::Waves:: Konnichiwa, everyone!
I'm so glad everyone seems to be enjoying this story! ::sniffs:: I'm so proud...
Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up, but I just housed a Japanese exchange student! ::beams:: She left me today--::cries::--and so this chapter is dedicated to her. Love you, Minami-chan.
Anyway, this chapter really gets angsty. I mean, angsty. So if you're feeling depressed, don't read. You have been warned.
Remember, reviews are good!
"..." denotes speaking
*...* denotes thoughts
Disclaimer: Kenshin is MINE. So the rest of you can keep your hands OFF. Watsuki is the only other one allowed to touch—and he only gets to have the story rights.
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Chapter 3—Gold beneath the Amethyst, Amber beneath the Blue
Darkness...
Mud on the ground...on her new kimono…she should have been more careful...the stains would never wash out…
Lightning flashed overhead.
Her hands were stained too…dimly, she began to scrub at them, running her nails along her skin. The rain was helping to make the scarlet go away…why was the mud red?
There was the red…lying in the mud. Rain and red, mixed together. Mud wasn't red, she was sure. Where had the red come from?
Oh…from her…what did she do?
Blood.
The metallic scent hit her, one the rain could not wash away. Copper and iron, the smell of death.
Blood.
Whose blood? Hers?
She didn't think she was bleeding…
No. From the man over there. From the blade. The blade in her hands.
But this sword isn't supposed to kill…
Guilt welled up in her. She had stained Kenshin's sword with blood. He was going to be so upset with her. He wasn't supposed to use it to kill. Tomoe had told him that.
Kill?
That's right. That man over there is dead.
He's getting wet.
Does it matter? Can corpses feel?
I killed him.
…
I killed him.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The scream ripped out of her and shattered her world, spinning her into hell. Kenshin's sword—she had used it—it wasn't supposed to—she wasn't supposed to—Kamiya Kasshin Ryu—sword that protects—no killing—no killing—
Hazily, she realized that she was beating on the ground, her hands splattering blood and mud all over her. She ran her hands frantically up and down her arms, trying to shuck the blood off, then she cringed and held her hands as far away as she could. The blood from the sword had run off with the arrival of the rain and coated her hands. It seemed already that the red liquid had soaked into her skin, never to be removed. Scarlet hands, bloody hands, murderer's hands—
She shrieked again, her cry mingling with the crack of lightning overhead. "No! NO!" She had broken her vow and her father's sacred belief. She had raised a sword to kill—and she had accomplished that task.
Despair and a powerful self-hatred were coursing through her veins. She was dirty—how could she have done this? Her father's beloved fighting style. Kenshin's sword. All ruined. All because of her.
With a wretched sob, she fell forward, wrapping her arms around her legs and curling up as tight as possible on the muddy ground. Her eyes were wild and terrified, and shuddering breaths shook her entire form. She stared ahead to the dead body, the figure of the man she had killed, and again a terrible wave of disgust flooded her.
Murderer. I'm a murderer.
Strong hands suddenly wrapped themselves around her arms, forcing her upright. She ignored them, tried to sink back down to the ground. When they would not release her, she began to try to twist out of their grip, uttering tiny cries as she fought her captor. She wanted to be let go, she wanted to sink in, to die, to be buried in the ground where she lay.
An urgent voice seemed to be shouting at her from far, far away. Interested, she strained to hear, but could not make out the words over the heavy pattering of the rain. The hands latched on her arms shook her; and her head lolled loosely from side to side on her shoulders.
"Go away," She muttered, shoving at the arms. "Go away…!" She wanted to be left alone; she wanted to think, to try to understand. Why couldn't they let her be?
Kaoru!
She ignored the voice, her eyes still riveted on the corpse in front of her. Hiroji, that had been his name. Hiroji without a family. No one to mourn at his funeral. Should she come? Did they allow your killer at funerals?
Jou-chan! Kaoru!
Murderer. Death had seemed terrible before — now it was ten times worse. Now she was on the giving end instead of near-receiving. She thought of the way that the sword had moved, so satisfyingly, so quickly and smoothly, through the flesh of the man's back. A shudder wracked her thin form, and she bit back another scream.
"Miss Kaoru!"
Kaoru blinked. She couldn't see Hiroji anymore. She blinked again. She couldn't see anything. Just...
Amethyst. Beautiful, soft, worried, concerned, frightened, anxious, heated, loving amethyst.
Kenshin...
"Kenshin?"
Kenshin breathed a sigh of relief. Kaoru's eyes had focused in on his face. The muddled, petrified look she had worn now held a hint of recognition. She stared at him, unblinking, as if trying to memorize his features. Her hand rose slowly from her side to run her fingers over the side of his face, lightly tracing his scar. "Kenshin." She repeated, assurance in her voice now.
