Geek's A/N: You're welcome, Leslie! I just wanted to leave the smut to the smut expert! As I said, you're just so damn good at it! (Reference ch. 4 A/N for details). Sorry this is a short chapter, but the old muse wasn't really cooperating. So sad.
Also, this may seem cheesy, but the dream that Grissom talks about in this chapter is for real. I had this dream when I was twelve years old, and I never forgot it. It was a sandy blonde guy with no face. I thought about that dream with every guy I ever dated until I was 20. When I started dating my husband, I immediately knew that he was the guy in the dream. Sorry if that's too sappy, but it's a true story. :)
Sara closed her eyes as Grissom held her palm against the smooth, warm flesh of his chest. She breathed deeply as she felt his heartbeat, a strong, soothing rhythm. Slowly, he leaned forward to kiss her, and as he did, his heart began to speed up. She was ready to chalk it up to mere infatuation when she realized that it wasn't beating wildly—it was simply a slightly quicker, stronger rhythm than before. 'Lifeblood,' she thought inexplicably. Grissom pulled back gently and said, "Tell me. Tell me if I love you."
Sara opened her eyes to him, revealing deep mocha eyes that were richer than any he had ever looked into. Slowly, and so quietly he could barely hear her, she whispered, "Yes. You love me." Gaining confidence, she said, "You love me more than you know, and you have for longer than you realize."
He nodded slightly. "Yes. I love you, Sara Sidle." He took a deep breath, hoping that what he was going to say next wouldn't sound too hokey. "In fact, I've loved you since before you were born." He smiled almost imperceptibly at the shock in her eyes. Then, suddenly feeling foolish, he stumbled over his next words. "Umm, when I was twelve, I, ah, oh, never mind, it's stupid," he finally muttered in frustration.
Sara, clearly intrigued, encouraged him. "No, please. Tell me."
He searched her eyes for a moment, looking for any hint of ridicule. Seeing none, he continued. "When I was twelve, I had a dream. It was only once, and I've never had it since, but I've never forgotten it. I was standing outside my school, and there were people everywhere. It was some sort of school festival, I think. I was standing still, just looking around. Suddenly, I looked straight ahead, and there was this girl standing there, not five feet in front of me, just staring at me. She had dark hair, but I couldn't see her face. As soon as I saw her, I was filled with this unimaginable love. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced as a twelve year old child. It was almost too much for my heart to handle. And when I woke up, it was still there. I almost felt burdened by the intensity of it—my love for the unknown brunette in my dream." He paused, at a loss for words. After a moment, he continued. "That dream has haunted me since then. Who was the mysterious girl? Why did I love her so much? And what did her face look like? I never knew, until now," he said quietly. Not waiting for her response, he continued, "I knew in my heart, even at twelve, that the girl in my dream was the girl I would one day—" he caught himself before he said the word 'marry.' The last thing he needed was to scare her off. "Fall in love with," he finished quickly.
If Sara noticed the break in his words, she didn't let on as she breathed out in awe. "You dreamed this when you were twelve?" she whispered, transfixed. At his nod, she said, "That was—"
"Three years before you were born," he finished. "Rather unscientific of me, huh?" he said with a small smile. "Normally I scoff at things like destiny and chance and foreshadowing." His voice grew wistful. "But maybe I've been doing myself a disservice. There are some things in life that science just doesn't apply to," he admitted quietly.
At this, Sara's eyebrows lifted and her mouth opened just slightly. 'Those are words I never I thought I'd hear from the mouth of Gil Grissom…not in this lifetime, anyway.'
Grissom looked at her warily. "You're laughing at me."
"No. I'm not. I'm just very surprised. This is…a little out of character for you, you have to admit. Not very much like the Gil Grissom we all know and love," she said lightly.
He gave a heavy sigh. "Sara, I'm tired of that Gil Grissom. No, I'm weary of him," he said, choosing a word that more accurately reflected his true feelings. "My entire life, I've…I've been afraid," he said, struggling to find the words to express what he was trying to make her understand. "Afraid to love, afraid to lose…afraid to live, Sara," he finished passionately. "But in closing myself off, I inadvertently did myself a disservice. I think…I think the emotional toll has been much higher that way." He shrugged helplessly, frustrated with his inability to convey his point. "In my efforts to protect myself, I actually damaged myself emotionally." He gave a mirthless laugh at the irony. "Maybe it was…I don't know, maybe it was because I didn't have anyone to help shoulder the burden. Maybe it was because at their most basic, human beings just aren't meant to be alone—even the odd ducks like myself. Who knows?" He paused, searching her eyes for understanding. To his immense surprise, he found it, shining out from the brown depths. She understood him. She really did. In awe, he continued. "But none of that matters anymore. I've wasted 48 years of my life, and that is far too much," he said with conviction. "There's nothing I can do about the past. But I can sure as hell do something about my future. And I don't want to spend my future alone, Sara. However, I don't want to spend it with just anyone. Ideally," he smiled, "I'd like to spend it with the girl from my dream. With you, Sara," he finished, unsure if he'd gone too far.
She looked at him in mild shock, completely unsure of what he had just proposed. 'Bad choice of words! Bad choice of words!' she berated herself. But what had he proposed? 'Going steady,' ('What an archaic phrase!' she thought wildly), cohabitation, marriage, children? What was he saying? Gil Grissom, a changed man perhaps, but as cryptic as ever. Drawing in a breath, she steeled herself and asked softly, "Spell it out for me, Griss. What exactly are you saying?"
Additional A/N: ::evil laugh from Holly:: Muahahahaha!!!! Here ya go, Leslie! Have fun!