A/N: Thanks everyone. It's been a fun ride and there's one more chapter to go. And this isn't meant to glorify violence or rape in any way, even though nothing really gross happens…ah well. Peace out and enjoy. This is a long one.
Thy Life Destroy
In his dark, empty universe between life and death, where time raced by and yet never moved at all, Sephiroth mulled back over his life. That was all he could do, really: think. He felt no remorse or shame in his past actions. He simply viewed them as his, and that was what was right. But he also experienced a more unbiased opinion of himself, somehow being able to observe himself and his deeds from an outside view. Some part of his mind untainted by Jenova, perhaps, and cast off to the side while the rest destroyed? It seemed as though a part of him remained strangely detached and could pull together an explanation almost…rationally. Like a trained psychiatrist, he diagnosed himself.
Sephiroth knew he was twisted. His idea of success had pertained to military conquests before Jenova began controlling him through weaknesses in his mind. He shared the pain he felt in his life with others; his philosophy of treating people stemmed from what he had been taught as a child. A child faced with friendliness learns to love; a child faced with indifference learns to hate. Sephiroth had no identity as a person, and for a child, something like that will haunt him forever.
That was not to say all the blame for the way he turned out belonged to his childhood caretakers. Every person has a degree of control over directing their course of fate, and Sephiroth had steered brashly down the path of false pride, overwhelming strength, and mindless warfare, when he could have chosen to simply do what was right. There was not as much glory involved, but there was a lot less sacrifice as well. But he didn't, and that was what mattered; the unalterable truth was that he was probably evil well before his corruption by Jenova. Then, in the sudden rush of madness brought on by the notebooks in Shinra mansion, Jenova's honeyed lies seemed to fill in the cracks of his sanity. He was given a renewed purpose, and a glorious, noble one at that: avenge the Cetra and take back the Planet. With a set goal, Sephiroth thought he knew who he was.
Yes, said the outside-observer part of Sephiroth. You were still that frightened little boy strapped to a lab table in Hojo's laboratory. That's who you were and who you will never cease to be. You never grew past that point.
You never learned the definition of "love". You never cared to.
Sephiroth snarled. Love was nothing but a pathetic human emotion—a weakness—that could turn even the best and brightest of SOLDIERs into timid, idiotic saps. It was only for the weak, for those who knew no better. No, Sephiroth was above such base feelings. He was immune to love, for he did not need it.
Everyone needs love, whispered the outside part of Sephiroth. It is what holds that Planet together. It is why mothers fight to the death for their children. It is why families do not abandon each other. It is why Cloud resisted Jenova and you did not. It is why Aeris went to the City of Ancients and prayed to save the Planet…even when she knew doing so would spell her end. Love.
Shut up! Sephiroth shouted, his voice silent yet echoing off into the unending darkness. That isn't true!
It is! It was relentless; he was relentless. Love should not be withheld from any creature! Love is what makes life truly worth living for! Aeris could have taught you, WOULD have taught you what love was, but you tainted it and tainted her! What you did to her nearly unmade her, and because of you she went through hell! You destroyed everything you touched…even the only one who could have saved you from yourself.
The voice, its point made, lapsed into silence. Sephiroth fumed. Lies, it was all lies! Love was not a savior; it was a seducer and a teaser and ultimately an abuser . He was better off for being cold and strong and alone, rather than weak and loved.
After all, Aeris had loved, and look at what it had gotten her.
Yes, said the voice sadly, look.
Aeris had nowhere else to run, and tried to fight off the sense of fear and pain that was currently growing in her mind. She pushed away the thought that Sephiroth was looking at her the way she had once seen a cat watching a bird…hungry, scheming, and impatient.
As long as there were creatures with needs and minds roaming this Planet, there would be the age-old song of kill or be killed. There were predators and prey. Sephiroth knew which he was, with his sharp dangerous instinct and taut, eager body. So what did that leave for her? She knew, instinctively: the role of the bird.
Aeris stared confusedly at him for a moment, then started to struggle as she felt the bruising grip of his hands on her arms. "Sephiroth…you're hurting me!"
He surveyed her with unspeakably cold green eyes, looking down at her as she tried to melt into the wall at her back. But the things he could feel from her, just from this simple skin-on-skin touch: the nearly-imperceptible throbbing of her pulse; the rapid rise and fall of her chest as she breathed; the willow-wisps of her hair as they tickled his arms; and her tiny, scared heart beating like that of a frightened rabbit.
