Brothers' War – Chapter 2: All things for a price.
Written by Spiritblade
Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own Gundam SeeD. So do not send the Ordo Assassinorum on me, or the lawyers. This is a short story from Kira's POV from the episodes after he and Athrun fought each other, and how he felt in the aftermath of their fateful duel.
When I last saw him, it had been over 10 years ago, when we both studied and played on the lunar colony, Copernicus. Has it really been that long? He had not changed much when I saw him 10 years later. Even though clad in the crimson and white spacesuit of ZAFT's Special Forces, and his face hidden behind the blue anti-UV screen, I recognised him almost instantly. That he froze when I whispered his name in half-awe, half-terror, told me that he had not forgotten me.
And when we clashed in confines of my home colony, we found ourselves fulfilling our oldest promise in a way that we only saw in our worst nightmares. We met each other, not as friends could, but as enemies. The horror in his voice when he discovered that I was his adversary is one that would haunt me till the day I die. Likewise, that he was mine is enough to compound that guilt and terror a thousand-fold. That, and the fact that I knew Athrun better than his parents could. When you are that close to a person, the term 'friend' does not do it justice; 'brother' or 'sister' becomes a term more suited to what you have become.
The Athrun I knew was a smart and strong person. Even at 6, his abilities put mine to shame. What he does in his free time had our schoolteachers slack-jawed. Even Coordinator children do not do what Athrun does for his free time. He was already pondering High School Quantum-Mathematics and Medical Sciences at his age, and did Ancient World History during his free time. He could tell me about ancient civilisations and I knew I could take his word for it that all he told me was fact.
But, like other children, we do have our devilish sides. Athrun loved throwing the teachers into confusion. And I, being his loyal sidekick, would gleefully join in. The class would go into an uproar in the ensuing argument between the both of us. The teacher ALWAYS threw in the towel in the first 15 minutes.
I had always thought that Athrun would make a good teacher. The image of him standing before a classroom, chalk in hand, parroting away about facts and figures, fit him better than the garments of a warrior. I would never have thought that he would eventually become a soldier, even with the war between Earth and PLANT escalating ever since the horrific event that entered the pages of history as the Bloody Valentine.
The moment Captain Murrue Ramius of the Archangel shoved me into the Strike to protect me, the moment I took control of it to protect my friends from the war that had finally come to neutral Heliopolis, I made my childhood friend my enemy. In that moment, I knew that I had crossed a rubicon and that to turn back was to pay a heavy price.
I never knew how heavy that price was until much later.
And the words Michiru-sensei told me all those years ago now had more meaning than ever.
'All things for a price, Kira-chan.'
The day that Heliopolis sunk was only the beginning.
What came after promised to be far, far worse.
In the running battles against ZAFT, I killed so many that I lost count. With each strike and shot, I condemned another soul into Death's cold embrace. Each death seared me with the chilling realisation on how fragile human life is. I knew that human life was akin to glass, but to see it break – and break by my hands before my eyes – does not make the knowing any easier.
In every battle, Athrun asked that I cross over, that I join him, and spare us the tragedy of crossing swords. The temptation to lower my blade and take my brother's hand and walk back into the sunlight was immense. Each time, it took all of my willpower to say no. When I finally brought him Lacus Klein, it was the last time he would ask that I join him. And I told him why I kept saying no, why I could not keep a treasured promise.
There were people abroad the Archangel that I wanted to protect. Contrary to what he had originally believed that I was being forced, my telling him that told him that any more attempts to have me join ZAFT was but a waste of time. He knew that I took my promises seriously, and this was one I had no intention of breaking. If I break this one, people I care about will die.
But, even with me protecting them, I can still fail.
I'm human enough to, Coordinator or no.
To list each one is to speak the names of those I have failed to spare, to speak the names of those whom I had failed to protect, and to remember the promises I failed to keep.
Fllay's father had been killed when he had come with 3 battlecruisers to take his daughter home.
The small girl who had given me a paper flower had died with the other refugees who had called Archangel home for over 3 months when the Duel Gundam shot down the civilian shuttle she had been on.
