A/N: Okkkkkk, another chapter. Not that exciting, but it should do the
trick. Sorry I haven't been updating as often as I did in the past, it's
the same reason as before. I'm also sorry I can't thank anybody right now
either, I've got to be quick. But I do appreciate your reviews! Ok, this
chapter doesn't really go anywhere as such, it's more like me
procrastinating because there has to be a few chapter between now and
when.other things happen.lol.
Disclaimer: I have nothing to say here. A disclaimer would seem to fit the bill...
Chapter Eight:
Romeo and Juliet, the pin up Poodle, And QUACK QUACK QUACK
Hermonie felt something poke her in the face three times before she woke up. When she opened her eyes she saw Neville standing over her, poking her with a large stick of beef jerky and breathing heavily.
"Well, it appears you're making this a bit habit of yours Hermonie." Dean said, from across the room in his four-poster.
"Not again." She groaned, falling back onto the pillow she was sharing with Ron. It appeared Hermonie had fallen asleep in the boy's dorm again, but on the plus side, at least Ron was wearing underwear this time.
"Beef jerky?" Neville offered, pointing the stick deceased livestock at her.
"No thanks. I better go, I've gotta get my school things together and have a shower. I'll see you down at breakfast. Say good morning to Harry, Ron and Seamus when they wake up for me."
"Will do." Dean winked as she left the room, he still suspected something was going on between her and Ron. It had to be admitted the circumstances were suspicious. This was the second time that Hermonie had slept in Ron's bed this week.
Dean was overly curious about the whole thing, which probably had something to do with his lack of love life. The last person he had been out with was Ginny Weasley, and it would be safe to say that Harry wasn't the only one jealous about her new boyfriend.
Dean blamed Ron for the whole thing. "I mean, who demands to be tarred and feathered and then tries to season themselves with chicken stock, out of all the seasonings, CHICKEN!" Dean thought.
Ron had a totally different outlook on the past situation that went something like: "Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken."
Clearly, Ron wasn't in a healthy state of mind at time, but he knew vaguely of the emotional trauma he had caused Dean. All the stress from the break up had caused Dean to go slightly implosively insane, whether that is a proper medical term, this author does not know. Dean now had a terrible habit he could not break, dirt eating. Secretly, ever since the break up, Dean had been eating copious amounts of dirt- not just any dirt, but the expensive kind.
"I like dirt, I do not know why." Dean would always say.
This was a terribly unsanitary habit, not to mention costly. Dean had tried to find a dirt-eaters anonymous society, but apparently they don't exist. There was no denying it, Dean was a dirt addict, and an eight handfuls a day one at that.
Harry stirred as Neville began to poke him in the face with the beef jerky stick as he had done to Hermonie.
"Ron!" Harry gasped, abruptly sitting up, still half-asleep, "I think I hate Dumbledore! .No wait, I find him informative and witty, goodnight."
"You can't go to sleep Harry," Neville said, still poking him in the face, now to the rhythm of Mary Had A Little Lamb, "We've got to go to school, remember?"
"I'd prefer not to." Harry said, getting up.
Harry walked over to Ron and quietly leant across his bed until he was as close as any male can get to another without being considered a tad bi- sexual and screamed: "Ronnnnnnnnnnn! Abort ship! Women and Children into the boats!"
"Aye Aye Captain!" Ron saluted formally before rolling off his bed in a feeble attempt to march off, falling face forward onto the floor wrapped in his bed sheets.
Ron then stood up, trying to collect what was left of his dignity and announced:
"I have misplaced my pants."
"Clearly," Harry replied, "Where's Hermonie?"
"How'd you know she was in here?" Dean asked nosily.
"She fell asleep before I did" Harry replied.
"Oh, well she's having a shower, then going down to breakfast. Speaking of showers, I better have one."
"Yeah, you do stink a bit."
"Shut the hell up," Dean retorted at Harry, "Seamus.Hey Seamus!"
Seamus was still sleeping silently, despite the noise.
"SEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMUUUUUUSSSSSSS!"
Still no reply.
"Fine." Dean sighed.
Dean left after his previous few attempts to wake Seamus failed and Harry, Neville and Ron gathered their things for school.
"Hey Ron," Harry said, packing his care of magical creatures textbook into his bag, "Do you like Hermonie?"
Ron didn't answer, but instead turned his back and started to quack like a duck.
"Ron, stop quacking. I-"
"Quack Quack Quack-"
"Ron!-"
"Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack! -"
"Answer me damn it! And stop that QUACKING! Do you like her? Does she like you-"
"QUACK! -"
"Ron! -"
"Why do you want to know? QUACK! You don't tell me who you like! QUACK! And another thing-"
"Ronnnnnnnnn! -"
"QUACK, QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK
Ron continued to quack for a further 5 minutes. Though he occasionally stopped to take a breath, but then started up again which made him sound like a retarded beaver in heat.
