than anyone else could. I was in great shape, and had left behind that skinny 26-year-old. I had also become wise beyond my years, having seen war and council, having led countless charges into death's den, and always pulling out on top. My eyes were deeper now because of this wisdom, completely different from those bright, deceiving eyes that had accompanied my youth.

Was I clean shaven anymore? No, I preferred to keep a 5 o'clock shadow, and I had even let my hair grow out slightly, to the point where it reached my shoulders. The one thing that had been bad that had happened to me, was forgetting. Becoming a Ranger means to forget who you WERE and become who you WANT to be. Things from my past had been vanishing like shadows at noon, day after day, until I was left with just a few memories of my life BEFORE six years ago. I knew I had been sent away from a city...what was it called? Rivendel! That was it, yes, I had been sent from Rivendel by Elrond. I had remembered that, and the reason why I was banished...for loving his daughter? Was she his daughter? Yes, that seemed right, and we had spent a wonderful night together. That was it! A few names wavered on the edge of my mind, Elrohir was one of them, Elladan was another. I thought they were twins, something deep in my mind was sending the word twins to connect those two. Estel...that was another name that haunted me. But why? Nothing connected that to anything, or anyone. Glorfindel...that name sent anger racing through me, but why? I knew no such person.

It all made my mind hurt, to just think about these demons from my past sent chills up my spine. But one day, I would be forced to face them head on, the day the rider came to the Ranger camp where I was staying. That day, the person I had become, would remember who I used to be.

He came riding up on a silver stallion, covered in a sheen of sweat and carrying a beautiful harness of light brown leather and bearing apon his back, a man clad in bright greens and greys. A silver cloak flapped behind him, resting on the horse's flanks when he pulled it to a stop, his golden hair shinning dazzlingly bright in the clouded sunlight. He looked as though he had ridden far and long, searching the whole of Middle Earth for something. That something, he would find on this day. The man had pointed ears, which I immediately knew to belong to one race of beings, the elves! He was an elf! A Ranger came to his horse's head and took hold of the reins, inquiring as to why the elf had come here.

"What's your business here?" The Ranger asked, rudely.

"I'm here on a mission. Is there a man going by the name Estel among you?"

A few of the men and women who had gathered around him looked at each other, shaking their heads and staring back at the elf. He looked disgruntled at their show of unrecognition, with a heavy sigh, he tried again.

"Any new recruits in your ranks? In particular, one who joined 6 years ago? He was a 26 year old boy from Rivendel."
At the mention of Rivendel, I turned over on my cot, listening more intently to the conversation going on, just outside my tent. That city, that city that I couldn't picture nor describe had come back to haunt me. I could connect warmth, love, happiness, quiet meadows, open fields and beautiful forests with that name, but nothing else! How it hurt me to have forgotten!

"Yes, I think there was. If he still lives or resides here, that's only information our Dunadein would know." A short man said.

"Then where is your Dunadein?"

"Sleeping...and if you want to wake him up, I doubt you'll have a face afterwards. But be my guest." A few laughed at the comment.

To save the poor elf some trouble, I sat up, throwing my old, leather jacket over my back, tightened my belt, and hung my sword on it. With my quiver full of arrows, and bow slung across my back, I stood and walked through the tent's hanging flap, into the cloudy sunlight. The Rangers bowed to me and stepped down, clearing a path for me to reach the elf. If he knew me, and I didn't know him, I doubted he would recognize me, for my voice had even changed slightly.

"And who are you then?" I asked, "I'm their Dunadein and I hear you're wanting information about a Ranger who joined 6 years ago."

"I'm Glorfindel, and yes, I come seeking information about him."

Glorfindel! The name had a face, and the face had a memory. The morning of my banishment, I saw it all clearly now, the city was still a bit fuzzy, but not the hallway in which I stood. Before me was Elrond, and behind him...the elf who ratted me out! Why was he here?! The traitor! I glared up at the elf on the stallion, finally realizing who he was, but still not knowing why he was here, in this place. A glint of recognition came into his eyes as he stared defiantly into my own; he almost gasped, speaking to me in a low, hushed whisper.

"Estel? Is that really you?"

"Who are you talking to? I am no 'Estel', I am Strider, Ranger of the North. Why do you care about a boy from Rivendel who came here 6 years ago?" I spat.

He appeared saddened by my show of cruelty, and seemed to realize that I had no idea who this 'Estel' was.

"My Lord Elrond sent me in search of him, a few days after he banished the poor boy from Rivendel. I've been searching Middle Earth for him high on 6 and a half years now. Elrond's daughter...well, she was heartbroken that her father had sent her lover away...I see you don't know him...I'm sorry for bothering you." The elf turned his horse to leave.

Daughter of Elrond...the words echoed in my mind. Suddenly, in a flash of memories, it all came back. The last night before I was forced to leave, living in a fair elven city high in the cliffs in a secret valley, her face, her laugh...everything. I had forgotten, but now, I knew who I had been, I knew who this Estel was...it was me.

"Arwen..." I sighed, eyes wide with recognition.

He turned back around, stopping his horse as I waved the Rangers off, staring up at him with sad eyes.

"Oh Gods above! Estel! It IS you!" He smiled, "I hardly recognized you!"

He dismounted and walked to me, trying to give me a brotherly hug, but I backed away, dodging him and sidestepping in a Ranger fashion, cautious to not let him get near me.

"You ratted me out! You were the reason why I was banished from seeing her! YOU were the cause of all my pain! How dare you show your face!" I shouted, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"Now, Estel, listen to me. I've been regretting that ever since you left, and Lord Elrond has been regretting shouting at you for loving his daughter. The last words you said to him have haunted him these past years...he wants you to come home."

My anger ebbed away swiftly, my hand lowered, until I was breathing heavily, not moving, just staring at the elf before me.

"What about...what about Arwen? Does she..."

"Yes," Glorfindel nodded, "With all her heart, she wants you back with her."

"She didn't move on after a year? There's no one else she loves?"

"No! Great Gods no! You're the only one she loves, Estel. She's been quite the silent one since you left. Seeing you back will do her a world of good." He said.

"And the people of Rivendel?"

"They will welcome you back with open arms...they've even expressed wishes to Lord Elrond to send me out and bring you home."

I just stared. My life...my life before the pain was being reoffered to me freely, I could go home without having to worry about Lord Elrond or the people who jeered at me as I left. I was forgiven. And it only took him a couple of days to forgive me...I was going home! A weight seemed to lift from my shoulders as I looked directly into Glorfindel's icy eyes, a renewed fire within mine.

"When do we leave?"