Again. Up waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too late writing this. If I fall asleep at my desk tomorrow I shall know where to lay the blame. But I just had to write this chapter. I really hope you like it because I worked pretty hard on it. Anyway, enough emotional blackmail.
Special thanks to Agent-G. You are so supportive and makeme feel that it reallyis worth me doing this. Thank you.
A quick warning. There is a reason why this story has been given this rating. If you are not old enough please do not read it. Thank you.
Passions
Mattie threw herself into her homework that night. She was still at it long after Paige had finished. She only emerged from her room when she was sure that there would be a group down in the Rec room.
As she walked in, Bobby looked up and tried to catch her eye. Mattie didn't look at him, and instead struck up a conversation with Jubilee and Rahne. She didn't want to talk to Bobby. She owed him an explanation, but it wasn't going to be pretty and she would do what she could to put it off.
"Blanked man." Sam muttered to Bobby. "What's up? You guys had a fight?"
Bobby shook his head, watching Mattie determinedly not looking at him. What was up with her?
"Na. It's nothing." He told Sam.
"Yeah, whatever." Sam replied, clearly not believing him.
Bobby was too preoccupied to care.
Mattie spent the rest of the night, making sure that she was in the company of three or more people. She sat rather stiffly next to Bobby when they all sat down to watch a film, but hadn't been able to resist slipping her hand inside his and giving it a squeeze. He'd squeezed back and she'd withdrawn her hand. Bobby hadn't said anything, just put his arm around her and pulled her close to him.
When the film was over they all wandered upstairs. Mattie felt like there was a lead weight in her stomach. She just wanted to go to bed, get tomorrow over and done with. She knew that tonight was going to be horrendous. She never slept much the night before her birthday. She just had to get into bed and she'd be one step closer to getting through it.
She was unprepared for Bobby grabbing her hand and lunging right. He pulled her through his door and shut it behind them.
"Bobby! What are you doing?"
"We need to talk." He told her.
"Let me go." Mattie fired back at him. The room was dark, the only light coming in from the window, lending eerie shadows to everything in the room.
Bobby stepped aside, leaving the way to the door clear. "You're free to go. But I can't help you if you won't talk to me."
"You can't help me." Mattie replied, eyeing the door, but making no move to leave.
"I can't if you don't tell me." Bobby walked past her and sat on his bed.
"I..." Mattie bit her lip feeling tears already welling up in her eyes.
"Talk to me." He pleaded. "Mats I can see you're hurting and I can't bare it."
A large tear ran down Mattie's cheek.
Bobby shot off the bed and enfolded her in his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He kept saying. "You don't have to tell me anything. But I'd like to help if I can."
Mattie stood shaking in his arms, to distraught to move. Bobby gently led her over to the bed and helped her sit down. He waited while she got control of herself.
"Sorry." She whispered at length.
Bobby shook his head. "Don't be sorry." He eyed her warily. "Are you okay?"
She nodded, and then shrugged with a sniff. "I guess, as good as I'm gonna get. For tonight anyway."
"Are you going to explain that to me? Or is it all part of this huge mystery?"
Mattie managed a weak smile. "It's not a mystery."
Bobby waited for her to continue. His eyes watching her, she could see the worry in them. He was really worried for her. Her heart gave a little flutter, enough to let her know that she was still alive. Not a dead as she felt, not as dead as this day always made her wish she was. She took a deep breath.
"You know that I live with my dad."
Bobby nodded.
"My mom. She died." Closing her eyes Mattie forced herself. "She died giving birth to me."
Bobby didn't move. Mattie couldn't look at him. She didn't want to see the disgust in his eyes.
"Mats." He held her tightly. "Poor you." It was a lame response, but the only one that he could think of. He felt Mattie tense at his touch, then melt against him.
"No wonder you hate your birthday."
"Just another reminder of what I did." Mattie murmured.
"What?" Bobby drew back to study her face. "What do you mean? What you did? Mattie you didn't do anything."
Mattie eyed him steadily. "If not for me she'd still be alive. Nothing else too it. I did it. I killed her."
"No." Bobby shook her. "Mattie, no. You did nothing. Do you hear me? Nothing. A terrible thing happened, but it was not your fault."
