A/N: Ok, this chapter still has some Simpson's quotes. I've also added a
few from the black adders Christmas carol episode. I don't expect many of
you to know what black adder even is, but the quotes are funny even if you
don't know where they came from. hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I've realised something, my disclaimers rarely turn out to be disclaimers. This, is a prime example of that.
Chapter Four- Head butting, things from Uranus and the Wagon musical
Hermonie stirred beneath her sheets the following Friday morning as the oddly blistering sun swept through the rooms singular window and illuminated the half of her face that wasn't buried into her crumpled pillow.
She reluctantly opened her eyes at the realisation that the blinding light was too annoying to ignore.
Sitting upright in her bed she half expected Ron to come out of no where and attempt to silence her again with a mouthful of red and white linen. But, as there was no homework due today, Ron failed to make an appearance. This, Hermonie found to be quiet agitating. It was hard to predict whether Ron was even interested in her or not, and waking her at the break of dawn exclusively for homework only brought it's likely hood, in Hermonie's opinion, to rock bottom.
"What kind of boy wakes a girl in the early hours for reasons solely revolving around homework? Not one looking for anything but a plutonic relationship, that's for sure."
After belittling herself worth down to bare minimum, Hermonie rose and drew the scarlet curtain around her bed, unbuttoned her night shirt, stripped off her pants and dressed in her school robes.
She heard either Lavender or Pavarti arise and almost violently thrust the windows curtains together, most likely in annoyance similar to Hermonie's on her waking.
Hermonie then heard the dormitory door quietly creak open. Curious, she moved toward the end of her four-poster. Suddenly Ginny's head flew through the space between the curtains and collided with Hermonie's, resulting in a loud head-butt.
"Owwwwww" They seemed to express in unionism.
"Yeah, well, you shouldn't stick your head so close to the curtain!" Ginny protested.
"What! You shouldn't thrust your face through my curtains!" Hermonie replied in defence.
"Yeah, well, how about you mind your own business regarding my beloved curtains"
"Fine."
"Fine."
"I hope you keep many a curtain"
"hope I do."
"What are you doing in here anyway?"
"Looking for unguarded curtains to violate and innocent victims to head- butt."
"Sounds lovely," Hermonie said, ignoring Ginny's previous comment, "Hungry?"
"Yeah. Do you want to wake the boys?"
Hermonie pondered this for a few short moments before deciding on:
"Nah, Ron I'll only eat all the food anyway."
***
"Ron..."
"Piss off..." a sleeping Ron drawled at Harry who was shaking him around the shoulders
"Ron!"
"I said, GO AWAY!"
Ron, who was in the middle of a deep slumber, swung out at Harry, missing him by about half a meter.
Harry, who feared Ron might just get lucky with his next swing and punch him in a "delicate" area went to his second resort. He raced over to his bed, reached for his pillow, grasped it, and squashed it on Ron's face, making sure to block all major air passages.
Apparently, at Hogwarts, death by suffocation was a favourite amongst the students.
Momentarily Ron suspected he was being abducted by aliens with horrid anal probes, then he thought that perhaps Hermonie was getting her revenge for yesterday morning, he then realised it was Harry suffocating him without the slightest bit of remorse.
"I am the thing, from Uranus!" Harry yelled as Ron finally came too.
"Sure you are."
"Come on then. You'll be late for breakfast if you don't get ready soon."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Ron's response wasn't exactly enthusiastic and Harry doubted this would lead to Ron getting out of bed anytime soon.
"Well I'm going down now, bye."
Ron finally got up, showered and dressed within 10 minutes after Harry left.
He packed away his pyjama's and looked up at the calender above his trunk. He read: 29th of November. Christmas was getting closer by the day. Ron wasn't to excited, he knew he'd only be receiving a hand knitted jumper in a colour that he deeply loathed from his mother and a few odds and ends from Harry and Hermonie.
The only plus to the annual event this year was that Harry, Hermonie and himself would be returning to the burrow for the first week of the holidays. Ron had organised this himself, he felt that spending all their holidays at Hogwarts this year might get a little boring, so it made sense to go back to the burrow for a visit.
