Title: It's all woman!
Author: I.S.O.D
Fandom: CSI
Pairings: Archie and Rachael, Grissom and Teri Miller
Spoilers: Nope
Sequel/series: There is a sequel, It's all woman: Part II (Bad name I know, Sorry!)
Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine (well except Rachael!), but I would be soooo happy if they were!
Summary: It's the CSI Christmas Party, with a twist.
A/N: I know you can't dance very well to the song I chose, I just thought it was rather fitting! You'll know what I mean if you've seen the video!
Chapter 1: The noteIt was Christmas. That meant one thing for Greg Sanders, the legendary CSI Christmas Party. A chance to let his hair down and have a laugh with everyone (including Sara)
Everybody didn't know it yet but this year was going to be different, Warrick was the first to see it. The infamous note.
'You're joking me! Bro, look at this,' he said to Nick gesturing to the notice board in the break room.
'What's up?' Nick replied his Texan accent thicker as he had just come off a two-week vacation to see his folks. He went over to the notice board, and saw:
LVPD Crime Lab Christmas Party
THEME: Tarts and Vicars
BUT the roles are reversed!
'Bam! That's a new one!' was all Warrick got out of Nick.
'Dude, I can't dress like tart!' Warrick whined.
'Why not? Could be fun,' Nick replied.
'What could be fun?' asked Sara, just walking into the break room from the DNA lab where'd she'd been talking to Greg.
'Christmas party, got something new this year, THEMES!' Nick filled her in.
'And this years is…?' she pushed.
'Tarts and Vicars with a twist,' replied Warrick looking pained.
'Hm!' Sara looked half amused, half alarmed.
'Role reversal!' grinned Nick.
'NO WAY! You mean you, Warrick, Grissom, Greg and all the guys from CSI graveyard and dayshift dressed like TARTS! What a rush!'
'You're kidding me, you think that's good!' Warrick looked amazed at her.
'Oh anything to see your legs!' she joked.
'We're getting to see your legs?' asked Greg innocently as he walked into the break room.
'Nope,' replied Sara, 'Yours!'
'What!' Greg looked worried, 'Is this like a CSI initiation?'
'No, just the Christmas Party.'
'Huh!' Greg looked confused.
'They've had a new idea to make the Christmas Party more interesting,' explained Warrick, 'And this year it's themes.'
'And… we're going to see my legs how?' Greg asked looking intrigued.
'Tarts and Vicars with a twist as depicted on the note put up by Ecklie this morning.'
'You mean I get to dress like a chick and not get called a drag queen? OH YES!' Greg started jumping round the break room punching the air with his fists.
'You want to dress like a girl through choice, you're twisted man!' Warrick looked shocked, 'Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?'
'Doesn't bother me, I'm comfortable with my sexuality!' he grinned
'FUNNY' Warrick countered.
(LATER THAT NIGHT)
Greg was running through some evidence for Grissom when Catherine walked into the lab.
'Hey Greggie, you gotta minute?'
'For you Cath I've got the whole shift,' he grinned
'Well a minute'll do me just fine, I was wondering whether you could get this DNA,' she showed him a toothbrush she'd collected from a crime scene, 'And run it through CODIS.'
'Sure, I'll just finish this for Gris and I'm all yours.'
Greg carried on with Grissom's DNA comparisons and then suddenly stopped.
'Hey Cath…'
'Greg…'
'You still got any of your old "dancing outfits"?' he asked making air speech marks when he said dancing outfits.
'Might do, why?' she asked looking curious.
'Well…' he started looking embarrassed, 'The Christmas Party's coming up and it's got a theme this year…' he trailed off looking highly uncomfortable.
'And you want to know if there's anything suitable enough for you to wear as a tart' she finished for him, 'I saw Ecklie's note'
'Er, yeah.'
'Well,' she said thoughtfully, 'I don't think those would be suitable but I think I have just the thing for you.'
Chapter 2: The PartyGreg felt really self-conscious, Catherine had lent him one of her LBD (little black dresses) and he's somehow found a big enough pair of six-inch heels. Catherine had also been very helpful with Greg's makeup and even though he was feeling pretty stupid, he had decided that he was really looking quite hot and was thinking that if he met himself in a bar he would definitely chat himself up.
He walked into the lobby of the hotel on the strip where a room had been hired for the party and came face to face with Grissom looking utterly ridiculous dressed in a floor length trench coat with four-inch kitten heels just visible underneath.
'Hey Gris!' he called to him across the lobby. 'You do know you're supposed to wear something other than a long coat and heels!'
Grissom whizzed round when he heard Greg's voice and he looked like a deer caught in headlights.
'Greg, you almost gave a me a heart attack!' he said walking up to Greg and starting to look slightly less scared.
'Why are you standing in the middle of the lobby dressed in a really long coat anyways?' Greg asked Grissom.
