Chapter 9: Present Pain
She looked around the room at her friends, her court. They were as
determined to keep her love as safe as she was. When she called the
meeting to inform the others of her observations and fears, they came
almost immediately and without question, even Haruka and Michiru. That
Pluto wasn't there, she took as a good sign...probably because there
were so few of those since Motoki's engagement party.
"So where is Mamoru-san now?" Ami's question brought Usagi back to
the present.
"At his appartment. He said he'd be there most of the day. I'm going
there after this, but he did point out that he was probably safest
there...and that we all had to meet together at some point anyway."
"And these were the same two guys you met at the arcade before?" Michiru
asked.
"Yes." Usagi confirmed. "I remember because I thought it was odd.
I'm not even sure how they got into the party." She looked at her
priestess friend, "I wish you were there, Rei. I can't sense things
like you can."
"It's okay, Usagi. Hey, you called us together to talk about it,
right? It was right to share your fears with us. It's what we are
here for."
As the conversation continued around her, Usagi slipped back into deep
thought. Actually, Rei's statement made her realize that she hadn't
shared all her fears with them. Again her mind returned to an old
worry. 'If I wasn't Serenity...if Serenity and Endymion hadn't loved
each other, would Mamo-chan love me?' she asked herself.
She didn't like the answer she received. She also didn't like this
persistantly frequent fear she had of losing the love her life, of
both of her lives.
Actually, her fear wasn't all that unfounded when she reflected on
their relationship. When they first met they hated each other.
In fact, they had just begun to make a few inroads with each other
before they found out about their destiny. Then he was kidnapped,
brainwashed, and made to fight against her. After healing him, he
lost his memory of their destiny...and hated her again! And then,
after he finally remembered and they were dating, he broke up with
her over dreams that foretold a "destiny". And that was just the
beginning. Many things have tried to break up their relationship
since that moment. 'Maybe someone is trying to tell us something,'
Usagi thought as a tear slid unnoticed down her cheek.
"Usagi, are you okay?" she heard Makoto ask.
That startled Usagi back into focusing on the meeting. "Yes, I'm
okay." she said quietly. "It's just that - I-" Usagi's voice broke.
"Some days I really just think I dreamed Crystal Toyko. Maybe
Mamo-chan and I - we -" She tried to continue, but she couldn't seem
to get the words out. And as she cried and was drawn into the arms
of her friends, the latent questions that she always asked herself
swirled around in her head. 'Am I the right woman for Mamo-chan? Am
I worthy of being Serenity? Is Mamo-chan only with me because of
destiny? And what would I do if I knew that he loved or could love
someone else?'
*****
As he sat around his apartment, Mamoru was glad that he had encouraged
Usagi to go to the senshi meeting. Although she had said she'd come by
after the meeting, it meant that he had some time to himself this morning,
which was a good thing. He was sorting through a lot at the moment, and
he wasn't sure how much of it he wanted to share just yet.
Last night he had another dream. This one was different from all
the others, because all it consisted of weird phrases. At least,
that was all he could remember. These phrases and statements,
however, were tramatizing enough.
"I'm so glad I have you in my life, Dani."
"Dani, love, what would I do without you?"
"Say it with me, 'Princess Daniella of Earth'"
"I can't! It's too scary." replied a female voice.
"Well, then, say 'Endy's wife.'"
The female voice laughed, "That I can do."
"Daniella, I've known you for years. You've been my right
hand for more of them that I can count. You've supported
me, kept me in line, loved me. My family adores you, and
so do my people. But, in the end, I just can't imagine
ruling, I can't imagine living without you. I want to be
with you until the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand. Dani,
will you marry me?"
The phrase that had shocked him awake, however, disturbed
him the most.
"Daniella...I may have to marry the princess of the moon, but
she will never have my heart. You are my 'now and forever'. I
won't forget you."
Mamoru ran his hand through his hair for the hundredth time that
day. None of this made any sense.
For years his lack of memory had bothered him. He couldn't
remember his parents. He couldn't really remember his life
in the Silver Millenium...and lately, much of what he did
remember or had been told in the past seemed wrong or twisted.
These dreams had felt more like memories, and more right than
any dreams that he'd had in years. But they didn't make sense
with anything he had been told.
The Silver Millennium was supposedly a time of peace. His
engagement to Princess Serenity was supposed to be a love
match. The only evil to mar the picture was supposed to
be Beryl. But the dreams...the memories that he had had
lately were making everything very gray.
