A/N: Helllllllllllllo once again! Sorry for the delay....again. Oh well, never mind. Thank you to the following for reviewing for chapter 12 :

nabriton, joel, Ingenious, bethzc, Angel of the Elements, mojo-gasaraki, Daniel and Goldilocks31890

Ok, still Simpsons quotes, some from 10 things I hate about you and Family guy. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, yada yada yada etc etc

Chapter 13:

'Dear Bitch' 'I'm NOT gay!' and 'I fuck hedgehogs'

Ron walked off in an effort to withdraw himself from the situation. Unfortunately, for Ron, Harry wasn't quiet ready to drop the subject.

'I'll have you know that Hooters was very low on funds at the time!'

'I think I can say with absolute confidence that if there's one business that will never, as long as there is an abundance of randy teenage boys, EVER be low on funds—it's Hooters!'

Harry was feeling in inclination of inadequacy in comparison to his companion, but then he remembered he was talking to Ron.

Harry felt a change of topic should commence, owing to the fact he was loosing this one.

'So, Ron. Do you find aquatic animals fascinating?'

'...Yes'

'And do you like tomato sauce?'

'Yes!'

'And do you shower with a floatation device?"

'Yes!'

'And are you staring freely at Hermione's breasts?'

'YES! ER- wait'

'AHA! So you do fancy her then?' Harry chided, elbowing Ron in the ribs.

'Look. I don't know where you've gotten THAT impression, but I assure you that my relationship with Hermione is purely sexual'

'...'

Ron folded his arms with smug satisfaction, Harry snickered, then Ron revisited the comment.

'ER- that is what I would say if I fancied her...you see, just demonstrating...only stating scenario's...don't read too much into it.

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'Oh Draco!' Ginny praised ridiculously to her boyfriend behind the stage in the manner of a pathetic submissive post feminist, 'you are so talented! And you are so debonair! And you were great! And you—'

Malfoy yawned, rolling his eyes at Crabbe and Goyle, as if to say 'I am a GOD. This woman grovels at my feet'. But it came off more as 'I fuck hedgehogs'.—which seemed to repulse the majority of onlookers.

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Meanwhile, Molly was still in the heated pursuit of her husband. She had just begun to search an industrial bin when the P.A. cut her expedition short.

'Attention Molly Weasley, your son has been arrested'

Mrs. Weasley attempted to shrink into the crowd at this embarrassing report as guests all over the great hall began to whisper their elation at such gossip.

Then the P.A. was switched on again.

'Attention Molly Weasley, we have also arrested your older, balder, fatter son'

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'This is all your fault!' Ron screamed at Harry, shaking on the metal bars separating them in the Hogwarts detainment dungeon.

'I'm not the one who slapped that old lady in the face!'

'She asked for it!' Ron pouted, crossing his arms.

'Will you boys shut-up?!' Came Mr. Weasley's request from the shadowed far corner of Ron's cell.

'Dad? Is that you?'

Ron peered across the room, but failed to see anything.

'Yes, it is I. But hush- I am working on important business!'

'But—'

'Quiet! Now....lets see, if I move this...no...well how about....right? Left? ...Perhaps forwards...no— DAMN RUBIX CUBE!'

'...Dad...?'

'Yes'

'How'd you get in here?'

'...I mooned that old lady'

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Ginny, who had taken heed to the announcement on the P.A., had proceeded immediately towards the holding room. Upon entering the said facility she spotted Harry, who resumed his sexiest pose, unfortunately, for Harry, Ginny didn't find someone licking a wall particularly attractive at all and continued walking on to her objective.

'Damn, came on too strong again'

'Dad? May I have a word?'

Over the next few minutes the two engaged in under tones. Then Mr. Weasley seemed to grow tired of this nature of conversing, and resumed his usual volume.

'Don't think you're fooling anybody. I know who you want to bend the rules for- It's that hot rod Malfoy!'

'...what's a hot rod?"

'It's a...he's not coming! You're not going! End of story!'

