A/N: Ok, still Simpsons quotes, another from Robin hood men in tights, and
just some random stuff I threw together. Sorry for the spelling mistakes in
other chapters, I've only just realized them, but I probably won't change
them, lol. I HOPE, there aren't any spelling mistakes, but like I
emphasized, I HOPE. Hope you enjoy, and please review. Oh and Izzy, Daniel
and Joel. I think you'll find something in here that will remind you of a
certain taunting episode that started after school certificate on the way
to the bus and continued up until the very end of term which incorporated
some wrongly sung lyrics and bad vocal ability! Oh, and as you requested
Daniel, there is a bit of profanity, but only a little, actually, you might
as well say this chapter has sub-normally low profanity, but meh, what ya
gona do? Nothing. Sorry this chapter has taken approx. 1 million years to
get up. Truth be told I was finished writing this in the 6th of December,
but some crazy hacker got onto our computer and whenever we were online
they could see exactly what we were doing. Unfortunately, for them, they
couldn't get into my mother's bank account password. So, just a little
message for said hacker: eat shit you pineapple-eating monkey! Lol. And now
for the story.
I'm sorry but I don't have time to say thanks to everyone because of the hacker thing, actually I'm not even meant to be on the net right now!
Disclaimer: Ah yes, my beloved disclaimer, oh how I never fill you out properly.
Chapter Six-
Semi-naked Hermonie, Voldemort's strange sexual powers and the alleged abolishment of Sultana Bran and other food produce at Hogwarts.
Hermonie felt the familiar morning sun against her face the following Saturday morning as she slowly awoke.
"I've got to remember to shut those curtains," She thought.
She brushed her hand up the side of the bed and went to dig her face into her pillow, only to realize it was hard, and rather chest like. This struck Hermonie as odd, as the last time she had checked her pillow had been rather cushiony, and had a lot less nipples.
"Oh no oh no oh no oh no!"
"What.?" She heard Ron sleepily groan.
"Oh god oh god oh god oh god!"
"What? Oh." Ron was completely awake at this moment and could now understand Hermonie's insane rambling.
Hermonie was sleeping in Ron's bed, with Ron, under the sheets, and to top this awkward situation off, Ron was completely naked.
"What? I like to sleep in the nude."
"Well that's just FABULOUS!"
"Don't stress Monie, you're not naked.are you?" Ron lifted up the sheets in an overly curious way.
"Oh god oh god oh god!"
"Ok, so you're in your underwear, big deal." It was at this point Ron decided to take another glance under the sheets.
"Ron!"
"What?" He grinned, "just checking."
"Ok, care to explain to me, Ronald," She said through clenched teeth, "Why I am in your bed, in my underwear, and exactly what point did you become aware of it."
"Just then, I'll reenact the scene shall I?" Ron suggested enthusiastically
"That won't be necessary. Just explain what happened after the boys went to bed before I sever both your testicles."
"Well, don't freak out Hermonie," Ron replied, "But we waited until you fell asleep to take pictures of you naked with a hamburger and sold them to the German paparazzi."
"I feel so violated!" Hermonie sarcastically gasped.
"Yes, well, between you and me, that was one sexy hamburger."
Hermonie laughed.
"Ok, seriously, how the hell did I get here?"
"You fell asleep, Harry went to bed, and I didn't want to wake you, so I just let you lie there, and then I went to bed."
"So explain the nakedness?"
"Like I said, I sleep naked, if you've got a problem with that then don't sleep in my bed damn it!"
"I don't mean your nakedness, I mean my nakedness!"
"Don't you mean your semi-nakedness?"
"Same thing."
"Well your guess is as good as mine. Maybe you always sleep semi-naked and you just don't know it yet."
"You wish."
"I sure do!"
"Shut up.did you hear that?"
"Hear wha-"
Dean drew the curtain around his bed open and pulled on his pants.
"Does everyone in here sleep naked?" Hermonie thought.
Dean walked over to the balcony to shut the curtains. On his way past he said:
"Morning Ron, hey semi-naked Hermonie," Dean shut the curtains, "Wait a minute, semi naked Hermonie?"
"Ah.good morning Dean." Hermonie said awkwardly.
"Well, well, well what happened here?"
"Nothing-"
Three more sets of curtains opened and three bodies emerged from their four- posters.
"Morning Ron, Dean, semi-naked Hermonie." Harry, Neville and Seamus greeted.
"Wait a minute, semi-naked Hermonie?" They said in confused unionism.
