You Glorified Failure: Chapter one, "You've already found me"

Disclaimer applies for entire story, as does summery

Okay, well, this chapter took a really long time. Sorry. I really couldn't get the feeling of it after a bit. I had it, and then it kinda passed. But here is the chapter, a few weeks late, but I hope you all enjoy. Thanks to, my one reviewer.
Lily

This chapter's song "Walking By"- Something Corporate

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One happy ending is a tragedy. It makes you expect your life to be easier. It makes you expect a once upon a fairytale existence. I mean, just because you get the girl doesn't mean she is going to stay for you, or with you or, whatever. I just don't know anymore. Everything has spun so far away from what I used to expect. Spun was always a word used to describe my life. At least that's what she had said when we were fighting. She yelled, angry about how I didn't appreciate how easy everything was and how I had ruined our friendship, which was her only taste of my world. Of a perfect sugar spun prince charming existence. God, she was so smart at eleven. She made my life sugar spun. That expression always made me think of cotton candy.

I was her cotton candy. She was trapped inside a sticky, sugary goodness, trapped by my feelings and chained to my side. She was trapped in such sweet perfection, and it was sickening. She cut her self loose. But then she propelled her self into a sour, bitter, hot sauce world, leaving me, and my sugar spun innocence, behind. Then I transformed my sugar to lemons, and I didn't give a damn about her or her spinning, crazy, cinnamon peppery, spice world.

I was so young when I first fell in "love". I was a first year with pre assumed concepts of how the world was supposed to be. I had been okay friends with her; I tried so hard to be, because she intrigued me. We were young friends, just playing pretend games of Quidditch; just soaring around the lawn in the late afternoons, the only brooms we needed was the grass skimming our legs. Those afternoons with her, just lying near the lake or playing tag in the empty corridors meant everything to me.

I had other friends too; she got along with them beautifully. Friends like Davey, she and Davey got along famously. Davey could sit there for hours in silence, just listening to her study with Remus, or giggle with Peter, sometimes joke around with Sirius. He'd sit there all quiet and patient, listening to her and I banter, switching from subject to subject.

We used to speak like a script of some prime time muggle show. We could finish each others sentences and read each others emotions so well after a few months of messing around. At least I thought I could. Maybe she could read me and that's why this all started, or ended anyways. I never realized that the reason Davey listened to her and watched her every movement was more then just their friendship. I never realized that the reason she smiled at him absently even when she was talking to me, was more then just that anxious annoyed smile she shot people over the shoulders of the people she was talking to. Every time I remember her shooting me a smile like that, I feel like throwing myself from a tower or sinking to the bottom of a pond. That smile was what she gave other people, but not Davey. Never, not once did Davey receive the pity, annoyed smile, which was reserved for the ones who weren't special enough to her smart, pretty, muggle born heart.

If I was perfect and sugary, then Davey was honey and flowers by the ocean, with violins playing and old charming actors form black and white films. Maybe even a gorgeous white horse to carry them off into the sunset. To her, Davey was pure perfection. I was her one taste of a sugar spun existence, and Davey was her world. Lily didn't know until it was too late that she was my world.

I realize that this makes no sense what so ever any more. Lily was my friend, my world. Davey was my friend, my quiet patient friend who was always around. He was always around because I was always around Lily. She was never around me. Lily was never around with her ever shiny, bright, red hair and her green eyes far too big on her face. Perfect little Lily, my Lily. Davey's Lily, always Davey's Lily. They got along famously because they were Davey and Lily, star crossed lovers at the age of eleven. Lily was supposed to be my soul mate. I knew it, the whole school knew. It turns out that only I knew it, the whole school knew that Davey and Lily, perfect beautiful smart Lily and polite, book-wormy cute Davey were the real soul mates. I was only a fake; I was Lily's fake star crossed lover, her fake perfect world, Lily's fake beautiful, wacky boy. Nothing weird is perfect, maybe that's what she thought. Now it doesn't matter what she thought, because I'm a dying fake, and she's the ever lasting, perfect lily. There never was a Lily and James. Lily and Davey were all that mattered.

That hurt me possibly more then my brush with death. I felt like I was dying. I was angry, so angry; this wasn't how it was suppose to be. Lily knew that she was everything. She had to know, she was perfect, and did she know she was perfect? When I finally realized that Lily was Davey's, even at eleven I knew hate and jealousy for what they were. Ugly, horrible emotions, but I didn't know that they could ruin this. I was so very young and incredibly stupid. Maybe our emotions didn't ruin our friendships; maybe we ruin it all by our selves? But I don't want to believe that I hurt Davey and Lily all on my on accord.

I lost Lily; I lost her world, her trust, her perfection. It feels like I lost it to evil. No, I do not mean that Davey was evil in any way, I never lost her to him because he messed up and he wasn't like the other marauders and I. Lily couldn't just have Davey, she had to have a spice in life. A spice I hadn't sailed across the oceans to find yet. Apparently a spice the evil and sinful had, though.

