I'm finally back! It's been so long… I need a laptop so I can take it everywhere and update my story even while on vacation.

ASOUEFAN- I'm glad your schoolwork is receding. It's awfully annoying. I can't tell you about Ignacia! That would be giving it away! Don't you want it to be a surprise?

visualpurple- I know everything about you, I go everywhere you go! I like what you like, and I know you know exactly how this story will turn out! That's because, well, I am visualpurple. And I reviewed my own story! Mwahahahahaha!

Laura V. Bleediote- I love your stories! I can't believe a great author like you would even bother reviewing for a pathetic author like me. But I appreciate it a lot! I've never seen Monk, but I know a bunch of people who like it. Maybe I'll watch it sometime.

Vetor Swest- Well, Bob is actually the only name I could think of. Are you trying to communicate in code? I can't decipher any messages.

PearlGirl- I think Lemony's heart is dedicated to Beatrice, and definitely NOT Ignacia. But they are just friends. Her hair is a fiery orange color, which actually doesn't go with plum at all; they clash horribly. I couldn't wait to post this chapter, because everyone will finally stop bugging me about Ignacia! How was your spring break? I went up to Flint and stayed in a cabin with my cousins. I sent in my Camp Cherith forms! Can't wait to see you! But just in case… say the secret code at the hootie-hootie-haw so I know it's really you and not an enemy in disguise…

Peaches Garcia- Gracias! Don't worry, I'll update ASAP.

A/N: Just in case you were wondering, this story will have 13 chapters… following the Snicket tradition. And I've just about given up trying to write in his style, because it's near to impossible! But I shall try. These last 3 chapters promise to be pretty long, so bear with me!

-

Disclaimer: I don't own any ideas, characters, places, etc. from the Series of Unfortunate Events. They all belong to Lemony Snicket and Daniel Handler.

Many stories have happy endings. Princesses marry their handsome true loves, giants are banished from villages, and authors finally get their long-awaited, potentially dangerous books published.But, unfortunately, this is not one of those stories. If you are expecting Lemony to be magically whisked away from the theatre by his fairy godmother, you are dreadfully wrong. If you expect Lemony to kiss Ignacia and she will turn into a toad, you are awfully optimistic. If you think Lemony shall arrive at the theatre and solve a murder mystery, then you are extremely confused, not to mention, wrong.I am sad to say none of these outcomes are going to appear in the miserable pages of this story, so you might as well shut off you computer and go pick up a lovely book called The Littlest Elf.

Ignacia and Lemony arrived at the theatre around 6:30. Ignacia paid for the tickets, and they made their way inside. The theatre was filling up quickly, so Lemony and Ignacia found their seats as fast as they could and decided to stay seated until the show started.

Lemony was about to sit down in his red velvet chair when he felt a strong lurch in his stomach, as if he were going to be sick. He bent over and sat down, wincing from the pain. Why did he have to get sick just before the play was about to start?

Lemony focused on the green platform up on the stage, trying to quell the pain in his abdomen. Ignacia noticed he was pale and sweaty. "Are you feeling alright?" she asked him worriedly.

"I'm…fine." Lemony replied in a strained voice. Another sharp stab in his stomach made Lemony think of something. Apart from the pain, he felt as if he was supposed to be remembering something very important…perhaps about the theatre? Lemony racked his brain, but the information stayed beyond his reach. He had a strange overall feeling of doom, as if something was terribly wrong.

"Ignacia…" Lemony said, trying to decipher his strange feelings, "Ignacia I think we should get out of here."

"Why? The show hasn't even started yet and I already paid for the tickets!" Ignacia complained.

Lemony looked confused and alarmed. "I … It seems like something's wrong … we need to leave!"

"Can we at least stay for the first act? I think you may be hallucinating or something…"

"No…well maybe. I guess you're right. I just felt like… never mind."

Ignacia stood up and said she had to use the restroom.

"Do you mind saving my seat?" she asked.

"Not at all. But be back soon! The show is about to start!" Lemony tried to smile.

"Don't worry, I will." Ignacia smiled and waved goodbye.

Lemony sat silently for a few minutes. Finally the pain in his stomach receded. He tried to shake off the feeling he had gotten, but it kept haunting him. The lights of the theatre were beginning to dim, and Lemony watched as the curtain rose as the first act began. Three people dressed in large round costumes came waltzing out on stage. It took Lemony a moment to realize that they were supposed to be meatballs. Where could Ignacia be? She was going to miss the entire play!

After a few more minutes of dancing red meat, Lemony stood up and carefully maneuvered his way down the isle. He spotted a theatre employee and asked him where the restrooms were located, in his disguised voice, of course.

He had to find Ignacia before she missed any more of the play, or he knew she would be extremely upset. As Lemony made his way down a long dim hallway, he noticed a door ajar with light streaming from the small crack.

Lemony had long ago learned that eavesdropping was a nasty and dishonorable habit, but he couldn't resist peeking into the room. Through the tiny slit Lemony could see some sort of a small dressing room, with a lighted mirror and wardrobes full of costumes.

Standing in front of the mirror, admiring her reflection, was Ignacia Davis. What on earth is she doing in there? Lemony wondered. He was about to call out her name when he saw her do something that he would remember for the rest of his life.

Ignacia flipped her flaming red hair around, smoothing it out. She grabbed a hold of a few strands, and yanked hard. In one sudden fluid motion, Lemony watched as Ignacia's hair was ripped off of her scalp. Underneath her flaming locks, Ignacia had very short light brown hair. Lemony realized the red hair must have been a wig.

Lemony slapped a hand over his mouth to avoid screaming. He stumbled backwards and plastered his body against the wall of the hallway, in utter shock.

-

A/N: Okay, if you don't know who Ignacia is now, I recommend getting out a copy of The Bad Beginning and flipping to chapter twelve. Read carefully and you will soon discover Ignacia's true identity! Or, if you feel like it, you could just wait until I post the next chapter. Either way, doesn't matter. BUT YOU MUST REVIEW!