Chapter three

Daniel Pierce closed the door behind him as he headed into the outside world, leaving Hawkeye behind.

He was frustrated right now and needed to distance himself from his son. The worse thing that could happen right now was for them attempt to speak to one another as tempers were bound to flare.

He didn't plan to go far, just to walk for a while, away from his home and the troubles that it held within it.

He knew that Hawkeye was troubled, in pain right now. But the fact that he wouldn't, and from what he'd said, couldn't let his father into the secrets that were locked in his head, meant that Daniel was at a loss of what to do. It was difficult to be a rock for someone when all they wanted to do was throw themselves against it.

Hawkeye's letters had always talked about the horrors of war but rarely in full. He would usually talk about the people he met, patients and fellow staff members but rarely about what he really dealt with. He could write pages on his feelings about the war, but it was more about the kids that suffered and the Korean people who were left with nothing rather than the suffering that Hawkeye had endured. He would no doubt think that it was a selfish gesture, to remark how hard the war was on him when he saw everyday that the people there had nothing and that given he survived the ordeal, he got to leave the country and return to civilization. How could he possibly complain when he knew that he was lucky to be alive. Daniel wondered how close danger had come to the camp. It never seemed like they were far enough away to be truly safe from any danger. Not to mention that Hawkeye had been sent to the aid stations that wereon the front line.

Pondering over the subject wasn't helping. Daniel had considered the possibility of further action to help his son and now he couldn't think of another way out.

BJ Hunnicutt had written, presumably wanting to talk to his friend. Maybe he was experiencing something similar to Hawkeye and sharing the things that held him trapped in the past meant that he could enjoy his future. It may be a long shot, but it was also the last chance Daniel had of reaching his son.

After his dad had left Hawkeye had remained where he was, sitting on the bed. He hardly dared to move like he would break the stillness that was all that shared the room with him now. He felt low. He knew he'd hurt his dad's feeling's but he couldn't quite find it in himself to call out and prevent him from leaving. With every harsh word that he spoke and directed with force at his dad, he wanted him to know that was how he felt, even if he didn't understand quite why he felt it.

Maybe things that happened at the end of the war had affected him more than he realized. He had noticed his own struggles in returning to the O.R and in his dealings with young children but that was to be expected. But what more could he have to contend with from the experience? He had initially questioned his skills as a surgeon. The fear he'd felt the first time he returned to operate could never be felt by anyone else. All these doubts had manifested from him. He'd denied that he'd felt these things before, but to himself he could at least admit that he had been insecure about many things in his life, just never surgery before. He felt a terror that couldn't really be explained whenever he felt a relationship was developing into an emotional attachment. He panicked with a truly deep fear about commitment. It wasn't the thought of being with one person forever that frightened him, it was what would be left of him if he suffered the same fate as his father. His dad was a lot stronger than he was. He'd managed to cope, Hawkeye wouldn't.

A noise from downstairs alerted Hawkeyeand he moved over to the window, recognizing the sound to be the front door being closed. He watched his father as he slowly walked away from the house, deep in thought from the looks of him. He stayed at the window and watched as the man slowly ambled away. Once he was out of sight, a thought that had previously occurred to Hawkeye returned. It was something he'd thought of doing a while back, during another stage in his rocky return from Korea. He'd dismissed it as being a rash idea and ultimately hurtful to his father. But seeing him dejectedly walking away, having to physically leave his own home because of his frustrations made Hawkeye more determined that it was the right thing to do.

TBC