"ER-look over there!" Hermonie pointed to the balcony in an attempt to distract them.
"Oh come on Hermonie, we're not going to fall for that."
"No I'm serious. Look over there!"
"Come on-"
"No, Quick, you better turn around or something really bad is going to happen!"
"Huh?" They said as they all looked toward the balcony.
"Suckers!" Hermonie called over her shoulder as she sprinted out the door to her dormitory.
Ron stood up and pulled on his pants, shirt, a jumper, socks and looked up at his roommates who had been staring at him since Hermonie fled the scene.
"What?"
"What do you mean what?"
"By what I mean what!'
"Well, if you ask me, which you didn't, then I'd say it all looks a little suspicious."
"Suspicious? What's suspicious? I don't see anything suspicious! You're all crazy! Nothing is suspicious! Just because I was naked and Hermonie was in my bed does not make circumstances suspicious!"
"You're only digging yourself deeper Ron" Seamus informed.
"What would you know, you demented sparrowkeet! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got people to do, things to see."
Harry gave him an odd look.
"I mean, oh you know what I mean!"
"Calm down Ron. All we want are the sweet, sweet juicy details." Dean tried to persuade.
"There is nothing to tell! Nothing happened!"
"Oh, I see, you were just talking naked in bed together like you do every morning?"
"Yes, exactly, just like we do every- wait no!"
***
Harry gave up on trying to con Ron into telling him what happened and moved down to the great hall for breakfast alone. When he left, Ron had hidden his head amongst his covers singing Sweet home Alabama while trying to block out Dean, Neville and Seamus who were pestering him for details.
Harry dished out a bowl of porridge, ate it, and conjured up a bowl of pudding.
"Alright brain, it's up to you. If you don't think of something quick then we could loose our chances with Ginny forever"
"Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding."
"Shut up, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!"
Hermonie joined Harry a few moments later and refused to say anything on the matter of her and Ron except that the incident was completely innocent.
"Ok, fine, but if it was me and somebody naked in bed I'd let you know alllllll about it"
"I don't doubt that for a second."
Ron and the rest of the boys came into the Great Hall and sat down. Ron sat next to Hermonie, the rest of them sat next to Harry.
Dean gave Ron a look, as if to say, "Ron loves poodles." But Ron assumed it had something to do with the incident earlier that morning.
"Innocent!"
"I didn't say anything!"
"Yeah, but you were thinking it!"
"Hermonie, can you pass the syrup." Ron asked, "Hermonie, oi Hermonie!" Ron said, waving his hand in front of her face to get her attention, "HERMONIE! Are you deaf or something, I said can you please pass me the syrup!"
"I'm not deaf, I'm ignoring you."
Ron sighed.
"Harry, would you please tell Hermonie that I would just like to drink a glass of syrup like I do every morning?"
"No," Harry replied, "My reasons for refusal two fold. Firstly, you don't drink a glass of syrup every morning, and secondly, we don't even have syrup!"
"And why not?"
"Because Voldemort believes that it gives him strange sexual powers, and anything that gives Voldemort powers, particularly sexual ones, can only be of the upper most evil. It was shortly after this discovery that Dumbledore ordered that all things syrup and syrupish were to be abolished.or so the legend goes."
"What are you talking about?" Hermonie said, "There's a bottle of syrup right here."
"Oh, my mistake. Carry on."
Hermonie passed the bottle to Ron, who began to fill his cup with it.
"Since when do you drink syrup anyway?"
"Since I said so."
"Can you pass me an Orange Harry." Dean asked.
"It's funny you should ask for an orange, considering they were abolished from Hogwarts in 1982."
"No they weren't!" Hermonie corrected again, "look, there's one right there!" Hermonie said, passing it to Dean.
"Oh, sorry, my bad."
"Can you pass me some Sultana Bran please Neville?" Ron asked.
"SULTANA BRAN! SULTANA BRAN!" Harry screamed, "Are you out of your mind? Are you off your rocker?"
"What the hell is the matter now?" Hermonie asked, irritated.
"Oh nothing! Only that Sultana Bran was abolished from Hogwarts in 1745 when-"
"Alright, that's it!" Hermonie yelled, standing up, "Nothing, orange, syrup, sultana bran or otherwise, has ever been abolished from Hogwarts!"
It was after this outburst that Harry fell to the ground on his side and started to walk around in circles chanting:
"Whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop."
Hermonie turned to Ron, who was choking on his syrup.
