Palm Trees and Power Lines
Chapter 19: Awake
Summary: Sort-of future fic. Summer and Seth go through some hard times, but in the end, will love pull them through? Or will they be just another lost couple… What about Ryan and Marissa? Will a person from Marissa's past tear the two apart once and for all?
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own anything… unfortunately…
A/N: I really hope you know you're all such nice people for leaving reviews. And those of you who haven't reviewed yet… shame on you! Hehe… just kidding. Well, I thought I'd be close to wrapping things up by this chapter… but I was kind of far off… :sigh: this is so long… haha… well… anyway… the song is Awake by my absolute favorite band Dashboard Confessional… reviews make me smile :)
0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo
Awake, through the years it takes to see you
Till I almost lose my mind
'Cause I'll never be alright
And I'm sorry you had to see this
But I'm such a mess
And I never could forget
Seth stood outside of the huge house he called 'home'. He knew that he had to go in- knew he had to face Ryan, but there was absolutely nothing compelling him to do so. Another confrontation with Ryan surely wouldn't end right… would it? He desperately wanted everything that had happened at the beginning of this summer to just go away so they could go back to the way they used to be. Maybe if he forgave Ryan, and they mended everything up… they could all at least spend the day together and have at least one good day for the summer…
"Are you going to go in, or are you just going to stare at the front door?" Summer asked, waking up and placing her arms around Seth from behind, in a hug. "It's not going to open itself you know."
Seth laughed a bit, then reached out for the handle. Before he could even grab it, though, the door flew open.
"Sandy I'll be back in—SETH?" his mother's voice was loud and excited. She quickly forgot about what she was saying, and enveloped her son in a hug. "When did you get here?"
"I … can't… breathe," Seth started, trying to loosen the grip Kirsten had on him. After a moment, she pulled away. "And you're not a even hugging person…"
Kirsten rolled her eyes, then saw Summer standing behind him. "Oh, hello Summer! Here, come in, come in!"
"Now I have to be invited to come into my own house? Gosh, I was only gone for a few months!" Seth joked, throwing his hands up in the air in mock exasperation. The three walked into the house and joined Sandy, who was making some sort of food, in the kitchen.
"Seth? You're home!" he said, coming over and giving a slight hug to his son. "What brings you back? Doesn't school start soon?"
"He missed me too much," Summer joked, with a wink. "I told him that I was only gone for a day but… you know your son."
"I seem to remember our reunion a bit differently. Because when you walked in to-" Seth was cut of by Summer's hand covering his mouth. He continued to talk, though, but all was muffled and came out a bit confusing.
"Ha-ha," Summer fake-laughed as a nervous smile appeared on her face. "Always a kidder, you're son."
Sandy and Kirsten rolled their eyes at Seth, who was still mumbling into Summer's hand, and Summer, who was desperately trying to cover up whatever he was saying. Finally, though, he stopped and Summer removed her hand from his mouth.
"So how long are you here for?" Sandy asked, as he sliced some vegetables.
"Well, either tonight or tomorrow, I guess. We've gotta get Summer moved in over there and everything so, we need a day or two to do that - seeing as how school starts three days. Oh, and Summer you'll never guess. I found an apartment down the street for pretty cheap, and kind of nice," Seth rambled on. "What do you say?"
"You two are going to live together?" Kirsten blurted out, only to receive a highly embarrassed look from Summer, and a very afraid look from Seth. Sandy, though, didn't seem to be bothered by this.
"Summer doesn't have a dorm, Mom," Seth informed her. "Since her jackass of a father didn't tell her that she was accepted, there were no dorms available. She's lucky they let her pick up any classes!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry, honey," Kirsten immediately regretted what she had said, and rushed over to Summer. "You know I don't have anything against you being with my son. I love you like my own daughter. It's just… I don't know, that was the whole 'protective mother' thing coming out. I'm sorry."
"It's fine, Kirsten. I understand," Summer replied, and looked to see Seth staring at the clock. She knew what he was thinking, and turned to him. "It's nearly five o'clock. I bet Ryan's down in the pool house. You need to go talk to him."