Mattie stared back at him, he eyed deadened with pain. She gave a tiny laugh. "Funny really. For years and years I knew that I'd killed her. But I never said anything. Not a word to Dad. I didn't want to upset him. Then he said it to me."
She gave a crooked smile at Bobby's shocked face. "The night he found out I was a mutant. He told me I'd killed her. It was almost a relief. That he knew. It wasn't a secret anymore. He knew what I'd done."
Bobby's eyes blazed. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her angrily. "Will you listen to yourself?"
"Bobby!" Mattie grabbed his arms, trying to stop him.
"He had no right to say that to you. It's bull shit! Do you hear me? It's all shit. You didn't kill anyone." He let her go and stalked across the room glaring angrily at everything.
Mattie sat rubbing her arms, watching him.
"Where does he get off? Saying things like that to you? Bastard!"
"Hey!" Mattie leapt to her feet. "Don't you dare say that about my Dad! You don't know anything..."
"I know that he said the most hurtful thing to you that he could think of." Bobby rounded on her. "He was scared and so he lashed out at you. And what's worse you took it. Not only took it, but believed it."
"It's true." Mattie protested. "If she hadn't had me she'd still be here."
"Bull shit! You were a baby. Less than an hour old. You couldn't do anything. You did not do this."
"Maybe I didn't have to. Maybe the mutant gene did it for me. Either way." Mattie shrugged. "I'm here and she's..." Her face crumpled into angry tears.
Bobby reached out to comfort her, but she slapped him away. Instead he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. He had to be rational about this. He had to try and get Mattie to see sense. He needed the Professor. He could try and find him tomorrow. For the moment he had to deal with Mattie.
"Mattie, please. You have to stop torturing yourself like this. Do you think that your Mom would have wanted you to spend your life like this?"
Tear lined eyes snapped up to meet his. "Don't bring her into this." He hand unconsciously flew to the necklace around her neck. Her mothers. The one she always wore.
Bobby noticed and pressed on. "She loved you Mattie. She wouldn't want you to feel like this."
"I bet she wouldn't have wanted me to kill her either."
Bobby refused to let her comment stop him, but he flinched inwardly that she could talk like that. How could she have kept all this bottled up for so long?
"You have to let this go. You are not responsible. You did not do this. Mattie."
Her eyes jumped up to meet his.
"Mattie. You did not do this."
Her eyes searched his, and then she sagged, the fight gone out of her. "I just wish I was dead."
Bobby opened his mouth but she carried on talking.
"Me instead of her."
Bobby moved closer to her, watching in case she blew up into a temper again. Mattie entwined her fingers with his, drawing him closer to her.
"I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want it to go away." She ran her hand down his arm then back up again.
Bobby frowned slightly. Did she know what she was doing? That her touch was making him think things that he shouldn't. He needed to stay with this. Too talk her out of it. But all he could think about was the fact that the two of them were in an empty room together.
"I just want to feel something else." Mattie looked up into his face. He finger tracing its way across his chest, outlining his muscles. "I just..." She tipped her head up to be kissed and Bobby more than happily obliged.
She kissed him with an intensity that he could hardly believe. Moulding her slim body against his, her hips against an area of his body that Bobby was trying not to listen too.
Mattie couldn't remember how they'd moved from where they stood, to the bed. She just remembered the feel of Bobby's lips on hers, his tongue teasing hers, his hands on her body. Her heart beat wildly. She was alive. She could feel the heat of Bobby's body where it lay next to hers.
Bobby trailed kisses down her neck and then along her collar bone. His hand ran up and down her side. She wasn't wearing a bra, his fingers reported back. She just wore a thin strappy top. He traced his thumb across the two points that strained against the material of her top. Mattie moaned in response. He repeated the performance and she moaned his name. He kissed his way back up her neck then kissed her lips hungrily. His tongue dancing in time with his fingers as he teased her nipples with his touch. She kissed him just as hungrily, her body straining after his touch. Her fingers raked through his hair and down his back, holding him to her, demanding his attention. Running his hand down the length of her body, Bobby trailed his fingers over the patch of stomach between her top and her jeans. Left to right, right to left. He walked his fingers up her body, rucking up the top as he went. She shivered in anticipation as he moved higher and higher up her body.