All this from his hands clenched around her upper arms. Aeris thrashed around, but with her feet barely touching the ground, her arms constricted, and Sephiroth pressed against her, she had no chance.
She raised her head and looked away from him, closing her eyes as the glimmer of tears could be seen under her thick lashes. "Please…you're hurting me…" Aeris repeated in a whisper, her voice choked and desperate. When he didn't answer at first, she took a tentative, hopeful glance at him.
It was what he was waiting for.
Crushing one arm against her chest to hold back both arms, Sephiroth grabbed her chin in her other. She stiffened as he leaned very, very close to her, his lips centimeters from her ear.
Sephiroth smiled and replied softly, "One cannot live fully without embracing pleasure…but how will we know pleasure without first knowing pain?" He licked her ear with sadistic glee.
Aeris, completely terrified now, opened her mouth to scream, and Sephiroth took advantage of that to capture her lips with his.
Zack's kiss had been sweet, gentle, and full of love; Sephiroth's was hard and cruel, demanding, and Aeris felt herself growing dizzy from lack of oxygen. Her head swam, and the rushing tempo of her blood pounded in her ears as she forced her eyes open. All she could see was silver and darkness, and tears leaked down her cheeks as she tried to pull away. Sephiroth refused to move, his harsh caress obviously only ending when he allowed it. His mouth released hers finally, and she couldn't help it, she audibly gasped for air to chase away the colored spots dancing in her vision. And when she spoke, it was in a strangled, shaking little whimper.
"Don't…don't do this…" Against her flushed skin, the tears felt very cold. Her mind flew to Zack, clung to him, and screamed for him, wherever he was, to come save her from this nightmare. "I…I'm…"
Sephiroth looked her over speculatively, and brought one of her hands, the one gripped in his, up to level with his face. Aeris cringed and shuddered, managing to pull her arm away using every ounce of her strength; even then she got the feeling that he let her. And it was ultimately futile, as Sephiroth pinned it again to her side. Under the sickly light of the half moon, he looked like sibilant silver angel fallen from grace.
He touched her bruised lips with a fingertip, as though admiring his work. Aeris half-heartedly jerked her head away from his stroke, feeling stunned and dizzy. Her mind was so sluggish…and she was suddenly so tired…
The grip of Sephiroth's fingers tightened around her arms and forced her back to the present. Sharp green eyes stared at her, saw into her, saw through her and behind her and from inside her.
Please…no! Let this be some horrible nightmare! But she knew it wasn't, even as she had those thoughts.
Unexpectedly, Sephiroth hefted her into the air, face level to him, instead of nearly a head below him as she was before. Aeris couldn't help it; upon clearly seeing the mad desire shining in his eyes, she moaned in desperation and started struggling again, her actions tinged with despair.
"Please Sephiroth…you're hurting me!" She cursed herself for sounding so pitifully weak, but she couldn't keep the raw fear from her plea. She didn't care anymore. He simply fixed her with those bright, beautiful, cold green eyes, staring down at her as she tried to get away from him, and she lost it. All she could do was weep.
I'm going to die here. Aeris stifled a sob as the horrible realization ripped through her. I'm going to die here and no one will know.
"Stop that." Sephiroth ordered sternly, giving her a shake. He detested weakness of any kind, and crying was as weak as one could get. Aeris's terror only grew. Her struggles against him became more frantic as her sobs broke and she screamed.
"Someone HELP ME!"
Angrily, Sephiroth whirled her around and slammed her back to one of the decorated pillars adorning the Church's roof. Aeris's head smacked against the stone with a dull thud, and she felt something warm run thickly down the back of her neck. Darkness began creeping along the edges of her vision. Her body shuddered and went limp, but luckily—unluckily?—she retained consciousness.
Sephiroth leaned very close to her, so close that his hot breath tickled her cheek. "Enjoy that pain, Aeris. It's that last thing you'll ever feel." Her vocal cords were forcibly silenced now; her mind shrieked for her to cry out, to fight, to look away! but she couldn't will her body to obey her. She could only watch.
He buried his head near her shoulder, and kissed the white skin of her throat heatedly. His tongue slithered down her neck, delighting in feeling the rapid pulse there. He didn't want tenderness though. He wanted to mar her perfection, and bit her hard at the base of her neck, where it met the shoulder. Aeris's blood froze to ice in her sluggish veins, her eyes blank, and she watched as the world fell away. His hand wandered everywhere; his fingers left their grip on her arms to wander across her stomach, higher up to caress her breasts, lower…She jerked spastically, in pain, and felt her mind slipping. Then. On Sephiroth's shining silver hair, there was a green tint. Her eyes slowly traced to where the viridian light was originating.
