Disclaimer: Cha, cha, cha. I don't own any of this.

No one guessed the name of the dog! Shock, horror, a gasp! Well, his name is Lance and he's a pretty harmless pooch.

Please be advised – this is a very vague chapter. Why? Well, Hugh Jackman has only been in one Blue Heelers episode as far as I know, so there's not much to go on. Let's call this a warm up for Leopold, eh? By the way, in this chappie, Carl's momentary courage leads to a criminal dispute...teehee

I hope Hugh gets that part in the Da Vinci Code. Fingers crossed!

Dear diary,

My quest seems to have taken a turn for the worst. Apparently my absences have been accounted for as listless wanderings. The rumours are not true! I have not lost my mind nor am I a vampire. This must be Van Helsing's doing.

Dear diary,

I've had a rather unfortunate meeting with the Cardinal. I am unable to get into the lab as Mr-Stupid-In-Red says I need to quiet my mind a little more. But the only thing to get me out of this predicament is the problem that started it all.

I was pacing the corridor when Van Helsing approached me, asking innocently,

"So what's been keeping you in the lab anyway? I know you don't go for wanderings because there's only one door in and out. I keep it guarded."

"Why on Earth would you do that?" I demanded of him.

Van Helsing did that very annoying casual shrug of his,

"Some people think you should do more praying than tinkering. I keep them away."

I think that is the first time in the few years I have known him that I actually appreciated his existence. I refused to give him the satisfaction however and turned to storm off into the comfort of my lab and hopefully a successful Van Helsing hunt.

But the man followed me in – insufferable.

"What exactly are you working on?"

"None of your beeswax!" I told Van Helsing and made sure he left.

I had to ensure that the door was locked, mind you. That man is not known for his subtlety or good manners.

Dear diary,

It appears I have ended up in Australia once more. But luckily I materialised in a more colonised area without monstrous metal contraptions honking along the road. I was minding my own business, trying to find Van Helsing, when suddenly a man confronted me, waving a knife!!

I fairly lost my head with fear for a minute, but I remembered that taking on vampires was a lot worse than a raving lunatic. In hindsight, perhaps not such a good judgement, but it spurred my courage on. I gave an almighty yell and tackled the man!!

At once, flashing red and blue lights blinded me.

"He attacked me!" I made sure these strange new arrivals knew this.

They were wearing odd blue uniforms. They arrived at the wrong conclusion that I was...what was it..."pals" with the knife-brandishing-man. I was unable to find Van Helsing anywhere, but my experience with portal tripping told me I'd have no such help from a stranger.

Dear diary,

What a lovely cold cell...reminds me of my quarters at the Vatican, actually. Knife-brandishing-man says he has a very good lawyer.

Peesh. I hope he gets me out as well. I'm innocent! I'm, to borrow a phrase from knife-brandishing-man, fing innocent!

What am I doing here? I should be back at the Vatican, being forced to spend time away from my lab. But noooo, Van Helsing just had to help me to get my newest invention...one I created for personal gain. Gah! How will I ever find a good Van Helsing?

Dear diary,

I am being tried for something I did not do! This is not fair! Will the near future have such unjust law systems? But knife-brandishing-man's lawyer took me aside for a chat. It took me no time at all to identify this lawyer as Van Helsing. I was so relieved I barely heard him saying that he knew I was involved and was going to get me out of here!

Oh thank you Lord for Van Helsing! What would I do without him?

"Let's make sure you sound civil," Van Helsing advised, "Your main argument is?"

"I'm fing innocent!" I parroted knife-brandishing-man.

"Ah, no," Van Helsing looked annoyed. That smirk is one I've seen on every Van Helsing during this quest! SMIRK ALL YOU LIKE! It won't get you out of a loud telling off when I talk to my Van Helsing.

At least one of them will pay for that smirk.

Dear diary,

I have found out I am in a place called Mount Thomas. Some...I believe the lawyer called them..."coppers" dropped by and confirmed that there were no records for me. Huh! Of course there wouldn't be.

"We'd like to take some details down," The blonde woman asked me, "Like your name, for instance."

I tried to keep what I said at a bare minimum,

"Carl...er...Van Helsing."

It looked like we were getting no where fast. My "prints" (whatever those are) weren't matching anything. Of course my identity here would be confusing – I don't exist here! How can I explain this?

Dear diary,

I decided to tell this Van Helsing the truth. Listening to my tale, he looked extremely sceptical. Though, by the end of it, he asked if I could just take him on one trip, which he could disappear into for the rest of his life. In return for the portal trip, he would, erm, "gaol break" me.

Dear diary,

I'm back safe in the Vatican, having retrieved my portable portal device from the bushes at Mount Thomas. I dropped off the Van Helsing lawyer to a similar portal where he no longer has to deal with rich corrupt people hiring him to get them out of tight scrapes. Perhaps the portal he is now in I will visit soon, just to see if he has settled in.

My Van Helsing has that smirk on his face as of late and I'm itching to punch it off.

Insufferable man!! If only he knew just how stressful my job was. And I'm not being a hypocrite. Monster hunting is peanuts compared to keeping the Cardinal at bay...

Yay. Another chapter over. I hope you got the general gist of what happened in that.

Chapter dedication goes to whoever can tell me what television show this chapter is based on FIRST. Not who can guess, but who can tell me FIRST. (Hint: look upwards, savvy? It's called author's notes)

Next chapter: Carl gets chatty with Leopold about inventions

About 3 chapters left!

1) Leopold

2) our world

3) Choosing Van Helsing