I guess no one got the happy ending. Davey and Lily never got together, well not in the way anyone thought. Lily was so angry for some unknown reason, that she pretty much forsook Davey; she forsook everything, all the marauders and the quiet Ravenclaw girlfriends. Forsook the sweet innocent sugar like world she told me she had craved so much before coming here. It's almost like she ran away from the world just to forget me. It would seem she forgot everything she knew or learned or even liked. She created hell out of a tragic ending. Lily didn't collapse, she melted.

I made her melt, I made her lose Davey. I got my first detention from it all. I found out Lily like Davey and he liked her, no one had even suspected I liked Lily. I was just the insane, dizzily, wacky best friend, not capable of liking her. So of course Lily wasn't perfect enough to hide the fact that she loved Davey. I punched him, hard. I didn't break his nose or crack a tooth. I was just an eleven year old boy in love with this amazing, beautiful girl. I was hateful and jealous, and I took it out on quiet, bookish Davey. He eventually forgave me, probably out of pity for the dying teenage sex symbol. Lily didn't give me a look after that January of our first year. Davey got off easy, just being cut loose. I was tortured day in and day out by her gorgeous firefly eyes.

A couple of years later, everything seemed to be forgotten. Davey no longer spoke to any of the marauders; he was too in awe of the good-looking, smart and talented trouble makers. I, with Sirius, Remus and Peter, became lords of our young classmates. The girls smiled at us as we waltzed by, the boys asked us to join in on their pick up games, or asked us advice and opinions. Even the professors and ghosts were at our bidding. Only one group in the entire school stayed on the same ground with us. Only their part of Olympus was very different. It was corrupted, dirty, party all the time area, where people in search of no advice or games went for drinks and dancing, gambling and music, sex and drugs. This sinful group, parallel to my own, was led also by a few select third years. Led by a group of Slytherins and surprisingly, as well as a few Gryffindor girls. The group of Gryffindor girls who led were exotic, beautiful, cold, sinful, and held on pedestals by all those around us. And this group of sinners had a queen by the name of Lily Evans, my former love interest.

Lily had changed a great deal over the last few years since I had talked to her, or screamed at her. I'm surprised I didn't see this side of her during our last few hours together. After all, she was just as angry and hurt then, but really, the thing I came to realize through it was this: I never knew the girl. I gave her all I could, I let her see my candy-land world and I let her crush my heart on the scarlet common room floor, but she only gave me Quidditch, and her twinkling laughs. However, even those laughs weren't her, I know now. I see now, why Lily, my perfect little Lily, Davey's beautiful little Lily, could never have stayed that. She never could have stayed that perfect, innocent, sweet, beautiful girl. My innocent best friend. She can't and never could have been the sugar princess to my prince. Truthfully, lemons suit her oh so much better.

Lily reigns queen over the dark side. She breaks rules, as most girls break nails, she shed boys as a snake would shed its skin: on a regular basis. She's just as beautiful and just as perfect as she's always been, but along with the Marauders and Davey, she shed any trace of morals and the sweet innocence that I first saw in her. She captures every one the way she caught me, by being what you need. She sheds many things like snake skin, other than boys. A certain look or way of speaking. She is like your own personal goddess. What ever you want is what you chose to see her as. But enough about Lily, this is about me, and my life, which was actually very much hers as well. I was, however always seen as a tad self obsessed.

Truthfully, in some people's eyes, I was just as perfect as her, I suppose. I did the same thing, unintentionally. I was the people's golden boy, the smart, kind, chivalrous, lady's Jock. Sirius was the slightly less serious jock, more playboys, less studious. Remus was the eternal optimist, always willing to work on it, the 'sit-down-and-make-a-plan' type. Peter brought us together with his kindness, sarcastically deep and funny nature. We made up the Marauders, the fighters of the good fights, the funny, hot boys that you were not actually afraid to talk to. We provided the Ying to Lily's sinners Yang. If anything, this made us self righteous in a sense. We made it our job to share an equal hate for Lucius Malfoy and his little gang. We made it our jobs to target Snape and those dirty Slytherins in everything. In return, Lucius and Lily just seemed to smirk, saying quietly "You can never bring us down to your level. We are far too superior to tango with you little boys."

We played back and forth, like a game of tennis, or two chasers throwing the quaffle to and fro. We pranked them, they hit us right back in revenge. What is surprising however is that through all of the years that we did this, no one was ever intentionally hurt by the pranks or the vengeance until actual feelings and people became involved. We treated each other regularly and with utmost respect when we were not fighting. One of the occasions we all came together in some weird sort of unity was their wild parties, or a raves or any other such event they planned. It was actually at one of these events that my story truly begins. The day Lily stumbled back into my life.

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A/N: Well Okay. That really wasn't any where as long as it should have been, but I really couldn't start continue with it until the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy it and please please please (with ranch dressing, and Texas Pete and pudding on top!) review!
Lily