In his dreamworld, the Silver Millennium was not a time of
peace, but a time of oppression. He had a family, important
people in his life that had never appeared in the other
story. And, most scary of all, he had been in love with and
about to marry someone else. That was the biggest shock of
all.
For almost as long as they had been together, he and Usagi
were both aware that their love was "destiny", that they had
loved each other that many lifetimes ago and an evil force
had separated them. It was a beautiful story of two souls
trying to find each other...and a hell of a lot of pressure
on a relationship. He had wondered sometimes if Endymion
wasn't "destined" to be with Serenity, would he have loved
Usagi?
Lately, he had had a lot of time to think about that question.
The answer to the question didn't surprise him, but the feelings
behind it did. He knew that he'd love Usagi anyway. He wasn't
Endymion anymore...which was becoming more and more obvious through
these dreams. Endymion, while he was smart, was much more light-
hearted, more of a joker. Mamoru smiled as he realized that as
Endymion he was more like his friend Motoki than he was like
himself. As Mamoru, he was much more serious, sadder. As Endymion,
he had probably needed this Daniella to guide him to his responsibilies
and give him the confidence that he often didn't have in his role.
As Mamoru, he needed Usagi to lift his spirits, hold his hand, and
take him anyway from the seriousness of his role that he had wrapped
around himself.
In the end, it was a big relief that his love for his Usako was HIS
love, and not some by-product of some past life over which he had
no control.
This realization aside, he still had many unanswered questions. What
was the true relationship between the Earth and the Moon? What was
Queen Serenity really like? What happened to his family, the royal
family of Earth? What happened to his fiance? And why was he told
and led to believe things that weren't true and didn't happen?
Mamoru sighed. He needed to talk to Pluto, now. Later was no longer
an option. He wanted answers...including answers to why those two
young men he met last night, Terry and Yusuke, looked so much like
him. He hoped that May could answer these questions. He had arranged
to meet her here tomorrow. Until then, there was nothing he could do
but wait.
The knock at the door startled him out of his thoughts. He rose to
answer it, to find the love of this life on the other side, looking
worried. "Usako, are you okay?" he asked as he let her in.
Usagi gave herself a little shake and forced a smile, "I'm fine. Just
worried about keeping you safe." As she stepped further into the room
she noticed that Mamoru looked distracted, "Mamo-chan? What is it?"
"Usako, what do you remember about the Silver Millennium?"
The question startled her. 'Is he thinking about Serenity again and
how I'm not like her?' Usagi wondered to herself. As she sank into
the couch and worried internally about where this conversation was
going, she said, "I don't remember much. None of us really does,
except Pluto. I also remember what my mother told me about how the
Silver Millennium was a time of peace and the Moon kingdom a place of
great beauty. But..." she trailed off.
"Do you remember what relations were like between the Earth and the
Moon?"
"No...not really. What little I remember...all I remember is peace."
Usagi turned to look at her love, "Why are you asking all of these
questions, Mamo-chan?"
Mamoru took a deep breath as he sat down, "Lately, I've been having
these dreams-"
At this Usagi jumped up, "No! No! I won't let you leave me for
my 'own good' behind dreams again. They really may be just dreams.
I-"
"Whoa, Usako," Mamoru jumped in while holding up his hands, "I'm
definitely not about to leave you. I haven't been warned off in
these dreams. They aren't those kind of dreams....But they are
bothering me."
"Oh," Usagi said as she sank down. "Okay. Tell me, I'll listen."
Mamoru sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "These dreams seem
more like memories...memories of the Silver Millennium. They are
full of people I don't know. They must have been my family. And...
so much about these dreams is a contradiction to everything we've
ever heard about the Silver Millenmium." He paused, "I'm just
confused. I want to know what happened."
In hoping to comfort, Usagi reached out to touch Mamoru's arm. He
pulled her into a hug, and they sat in the hug for hours. In that
silence they both struggled with their own fears about the past and
the future...and how to express them in the present.
- to be continued -
This is a totally new chapter and take on part of the story.
I apologize for changing everything around, but I think it works
better this way. This will also slow up the progress slightly as
I rework a few chapters to make this new timeline make sense.
Hold on, this should be a great ride. Please let me know what
you think of the changes and the story. Thanks for reading.
Also, the phrases "now and forever" and "until the day the
ocean doesn't touch the sand" are not mine...they are Richard
Marx's...from the song "Now and Forever" that he wrote for his
wife. I just thought the words were extremely romantic...so
I borrowed them.