In that same battle, Admiral Haverton died with his 8th Fleet, even though Major La Fraga and I had scrambled to buy the Archangel more time to descent into the Earth's atmosphere.
I killed Andrew Bartfeld, the Tiger of the Desert, one of ZAFT's most renowned military commanders on Earth.
How many have I killed anyway?
How many more will I kill before I join their ranks?
One last death and that long-ago nightmare I had held deep in my heart, one that made me dread its coming, became real. When I killed the pilot of the Blitz Gundam, and Athrun killed Tolle, we flew at each other with all the hate and rage out of that nightmare. The sorrow of me raising my blade to kill Athrun, mingled with the hate and anger, is one that blinds me to any thought of mercy even as the memories that he was once my best friend is burnt to ashes.
War is like this, Athrun.
It's not your fault.
I knew of its tragedy long before I took up arms, and that I would experience it firsthand failed to do my knowledge of it justice. No storybook author – no matter how good – could capture the bitter hate of when brothers crossed swords. The broken promises, the blood in both their veins, the good memories, the bad, the hardships, the victories, all of that in their minds even as they brought Heaven down about their ears in a cataclysmic struggle.
To know that it had been all for nothing, to know that your efforts had finally come to this, made the hate only more bitter.
How did it come to this?
I barely had memory of crawling out of the blasted Strike minutes before the cockpit exploded. In the haze of pain, I remembered the words we exchanged in our childhood years, the warm touch of Fllay and the promise I made to her, and the kind, gentle look of Lacus Klein as she told me I was no different from you. You have never changed, even though you wore a soldier's uniform.
I collapsed onto the sandy beach, my tears mingling with blood. The sorrow I felt dwarfed the pain of my wounds, and from the severity of the latter, I knew that I was going to die here. My eyes were drawn to the sight of the setting sun, crimson and golden, in the distance, turning the sea a beautiful shade of gold. In the sky, the first stars were starting to appear. Voices from the past returned to haunt me even as the darkness threatened to consume me. They come back as a jumbled mass of memories.
"Don't worry. There won't be a war between the PLANTs and Earth. There won't be a need for you to evacuate from the moon anytime soon. When the tensions ease, you will be joining me at PLANT soon enough, aren't you?"
"Kira…is that you? Why are you in that thing?"
"Then surrender! You're a Coordinator! Why are you fighting on their side?"
"Kira, come with us! There is no reason for you to side with the EA! If you don't, you leave me with no choice but to kill you!"
"I'm taking you in so you can think clearly!"
(AN: Athrun's voice.)
"You idiot! Why are you piloting this? I'm asking you why are you piloting this? You had 'no choice' but to pilot it? Why you…!"
"I'm sorry about yesterday. In truth… I was shocked to see that you were the pilot of the Strike."
"Don't you know what this is? This is kebab. Try it! It's good with chilli!"
"What did you call me?"
(Cagalli's voice.)
"I was so scared when the alarms started to sound!"
"Kira! Sai told me that my father is in the advance squadron! Please save my father! I'm begging you!"
"You failed to protect my father! You let him die because you are a Coordinator!"
"I will hold your heart close as you fight. My heart will protect yours, Kira, so come back to me."
"Kira…there's something I need to tell you."
(Fllay's voice.)
"Kindness stems from who you are, Kira, not what you are."
"I heard you scream. What's the matter?"
"You know Athrun? He's the one I'm going to be married to, someday."
(Lacus's voice.)
"Don't worry, kid. No matter what the others say, I trust you."
"Here. Take it. I made it for you. Thank you for protecting us."
"The Coordinators started this war. Because of them, Heliopolis is gone!"
"All things, Kira, for a price. Especially, when it comes to our actions do those words bear more weight."
(Many voices, the last being Michiru-sensei's.)
I closed my eyes.
I have paid the price of my actions. To kill others is to await the same fate. That is what retribution is. In a strange way, I'm glad it was Athrun who finished me off, rather than some unknown ZAFT pilot. It seemed fitting that it was my best friend who judged me and passed judgement on me. I felt so sleepy…so tired…
Just for a while, please. Just for a little while...