"I think this Ginny thing is having a bad effect on him."
"Agreed. We better take him to the hospital wing."
*** "I'm afraid we'll have to keep him here over night, "Madam Promfry told Ron and Hermonie in the hospital wing, "He has a rare case of delirium, better know as the "When-Ginny-Weasley-is-going-out-with-Draco-Malfoy-and-has-no- idea-that-Harry-Potter-likes-her-and-her-brother-has-an-alleged-unhealthy- obsession-with-poodles" mind disease."
"Ok, well, we'll be back to see you tomorrow, ok Harry?" Hermonie might as well said to herself, as Harry had his face down on the bed, twitching and turning, mumbling something about potatoes while leaking copious amounts of drool onto his pillow.
"Mr. Potter, stand still, stop squirming!" Madam Promfry ordered.
"I AM standing still, I AM squirming!"
Ron and Hermonie left the Hospital wing and headed for the common room.
"Well, it's Sunday tomorrow, so if he needs to he can stay an extra day.Do you think maybe we should get Harry some counseling?
"No, no Hermonie, Harry has to learn suppress his pain, deep down inside himself, so it will never bother us again."
"Nice Ron, real nice."
"What? I was joking. I don't know about counseling though, that's a bit expensive."
"What's more important to you? You're best friends mental wellbeing, or how much money is in your wallet?"
".I have to answer this TODAY, don't I?"
"I can't believe you!"
"Again Hermonie, it was a joke. I would definitely choose the one about my wallet."
"What-"
"Joking!"
"Ha ha ha.you suck."
"Thank-you. Are you still up for spending part of the Christmas holidays with Me and Harry at home?"
"Yeah, that's if Harry is up to it, with him being currently delusional and all."
"Yeah, he'll pull through. Besides, Ginny is going to be there, so it's not like he's going to pass it up."
***
"Where have you been?" Dean asked in a mock mothers voice as Ron walked through their dormitory door at around 10:30 that night.
"Just outside with Hermonie."
Dean stifled a laugh.
"Lovers, lovers, lovers, you don't treat me no good no more." Seamus sang under his breath.
"I heard that! And besides, you're singing the lyrics wrong!"
"What does it matter? I'm still implying you and Hermonie are lovers, so what's your point?"
"My point is shut up."
"Request denied."
"Connection terminated."
"That's fine with me.idiot."
"I heard that!"
"Intentional."
"How's Harry?"
"He'll be fine. I just hope he stops claiming random things abolished soon."
"We'll, I'm going to bed."
"Me too." Seamus said
"I guess we'll be seeing semi-naked Hermonie in here tomorrow morning? Dean said, raising an eyebrow.
"Piss off"
"Goodnight Princess." Dean taunted.
"Fuck you Dean."
A/N: Next chapter will be up sometime this week. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!
I'm sorry but I don't have time to say thanks to everyone because of the hacker thing, actually I'm not even meant to be on the net right now!
Disclaimer: Ah yes, my beloved disclaimer, oh how I never fill you out properly.
Chapter Six-
Semi-naked Hermonie, Voldemort's strange sexual powers and the alleged abolishment of Sultana Bran and other food produce at Hogwarts.
Hermonie felt the familiar morning sun against her face the following Saturday morning as she slowly awoke.
"I've got to remember to shut those curtains," She thought.
She brushed her hand up the side of the bed and went to dig her face into her pillow, only to realize it was hard, and rather chest like. This struck Hermonie as odd, as the last time she had checked her pillow had been rather cushiony, and had a lot less nipples.
"Oh no oh no oh no oh no!"
"What.?" She heard Ron sleepily groan.
"Oh god oh god oh god oh god!"
"What? Oh." Ron was completely awake at this moment and could now understand Hermonie's insane rambling.
Hermonie was sleeping in Ron's bed, with Ron, under the sheets, and to top this awkward situation off, Ron was completely naked.
"What? I like to sleep in the nude."
"Well that's just FABULOUS!"
"Don't stress Monie, you're not naked.are you?" Ron lifted up the sheets in an overly curious way.
"Oh god oh god oh god!"
"Ok, so you're in your underwear, big deal." It was at this point Ron decided to take another glance under the sheets.
"Ron!"
"What?" He grinned, "just checking."
"Ok, care to explain to me, Ronald," She said through clenched teeth, "Why I am in your bed, in my underwear, and exactly what point did you become aware of it."