…the Materia. My mother's…my birth mother's. Aeris couldn't get her head to stop aching, or the world to stop swimming in and out of her eyesight. But how do I use it? I can't think!
Despondently, without hope, Aeris cried out to the only one she finally realized would be listening.
Planet…help me! Please! Help me!
There was utter silence at first, but then an angry thrumming swelled in response. Energy, pulse-pounding, painful energy, bubbled and burned up in her body. The Planet's voice grew louder and louder, until it encompassed her entire mind. Ancient, dirge like chants bubbled unbidden from her lips, words she had never and would never know. The pressure inside her built up, until Aeris found it hard to breath for the strain on every part of her body.
Sephiroth looked up, and saw his pretty prey glowing green, brightest from the sphere sitting at the base of her neck. One delicate silver eyebrow arched upwards.
"What—" Was all he managed to say, before the energy exploded from Aeris. It knocked him back at least twenty feet, where a marble pillar halted his voyage. The force and speed at which he hit it probably would have killed a lesser man, but Sephiroth was only severely stunned. His eyes squeezed shut as he struggled to stave off unconsciousness.
The bright green radiance slowly died away, leaving Aeris slumped against the pillar, her skin pale, beads of sweat running from her brow. The chorus of voices that had swelled in anger inside her mind subsided, now only a hazy memory, but as they faded they cleansed the confusion and dizziness so she could think clearly. Aeris pressed a hand to the back of her head, and it came away sticky with blood. Trembling, she whispered a Cure spell and cast it on herself, near instantly revitalizing her tired mind and body. The young woman shakily stood and saw Sephiroth sprawled on the roof, unmoving. The Planet, having now been alerted that Aeris was in danger, screamed.
RUN!
She needed no second warning. Aeris stumbled down the stairs. The heel on one of her shoes snapped and sent her tumbling over the last few steps. Her arm, twisted under her, throbbed; Aeris hastily ripped her shoes off and cast them to the side. All that mattered now was getting the most distance between her and Sephiroth as possible. The brown-haired girl raced down the aisle of the church and burst out from the rotting doors into the night. Her heart thumped fiercely in her chest, an accompaniment to the pattering of her bare feet on the dirty streets. The edge of her beautiful, black-lace over pink silk dress got snagged on a jagged piece of pipe sticking out of a brick wall. She kept going, ignoring the tearing sound, ignoring the feel of the ripped material's threads on her legs.
Planet, where do I go? I cannot run home…I would only lead him there, and I know he would hurt Elmyra…She gasped as she dodged a motorcycle, the lights burning her eyes, and skinned her knee on the pavement. She hardly felt it as she scrambled to her feet again, dashing down the darkened street. Aeris turned one corner, then another; she didn't know where she was going, but it felt good to run. Normally, she would be panting in exertion from so much flight, but fear gave her a steady flow of adrenaline that surged through her legs and kept her darting through the shadows.
She knew, without question, that this was the deadliest threat she would ever face. The slums, the Turks, Shin-Ra…all paled in comparison to this man who wanted her and who wanted to hurt her at the same time. Around her neck, the Materia of Ifalna glowed faintly. The night, which only an hour before had seemed inviting and exciting, had turned bitter and cold. Aeris sprinted faster, trying to suppress her tears. Realization sunk into her and stung her heart.
Sephiroth was going to…he was going to… she shuddered, revulsion and terror alight in her tear-filled emerald eyes. …and Zack never came. If only this was just a dream and none of this had ever happened…!
Someone grabbed her, and she screamed before a hand clamped over her mouth. The person drew Aeris back into an alleyway and turned her around before freeing her mouth.
"Aeris?"
"Tseng!" The sight of his familiar face broke her down completely. Everything that had been building up inside of her just flooded out. Aeris gasped in relief, smiled, before she collapsed, sobbing, in his arms. "H-he…he…" Tseng, surprised at her reaction, nonetheless acted quickly. Looking around with lynx-eyes, he pulled the near-hysterical girl into the boarded up door of the nearby warehouse. She fell to the floor with her hands over her eyes as tears spilled down.
"Aeris…Aeris, what's wrong?" The Turk whispered, crouching next to her. She shook her head, her lips clamped tightly together. Tears streamed He grabbed her shoulders, feeling her shy away from his touch, and wondered what could make such a beautiful, loving person cry. "Aeris, tell me!" She cried because she had nothing left.