"Are you quiet done?"
"Nearly, QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP RON!"
Ron hadn't been expecting this sudden outburst, and immediately stopped quacking, neither had Seamus who had been pretending to be asleep ever since Hermonie left.
"Do you two bloody mind?" Seamus shouted from his four poster, "Let me clear something up for the two of you. Ron likes Hermonie, but is too chicken shit to do anything about it, additionally, he also loves poodles. Harry likes Ginny and is sulking about her newfound fondness for Malfoy; He's also a slave to beef jerky. Hermonie likes Ron but she refuses to say anything because she fears his rejection, she also has a phobia of poodles. I'm not sure who-"
"I do NOT like poodles!" Ron shouted, interrupting Seamus in his long speech of extensive knowledge he had been keeping for sometime.
"Oh yeah?!" Harry yelled, flipping the bed head of Ron's four- poster down, revealing a pin up poster of a pink fluffy poodle wearing a beret.
Ron gasped, "My secret shame!"
"Shut up you!" Seamus continued, "Like I was saying, I'm not sure who Ginny likes. It could be one of three-"
"Am I in the three?" Harry asked, crossing his fingers and jumping up and down.
"Well, let me finish and I'll tell-"
"Oh no, I'm not in the three am I? Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no," Harry said, falling to his knees and pounding his head onto the hardwood."
"So you do like my sister? I knew it! Harry loves Ginny! Harry loves Ginny!"
"Yes, but beef will always be my mistress. Just as poodles will always be yours."
"I do NOT like-"
"Need I remind the both of you that in order to have a mistress you must first have a girlfriend, and neither of you have either one!" Seamus informed.
"That was to far."
"You've cut me deep, mate.
"Well it's fact ain't it."
"Yeah, but.you don't have to say it! And it's not like you have a girlfriend." Ron said
"Not exactly, no."
"Wait, what does that mean?"
"It means what ever you want it to mean. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to shower."
"Well that's excellent then, it just so happens Ron and myself haven't showered this entire story, so perhaps we can continue this conversation on the way?"
"No chance."
"Damn it!"
***
"Isn't it a great day?" Ron said to Harry while crossing the grounds to Hagrid's hut for care of Magical Creatures, "The sun is shinning, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them, as is my understanding."
"Yes, yes." Harry wasn't really listening, this Ginny and Malfoy thing really had his knickers in a twist.
He still hadn't figured out a way to tell Ginny. He hadn't planned on going through with his promise to Hermonie, but only a few days later and their very public relationship had been given a violent shove into nauseating and Harry couldn't stand the sight of it.
Dean had been in what seemed like a deep conversation with Hermonie ever since breakfast. Ron only ever caught bits of it. Currently he had positioned things so carefully that he could hear little bits of the conversation without looking too suspicious.
"I don't really know a lot about this Dean," Hermonie said, "But it sounds very distressing."
"It was just like Romeo and Juliet, only it ended in tragedy." Dean said.
".ER-Dean.Romeo and Juliet did end in-"
"It was JUST LIKE Romeo and Juliet."
".Of course it was."
Ron didn't get it, but then again, he rarely did.
Malfoy had been forced to attend classes, considering he had been fixed with his new testicle, Snape saw no reason for him not to be treated as normal. Though his decision was highly influenced by Professor McGonagall, his new girlfriend. Almost evert student wretched at the idea.
McGonagall had been very sure that Madam Promfry would be perfectly capable of fixing Malfoy's reproductive system:
"Hogwart's health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain... well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!" She had said.
Harry wasn't so sure. To him, the very idea of having a testicle replaced by a retarded pumpkin and half a piece of caramel pie screamed budget.
Hermonie and Dean finished up their conversation as they neared Hagird's hut and she rejoined Ron and Harry and left Dean with Seamus.
"What was that about? Me?" Ron asked
"Not everything is about you Ronald."
"Yes it is," Ron said, brandishing a copy of the daily prophet with a front- page headline reading: Ronald Weasley to be charged with indecent exposure with a subtitle of: And now for what we all came here to see, hard core nudity!"
"Are you proud?"
"Bloody oath I am! That's my picture on the front of the daily prophet!"
"They could have at least used a photo from your file, this one doesn't leave much to the imagination."
Apparently Ron had been dancing naked the previous weekend in the streets of Hogsmade wearing a loin cloth much to small for his "bits" and doing the macarina, as his latest portrait clearly conveyed.
Ron saw Harry walking off to the side by himself, looking quiet miserable indeed. "Hey Ron-" Hermonie said, trying to steer the conversation away from Ron's illegal activities.
"Can't talk, see Harry, later, sex."