"Yes, yes, Miss Kaoru, it's me, I'm here..." Kenshin soothed, reaching up to take her hand in his. His other hand moved down her arm to grasp her other hand, holding them both tightly. "I'm here...I'm right here..." A gentle, comforting smile was on his face, carefully obscuring his thoughts.
Inside his mind, though, he was in chaos. How could he have been so careless? He had waited and delayed, not wanting to cause harm, hoping the man would tire out...and now Miss Kaoru...
He should have knocked that bastard out the minute he sensed his presence in the yard. He should have remembered what happened every other time that a madman got within fifty yards of his friends. Kaoru—the innocent child, the sweet, warm young woman—had taken on a scar that he should have been the bearer of.
He ran his hand in soothing circles around her back, trying hard not to show the tempest of emotions flaring in him. Miss Kaoru's honor and beliefs had always meant so much to her—it was because of that non-killing belief that they had met in the first place. Where he had vowed to never kill again, Miss Kaoru had vowed to never kill in the first place. Now that she had…
*This is going to be painful, that it is. Miss Kaoru…*
"Kenshin?"
Startled, he glanced down, quickly subduing his temper. Kaoru was peering up at him through soaked black bangs, her blue eyes still misty with shock.
"You're hurt." She quietly pointed out, moving her eyes down to stare at the wound at his side.
"It doesn't matter." Kenshin responded, trying to get her gaze away from his injury. The less she thought right now, the easier it would be for her to understand later. From experience, he knew—it was always better to never think about an assassination until you were washed clean of all physical evidence of your deed.
"Did I do that too?"
He inwardly cringed; so much for that idea. "No, Miss Kaoru."
"Oh." She sighed, lowering her head so that her dark hair fell in front of her features. Kenshin began to absently rub her back again as she whimpered softly. Behind her, he saw Sanosuke and Yahiko giving him worried looks. He tried to summon a smile, and found he couldn't.
"Will Jou-chan be okay, Kenshin?" Sanosuke asked quietly, glancing concernedly down at his friend.
Kenshin did not reply.
After a few moments of silence save for Kaoru's moans, Yahiko nervously shifted. "I think—um—should I go get Megumi?" His tough voice was firmly back in place, but there was the slightest quaver of tears in the otherwise brash tones.
Kenshin stirred, and looked up at Yahiko. "Hai, Yahiko. I think that would be a very good idea."
"Right. Okay." Yahiko hesitated another moment, giving his teacher a worried look, before turning and running into the cold, wet streets.
Kenshin watched him go impassively, then spoke without looking back. "Sano?"
"Yeah?"
"Could you go to my room and get the blanket off my bed? I don't want Kaoru getting a chill from this rain."
"No problem." Faking nonchalance, Sanosuke stuffed his hands deep into his pockets and retreated into the dojo.
Kenshin waited until he heard the shoji door slide close before turning back to his wretched protector. "Miss Kaoru?" He inquired softly. She stirred slightly in his arms, and seemed to tilt her head slightly up towards him. He took it as a sign she was listening. "We need to get inside, Miss Kaoru. It's very cold out here—we don't want you to get sick."
Kaoru somehow seemed to wilt in his arms. She lowered her head again and buried it in his lap. Her voice whispered something, her lips moving gently across his knees as she spoke too quietly for him to hear. Kenshin stared down at her, confused. "Miss Kaoru?"
"I can't." She murmured again, slightly louder.
Instantly, Kenshin was bending frantically over her. "Why? What happened? Miss Kaoru, are you injured? Did he hurt you? Are your legs weak? Do you feel ill? What's wrong?"
"Mou..." She shook her head, not looking up at him. "It's not that. I'm not hurt, so please don't worry."
"But why won't you go in?" Kenshin asked, bewildered, leaning down to try and see into Kaoru's face. Kaoru only pressed her face into his hakama-clad legs and stayed silent.
"Miss Kaoru?"
She still did not speak. Helpless anger and fear turned Kenshin's voice sharp. "Miss Kaoru, if you please, I would like to know why you will not go inside, that I would."
Kaoru sighed in frustration. "Because—" She flung her head back to stare up at him, pain and anguish shining in her dark midnight eyes, "—if I go inside, I'll be out of the rain, ne? And that means I'll be warm. And comfortable." Though her face was expressionless, disgust thickened her voice and turned it dark.
"But that—" Kenshin closed his eyes and bowed his head, unable to look at her. The reality of how much this truly meant to Kaoru was beginning to crash in on him, and the realization was so enormous that it took him a moment to comprehend. He struggled hard to keep his emotions in check, knowing that rage would not help anyone now. His tone when he spoke, however, could not regain the rurouni's easy lilt, and instead settled into his normal, deeper tenor.
"You think you don't deserve to be comfortable."
She sighed. "No. No, I don't."