"Oh, Tseng…I don't even…I-I feel…disgusting…" Aeris choked, shuddering all over and scraping furtively at a certain trail on her neck until it bled. No, he realized, it was bleeding already.
"It's too…sickening! I don't want to feel this way…I don't want to walk home alone…" Fresh tears sprang to her eyes. "He's out there in the dark, recovered by now for sure…I feel like his…prey…ugh…" Her hands left the spot on her neck and she started wiping her arms, over and over, as though they were covered with dirt only she could see. Purplish bruises like finger marks decorated those same arms, the brands of something horrible. She looked battered and completely out of it; her lovely dress had a huge rip running up her left thigh, her face was streaked with dirt and tears, dried blood was all over her neck, and her eyes were losing that beautiful life that melted his heart.
Tseng, usually emotionless, had real concern for her in his ebony eyes. She was so shaken she was babbling. He said the first thing he thought of. "I'll walk you home, Aeris." She sniffled and let her reddened arms fall to her side.
"Thank you, Tseng. I…just…thank you." Normally Aeris would refuse; she knew Tseng was under orders to capture her, and yet because they were friends, he had disobeyed those orders and even hidden her from the other Turks.
But tonight, she would take all the protection she could get. Tseng helped her up and put an arm about her shoulders. "Now, come on, let's go. Tell me what happened on the way."
"I can't," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears once more. "Worse things will happen if I tell…I know it."
Despite her worst fears, Aeris made it home safely. Tseng bade her a goodnight, and told her to get some rest; secretly he was disturbed that she wouldn't tell him what was wrong.
Aeris slid noiselessly into the house, hugging herself. She snuck past Elmyra, who was slumbering peacefully on the couch, probably intending to wait up for Aeris, to see how her date went. Aeris shook her head, weak and drained from weeping, and tiptoed upstairs. She headed directly to the bathroom, closing the door behind her, and filled the bath with steaming hot water. Soon it reached a high enough level for her, and Aeris peeled the dress from her body, unable to even look at it. It held too many memories that she was already doing her best to forget.
She would burn that dress.
The young woman sunk her body into the water, hardly flinching at the high temperature. Dirty…so dirty…She soaked for a while, letting the heat cleanse her, scald her. Tainted…filthy…Then came the scrubbing. Aeris took a rough sponge and viciously attacked her arms first, scouring them as hard as she could, until they were red and raw. Still so dirty…Next she rubbed at her torso and legs, and they too became tender and bloody. Around her, the water swirled pink. Aeris's fingers crept up to her lips, still sore, and she released a wordless, small noise of rage and hurt. Disgusting…ruined…She wiped her mouth over and over again and her lips were soon numb…like she was. Like a shallow, emotionless shell. She felt nothing.
I wish I could forget! she cried silently. I would give anything to forget!
On the bathroom floor, the Materia glowed brightly. The Planet, its voice sorrowful, comforted her for a moment, then asked, Anything? The Planet could do this for you, Aeris, but there will be a price to pay.
"I don't care!" Aeris screamed. "Just make it go away! Make the pain go away!" The Planet hummed sadly. Very well then. The Planet will make you forget. This night will disappear from your memory forever; the only thing that will remain will be the dire warning to stay away from…him.
"Do it, do it," she wept brokenly. The Planet touched her mind gently. Everything will have its repercussions. Doing this for you will have effects…
"W-what effects?" Aeris asked quietly.
Even the Planet cannot tell, it replied, but you shall know it for what it is when it occurs. It could be anything; good, bad, so small you might not even notice it, so large it might dominate your life. Dear child, last child, so you want to risk this?
She tried to consider it, but everything was too vague, too confusing, too muddled by terror and the sensation of sullied to understand entirely. So Aeris simply nodded, fat tears rolling down her pale, heart-shaped face to ripple the rose-colored bathwater.
The Planet sighed (in defeat? grief?) and told her, Finish your bath and get dressed for bed. Go to sleep, and tomorrow morning you will not remember a thing from this night, as though you never lived it.
Sniffling, wiping away the last of her tears, Aeris followed the Planet's instructions. She stepped from the bath and let the water drain out, drying herself with a fluffy blue towel. Her scratched skin stung when it touched the air, but she ignored that, instead focused on clothing herself in her long, white nightgown. Aeris noiselessly walked across the hall to her bedroom and curled up under the thick covers of her bed. Despite the agony and adrenaline of the day, Aeris found she was very sleepy, exhausted even; but her eyes did not close for some time. She thought she saw silver in the dark.