Mattie squirmed as Bobby inched closer and closer to where she wanted him. She could feel him grinning as he kissed her. Milking the tension for all it was worth. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that she was letting Bobby do things to her that she had only dreamed of before. She had certainly never felt this pleasure before. She couldn't believe her behaviour. But she couldn't stop it. Rather than feeling dead, or wishing she was, she would take this. Anytime. She needed this. She kissed him passionately, drowning herself in the feelings she was experiencing. Touching Bobby and feeling him touch her. She found the bottom of his shirt and slipped her hand inside, running her hand over his chest and back. She felt Bobby's muscles jump and flex under her touch. A thrill ran through her at the thought that she could make him feel the way she was feeling.
Bobby's skin was tingling under her fingers. He could feel where she'd been, his every nerve ending screaming out that she had been this way. Turn about was fair play. He grazed his thumb across her nipple. The response was instantaneous. He felt her whole body jolt and she moaned against him. God she was perfect! He pulled at her top and she lifted herself up to help him pull it over her head. She shook her hair out and it framed her face for an instant. Bobby leaned back, drinking in the sight of her. Mattie didn't give him long to look at her. Her lips found his in a kiss that left the ones before miles behind. He kissed her, his hands roaming up and down her upper body. He could feel her heart beating, beating almost as fast as his own. Mattie pulled at his shirt impatiently, pulling it over his head and giving her free access to him. One hand toyed with his hair, while the other explored his back, moving over his broad shoulders.
Lifting his head Bobby gazed down at Mattie. She stared back at him. He dipped his head and placed a feathery kiss between her breasts. She shivered. Smiling to himself Bobby let his tongue tease at her nipple. Mattie arched her back in response. Bobby repeated the performance with her other nipple, drawing moans of pleasure from her. He kissed her again; Mattie drew him down to her, seeming to melt into him. His fingers found her breasts again and this time her tongue danced in time with his fingers. She ran her hand down his chest to the top of his pants. Bobby felt his whole body jump. He wanted nothing more than to follow where that hand was leading. Which was a fair indication that he shouldn't. That he should stop. The thought hit him like a bucket of cold water. Freed from the passionate cloud that had enveloped his brain Bobby reared back. What was he doing?
His tongue met Mattie's again as she ran her hand up and down his upper body.
He couldn't do this. This was so wrong. She was needy and he was just taking advantage of her. He had to stop this. There was nothing to stop anyone just walking in on them. Sam could be back any time; it was a wonder that no one had walked in already. This was so wrong. How could he do this to her?
Bobby pulled back from Mattie, breathing deeply. She blinked up at him.
"No. Mattie we can't do this."
He saw the hurt in her eyes before he fully registered what he'd said.
"I want to." He told her. Trying to get his thoughts in order. "Oh God I want to." He swallowed and forced himself to think. He had to think of her. "But this isn't right." He cupped her face and met her gaze steadily. "Mattie. If we do ever decided to do this. I want it to be at the right time, when we both want it. Not now. Not like this."
Mattie turned her head away, unable to meet his eyes. What was she doing? What had she been about to do? Tears stung her eyes. She hated herself. If Bobby hadn't had the decency to think of her... She rolled away from him.
"Mats?" Bobby murmured gently.
Mattie sat up, then remembered her lack of clothing and crossed her arms self-consciously across her chest. She thanked the lack of light; it hid the blush that she knew was enveloping her entire body.
Bobby blinked. "Sorry." He grabbed his shirt. "Here."
Mattie slipped in on thankfully. She peered at Bobby from beneath her lashes. She bit her lip and pulled her legs in so that she was in a tight ball.
Bobby watched her, he hadn't moved from the bed. But he made no move to touch her. She was shaking. Shit he told himself. Robert Drake you are a piece of shit. How could he do that? How could he make Mattie feel like that?
"Mattie I'm sorry."
Brown eyes snapped up to stare into his. "What?"
"I'm so sorry, Mattie."
A frown line crossed her forehead. "For what? I'm the one who should be sorry."