'Well, one I'm waiting for a friend and two I don't know where the room is!'
'The room will be labelled "LVPD CSI Christmas Party" and you may be waiting a while as women like being late.'
'Who said I was waiting for a female friend?' Grissom asked looking like he'd just been caught with his hand caught in the cookie jar.
'Because Teri Millar just walked into the lobby dressed like a vicar!' Greg grinned and slowly starting to walk towards the party room.
If Greg hadn't been walking away he would've seen the evil look that Grissom was giving him, which quickly dissolved into a smile as he greeted Teri.
Greg started walking towards the hotel reception when he heard someone wolf whistle behind him, not thinking it was for him he ignored it. He'd just reached the reception when he heard someone whisper in his ear.
'Looking hot, Greggie!'
He turned round suddenly and saw that it was only Catherine looking very un-vicar-like in a knee high black boots, short black skirt, tight black shirt and white dog collar.
'I thought the guys were the only ones who were supposed to wear things to make them look like tarts?' he answered Catherine with a smirk.
'Well, I thought that was a bit sexist so I decided to liven my costume up a bit!'
'You certainly did that! Do you know where this room is that we're supposed to be in?'
'Just follow the Stetson,' she said pointing across the lobby to where you could just make out Nick walking towards the back of the hotel wearing knee high brown cowboy boots, a blue denim mini skirt, denim shirt and a brown leather Stetson.
'Wow! I thought I was overdressed!' was all Greg said and started to follow Catherine across the lobby to the room that Ecklie had hired.
Walking into the room Greg felt like he was walking into a really bad drag club. Everywhere you looked there were usually respectable CSI looking absolutely ridiculous!
He scanned the room and finally found the people he was looking for. Sara looked like a really quite realistic vicar and was talking to a rather inconspicuous Warrick, who was trying his very best to melt into the wall which was very hard seeing as the wall was an off-white colour and the dress he was wearing a pink, Greg blinked to make sure he was seeing things right, yes Warrick was wearing a very vibrant pink dress and men's flip flops.
'Hey Cath, you seen Warrick?' Greg asked Catherine who had just walked up to him after having a quick chat with sheriff who was looking rather fetching in a deep red ball gown that looked a little on the tight side.
'How can you miss him! He's not doing a very good job of melting into the wall is he! Come on lets go and embarrass him even more!'
Greg followed Catherine over to where Sara, Warrick and now Nick were standing by the wall.
'Hey guys! What's up?' Greg and Catherine greeted everyone.
'You know if you weren't wearing bright pink you know you'd be able to blend into that wall a bit better!' Catherine said to the now very embarrassed Warrick.
'It was my girlfriends idea. She thought it would highly amusing to see me in one of her pink summer dresses! And because she thought it was so funny she took a photo and has decided to send to all my friends back home! Warrick explained looking pained.
'All I can say is Ouch and Blam, bro!' Nick grinned. 'I'm just glad I don't have a girlfriend to decide what I'm wearing!'
'You mean you decided to wear that yourself?' Warrick looked amazed.
'Yeah, I thought I'd make my mama proud!'
'Hey where is your girlfriend?' Greg decided to interrupt before Warrick fainted.
'Over there talking to Ecklie,' Warrick pointed with his head to wear Ecklie was standing talking Warrick's Girlfriend, Grissom and Teri.
'OH MY GOD! What do Grissom and Ecklie look like?' Sara stared gaped mouthed at Grissom who was dressed in a pink sparkly halter neck top and black denim mini skirt talking quite calmly to Ecklie who was looking like a bald (very bad) hooker, dressed in a red leather mini skirt and matching bikini top.
'I thought I should be self-conscious, but Ecklie looks scarily comfortable in that! Now I know why he wanted a tarts and vicars party he used to dressing like a woman on the weekends!' Greg grinned.
'Isn't Ecklie married or something?' Catherine asked.
'Don't think so,' answered Sara. 'At least we now know why!'
Greg's eyes were suddenly drawn away from Grissom and Ecklie when Archie walked into the room looking very oriental dressed in a baby blue Chinese style dress. But Greg wasn't looking at Archie he was looking at Archie's girlfriend. She had vibrant purple hair cut short and spiky in a punky style and was wearing what looked like a real vicars outfit.
Her eyes met his across the room and he could see that they were a deep green, almost brown colour that was most unusual and rather beautiful.
'Hey Greg,' Nick pulled Greg out of his reverie.
'Hm? What?' Greg looked at Nick blankly.
'We were just saying that Archie looks really good, don't you think?' Nick repeated.
'Uh, oh yeah,' Greg replied without conviction. 'Really good.'
He looked over at Archie and his girlfriend.
'Really good,' he repeated faintly.
'What do you say Greg?' Catherine asked.