The world began to spin. "Unworthiness…" He raised a hand to his temples and massaged them slowly. "Oro." He muttered, feeling dizzy. This was certainly not going to go well at all, that it was not. Even with himself, it had taken several murders until the self-hatred hit. Kaoru's purity had been so sacred to her though, she was unable to deal with this kind of taint in an accepting and calm mind. So she would immediately turn to hurting herself.
Damn, damn, damn.
"Kenshin?"
He glanced down. Kaoru was looking up at him, a concerned look on her face. "Kenshin, are you all right? You should go inside—it's nasty out here." She slowly raised a bloodstained hand and rested it on his cheek, her awareness of its color lost in her worry for the wanderer.
Kenshin closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the feel of her skin brushing against his. Then his eyelids slowly opened, and he gazed at Kaoru steadily. "It is nasty out here, Miss Kaoru. But as long as you are out here, then I believe that I should stay with you and make sure you are all right, that I do." To make his point, he settled in comfortably against the mucky ground, careful not to jar Kaoru from the position she still occupied on his lap. Any other day, he would have been flustered at the physical proximity between them, but the desire to protect Miss Kaoru far outweighed any gentlemanly protests he might have at the current moment. He was going to supply her with any comfort he could, that he was.
Kaoru was not thrilled with this idea. "Kenshin, don't be ridiculous, it's pouring—please go inside. I'll be fine out here." To show that she would have no problems in remaining in the storm, she tried to relax her muscles to lay more comfortably against the ground. But with the dead man—her victim—only a few feet away, her attempts at ease did not go so well. When she tried to recline, she would find herself staring at his slowly-stiffening body, which would make her shudder and lose her position. In the end, she was back in the same arrangement that she had started in, looking up at Kenshin who was watching her impassively. "See?" She asked, her voice shaky. "Perfectly fine. Please go in."
"No, that I will not." Kenshin spoke quietly. Kaoru turned her gaze down, unable to look into those knowing amethyst eyes of his. "You're hurting, Miss Kaoru. And it would not be right to leave you alone like this, that it would not."
"Are you afraid I'll do something to hurt myself?" She asked with a grim humor.
"Yes, I am."
Kaoru flinched. So...already, he had lost that much trust. Already he thought she was pathetic and weak, and needed to be coddled and hidden in shame from the rest of the world. The fact that she was hurting herself already was one that she brushed aside.
A defiant anger sparked in her and she glared up at him. "Well, I won't."
"Miss Kaoru—"
"I don't need to you baby me, Kenshin!" Her voice rose to a roar. "I know what you must think of me, but I won't be treated like a criminal that you thrust away into a dark corner to forget about!" She threw her head back and glared at him, her fury spiraling unstoppably up from the pit of her soul. She wanted to shake him, to make him hurt, to force him to see her as she really was—
Her eyes met his concerned gaze.
At once, Kenshin sucked in a breath. His expression went from worried to stunned and then, carefully, blank and emotionless. Only his eyes showed any feeling, glimmering at her with some strange mix of anxiety, fierce wrath, and…
Fear…?
Sensing that she was looking too deep into him, Kenshin withdrew his stare, choosing instead to gaze out over the rain-washed yard. He fought to keep his face distant, to keep the thoughts that were whirling inside his head from breaking free.
Kaoru's rage faded as quickly as it had exploded. Terrified, she clutched at Kenshin's arm, needing to reassure herself that he hadn't run away. "What did you see?" She whispered, shaking him. "Kenshin, what did you see?!"
Kenshin still would not look at her. His jaw was clenched, and he seemed to be struggling to keep his focus distant.
"Kenshin!"
With a rough sigh, Kenshin turned back toward her, unable to deny his Kaoru in any request. She shoved away the soaked bangs that clung to his face, brushing them recklessly to the side. She grabbed both sides of his face in her hands and refused to let him turn away, letting her eyes bore into his, trying to see what he had seen for that brief instant.
Wretchedly, miserably, Kenshin let her stare into his eyes and read what was hidden there.
There was a long moment of silence.
Kaoru carefully released his face, her movements slow with stunned horror. Kenshin turned his face away too late, again hiding his eyes beneath his hair and a blank mask of his features. He fixed his eyes on the rain splattering in a puddle close by, marking how each drop sent out its individual ripples.
"There was gold there, wasn't there."
Kenshin sucked in a harsh breath, and let it out in a pained hiss. "Yes."
Kaoru felt what was left of her sanity beginning to crumble. "The eyes of a assassin." She murmured faintly, feeling the world whirl around her.
Kenshin stiffened as if he'd been stung. He turned back towards her, eyes furious, opening his mouth to speak—
"Kenshin!"
Yahiko burst into the dojo, his clothes soaked with rain and mud but still managing to look triumphant. Close on his heels came a colorful umbrella, carried by a beautiful young woman who looked completely out of breath but also as if she had just been taking a very fast summer evening stroll.