***
"Do we have Transfiguration now?" Hermonie asked Harry as she stood up from breakfast.
Harry, who was still sitting at Gryffindor table stuffing his hands were Hermonie could not see, or rather, didn't particularly want to see said:
"Maybe," He shrugged apon standing, "All I know is my testicles wont fit in my underwear any more"
Hermonie looked down at Harry's crutch and, after the initial shock, told Harry to:
"Get those oranges out of your trousers immediately!"
Harry placed the oranges back into the wooden fruit bowl on the table. This motion was followed by several disgusted remarks from other Gryffindors and a short fit of laughter from Ginny.
They then both made their way up to the Transfiguration room. It was several minutes before Hermonie asked where Ron was.
"He's probably still getting ready. I tried to wake him up, but it didn't work."
"Doesn't surprise me, that boy can sleep through anything..."
***
Ron joined them moments before Professor McGonagall opened the classroom door to the Transfiguration room.
"I trust you all have paired up with your partners," Ron looked at Hermonie pleadingly, "If you have any questions, I'll be in my office the entire lesson taking care of -er- personal things...
Despite the oddness of Professor McGonagall's statement and abrupt departure, the students didn't really care. It was a rare occasion when they ever took interest in a teachers personal life, this was not one of them.
"Come on Hermonie? Please?"
"Alright, fine" Hermonie agreed.
It sounded like a very hostile reply to Ron, but Hermonie was MORE than happy to do the assignment with him.
"We'll need to do some extra study tonight, it's a big job." She suggested while scanning through a book she retrieved from her back pack titled: The Nerd book, the nerdy book for nerds.
"What are you talking about? All we have to do is find out what thing to turn into a head, then do it. I don't see why we have to-"
"-It's a big job Ronald"
Ron, very disgruntled at the idea of study, didn't pick up on Hermonie's subtle plan.
"That boy is so thick, he wouldn't see a subtle plan if it painted it's self purple and danced naked on top of a harpsy cord singing subtle plans are here again"
"Hey Hermonie?"
"Yessss..."
"Do we have to turn the object into a particular persons head?"
"Shiiitttt" Her Profanity surprised Ron, but not too much. Harry had always said she swore like crazy when not in his presence. Ron suspected this was because she was female, and could do what she bloody well liked.
Hermonie had been counting on this assignment to be easy and quick so she could have more "study" time with Ron that evening. Not that having to ask a simple question would make the assignment hard at all, but she didn't want to interrupt Professor McGonagall.
"Well, we better go ask"
Ron stood and followed Hermonie out the room, down the hall and outside Professor McGonagall's office. Hermonie knocked once, twice, then finally on her third try she grew impatient and opened the door herself.
Once the door was opened they we're showered with old folk music, disco lights and some of the worst western designer clothes ever seen. It Immediately screamed trashy school musical to Ron. The whole factuality was gathered around an unpainted wagon.To top it off the entire staff appeared to be in the middle of a scene.
Snape: That's a pretty sorry lookin' wagon you got yourself there...
McGonagall: I reckon it could use a...coat of paint.
All: *singing* Gonna paint a wagon, gonna paint it good. We ain't braggin' we're gonna coat that wood"
The chorus was then repeated several times and to Ron and Hermonie's horror Dumbledore sprung out from a corner of the room, dressed in way to many tassels and wearing a red leather western suit that left little of the old mans torso to the imagination.
Dumbledore: What's going on in my town?
McGonagall: Nothing. We're just painting this here wagon. You got a problem with it?
Dumbleore: As a matter of fact I do.
McGonagall: Yeah?
Dumbledore: You missed a spot.
McGonagall: We'll what are you waiting for? Grab a brush and join in!
It was at this point that the music started up again.
All: *singing* Gonna paint a wagon, gonna paint it fine. Gonna use oil based paint, because the wood is pine!"
Ron and Hermonie, who were thoroughly freaked out at this point decided that this was the moment to exit.
"Personal 'ey" Hermonie commented on their way back to class.
"The scariest bit was when Snape dressed in drag and did the hula."
"No, I disagree. The scariest bit was when Professor Trealweny frolicked naked through the set screaming something about Lee Marvin."