~December.
She looked around the room at her friends, her court. They were as
determined to keep her love as safe as she was. When she called the
meeting to inform the others of her observations and fears, they came
almost immediately and without question, even Haruka and Michiru. That
Pluto wasn't there, she took as a good sign...probably because there
were so few of those since Motoki's engagement party.
"So where is Mamoru-san now?" Ami's question brought Usagi back to
the present.
"At his appartment. He said he'd be there most of the day. I'm going
there after this, but he did point out that he was probably safest
there...and that we all had to meet together at some point anyway."
"And these were the same two guys you met at the arcade before?" Michiru
asked.
"Yes." Usagi confirmed. "I remember because I thought it was odd.
I'm not even sure how they got into the party." She looked at her
priestess friend, "I wish you were there, Rei. I can't sense things
like you can."
"It's okay, Usagi. Hey, you called us together to talk about it,
right? It was right to share your fears with us. It's what we are
here for."
As the conversation continued around her, Usagi slipped back into deep
thought. Actually, Rei's statement made her realize that she hadn't
shared all her fears with them. Again her mind returned to an old
worry. 'If I wasn't Serenity...if Serenity and Endymion hadn't loved
each other, would Mamo-chan love me?' she asked herself.
She didn't like the answer she received. She also didn't like this
persistantly frequent fear she had of losing the love her life, of
both of her lives.
Actually, her fear wasn't all that unfounded when she reflected on
their relationship. When they first met they hated each other.
In fact, they had just begun to make a few inroads with each other
before they found out about their destiny. Then he was kidnapped,
brainwashed, and made to fight against her. After healing him, he
lost his memory of their destiny...and hated her again! And then,
after he finally remembered and they were dating, he broke up with
her over dreams that foretold a "destiny". And that was just the
beginning. Many things have tried to break up their relationship
since that moment. 'Maybe someone is trying to tell us something,'
Usagi thought as a tear slid unnoticed down her cheek.
"Usagi, are you okay?" she heard Makoto ask.
That startled Usagi back into focusing on the meeting. "Yes, I'm
okay." she said quietly. "It's just that - I-" Usagi's voice broke.
"Some days I really just think I dreamed Crystal Toyko. Maybe
Mamo-chan and I - we -" She tried to continue, but she couldn't seem
to get the words out. And as she cried and was drawn into the arms
of her friends, the latent questions that she always asked herself
swirled around in her head. 'Am I the right woman for Mamo-chan? Am
I worthy of being Serenity? Is Mamo-chan only with me because of
destiny? And what would I do if I knew that he loved or could love
someone else?'
*****
As he sat around his apartment, Mamoru was glad that he had encouraged
Usagi to go to the senshi meeting. Although she had said she'd come by
after the meeting, it meant that he had some time to himself this morning,
which was a good thing. He was sorting through a lot at the moment, and
he wasn't sure how much of it he wanted to share just yet.
Last night he had another dream. This one was different from all
the others, because all it consisted of weird phrases. At least,
that was all he could remember. These phrases and statements,
however, were tramatizing enough.
"I'm so glad I have you in my life, Dani."
"Dani, love, what would I do without you?"
"Say it with me, 'Princess Daniella of Earth'"
"I can't! It's too scary." replied a female voice.
"Well, then, say 'Endy's wife.'"
The female voice laughed, "That I can do."
"Daniella, I've known you for years. You've been my right
hand for more of them that I can count. You've supported
me, kept me in line, loved me. My family adores you, and
so do my people. But, in the end, I just can't imagine
ruling, I can't imagine living without you. I want to be
with you until the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand. Dani,
will you marry me?"
The phrase that had shocked him awake, however, disturbed
him the most.
"Daniella...I may have to marry the princess of the moon, but
she will never have my heart. You are my 'now and forever'. I
won't forget you."
Mamoru ran his hand through his hair for the hundredth time that
day. None of this made any sense.
For years his lack of memory had bothered him. He couldn't
remember his parents. He couldn't really remember his life
in the Silver Millenium...and lately, much of what he did
remember or had been told in the past seemed wrong or twisted.
These dreams had felt more like memories, and more right than
any dreams that he'd had in years. But they didn't make sense
with anything he had been told.
The Silver Millennium was supposedly a time of peace. His
engagement to Princess Serenity was supposed to be a love
match. The only evil to mar the picture was supposed to
be Beryl. But the dreams...the memories that he had had
lately were making everything very gray.