Bobby shook his head. "I'm sorry Mats. I'll never do that do you again. Never."
She watched him, her face a picture of confusion.
"I shouldn't have taken advantage like that. I promise. If I ever do anything again. You say stop. I'll stop. Promise."
"I wouldn't have said anything." She said in a voice so quiet he could barely make it out. "If you hadn't..." She gave a small smile. "At least one of us was thinking straight, right?"
Bobby watched her; he hated seeing her like this. Curled up tight. Hurting. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to make things right. He didn't know how. Maybe he'd damaged things forever. "Mats..."
"Bobby." She threw herself into his arms, her tiny frame clinging to him. Seeking comfort that only he could provide.
Voices sounded outside. Sam opened the door, throwing a shaft of light on the two of them. They froze.
Sam took it all in in a second. Dark. Both Bobby and Mattie on Bobby's bed. Wrapped around each other. Bobby topless. Mattie in Bobby's shirt. Mattie's top on the floor.
He closed the door over. They could hear the sound of other voices out in the corridor. Sam got rid of them.
He knocked gently on the door. Bobby hugged Mattie then got up and went to open the door.
Sam glanced at Mattie and apologised in his usual polite fashion. He managed to ignore Mattie's top which lay next to Bobby's bed.
Somewhere Mattie found a smile. "It's okay, Sam. This is your room."
Sam grinned back at her. He watched as Bobby sat back down next to Mattie and slipped his arm around her. Something was wrong. He could see it in the way that Bobby was so tense, not jokes. Not one. He looked closer at Mattie. She'd been crying. Her eyes were still red rimmed. He didn't know what it all added up too. But he knew that he had to tread very carefully.
"Paige know you're here?" He asked.
Mattie shook her head, a look of concern crossing her face. "I should tell her."
"We should get you back." Bobby corrected.
Mattie's eyes widened. "Please don't make me go."
Bobby stared at her. She clung to him like a frighten child. "But..." He looked helplessly at Sam. "But you can't stay here Mats."
She tightened her arms around him, swallowing nervously. "Please."
"Logan would hit the ceiling." Bobby muttered. He glanced at Sam.
Sam raised his eyebrow in a shrug. He wasn't going to tattle to anyone.
He didn't like the idea though. Bobby could see it written quite plainly on his face. What was he going to do? He didn't think that Mattie could be left on her own tonight. Not now he knew what he did. She needed the comfort that he was apparently giving her. And he wasn't at all sure that he could prise himself out of her grip anyway.
In the end Sam decided it. He stood up and started collection a few things. "I'm gonna drop in on Paige, let her know where you are." He told Mattie. "And I think that I'm gonna stay the night there." He nodded. "Nothing wrong with that. Lived together for years." He jerked his head towards his bed. "That leaves a bed free." He nodded, and then headed for the door.
"Thanks Sam." Bobby called out to him.
Sam just grinned.
Bobby gave Mattie a tight hug. "Alright?"
She nodded. "Is Sam alright? I pretty much forced him out of his own room."
Bobby grinned. "I think it's call plausible denial."
Mattie looked confused.
"As far as he knows. Two of us. Two beds. At least that is what he can tell Logan perfectly truthfully, if he's ever asked."
Mattie smiled. "Pretty slick for a farm boy."
Bobby smirked. "I'm going to tell him you said that."
"Don't." Mattie giggled. "Or the farm girl will murder me!"
Bobby laughed, maybe a little too enthusiastically. He was so relieved to hear her making jokes again.
Bobby got up to get ready for bed. Mattie took the time to splash cold water on her face and tried to make herself look a little better, before giving it up as a lost cause. Bobby set the alarm clock for early. Mattie was going to have to make a mad dash if she wanted to get back to her room to get ready before it was time for training. Bobby got into bed while Mattie was still moving around. He'd made sure that Sam's bed was sorted, but wasn't at all surprised when he felt Mattie creep in beside him. She eyed him nervously.
"Do you mind?"
He shook his head and slipped his arm round her. Curling up against him she put her head on his chest. She wriggled herself into a comfortable spot before falling asleep almost instantly. Bobby rubbed her back for a while, before he too dropped off into sleep.