"Please don't remind me. I don't even think that was part of the scene."
***
Disclaimer: I've realised something, my disclaimers rarely turn out to be disclaimers. This, is a prime example of that.
Chapter Four- Head butting, things from Uranus and the Wagon musical
Hermonie stirred beneath her sheets the following Friday morning as the oddly blistering sun swept through the rooms singular window and illuminated the half of her face that wasn't buried into her crumpled pillow.
She reluctantly opened her eyes at the realisation that the blinding light was too annoying to ignore.
Sitting upright in her bed she half expected Ron to come out of no where and attempt to silence her again with a mouthful of red and white linen. But, as there was no homework due today, Ron failed to make an appearance. This, Hermonie found to be quiet agitating. It was hard to predict whether Ron was even interested in her or not, and waking her at the break of dawn exclusively for homework only brought it's likely hood, in Hermonie's opinion, to rock bottom.
"What kind of boy wakes a girl in the early hours for reasons solely revolving around homework? Not one looking for anything but a plutonic relationship, that's for sure."
After belittling herself worth down to bare minimum, Hermonie rose and drew the scarlet curtain around her bed, unbuttoned her night shirt, stripped off her pants and dressed in her school robes.
She heard either Lavender or Pavarti arise and almost violently thrust the windows curtains together, most likely in annoyance similar to Hermonie's on her waking.
Hermonie then heard the dormitory door quietly creak open. Curious, she moved toward the end of her four-poster. Suddenly Ginny's head flew through the space between the curtains and collided with Hermonie's, resulting in a loud head-butt.
"Owwwwww" They seemed to express in unionism.
"Yeah, well, you shouldn't stick your head so close to the curtain!" Ginny protested.
"What! You shouldn't thrust your face through my curtains!" Hermonie replied in defence.
"Yeah, well, how about you mind your own business regarding my beloved curtains"
"Fine."
"Fine."
"I hope you keep many a curtain"
"hope I do."
"What are you doing in here anyway?"
"Looking for unguarded curtains to violate and innocent victims to head- butt."
"Sounds lovely," Hermonie said, ignoring Ginny's previous comment, "Hungry?"
"Yeah. Do you want to wake the boys?"
Hermonie pondered this for a few short moments before deciding on:
"Nah, Ron I'll only eat all the food anyway."
***
"Ron..."
"Piss off..." a sleeping Ron drawled at Harry who was shaking him around the shoulders
"Ron!"
"I said, GO AWAY!"
Ron, who was in the middle of a deep slumber, swung out at Harry, missing him by about half a meter.
Harry, who feared Ron might just get lucky with his next swing and punch him in a "delicate" area went to his second resort. He raced over to his bed, reached for his pillow, grasped it, and squashed it on Ron's face, making sure to block all major air passages.
Apparently, at Hogwarts, death by suffocation was a favourite amongst the students.
Momentarily Ron suspected he was being abducted by aliens with horrid anal probes, then he thought that perhaps Hermonie was getting her revenge for yesterday morning, he then realised it was Harry suffocating him without the slightest bit of remorse.
"I am the thing, from Uranus!" Harry yelled as Ron finally came too.
"Sure you are."
"Come on then. You'll be late for breakfast if you don't get ready soon."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Ron's response wasn't exactly enthusiastic and Harry doubted this would lead to Ron getting out of bed anytime soon.
"Well I'm going down now, bye."
Ron finally got up, showered and dressed within 10 minutes after Harry left.
He packed away his pyjama's and looked up at the calender above his trunk. He read: 29th of November. Christmas was getting closer by the day. Ron wasn't to excited, he knew he'd only be receiving a hand knitted jumper in a colour that he deeply loathed from his mother and a few odds and ends from Harry and Hermonie.
The only plus to the annual event this year was that Harry, Hermonie and himself would be returning to the burrow for the first week of the holidays. Ron had organised this himself, he felt that spending all their holidays at Hogwarts this year might get a little boring, so it made sense to go back to the burrow for a visit.
***
"Do we have Transfiguration now?" Hermonie asked Harry as she stood up from breakfast.