"Just then, I'll reenact the scene shall I?" Ron suggested enthusiastically
"That won't be necessary. Just explain what happened after the boys went to bed before I sever both your testicles."
"Well, don't freak out Hermonie," Ron replied, "But we waited until you fell asleep to take pictures of you naked with a hamburger and sold them to the German paparazzi."
"I feel so violated!" Hermonie sarcastically gasped.
"Yes, well, between you and me, that was one sexy hamburger."
Hermonie laughed.
"Ok, seriously, how the hell did I get here?"
"You fell asleep, Harry went to bed, and I didn't want to wake you, so I just let you lie there, and then I went to bed."
"So explain the nakedness?"
"Like I said, I sleep naked, if you've got a problem with that then don't sleep in my bed damn it!"
"I don't mean your nakedness, I mean my nakedness!"
"Don't you mean your semi-nakedness?"
"Same thing."
"Well your guess is as good as mine. Maybe you always sleep semi-naked and you just don't know it yet."
"You wish."
"I sure do!"
"Shut up.did you hear that?"
"Hear wha-"
Dean drew the curtain around his bed open and pulled on his pants.
"Does everyone in here sleep naked?" Hermonie thought.
Dean walked over to the balcony to shut the curtains. On his way past he said:
"Morning Ron, hey semi-naked Hermonie," Dean shut the curtains, "Wait a minute, semi naked Hermonie?"
"Ah.good morning Dean." Hermonie said awkwardly.
"Well, well, well what happened here?"
"Nothing-"
Three more sets of curtains opened and three bodies emerged from their four- posters.
"Morning Ron, Dean, semi-naked Hermonie." Harry, Neville and Seamus greeted.
"Wait a minute, semi-naked Hermonie?" They said in confused unionism.
"ER-look over there!" Hermonie pointed to the balcony in an attempt to distract them.
"Oh come on Hermonie, we're not going to fall for that."
"No I'm serious. Look over there!"
"Come on-"
"No, Quick, you better turn around or something really bad is going to happen!"
"Huh?" They said as they all looked toward the balcony.
"Suckers!" Hermonie called over her shoulder as she sprinted out the door to her dormitory.
Ron stood up and pulled on his pants, shirt, a jumper, socks and looked up at his roommates who had been staring at him since Hermonie fled the scene.
"What?"
"What do you mean what?"
"By what I mean what!'
"Well, if you ask me, which you didn't, then I'd say it all looks a little suspicious."
"Suspicious? What's suspicious? I don't see anything suspicious! You're all crazy! Nothing is suspicious! Just because I was naked and Hermonie was in my bed does not make circumstances suspicious!"
"You're only digging yourself deeper Ron" Seamus informed.
"What would you know, you demented sparrowkeet! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got people to do, things to see."
Harry gave him an odd look.
"I mean, oh you know what I mean!"
"Calm down Ron. All we want are the sweet, sweet juicy details." Dean tried to persuade.
"There is nothing to tell! Nothing happened!"
"Oh, I see, you were just talking naked in bed together like you do every morning?"
"Yes, exactly, just like we do every- wait no!"
***
Harry gave up on trying to con Ron into telling him what happened and moved down to the great hall for breakfast alone. When he left, Ron had hidden his head amongst his covers singing Sweet home Alabama while trying to block out Dean, Neville and Seamus who were pestering him for details.
Harry dished out a bowl of porridge, ate it, and conjured up a bowl of pudding.
"Alright brain, it's up to you. If you don't think of something quick then we could loose our chances with Ginny forever"
"Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding Eat the pudding."
"Shut up, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!"
Hermonie joined Harry a few moments later and refused to say anything on the matter of her and Ron except that the incident was completely innocent.
"Ok, fine, but if it was me and somebody naked in bed I'd let you know alllllll about it"
"I don't doubt that for a second."
Ron and the rest of the boys came into the Great Hall and sat down. Ron sat next to Hermonie, the rest of them sat next to Harry.
Dean gave Ron a look, as if to say, "Ron loves poodles." But Ron assumed it had something to do with the incident earlier that morning.
"Innocent!"
"I didn't say anything!"
"Yeah, but you were thinking it!"
"Hermonie, can you pass the syrup." Ron asked, "Hermonie, oi Hermonie!" Ron said, waving his hand in front of her face to get her attention, "HERMONIE! Are you deaf or something, I said can you please pass me the syrup!"
"I'm not deaf, I'm ignoring you."
Ron sighed.
"Harry, would you please tell Hermonie that I would just like to drink a glass of syrup like I do every morning?"
