Nail isn't bending at all. Let me look at what you've written.
I'll have Juan and Shi discuss one of the points you mentioned, the one about the weak robots.
The second point is a bit apt, as I tend to have trouble conveying emotions. I tried to get something done with the way Juan and Shi yelled at each other after the former emerged from the woods and found the latter in the wrong place.
As for the third...
Not providing a lot of detail has always been a bit of a problem of mine. It's docked me several points in high school with my journal entries and the essay questions on tests. Maybe a job as a world-class journalist isn't in my future (laugh). For some reason, however, the two-paragraph "demonstration" you made out of that line just doesn't fit my writing style. Perhaps my writing style is short.
Tell you what, though. Pick any chapter from any one of my stories, and give it the same treatment you gave that one line. After that, e-mail it to me (DON'T give it to me in a review). I'll look over it and tell you what I think.
And don't worry, I promise that this story will exceed twenty, excuse me, two thousand words before it's half over.
Well, on with the story. You, Nail, may be my only reviewer, but as long as it's someone, I don't mind.
And don't worry, I promise the chapter itself will be longer than this review.
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Chapter 4: The Haunted Cave
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OOF! Juan and Shi landed on a large stone tile. Looking around, the two noticed that they were in a cave that was even darker than the woods above. Shi could barely see her hand in front of her face.
Luckily for both of them, Shi's yo-yo was a glow-in-the-dark model. She took it out of her pocket and led the way, with Juan trailing nervously behind.
"Say, Juan," Shi asked as they walked together, "did you notice how weak those robots back on the path to Chao Fields were? They were so pitiful, it's like they were meant to be broken!"
"Yeah, I noticed that too," Juan responded. "I think Dr. Egghead is trying to test us. As we progress, he's going to use stronger and stronger robots, and by seeing when we start to have difficulties, he'll know just how strong we are. That's my theory."
Shi shuddered at the thought that she was being tested. At that moment, a few more Dr. Eggman robots emerged from the darkness. They were quickly dispatched, despite that they were a little stronger than the ones near Chao Fields.
"Point proven, I suppose," Shi mentioned.
"On another note," Juan added, "do you think that yo-yo is going to provide enough light to get us to wherever whoever we're looking for is?"
"Don't panic," Shi replied. "I charged it up just recently. It'll be some time before it g-"
Before Shi could finish her sentence, her yo-yo ceased to shine, and the area was plunged into almost complete darkness once more.
"Note to self," Shi muttered, "the yo-yo always needs to be charged up for a longer period of time than the package claims. Now how are we supposed to see where we're going?"
Both siblings noticed a flicker of light in the distance, and they rushed toward it. A ghostly voice stopped them dead in their tracks.
"Oooooooooooo... turn back..."
"It's just a dumb tape recorder set up to scare us off," Shi decided. "That doctor is getting lamer and lamer."
Noticing another flicker from the same location as the last one, Juan rushed ahead, and fell directly into a large body of water. Underground lake? Big puddle? Subterranean stream? It was too dark to tell.
"I am SO glad these clothes are wash and wear," Juan sputtered as he climbed out.
The light source flickered again. It was close by. Shi approached it and picked it up.
"What is it?" Juan asked.
Shi looked at it. "It's some kind of lantern. Kind of creepy, though. Call me crazy, but it feels as if this lantern is lit by ghost power."
"Ghost power or not," Juan decided, "this lantern should be able to provide a light source so we can see around here."
Juan took the lantern and clipped it to his bracelet. "Come on, let's look around."
The first thing they noticed was that the body of water Juan had just fallen into was an underground stream. A gate diverted the water over a small waterfall.
Spotting a lever nearby, Shi gave it a heave, and the gate changed position. The water now ran into a pipe that led to the stone tile under the cave entrance.
After the water was diverted, the stone tile began to shake and rumble. Without warning, a geyser under the tile blew it clear up to the surface of the woods.
The tile dropped back down. Then, it was blown back up again. This procedure repeated itself in a seemingly indefinite manner. It was rather entertaining to watch, but Juan and Shi had other things to worry about.
Diverting the water also revealed a rock wall where the waterfall used to be. The rockiness of the wall made it quite suitable for climbing. Not knowing where else to go, Juan and Shi climbed down.
As they climbed, what seemed to be a ghostly spirit passed by them, nearly causing Shi to lose her grip. They dismissed it as the wind and continued to the bottom.
In this room of the cave, a stream rushed down a path and through a grate. A series of gates led the stream to this destination.
There were several other paths that the stream could take if the gates were arranged differently. All these paths were dried up, and one had a waterwheel at the end.
Juan pulled and pushed the levers until the water was diverted to the waterwheel. As the waterwheel turned, it powered a transport lift across a dark pit nearby.
Another ghostly voice interrupted them: "Oooooo... go no further..."
"OH SHUT UP," Shi yelled.
After this short outburst, Juan and Shi took the transport lift to another stream-and-gate puzzle. For this one, the stream was deeper, so it couldn't be crossed until it was drained.
Juan yanked a lever, diverting the stream so that it powered another waterwheel. Another transport lift started up, but they couldn't get to it because the stream was blocking the way.
Sighing, Juan reset the lever, stopping the lift and draining the stream, and crossed to the other side with Shi. The only problem was that there was no lever on this side, and the lever on the other side was a bit distant.
Now it was Shi's turn to shine. She used her yo-yo to lasso the lever, and tripped it from afar. The seemingly insoluble puzzle was solved, and Juan and Shi could use the next transport lift.
There were several more stream-and-gate puzzles to be solved in the cave. For one, Juan and Shi had to direct water from three streams into a reservoir so it would flood and gush water over another waterwheel.
At some points, more ghostly spirits and spooky voices tried to deter Juan and Shi. They weren't scared, though. The two siblings bravely pressed on. A few more robots got in the way as well, but they weren't much of a problem either.
(Author's note: Sorry about the big skip. I didn't want to bore readers by describing all the puzzles, battles and ghost encounters one by one.)
Eventually all these annoying puzzles were solved, and Juan and Shi reached the last part of the cave. A Chaos Emerald stood on a pedestal in the back.
Juan slowly approached the pedestal, but this wasn't going to be as easy as it looked. The ceiling rumbled, and a HUGE robot dropped into the room, piloted by none other than Dr. Eggman himself!
Dr. Eggman filled the room with his trademark evil laugh. "You two must be very brave to have come this far without turning back," he said. "Witness this powerful piece of machinery, the Egg Digger!"
Shi tried to make a dash for the Emerald, but Dr. Eggman's entrance had covered the pedestal in a mound of dirt. They had no choice. The two siblings would have to defeat the Egg Digger if they were ever going to get their hands on the Emerald.
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Coming up next: The Egg Digger Battle! Grab some popcorn!