"Miss Megumi." Kenshin stated, rising to his feet and not bothering to conceal his relief. "I am pleased you could make it so quickly, that I am."
"My pleasure, Sir Ken." Megumi said, for once not flirtatious. Her eyes speedily scanned the yard, lingering over the dead man's form and Kaoru's hunched body. The disapproval and accusation was evident on her face as she turned back to frown at Kenshin. "I suppose you'll be leaving town soon, then?" She asked abruptly.
"Oro?" Kenshin blinked at her in confusion.
"Kenshin," Megumi spoke patiently, as if to a very young and stupid child. "You don't want to go to jail, do you? And, of course, you'll have to go wandering...you violated your oath, and from what I've heard—"
Kenshin ran a hand through his thick locks, touching his fingers to his temples. "Ah. Miss Megumi, so please you, I am not responsible for..." He gestured at the bloody scene.
"Oh!" Megumi flushed. "Oh, Sir Ken, of course not! I'm so sorry for suspecting—it's just, Yahiko didn't exactly give me details—" Kenshin shot Yahiko a look; the apprentice fidgeted uneasily. It was obvious that the young boy was also having difficulty accepting what had transpired in their peaceful home.
"So," Megumi went on, relaxing and approaching the red-haired wanderer, "what exactly happened here, might I ask?"
"It was an accident." Kenshin said awkwardly, trying to send her a warning glance without Kaoru noticing.
"Well, I should hope so." Megumi said with a ladylike sniff. "But what kind? Did Sanosuke win money and someone followed him home to rob him? Was this man hurt in a fight? Or did the Tanuki finally go too far?"
Kenshin bit back a growl as he felt Kaoru flinch behind him. She could clearly hear every word that the lady doctor was saying, and Megumi was undoubtedly not helping. "Miss Megumi." He bit out. "I must ask that you treat this situation seriously and professionally."
Megumi waved him off with a flip of her hair. "Yes, of course, Sir Ken. But really, I must know what happened, if I can be expected to properly treat any wounded." She flipped open her doctor's bag and eyed him expectantly. "Well?"
Kenshin sighed. "Miss Megumi—I do not think that the story is best told here and now..."
"Sir Ken, you are being perfectly absurd." Megumi favored him with an annoyed glance before a look of mischief came into her eyes. With a quick side step, she had bypassed him, and was bending in front of Kaoru. "Since you won't tell, maybe our favorite little girl will. Well, Tanuki?" She smirked at Kaoru's nickname and reached out to give her a patronizing pat.
"Miss Megumi—"
Before anyone could stop her, Kaoru's hand had swung up and swatted Megumi's reach away, grabbing onto the older woman's wrist firmly. Megumi gasped at the speed of the movement, then all breath left her as Kaoru raised her head.
The two women stared at each other. Megumi's shock appeared plainly on her face, and there was no little portion of apprehension mixed in as well. Kaoru did not release her wrist; her gaze was both defiant and pleading, and she seemed to be begging Megumi for something.
After a few minutes, Megumi straightened with a deep breath. She tugged her wrist free of Kaoru's grip and half-turned away. Kaoru's face shuttered into darkness, and she appeared to be ready to shatter.
Then Megumi turned back, one palm raised. In her outstretched hand there lay several bandages and medicinal plants that she had fetched from the bag at her side. Without a word, she dropped her umbrella and knelt in the mud, and drew one of Kaoru's tightly clenched hands out from where it was buried in her lap. As she uncurled the fingers, she barely even blinked at the blood that coated each digit. She carefully began to wipe the young instructor's hands clean, her hands gentle on her skin.
Kaoru bit her lip as she looked down at Megumi's bowed head. Gratitude and relief undid the tenseness in her face and limbs, and under the lady doctor's administrations, the first hint of a returning life shone in her dark eyes.
Kenshin also relaxed as he watched Megumi work. For a moment there, he was worried that he would have had to interfere. If Megumi had been repulsed or frightened by Kaoru's current state, she would have been kicked out of the dojo without an invitation to return at a later date. Her acceptance had done more for Kaoru right then than anything else could have. With every loving attention that her family gave her, Kaoru was led more and more on the path towards recovery. All they needed to do was continue with this gentle treatment—
"Mr. Himura?"
Oh, no ...Kami-sama, not now...
With a spark of gold flaring in his eyes, Kenshin turned to face the entrance to the dojo.
A full squadron of police officers stood there, looking frightened but resolved. All carried loaded and cocked guns, and each seemed ready to fire at a moment's notice. The police chief himself was there with a grave, serious look on his face. And at the police chief's side...
Oh, damn.
Hajime Saito flicked the brim of his police hat back as he smirked down. "Hello, Battousai."
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