Note to readers: Thank you to ichigogirlR, Sakurajr17, and reiniku for their reviews. As requested, this chapter will be longer than the previous ones. I hope you enjoy it… And please continue to review.
Chapter 3: ReconsideringVan looked at her with a hint of surprise, but composed himself in thought of when he last saw Chid. "I suppose they shared a resemblance. I can see why Allen would not disclose such truth. It would be strange if Millerna knew that information."
Hitomi sweatdropped. "Um… she does. S-she found out… even before I did."
Van sighed, "Millerna is a strong woman."
There was stillness in the room for a few moments. Hitomi looked pass Van, out the ceiling-to-floor length windows that stretched across the room, and saw the view of the entire city. It had been completely and beautifully rebuilt since she left. The structure was similar to pre-Zaibach attack, but everything seemed grander. She smiled out of pride, the Fanelia that lay before her was as a result of hard work and dedication, led by their king, Van Fanel.
"You're kingdom is beautiful," Hitomi stretched her hand out and placed it over Van's.
"Since the wedding is still several days away, I can give you a full-length tour. If you'd like."
"Oh, I would love that!" Hitomi beamed. However, her face became expressionless after thinking of her mother and her friends back on Earth. "Van… I don't think I can stay. Not even for the wedding."
"Nani?" he asked.
"It's just that… well, it's a long time to be gone."
Van began counting in his head, "It's only about four days on the Mystic Moon."
"My family will wonder about me. When I went home the first time, it was as if time went backwards. It won't do that again. When I go back, it will be as if I went missing."
Van got up and began walking out of the room. Hitomi followed him and placed a hand on his shoulder as he walked pass the doorway, "Van…"
He stopped. "Just go home then." He dropped his shoulder and her hand fell to the side. Van continued to his room, without even looking back.
"Van…"
Merle was in her room when she heard steps nearing down the hallway. She poked her head out and smiled, "Van!" He continued pass her and opened the door into his own room. After entering, he left the door ajar. Merle followed and saw his resting on his bed, arms behind his head on the pillow, and his eyes staring into the ceiling, as if searching for an answer.
"Van," Merle whispered as she sat next to him, "what's wrong?"
He groaned, "I'm selfish."
She tilted her head to the right and over his face. She shook her head, "No, you are not."
"I don't want her to leave. I was so happy to see her because I've missed her so much, but now I can't stand her leaving."
"Maybe she won't," Merle proposed, "Maybe she came here to decide if she should stay. After all, she didn't even know about the wedding. She just wanted to see you."
Merle was right, but Van wasn't convinced that Hitomi would stay. "I put on a smile when I let her go months ago. It killed me inside, but I didn't want to be selfish. I wanted her to be happy. When I checked on her shortly after, she assured me she was all right. Behind her smile, I knew she felt the heartbreak. We shared the agony and when she reappeared at the gates, I thought she wanted to save us both from our miseries. But she doesn't want to stay." He closed his eyes.
Merle looked at him intently, this was the most open he had ever been to her about his feelings. Seeing him sad made her feel even worse. "Stay here and rest, Lord Van," Merle smiled. She purred, licked his left cheek and left.
As she closed his door behind her, she saw a lost Hitomi down the hall, looking through open doors.
Hitomi saw her and waved, "Merle! Have you seen Van?"
Merle pounced in front of her and looked away, "He's resting right now." She looked at Hitomi's concerned eyes, "We can check on him later."
Hitomi wanted to see him now, but settled for Merle's response. "Do you want to go take a walk outside? I want to get a look of the city."
Merle smiled and agreed. Hitomi followed her through the long stretch of hallways. Van… she thought. The two proceeded out the castle gates and walked the stone path through the center of the city.
Merle pointed to a house on the right side, "See that?" Hitomi nodded. "That's where Catalina Kin lives. You better watch out for her. Her family's known very well here, very prosperous. Her father's a merchant and her mother sings. They moved here about two months ago. I've heard that she's taking a liking to Lord Van. It's not uncommon for people to marry when they're as young as sixteen." Hitomi looked at the house. It loomed above the others and stood at about one-third the height of the castle. Another woman? Hitomi hadn't even thought of the possibility.
Merle continued to take Hitomi down the road and they turned right before the entrance to the forest, where Hitomi had found herself when she arrived in Gaea.
As they kept walking, Hitomi looked down as Merle. Merle had always been so faithful to Van. She never left his side, sometimes physically, but not mentally. "Is he angry at me?" Hitomi asked.
"Yes," Merle replied bluntly.
Hitomi frowned. Merle smiled, "And no… You see, he's been lonely without you. You were his first love and letting you go was hard. But because he loves you, he can never really be angry at you."
"I think he didn't want to hear me say that I couldn't stay," Hitomi declared, "but, Merle, what would he have me do? I'm still young and I've tried to convince myself that I could live without the Mystic Moon and my family, but I don't think I can. Van has lived so much of his life independently. I'm not as strong. I even thought for a while that Gaea was all a dream, part of me wanted to. But now that I'm here, I know it's real and I don't want to attach myself too much or else I'll never let it go."
Merle looked up at the conflicted girl, "Van loves you. If he had to, he would let you go again. It would hurt a lot, but he would. He wants you to stay because he's been alone for so long. His independence has made him strong and weak, you just have not seen the weakness."
Merle looked at the path, "Hitomi, at least stay for a while. You can't just come here and then leave. Don't be selfish."
Hitomi looked at the creature on her left. She was right. Hitomi was selfish. She came as she pleased and would leave when she wanted. Love meant being selfless. Did she really love Van?