Harry, who was still sitting at Gryffindor table stuffing his hands were Hermonie could not see, or rather, didn't particularly want to see said:
"Maybe," He shrugged apon standing, "All I know is my testicles wont fit in my underwear any more"
Hermonie looked down at Harry's crutch and, after the initial shock, told Harry to:
"Get those oranges out of your trousers immediately!"
Harry placed the oranges back into the wooden fruit bowl on the table. This motion was followed by several disgusted remarks from other Gryffindors and a short fit of laughter from Ginny.
They then both made their way up to the Transfiguration room. It was several minutes before Hermonie asked where Ron was.
"He's probably still getting ready. I tried to wake him up, but it didn't work."
"Doesn't surprise me, that boy can sleep through anything..."
***
Ron joined them moments before Professor McGonagall opened the classroom door to the Transfiguration room.
"I trust you all have paired up with your partners," Ron looked at Hermonie pleadingly, "If you have any questions, I'll be in my office the entire lesson taking care of -er- personal things...
Despite the oddness of Professor McGonagall's statement and abrupt departure, the students didn't really care. It was a rare occasion when they ever took interest in a teachers personal life, this was not one of them.
"Come on Hermonie? Please?"
"Alright, fine" Hermonie agreed.
It sounded like a very hostile reply to Ron, but Hermonie was MORE than happy to do the assignment with him.
"We'll need to do some extra study tonight, it's a big job." She suggested while scanning through a book she retrieved from her back pack titled: The Nerd book, the nerdy book for nerds.
"What are you talking about? All we have to do is find out what thing to turn into a head, then do it. I don't see why we have to-"
"-It's a big job Ronald"
Ron, very disgruntled at the idea of study, didn't pick up on Hermonie's subtle plan.
"That boy is so thick, he wouldn't see a subtle plan if it painted it's self purple and danced naked on top of a harpsy cord singing subtle plans are here again"
"Hey Hermonie?"
"Yessss..."
"Do we have to turn the object into a particular persons head?"
"Shiiitttt" Her Profanity surprised Ron, but not too much. Harry had always said she swore like crazy when not in his presence. Ron suspected this was because she was female, and could do what she bloody well liked.
Hermonie had been counting on this assignment to be easy and quick so she could have more "study" time with Ron that evening. Not that having to ask a simple question would make the assignment hard at all, but she didn't want to interrupt Professor McGonagall.
"Well, we better go ask"
Ron stood and followed Hermonie out the room, down the hall and outside Professor McGonagall's office. Hermonie knocked once, twice, then finally on her third try she grew impatient and opened the door herself.
Once the door was opened they we're showered with old folk music, disco lights and some of the worst western designer clothes ever seen. It Immediately screamed trashy school musical to Ron. The whole factuality was gathered around an unpainted wagon.To top it off the entire staff appeared to be in the middle of a scene.
Snape: That's a pretty sorry lookin' wagon you got yourself there...
McGonagall: I reckon it could use a...coat of paint.
All: *singing* Gonna paint a wagon, gonna paint it good. We ain't braggin' we're gonna coat that wood"
The chorus was then repeated several times and to Ron and Hermonie's horror Dumbledore sprung out from a corner of the room, dressed in way to many tassels and wearing a red leather western suit that left little of the old mans torso to the imagination.
Dumbledore: What's going on in my town?
McGonagall: Nothing. We're just painting this here wagon. You got a problem with it?
Dumbleore: As a matter of fact I do.
McGonagall: Yeah?
Dumbledore: You missed a spot.
McGonagall: We'll what are you waiting for? Grab a brush and join in!
It was at this point that the music started up again.
All: *singing* Gonna paint a wagon, gonna paint it fine. Gonna use oil based paint, because the wood is pine!"
Ron and Hermonie, who were thoroughly freaked out at this point decided that this was the moment to exit.
"Personal 'ey" Hermonie commented on their way back to class.
"The scariest bit was when Snape dressed in drag and did the hula."
"No, I disagree. The scariest bit was when Professor Trealweny frolicked naked through the set screaming something about Lee Marvin."
"Please don't remind me. I don't even think that was part of the scene."
***