"What?" Ron walked over to Harry and Hermonie wasn't given enough time to question Ron's half arsed sex proposal.
*** Again, sorry this chapter doesn't go anywhere, but It leads up to what will happen next chapter etc.
Disclaimer: I have nothing to say here. A disclaimer would seem to fit the bill...
Chapter Eight:
Romeo and Juliet, the pin up Poodle, And QUACK QUACK QUACK
Hermonie felt something poke her in the face three times before she woke up. When she opened her eyes she saw Neville standing over her, poking her with a large stick of beef jerky and breathing heavily.
"Well, it appears you're making this a bit habit of yours Hermonie." Dean said, from across the room in his four-poster.
"Not again." She groaned, falling back onto the pillow she was sharing with Ron. It appeared Hermonie had fallen asleep in the boy's dorm again, but on the plus side, at least Ron was wearing underwear this time.
"Beef jerky?" Neville offered, pointing the stick deceased livestock at her.
"No thanks. I better go, I've gotta get my school things together and have a shower. I'll see you down at breakfast. Say good morning to Harry, Ron and Seamus when they wake up for me."
"Will do." Dean winked as she left the room, he still suspected something was going on between her and Ron. It had to be admitted the circumstances were suspicious. This was the second time that Hermonie had slept in Ron's bed this week.
Dean was overly curious about the whole thing, which probably had something to do with his lack of love life. The last person he had been out with was Ginny Weasley, and it would be safe to say that Harry wasn't the only one jealous about her new boyfriend.
Dean blamed Ron for the whole thing. "I mean, who demands to be tarred and feathered and then tries to season themselves with chicken stock, out of all the seasonings, CHICKEN!" Dean thought.
Ron had a totally different outlook on the past situation that went something like: "Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken Chicken."
Clearly, Ron wasn't in a healthy state of mind at time, but he knew vaguely of the emotional trauma he had caused Dean. All the stress from the break up had caused Dean to go slightly implosively insane, whether that is a proper medical term, this author does not know. Dean now had a terrible habit he could not break, dirt eating. Secretly, ever since the break up, Dean had been eating copious amounts of dirt- not just any dirt, but the expensive kind.
"I like dirt, I do not know why." Dean would always say.
This was a terribly unsanitary habit, not to mention costly. Dean had tried to find a dirt-eaters anonymous society, but apparently they don't exist. There was no denying it, Dean was a dirt addict, and an eight handfuls a day one at that.
Harry stirred as Neville began to poke him in the face with the beef jerky stick as he had done to Hermonie.
"Ron!" Harry gasped, abruptly sitting up, still half-asleep, "I think I hate Dumbledore! .No wait, I find him informative and witty, goodnight."
"You can't go to sleep Harry," Neville said, still poking him in the face, now to the rhythm of Mary Had A Little Lamb, "We've got to go to school, remember?"
"I'd prefer not to." Harry said, getting up.
Harry walked over to Ron and quietly leant across his bed until he was as close as any male can get to another without being considered a tad bi- sexual and screamed: "Ronnnnnnnnnnn! Abort ship! Women and Children into the boats!"
"Aye Aye Captain!" Ron saluted formally before rolling off his bed in a feeble attempt to march off, falling face forward onto the floor wrapped in his bed sheets.
Ron then stood up, trying to collect what was left of his dignity and announced:
"I have misplaced my pants."
"Clearly," Harry replied, "Where's Hermonie?"
"How'd you know she was in here?" Dean asked nosily.
"She fell asleep before I did" Harry replied.
"Oh, well she's having a shower, then going down to breakfast. Speaking of showers, I better have one."
"Yeah, you do stink a bit."
"Shut the hell up," Dean retorted at Harry, "Seamus.Hey Seamus!"
Seamus was still sleeping silently, despite the noise.
"SEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMUUUUUUSSSSSSS!"
Still no reply.
"Fine." Dean sighed.
Dean left after his previous few attempts to wake Seamus failed and Harry, Neville and Ron gathered their things for school.
"Hey Ron," Harry said, packing his care of magical creatures textbook into his bag, "Do you like Hermonie?"
Ron didn't answer, but instead turned his back and started to quack like a duck.
"Ron, stop quacking. I-"
"Quack Quack Quack-"
"Ron!-"
"Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack! -"
"Answer me damn it! And stop that QUACKING! Do you like her? Does she like you-"
"QUACK! -"
"Ron! -"
"Why do you want to know? QUACK! You don't tell me who you like! QUACK! And another thing-"
"Ronnnnnnnnn! -"
"QUACK, QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK
Ron continued to quack for a further 5 minutes. Though he occasionally stopped to take a breath, but then started up again which made him sound like a retarded beaver in heat.
"Are you quiet done?"
"Nearly, QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP RON!"