"I know," Seth lowered his head, and stood up. "I guess it's now or never."
He leaned over and kissed Summer quickly, before heading out the door and down to the pool house. He got there, and hesitated before knocking ever so slightly on the tall glass door. It soon swung open and the anger and hatred Seth had felt only seemed to bubble more…
"I thought I'd be seeing you," Ryan said quietly, stepping aside for Seth to walk in…
0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo
I'm scared I'll miss the way we use to talk
And if its all forever lost don't wanna know
I'm scared that you're the one that got away
And I want you here with me
Tonight, will never come
Marissa sat on the beach, staring out into the ocean. This was one of the few places she was able to come to be alone and think. It was very empty for one of the last few days of summer, but she realized this spot was usually very empty. When they were about thirteen, Marissa and Summer were out one day, trying to find some place to talk where no one would hear them. They stumbled upon this little alcove and immediately fell in love with it. Whenever something went wrong, this is where they knew to find the other. Marissa missed the days when they were that close. Now they were lucky if they had time to talk between Summer's Seth troubles, and her own love problems.
She sighed and leaned back against a cool rock. What was she going to do? She was in love with two people, and neither new about the other. Sure Ryan knew she had gone to see Alex and everything last night, but he didn't know what she and Alex were together not too long ago. And Alex also knew that Ryan and Marissa had been together, but as far as she was concerned they had broken up over a year ago. It was all so screwed up, and she had to fix it. But right now all she wanted to do was sit here and think. Leaning back she closed her eyes as her thoughts bounced back and forth between Alex and Ryan.
"Hey, what's wrong?" she heard a voice ask above her. Marissa didn't have to open her eyes to know it was Alex. When they were dating, the two used to come here just to be with each other. They hated hiding the fact that they were together, but Julie was threatening to do so many things if their relationship was leaked into Newport society. There was no way in hell that Julie would have all of the Newpsies knowing her daughter was in a relationship with another girl.
Alex sat down next to Marissa, putting her arm securely around her. Marissa looked up at her with tears in her eyes. She had to tell her about Ryan- she couldn't pretend everything was okay any longer.
"I'm sorry," Marissa breathed, leaning into Alex's shoulder as a few tears slipped down her cheeks. "I'm so, so, sorry. I- I love you. You have to know that…"
"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" Alex asked, pulling her closer. She hated seeing Marissa hurting.
After a few moments, Marissa pulled away, wiping the tears from her eyes and looked straight into Alex's. It was now or never- she couldn't keep lying to the two people she loved. Taking a deep breath, Marissa closed her eyes and tried to assemble the words in her brain. Finally, she spoke.
"Alex… when you left, you don't know how hurt I was," she began, seeing the pain in the young girl's face at her words. "I know you had to do it- I understand everything but… then I didn't. I turned back to drinking. I know, I know- I was stupid. But it was the only thing that I could do to even temporarily numb the pain that I felt."
"Marissa, I'm so sorry. You know I never would have left if I knew it would hurt you this much. I'm so, so sorry-" Alex began, tears forming in her own eyes. Marissa reached across and put her hand on Alex's cheek.
"No, don't be. I didn't mean to make you feel bad by that," she lowered her head and took a deep breath. "I was like that for months. Then… this whole thing with Seth, Summer, and Ryan happened. Basically, Summer cheated on Seth with Ryan- but everything is okay now, so don't worry about it."
"She what?With Ryan," Alex exclaimed in disbelief.
"Yeah. But… see… then there was the fallout. Seth moved across the country- he got accepted to the University of Pennsylvania- and both of them had their share of misfortune. To put it bluntly, both of them almost died," Marissa explained.
"Oh my God," Alex said in shock, but still didn't see where Marissa was getting with all of this. "They're okay, right?"
"Yeah- they're fine but… a few things happened while they weren't… with me and," she paused, afraid at what Alex would say. "Ryan."
