Chapter 11

Numb

Smecker had been the one to sneak up on Antonio and David and take them out. He had been keeping a close eye on us and noticed strange men hanging around. I thanked the lord for Smecker's watchful eye. As it turns out he had just taken care of the two goonies and went to go downstairs to take care of my father when my father had returned to our appartment. They had just missed eachother. Smecker had gotten back up to the apartment just shortly after I had shot my father. He helped us clean up and take the bodies someplace far away. I was a zombie as we went about getting rid of evidence and covering our trails. My mind, body and soul had gone completely blank. All I could see or hear was like the static off a tv screen. Erika had hugged me and cried after Smecker had let her loose. Murphy hugged me as well. Conner touched me gently and solemnly but seemed to understand that their affection was not wanted.

I took a shower that night and scrubbed until my skin glowed red. Afterwards, I lay on the bed Conner and I were supposed to share, with my back to the door, and stared at the wall. I heard Conner enter quietly and felt the bed sank as he sat behind me. He slipped a bottle into my hands and then got up to leave. I studied the bottle. It was whiskey that must've survived in the bag after I had dropped it to the floor. "Stay please," I whispered before Conner could leave the room. He obliged and returned to sitting on the bed behind me. I didn't turn to face him as I began to speak, "I learned how to becom numb from him and my husband. They were the only men in my life and because of that I grew to believe that all men were evil. I couldn't let anyone in. I knew that. Erika was the only one I had. The only person I loved since my ma had died. Today, when I found her tied to the chair I felt a terror I never knew could exist. When I realised my father was the cause of all this, that he had found me, the only thing I could think about was how had known they would search for me and kill me. All I could see was that I had put you and your brother and Erika in danger. It was then I realized why I wouldn't let you in," I paused and blinked a few times as my eyes stung with tears of realization. "I wouldn't let you in because I was gonna hurt you and I subconciously knew it. Not because I thought you would hurt me. I knew what was coming. I'm so sorry, Conner. I'm sorry I put as through all of this."

There was silence from him. He simply layed down behind me, put an arm over my shoulder and pulled me close. I snuggled against him and closed my eyes. I concentrated on his body against mine and his warm breath that slightly stank of alchohol. "I'm tired of being numb to everyone. They're gone. There is no one left to hurt me. Yet I can't get rid of this feeling of emptiness. I can't get him out of my head."

"Shhh..." he quieted me and ran his fingers through my hair softly. "You did what you had to do, there's nothing wrong with that. It was your only choice." Fumbling with the cap on the bottle, I removed it and took a large swig. I sputtered and coughed as the liquid went past my lips, through my mouth, and warmed as it travelled down my throat. I sat up on the edge of the bed and looked down at the bottle before I returned the cap to it's place and set it on the floor. I looked over to Conner who was laying on his back, arms behind his head and staring at the ceiling. His rosarie was laying off to the side.

I rubbed my unconciously as I studied him and thought deeply. Finally, I spoke, "Conner?"

"Ay?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

We didn't say another word. I just curled up against him and sobbed. He wrapped me in his arms and rested his chin on the top of my head. I cried body wracking sobs that shook every inch of me and consequentially Conner as well. My tears were a combination of agony, happiness and relief. I cried for my father who would be damned in hell. For my ma who I missed so much. For Erika who had found a way to let someone in despite the past. For Conner who had waited for me. And for myself, for finding what I needed to let him in and for finally not being numb.

Well, that's the end of Destroy That Which Is Evil. I hope you all really enjoyed my story. I'm sorry the ending chapter is so short but I think it says all it needs to say. Thanks for following. I'm sure I'll have another story up sooner or later so if you like my writing keep your eyes open!