'Dad—'

'Do you know what'd happen!?'

'Yes daddy. We'll dance, we'll kiss, we'll come home. It's not quiet the crisis situation you imagine'

'Kissing huh? Kissing isn't what keeps me up to my elbows in placenta ALL DAY LONG'

'Ok, can we just ignore the fact that you're severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night of teenage normalcy?'

'What's normal? Those damn Dawson's river kids sleeping in each others beds and whatnot?'

'Daddy, that's so not...'

'Pay attention to me. I'm down. I've got the 411. And you're not going out and getting jiggy with some guy. I don't care how dope his ride is!'

Ginny stared blankly

'Now, what was I saying....Oh Yeah- Stay out of my booze!'

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'I'VE NEVER BEEN SO ASHAMED IN MY LIFE!' Mrs. Weasley screamed at her husband who had been released on bail as they walked towards the car with the rest of the family, 'AND for God sakes put on some damn pants!'

'Yes dear'

'I'll never be able to show my face in the Wizarding world again!'

'Yes dear'

'You have scarred your children with this shameful public display and God help you if this gets out in the press!' Mrs. Weasley gasped at this realisation, 'I can just see the head lines now,' She stretched her hands in a band for added effect, 'Ministry Official bares all, An Anus of Authorities, Middle aged man caught with pants down!'

'"PANTS DOWN"? NOW LISTEN HERE- oh wait, you're quiet right, carry on'

'YOU ARE SUCH A CHILD!'

'You know what Molly? If I'm a child, that makes you a paedophile! And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert!'

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'But Mum—'

'You heard your father—NO'

Ginny was mid-way argument with her parents over dinner that evening, and it seemed that she had as much chance as winning it as Pigwediton did scoring with Hedwig.

'Look—,' Her Father interrupted, 'If I've told you once—I've told you a thousand times—NO BOYS IN YOUR ROOM!'

'Then he can stay in the lounge room—or with Ron ('THE FUCK HE CAN!')'

'No- NO BOYS IN THIS HOUSE PERIOD!'

'But Harry comes and stays here EVERY summer!'

'Yes- but Harry's neutered!'

'...WHAT?' Harry interjected

'Yes dear, it's quiet a simple procedure,' Mrs. Weasley explained, 'Just a quick snip-snip while you were sleeping'

Harry stared at Mrs. Weasley, stunned and appalled, jaw dropped.

Ginny let out an exasperated grunt

'This is such a double standard! Hermione comes here every summer too!'

'She doesn't sleep in my room' Ron said, pouting and crossing his arms. He was still rather bitter concerning her flirting with Dean.

'Yes, but we all know that Ron is desperate and probably gay—so starting from now Hermione does sleep in his room—The sooner you get her pregnant the sooner I can go to bed knowing I have raised a virile boy!'

'... "Probably gay"...?'

'Yes dear—and there's nothing wrong with that'

'I'm NOT gay'

'Yes dear. But if you were—'

'I'm NOT gay!'

As this dispute continued, a black owl swooped into the kitchen, delivered a letter to Ginny and left as unnoticed as it had arrived. Ginny recognised the writing and opened it under the table, out of view from the others.

Dear Bitch,

I'll be at the three Broomsticks. Meet me at 9. Bring a 6 pack and clean up after me all night. Dress skanky.

Malfoy

Ginny closed the letter and sighed

'He's so romantic'

'Ok, so it is agreed,' Mr. Weasley continued, 'Ron, you'll get Hermione pregnant during a night of unsafe sex and me and Molly will play the ignorant parents'

'Aurthur!'

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Ginny tip toed down the stairs as quietly as possible at 8:30 that night, trying not to disturb anybody in the living room.

'Should've used the window' came Mr. Weasley's voice from the other side of the lounge, 'and where do you think you're going,' he questioned, getting up.

'If you must know daddy, a small study group of friends'

'Otherwise known as an orgy?'

'No, I—'

'You're not going out- especially like that'

'But—'

'You're a Weasley—Not a whore'