Thanks to all of my reviewers. You guys really make it worth me writing this. Cheers.
I don't own the X-Men. Just Mattie
Trauma
Mattie lay in bed staring up at the ceiling. Moonlight spilled in through her window. She couldn't sleep. Or to be more exact she was too scared to go back to sleep. The first time had been enough.
She rolled onto her side and stared at Paige's bed. She'd lost track of the time while she and Bobby had been held captive. In reality it had been just short of twenty-four hours. It had seemed longer. A lot longer.
When they had got back to the institute Bobby and Mattie had been sent straight to the medical lab. Mr McCoy had got back from his holiday just in time to receive them. He'd told both of them to be gentle with themselves while they healed. He had also confirmed what Magneto's team of scientists had found. She was not related to him.
Mattie rolled over again to stare at her side of the room. Her mind wouldn't stop. It ran from one thought to another giving her no chance of settling. She couldn't sleep even if she had wanted to.
Once they had been given a clean bill of health the debriefing had started. First everyone had been summoned to give their own reports of what had happened. Mattie and Bobby had then told them what had happened to them. Then the Professor had wanted to see them both together and individually. Mattie had gone over and over what had happened. It didn't make it any easier. Each retelling of the event reopened old wounds. The Professor had nodded thoughtfully and Mattie knew that she would be visiting him to talk things though. She wasn't looking forward to it.
Mattie sighed and rolled over again. This was pointless. She couldn't sleep. She scared to sleep. The faint lingering traces of her nightmare were still floating around in her brain. She sat up and sat staring off into the distance as she made her decision. With a determined nod of her head she got out of bed.
A burst of speed took her out her room and door the corridor. She stared at the door before she knocked.
Bobby opened it too fast. He had been awake.
"Mats?"
Mattie stood there, suddenly not so sure that this was the right decision.
"What's wrong?"
"I had a nightmare."
Bobby nodded. "I can't sleep either."
"Can I come in?"
Bobby nodded again, taking her hand and giving it a small squeeze. Bobby sat down on the bed and Mattie joined him. He slipped his arm round her and she stiffened. Taking a deep breath Mattie forced herself to relax.
Bobby tried to pretend that he hadn't noticed. He had no idea what to say of what to do. What Mattie had been thorough… It was emotional Hell. And he could do nothing to help. All he could do was to be here if she wanted him.
They sat in silence, neither one of them ready or willing to make the first move, towards each other or the door.
Finally Bobby stood up. Mattie looked up at him expectantly.
"Come on, I'll walk you back to your room."
Mattie nodded and took the hand he offered her. Bobby squeezed her hand in his and Mattie managed a small smile.
Bobby led her into her room and pulled back the covers on her bed. He helped her into bed and pulled the covers back over her like she was a child.
"Okay?"
Mattie nodded. Her voice seemed to have failed her tonight. There was so much that she wanted to say. So much she needed to let out. And yet she couldn't say anything. Instead it was all held inside her.
Bobby leaned over to kiss her, and then stopped. He kissed her forehead instead. Mattie watched him as he made his way to the door.
"Stay!"
She hadn't realised she'd said it until Bobby turned to look at her.
"What?"
"Stay with me." Her voice throbbed with emotion. "Please."
"Are you sure?" Bobby watched her, waiting for her answer. The fact that Logan would most likely kill him passed fleetingly through his mind. It was unimportant. If Mattie needed him, he'd stay.
"Please stay with me."
Bobby made his way slowly back to the bed, giving her time to think it through and tell him to go. Mattie moved over as he sat down. She curled up next to him, put her arm around him and hugged him to her like a cuddly toy. Bobby carefully wrapped an arm around her. This time Mattie snuggled into his embrace.
"Just hold me." She murmured.
"All night." He promised.
X
Mattie woke to the sound of raised voices. Still just within the realms of sleep she could tell that it was Kurt and Rouge. Rouge was hauling Kurt out for something. Nothing new there. Not wanting to wake up yet, she shifted her position slightly, hoping to drop back to sleep.
She couldn't move. Panic shot through her. There was an arm around her, pinning her where she was. He'd found her.
"No!" She threw herself out of his hold and landed on the floor. "No!"
"Mattie!" Bobby sat up, staring at her. "Mattie? What is it? What's wrong?"
Mattie pulled herself into a ball, her eyes wide with fear. She was shaking from head to toe.
"Mattie." Bobby made to go to her.
She skidded backwards, away from him.
It was like a slap. Bobby stopped where he was. "Mattie." He tried again, making his voice as soft and gentle as he could. "Mattie?"
This time when she looked at him, he could see her. She no longer looked like a half beaten wild animal. She was back in control of herself. "Bobby…" She took a deep shuddering breath. "Bobby, I'm…" She met his eyes. "I'm sorry."
"No." Bobby shook his head. "You don't have to be sorry. I'm sorry." Slowly he approached her, sinking down to sit beside her on the floor. Gingerly he put one arm around her still shaking shoulders. He waited, then put the other one round her as well. Mattie sat passively in his arms as he rocked her back and forth.
"Oh, Mattie I am so sorry."
She let her head drop onto his chest and listen to his heart beat; her own was only just starting to settle back to normal.
X
That day Mattie had been withdrawn and quiet. Bobby had stayed by her side, nearby but never touching her unless she initiated it. She had hugged him a lot that day. She would feel the need for the comfort her gave her. Then be too distressed by his touch to stay in his arms. She would pull away. In the end she had forced herself to hug him and keep hugging him. Just so she wouldn't have to see the pained look on his face when she pulled away. Her heart had pounded, and not for the simple reason that she was holding her boyfriend. His touch made her feel physically ill. She longed to escape it. Bobby must have known, because he let her go, his face hard and emotionless.