Alex's face showed a mixture of sadness, anger, and fear. Every part of her was saying that this girl- this beautiful girl that she had grown to love, and was sitting in front of her- was in love and back together with Ryan. But every part of her wanted to believe that the only thing Marissa was going to tell her was the she and Ryan had become friends again. She knew this wasn't the case though.
"See, by then, I had thought I was never going to see you again. I thought we were over, and you were out with guys and girls alike all over the country. I didn't expect you to come back- so I… I gave into Ryan. I knew I could dig deep and find my love for him again, and take the safe way out. I knew that he would always be there," Marissa lowered her head in shame. She hated telling Alex all of this, and she hated even more the pain that it brought both of them. "I'm with Ryan, now."
Alex just looked at her in shock and disbelief. She had known it was coming as soon as Marissa had said that things happened between her and Ryan this summer, but it was still so unbelievable.
"You didn't trust me," was all Alex could muster the voice to say. A few tears that had refused to fall any other time had finally managed to slip their way down her cheeks. For her entire trip, she had turned down the most amazing people because she 'knew' Marissa would be waiting back in Newport for her. She knew Marissa would be here. She was so foolish to believe that.
"Alex I-" Marissa began, but didn't know what to say. Alex was telling the truth- Marissa hadn't trusted her enough to believe she wouldn't hook up with anyone on her trip.
"I didn't so much as kiss one person," Alex said through gritted teeth, as tears made their way from her eyes. "I turned them all down because I knew you would be waiting back here for me. Well… I must have been pretty stupid to believe that you could keep your hands off Ryan. Perfect, rich boy, Ryan."
"It's not like that at all, Alex- you know that!" Marissa exclaimed and stood up as Alex did. "Please, you know how much I love you!"
"No… no I don't. Because I thought I knew, and obviously I didn't," she replied and turned to leave. Marissa reached out and grabbed her wrist. She shook it off. "Don't touch me. I just… I need to be alone."
Alex then walked away, leaving Marissa alone. She felt cold. Despite the 96 degree weather, her entire body shook in convulsive sobs as she fell to the ground. How could she have done that? How could she lose someone she cared about so much just like that? Before she knew it, she was drifting off to sleep…
0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo0oo
I'm scared I'll miss the way we use to talk
And if its all forever lost don't wanna know
I'm scared that you're the one that got away
And i want you here with me
Tonight, will never come
"Seth, I'm sorry," Ryan said after at least five minutes of silence. After Seth had come in, they had just stood there- opposite sides of the room- in silence. Ryan had finally gotten the courage to say something, but Seth acted as if nothing had happened.
Standing there, Seth looked across the room, tears threatening to fall from his eyes at any second. He closed his eyes briefly, wishing that when he opened them, it would miraculously be the last day of Summer and he and Ryan would be sitting in front of the TV playing video games. It didn't work though. When he opened them again, Ryan was still standing across the room, tears also threatening to fall. He had never seen Ryan even close to crying before- he was always so stoic- holding his emotions deep inside. But now, it looked like he was about to break. Seth hung his head, knowing that it was because of him that his brother was so broken up inside and out.
Seth turned away, and began staring out the window. He heard the shuffling of Ryan's feet across the room, and turned back quickly to see him sit down on the futon, putting his head in his hands. A few more moments passed and the young man spoke again.
"What more do you want from me, Seth?" Ryan pleaded. Seth could tell my the tone of his voice that this was tearing him apart. He had never had a family until he moved to Newport- at least, not a family that really cared. And finally, when he got them, he screwed up and felt like he was losing them all over again. Seth definitely wasn't helping the matter by acting this way, either.
Finally, Seth pushed his pride away and mustered up enough courage to walk across the room and sit down next to Ryan. He put his arm on his brothers back, as Ryan turned to look up at the forgiving smile that was on his face.
For once in his life, Seth didn't need any words to convey his feelings. And for once, he didn't use them.
A/N: So… how was it? A/M fans, never fear, that is not the last of Alex we will be seeing. Stick around for the fun :) … review, review, review!