'Hm? Oh nothing. I'm fine,' he said distractedly looking over at Archie.
'Hey look the DJ's arrived!' Sara exclaimed.
They all looked over to the raised platform at the front of the room and saw a rather young looking guy dressed in jeans and hoody setting up decks. But Greg wasn't looking over to the DJ, his gaze was still held by Archie's girlfriend.
(LATER)
'Hey guys. I'm afraid this is going to have to be the last dance of the night.' The DJ's voice rang through the loudspeakers.
'Now's my chance,' thought Greg. 'It's now or never.'
He started to walk over to Archie and his girlfriend.
'Hi,' he said when he reached them.
'Hi Greg! Haven't seen you all night, you been avoiding me man?' Archie laughed.
'No, no way' Greg said seriously.
'Cool it man! I'm only joking… Oh you haven't met my girlfriend have you? Greg, Rachael, Rachael, my DNA lab buddy Greg.'
'Hi,' said Greg faintly.
'Hi,' replied Rachael in a really cute British accent.
There was an awkward silence that was suddenly filled by Greg's voice working of it's own accord.
'Hey Archie! I was wondering whether I could steal away your girlfriend for the last dance?'
'Sure, that's cool. That's if Rachael wants to that is,' he said looking inquisitively at her.
She smiled faintly as her reply and Greg led the way over to the dance floor where they danced to Queen's 'I want to break free'.
'Th… this is my favourite song,' stammered Greg trying to fill the silence that he was starting to hate.
'Yeah, me to' smiled Rachael in the British accent that Greg was starting to think was his favourite.
'So, er, what do you do? For a living I mean,' he said cringing inwardly at his awkwardness. He was usually so calm and together when talking to girls why was this so different he thought.
'Erm well I've actually only just moved here from England, if you hadn't already guessed!' she laughed nervously, which made Greg want to hug her and kiss her and tell her she didn't need to be nervous around him. 'Because I wanted to be closer to Archie as I'm no good at long-distance stuff and I really missed him when I couldn't see him,' she carried on explaining.
As she said this Greg could feel his heart sinking in tiny pieces to the bottom of his shoes.
'So, er, how long have you known Archie?' Greg asked to keep his mind off his breaking heart.
'Oh, we've known each other since we were kids but he moved here with his parents when we were about seven but we've kept in touch and our relationship just kinda developed on its own,' she explained.
Greg was pulled out of his misery when the music stopped and Rachael began to gently pull away.
'Well it was really nice meeting you and I hope I can see you again' Rachael smiled at him.
'Erm, yeah. That would be cool,' Greg said (a little too over-enthusiastically).
'Well, see ya Greg!' she kissed him on the cheek and turned and walked away. Greg touched his face where she had kissed him and sighed inwardly.
'Why me?' he whispered to himself.
Catherine looked over to the dance-floor and saw Greg standing looking as if he was on another planet. She walked over to him.
'Hey Greggie.' He whipped around like he'd been stung when he heard Catherine behind him. 'The music stopped about five minutes ago and they're chucking us out,' she continued with a comforting smile.
'Yeah sure,' he said finally looking Catherine in the eye and gave her a half-hearted smile.
She was surprised to see his sweet brown eyes had lost their usual sparkle and looked dull and depressed. She was about to say something but decided against it when she saw the look on his face.
'You wanna cab-share? I ain't got enough money on my own!' he asked not making complete eye contact with Catherine.
'Sure, why not,' she replied as they started to walk together out of the hotel and onto the strip.
Chapter 3: Greg's in loveIt was a couple of days after the Christmas party and Greg was just finishing off some evidence for Sara when Nick walked in looking worried.
'Hey Greg?'
'Hm?' Greg replied still looking down the microscope.
'Are you alright?'
'Sure, why?'
'Cos everyone's all really worried about you and you keep on acting all weird around Archie,' Nick explained still looking worried but starting to seem more curious.
'Why's everyone worried! Just cos I'm quieter than usual and not cracking jokes all the time does not mean you have to be worried about me!' Greg said no longer looking down the microscope but straight at Nick daring him to say something.
'Look man, I'm sorry I said anything but I just wanted to check!' Nick retorted looking hurt and angry that Greg could act this way when he was usually so calm and easy going.
'Hey, I'm sorry. It's not your fault, I'm just a bit preoccupied at the moment.' Greg said looking really guilty for snapping at one of his best friends.
'No worries, just remember if you need to talk I'm here for you.'
'Thanks man, I'll remember that.'
Greg watched Nick's retreating back and felt like screaming at the top of his lungs. Why couldn't anyone understand that he just couldn't hurt Archie by telling Archie, Nick or anyone else for that matter that he was in love with Archie's girlfriend. He just had to suffer it in silence otherwise he would lose one of the best friends he'd had in a long time.
THE END