Ron hadn't been expecting this sudden outburst, and immediately stopped quacking, neither had Seamus who had been pretending to be asleep ever since Hermonie left.
"Do you two bloody mind?" Seamus shouted from his four poster, "Let me clear something up for the two of you. Ron likes Hermonie, but is too chicken shit to do anything about it, additionally, he also loves poodles. Harry likes Ginny and is sulking about her newfound fondness for Malfoy; He's also a slave to beef jerky. Hermonie likes Ron but she refuses to say anything because she fears his rejection, she also has a phobia of poodles. I'm not sure who-"
"I do NOT like poodles!" Ron shouted, interrupting Seamus in his long speech of extensive knowledge he had been keeping for sometime.
"Oh yeah?!" Harry yelled, flipping the bed head of Ron's four- poster down, revealing a pin up poster of a pink fluffy poodle wearing a beret.
Ron gasped, "My secret shame!"
"Shut up you!" Seamus continued, "Like I was saying, I'm not sure who Ginny likes. It could be one of three-"
"Am I in the three?" Harry asked, crossing his fingers and jumping up and down.
"Well, let me finish and I'll tell-"
"Oh no, I'm not in the three am I? Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no," Harry said, falling to his knees and pounding his head onto the hardwood."
"So you do like my sister? I knew it! Harry loves Ginny! Harry loves Ginny!"
"Yes, but beef will always be my mistress. Just as poodles will always be yours."
"I do NOT like-"
"Need I remind the both of you that in order to have a mistress you must first have a girlfriend, and neither of you have either one!" Seamus informed.
"That was to far."
"You've cut me deep, mate.
"Well it's fact ain't it."
"Yeah, but.you don't have to say it! And it's not like you have a girlfriend." Ron said
"Not exactly, no."
"Wait, what does that mean?"
"It means what ever you want it to mean. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to shower."
"Well that's excellent then, it just so happens Ron and myself haven't showered this entire story, so perhaps we can continue this conversation on the way?"
"No chance."
"Damn it!"
***
"Isn't it a great day?" Ron said to Harry while crossing the grounds to Hagrid's hut for care of Magical Creatures, "The sun is shinning, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them, as is my understanding."
"Yes, yes." Harry wasn't really listening, this Ginny and Malfoy thing really had his knickers in a twist.
He still hadn't figured out a way to tell Ginny. He hadn't planned on going through with his promise to Hermonie, but only a few days later and their very public relationship had been given a violent shove into nauseating and Harry couldn't stand the sight of it.
Dean had been in what seemed like a deep conversation with Hermonie ever since breakfast. Ron only ever caught bits of it. Currently he had positioned things so carefully that he could hear little bits of the conversation without looking too suspicious.
"I don't really know a lot about this Dean," Hermonie said, "But it sounds very distressing."
"It was just like Romeo and Juliet, only it ended in tragedy." Dean said.
".ER-Dean.Romeo and Juliet did end in-"
"It was JUST LIKE Romeo and Juliet."
".Of course it was."
Ron didn't get it, but then again, he rarely did.
Malfoy had been forced to attend classes, considering he had been fixed with his new testicle, Snape saw no reason for him not to be treated as normal. Though his decision was highly influenced by Professor McGonagall, his new girlfriend. Almost evert student wretched at the idea.
McGonagall had been very sure that Madam Promfry would be perfectly capable of fixing Malfoy's reproductive system:
"Hogwart's health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain... well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!" She had said.
Harry wasn't so sure. To him, the very idea of having a testicle replaced by a retarded pumpkin and half a piece of caramel pie screamed budget.
Hermonie and Dean finished up their conversation as they neared Hagird's hut and she rejoined Ron and Harry and left Dean with Seamus.
"What was that about? Me?" Ron asked
"Not everything is about you Ronald."
"Yes it is," Ron said, brandishing a copy of the daily prophet with a front- page headline reading: Ronald Weasley to be charged with indecent exposure with a subtitle of: And now for what we all came here to see, hard core nudity!"
"Are you proud?"
"Bloody oath I am! That's my picture on the front of the daily prophet!"
"They could have at least used a photo from your file, this one doesn't leave much to the imagination."
Apparently Ron had been dancing naked the previous weekend in the streets of Hogsmade wearing a loin cloth much to small for his "bits" and doing the macarina, as his latest portrait clearly conveyed.
Ron saw Harry walking off to the side by himself, looking quiet miserable indeed. "Hey Ron-" Hermonie said, trying to steer the conversation away from Ron's illegal activities.
"Can't talk, see Harry, later, sex."
"What?" Ron walked over to Harry and Hermonie wasn't given enough time to question Ron's half arsed sex proposal.
*** Again, sorry this chapter doesn't go anywhere, but It leads up to what will happen next chapter etc.