X
That night Mattie lay awake in her bed. Sleep was not going to be a visitor here. And she knew that she couldn't go and see Bobby. She couldn't bear to put him through that.
In the end she had gone to the Danger room. Striking out at make believe targets made her feel better. She pounded Rex's face in time and time again. Then she did the same to the football players who'd held her in the ally way. Each and every one of them was subjected to beatings they wouldn't walk away from.
She threw punches until she was too tired to stand. And then she pushed herself some more.
X
Logan noticed the crumpled figure the moment he entered. He made his way quickly to her side. Scott held out his hand to hush Jamie, who was grumbling about being included in this morning activity sessions.
"What's up? Is she alright?" Jamie asked, as he and Scott hurried over to Mattie.
Logan couldn't see any injuries, and he certainly couldn't smell any blood. He put his hand out and gentle nudged Mattie.
Mattie's eyes snapped wide open and the response was instant. Springing to her feet she lashed out at Logan catching him on the jaw and sending him staggering backwards. Her next target was Scott who found his legs swept out from under him before he could react. Jamie was pushed roughly to one side as Mattie tore past him in a burst of speed that left the air raging as though a storm had past.
Almost at the doorway, Mattie paused her panicked flight. Forcing herself to stop she turned to look behind her. Scott and the Jamie's were getting to their feet, while Logan was glaring at her.
"Roadrunner." He growled.
"Oh my God." Mattie took a hesitant step towards him. "Oh, Mr Logan, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to."
Logan continued to glare at her. He could smell the waves of panic coming off her. The kid was down right terrified. And he knew why. Those bastards. How could they do this to a kid? What had they done to make her react like this? His fists clenched reflectively and Mattie flinched.
All that way away? A good twenty feet away from him. And she flinched because he'd made a fist. He shook his head; it was nothing more that abject terror. Forcing himself to relax his fists and stop glaring he watched her steadily. Mattie stood her ground, not retreating, but not approaching.
"It's alright, Roadrunner."
Mattie nodded. Prepared to take him at his word, but not planning on moving any closer.
"What's going on?" One Jamie asked, making his way over to Mattie. He'd multiplied as he'd hit the floor and hadn't bother to gather himself together.
Mattie tensed once again as six Jamie's headed her way.
"Pull yourself together." Logan snapped at him as he saw Mattie fall back into a fighting stance.
Jamie threw him a puzzled look, and then swung his eyes back to Mattie.
She'd managed to get hold of herself. Taking Logan's words as a command for her, she'd pulled herself together and forced her fear away.
"You just started me." She told Jamie with a bright smile. "Sorry about that."
Jamie shrugged. "I'm not worried. It was Mr Logan who you punched." His eyes shinning with nothing but admiration of this feat.
Mattie blushed and bit her lip nervously.
"Can you teach me?" Jamie asked
Logan grunted. Scott stifled a snort of laugher. Mattie laughed out loud and threw her arms around Jamie. "I can try."
"So what was that really?" Scott asked Logan quietly.
"That was a seriously scared kid, who needs some help." Logan told him.
X
Mattie sat, fidgeting in a chair in front of the Professor. She did not what to be here. She knew what was coming. The Professor would make her go over experiences in her life. And she knew the experience that she was going to have to go over. She did not want to go there. And he couldn't make her. The Professor's fingers where steepled under his chin and he was regarding her over them. They had sat in silence for an hour now.
"Mattie I don't want to force to relive painful memories."
"So don't." Mattie told him. "I could leave right now."
"You are becoming a danger to yourself. And others." The Professor told her.
Inwardly he twisted and turned. Mattie was going to fight him on this. He could see it in the way that she moved, the way that she gave him flippant answers. The pain was too new and too raw for her to deal with. But deal with it she must. Or else it would become more powerful and have more of an effect on her life. Personally he shared Logan's disgust of the men who had inflicted this on a child. Mattie's check still bore the mark she had received, but it was healing. The open wound of the terror she carried was not even cleaned. It festered inside her.
"Mattie I know you're scared."
She shot him a look loaded with venom. "I'm not scared." She told him with a contemptuous toss of her head. "I'm just angry."
"How long are you going to be angry for?"
She shrugged.
"Mattie, you can't stay angry for the rest of your life."
"Why not?" She challenged him.
The Professor said nothing.
"It protects me. It makes me stronger. No one is going to get hold of me again."
"Not anyone?" Xavier pressed. "Not your friends? Not your father? Not Bobby?"
Mattie glared at him, then she sighed and Xavier sensed the shift in her emotions. For a second her anger was replaced with fear and a desperate need for safety
"Can you promise me it won't happen again?"
The innocence and trust in her question cut him. He wished with all his heart to be able to promise her. To tell her she would never again had to go through this. But she was a pretty girl, who was going to grow into a beautiful woman. He couldn't promise her that never in her life would she ever receive unwanted attention. He floundered for some reply that didn't sound like a negative.
"Thought not."
Too late, he felt her close off her innocence and her anger returned.
"Mattie. What you went through. It was…" He paused to select the correct wording.
He didn't get the chance.
"What would you know?" Mattie flung at him. "You weren't there!"
"Would you like me to be?"
His quiet question threw Mattie off course. She eyed him warily, looking for the trap.
"What?"
"I am going to ask you to go back over your memories. But I'll be with you." The Professor told her.
Mattie watched him, still suspecting a trap.
"I will be a guide for you. A lifeline. A beacon. To let you know that you are in control."
Still Mattie watched him. This was driving her insane. She knew that she had to pluck out the pain and remove it. She couldn't go on like this. The way that she was hurting Bobby was too much. She knew there was no way that she could put his through any more. She dropped her head in a single nod, the repeated it.
The Professor nodded.