In his dreamworld, the Silver Millennium was not a time of
peace, but a time of oppression. He had a family, important
people in his life that had never appeared in the other
story. And, most scary of all, he had been in love with and
about to marry someone else. That was the biggest shock of
all.
For almost as long as they had been together, he and Usagi
were both aware that their love was "destiny", that they had
loved each other that many lifetimes ago and an evil force
had separated them. It was a beautiful story of two souls
trying to find each other...and a hell of a lot of pressure
on a relationship. He had wondered sometimes if Endymion
wasn't "destined" to be with Serenity, would he have loved
Usagi?
Lately, he had had a lot of time to think about that question.
The answer to the question didn't surprise him, but the feelings
behind it did. He knew that he'd love Usagi anyway. He wasn't
Endymion anymore...which was becoming more and more obvious through
these dreams. Endymion, while he was smart, was much more light-
hearted, more of a joker. Mamoru smiled as he realized that as
Endymion he was more like his friend Motoki than he was like
himself. As Mamoru, he was much more serious, sadder. As Endymion,
he had probably needed this Daniella to guide him to his responsibilies
and give him the confidence that he often didn't have in his role.
As Mamoru, he needed Usagi to lift his spirits, hold his hand, and
take him anyway from the seriousness of his role that he had wrapped
around himself.
In the end, it was a big relief that his love for his Usako was HIS
love, and not some by-product of some past life over which he had
no control.
This realization aside, he still had many unanswered questions. What
was the true relationship between the Earth and the Moon? What was
Queen Serenity really like? What happened to his family, the royal
family of Earth? What happened to his fiance? And why was he told
and led to believe things that weren't true and didn't happen?
Mamoru sighed. He needed to talk to Pluto, now. Later was no longer
an option. He wanted answers...including answers to why those two
young men he met last night, Terry and Yusuke, looked so much like
him. He hoped that May could answer these questions. He had arranged
to meet her here tomorrow. Until then, there was nothing he could do
but wait.
The knock at the door startled him out of his thoughts. He rose to
answer it, to find the love of this life on the other side, looking
worried. "Usako, are you okay?" he asked as he let her in.
Usagi gave herself a little shake and forced a smile, "I'm fine. Just
worried about keeping you safe." As she stepped further into the room
she noticed that Mamoru looked distracted, "Mamo-chan? What is it?"
"Usako, what do you remember about the Silver Millennium?"
The question startled her. 'Is he thinking about Serenity again and
how I'm not like her?' Usagi wondered to herself. As she sank into
the couch and worried internally about where this conversation was
going, she said, "I don't remember much. None of us really does,
except Pluto. I also remember what my mother told me about how the
Silver Millennium was a time of peace and the Moon kingdom a place of
great beauty. But..." she trailed off.
"Do you remember what relations were like between the Earth and the
Moon?"
"No...not really. What little I remember...all I remember is peace."
Usagi turned to look at her love, "Why are you asking all of these
questions, Mamo-chan?"
Mamoru took a deep breath as he sat down, "Lately, I've been having
these dreams-"
At this Usagi jumped up, "No! No! I won't let you leave me for
my 'own good' behind dreams again. They really may be just dreams.
I-"
"Whoa, Usako," Mamoru jumped in while holding up his hands, "I'm
definitely not about to leave you. I haven't been warned off in
these dreams. They aren't those kind of dreams....But they are
bothering me."
"Oh," Usagi said as she sank down. "Okay. Tell me, I'll listen."
Mamoru sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "These dreams seem
more like memories...memories of the Silver Millennium. They are
full of people I don't know. They must have been my family. And...
so much about these dreams is a contradiction to everything we've
ever heard about the Silver Millenmium." He paused, "I'm just
confused. I want to know what happened."
In hoping to comfort, Usagi reached out to touch Mamoru's arm. He
pulled her into a hug, and they sat in the hug for hours. In that
silence they both struggled with their own fears about the past and
the future...and how to express them in the present.
- to be continued -
This is a totally new chapter and take on part of the story.
I apologize for changing everything around, but I think it works
better this way. This will also slow up the progress slightly as
I rework a few chapters to make this new timeline make sense.
Hold on, this should be a great ride. Please let me know what
you think of the changes and the story. Thanks for reading.
Also, the phrases "now and forever" and "until the day the
ocean doesn't touch the sand" are not mine...they are Richard
Marx's...from the song "Now and Forever" that he wrote for his
wife. I just thought the words were extremely romantic...so
I borrowed them.
~December.