"No," Harry replied, "My reasons for refusal two fold. Firstly, you don't drink a glass of syrup every morning, and secondly, we don't even have syrup!"
"And why not?"
"Because Voldemort believes that it gives him strange sexual powers, and anything that gives Voldemort powers, particularly sexual ones, can only be of the upper most evil. It was shortly after this discovery that Dumbledore ordered that all things syrup and syrupish were to be abolished.or so the legend goes."
"What are you talking about?" Hermonie said, "There's a bottle of syrup right here."
"Oh, my mistake. Carry on."
Hermonie passed the bottle to Ron, who began to fill his cup with it.
"Since when do you drink syrup anyway?"
"Since I said so."
"Can you pass me an Orange Harry." Dean asked.
"It's funny you should ask for an orange, considering they were abolished from Hogwarts in 1982."
"No they weren't!" Hermonie corrected again, "look, there's one right there!" Hermonie said, passing it to Dean.
"Oh, sorry, my bad."
"Can you pass me some Sultana Bran please Neville?" Ron asked.
"SULTANA BRAN! SULTANA BRAN!" Harry screamed, "Are you out of your mind? Are you off your rocker?"
"What the hell is the matter now?" Hermonie asked, irritated.
"Oh nothing! Only that Sultana Bran was abolished from Hogwarts in 1745 when-"
"Alright, that's it!" Hermonie yelled, standing up, "Nothing, orange, syrup, sultana bran or otherwise, has ever been abolished from Hogwarts!"
It was after this outburst that Harry fell to the ground on his side and started to walk around in circles chanting:
"Whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop."
Hermonie turned to Ron, who was choking on his syrup.
"I think this Ginny thing is having a bad effect on him."
"Agreed. We better take him to the hospital wing."
*** "I'm afraid we'll have to keep him here over night, "Madam Promfry told Ron and Hermonie in the hospital wing, "He has a rare case of delirium, better know as the "When-Ginny-Weasley-is-going-out-with-Draco-Malfoy-and-has-no- idea-that-Harry-Potter-likes-her-and-her-brother-has-an-alleged-unhealthy- obsession-with-poodles" mind disease."
"Ok, well, we'll be back to see you tomorrow, ok Harry?" Hermonie might as well said to herself, as Harry had his face down on the bed, twitching and turning, mumbling something about potatoes while leaking copious amounts of drool onto his pillow.
"Mr. Potter, stand still, stop squirming!" Madam Promfry ordered.
"I AM standing still, I AM squirming!"
Ron and Hermonie left the Hospital wing and headed for the common room.
"Well, it's Sunday tomorrow, so if he needs to he can stay an extra day.Do you think maybe we should get Harry some counseling?
"No, no Hermonie, Harry has to learn suppress his pain, deep down inside himself, so it will never bother us again."
"Nice Ron, real nice."
"What? I was joking. I don't know about counseling though, that's a bit expensive."
"What's more important to you? You're best friends mental wellbeing, or how much money is in your wallet?"
".I have to answer this TODAY, don't I?"
"I can't believe you!"
"Again Hermonie, it was a joke. I would definitely choose the one about my wallet."
"What-"
"Joking!"
"Ha ha ha.you suck."
"Thank-you. Are you still up for spending part of the Christmas holidays with Me and Harry at home?"
"Yeah, that's if Harry is up to it, with him being currently delusional and all."
"Yeah, he'll pull through. Besides, Ginny is going to be there, so it's not like he's going to pass it up."
***
"Where have you been?" Dean asked in a mock mothers voice as Ron walked through their dormitory door at around 10:30 that night.
"Just outside with Hermonie."
Dean stifled a laugh.
"Lovers, lovers, lovers, you don't treat me no good no more." Seamus sang under his breath.
"I heard that! And besides, you're singing the lyrics wrong!"
"What does it matter? I'm still implying you and Hermonie are lovers, so what's your point?"
"My point is shut up."
"Request denied."
"Connection terminated."
"That's fine with me.idiot."
"I heard that!"
"Intentional."
"How's Harry?"
"He'll be fine. I just hope he stops claiming random things abolished soon."
"We'll, I'm going to bed."
"Me too." Seamus said
"I guess we'll be seeing semi-naked Hermonie in here tomorrow morning? Dean said, raising an eyebrow.
"Piss off"
"Goodnight Princess." Dean taunted.
"Fuck you Dean."
A/N: Next chapter will be up sometime this week. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!