AN: Thanks to all who have reviewed so far! Please continue to review…it's my sustenance! Also, in this chapter, I probably played a little fast and loose with the techno-babble. Sorry!
To the-mad-scientist: Thanks so much for your constructive review. I realize that "scream" was probably a poor choice of words…I really never pictured her in my mind doing the whole Fay Wray thing. She was running and calling for help though…better part of valor, and all that.
The Absolution
Just a few weeks following their conversation by the fence, Kathryn and Harry noticed that colder weather seemed to be approaching. The wind had picked up, and the temperature dropped rapidly after the sun set. The Gentarrans seemed preoccupied with such tasks as canning food, preparing the fields to lie fallow, and seeing to the needs of the livestock. They were not, by nature, a jocular people, except for Prascor, but seemed to grow even more serious and intent.
"Prascor!" Kathryn called, seeing him pass by on the street outside her and Harry's house.
"Hm?" he looked up distractedly, and then his eyes cleared with recognition. He smiled. "Oh, Kathryn. Good day."
She fell into step beside him, which was a bit of an undertaking for her shorter legs.
"I wanted to ask you… what is going on? With all the preparations and the busyness, I mean?"
"I would have thought my brother would have filled you in."
"Prastin's been… otherwise occupied." Kathryn was unaware of how her words sounded, until Prascor snorted. She gave him a withering look. "Really, Prascor! And your niece due any time now!"
He laughed loudly, drawing a few strange looks from passing neighbors, until they saw that it was just Prascor again. He clapped her on the back, nearly making her stagger, and she couldn't help a look of chagrin. His more reserved brother was much more of a kindred spirit… although she couldn't help liking Prascor.
"Did you have seasons on your world?" Prascor asked, turning back to her initial question.
"Yes, we did… four, at least where I lived."
"How often did they recur?"
"Once for each rotation of Earth around our sun," Kathryn was wondering where this was going.
"Gentarra's axis is extremely erratic, but we do have a cold season and a warm season. They generally last one rotation each. As you can imagine, that is a long time for weather to be cold. We begin the preparations now… and take them quite seriously." He smiled. "Even me."
"In ten days' time, we will conclude our preparations, and have the Irkalu feast. The tilt is predicted to occur two days after that. But the weather will begin to grow colder even before the tilt is fully realized."
"What is the Irkalu?" Kathryn queried.
"A feast of thanksgiving… as well as a farewell to the growing season. The winters here can be… severe. It is difficult to get around when the storms come through. This is an excuse for a party before winter sets in."
"What will we need to do to prepare our house?" Kathryn asked.
"I'll send Prastin by with a list," Prascor said. "Now if you'll excuse me… the roof of the medical office still needs to be sealed."
Kathryn finished filling Harry in on the precautions they needed to take before the Tilt occurred. They worked hard over the next week, sealing the roof, cutting back the plants, making sure there was plenty of firewood and heat cells. They also made sure the cellar was stocked, and this was Kathryn's first attempt at canning, which did not go well.
Harry was outside on a ladder, making sure there were no cracks under the eaves, when he heard the sound of something shattering, as well as Kathryn swearing in as many languages as she knew.
He wisely chose not to enter the house.
By the time Kathryn had cleaned up the mess, as well as finished the canning she started (with perfect results on the second attempt), she was in a thoroughly bad humor.
She stalked to her room to get ready for the Irkalu, which would take place that night in the Council Hall. She had just finished plaiting her hair down her back, and was groping under her bed for her other shoe, when Harry stuck his head in the door.
"Kathryn, are you ready?" She said something that he did not catch from under the bed. "Pardon?"
"I said – 'as soon as I find my shoe'," she said, triumphantly, backing out from under the bed, with the offending object in tow. She slipped the soft leather shoe on easily over a green-stockinged foot, and stood.
"You look beautiful," Harry said sincerely, taking the picture as she got to her feet. She was wearing a slim green skirt with a tunic over it, belted in gold at her hips. There was exquisite embroidery around the sleeves and collar. "Did you do that yourself?" Kathryn snorted, but felt her bad mood dissipating.
"Why yes, didn't you know my sewing skills are second only to my prowess in cooking?!" Harry looked at her dubiously, and she laughed. "Kariva did it for me. Isn't it gorgeous?"
He nodded in agreement, and then noticed a polished stone hanging on a long gold chain around her neck. It was a marbled green color, and looked familiar.
"Is that the one…" he stepped closer and lifted the chain for closer examination.
"Y-yes, it's the one you found by the lake and gave to me." Kathryn replied, hoping she wasn't blushing. Is my voice getting higher? "Hyral set it for me."
"It's gorgeous," Harry conceded, letting her necklace drop back into place. "And so are you."
The silence stretched out and got awkward. Harry wouldn't meet her gaze, afraid that he'd said too much. Kathryn tried to cover the gap in conversation.
"And what about you?" she said. "Gentarran formalwear definitely suits you." Harry was dressed in pants, tunic, and vest in jewel tones, with dark boots coming nearly to his knee.
He looked shy, and mumbled something about his hair being in his eyes.
"I can fix that," she said resolutely, and took a strip of leather from a small drawer in a bedside table. "Turn around," she said, before realizing that she was still looking into his shoulders. "Get down on your knees or something," she ordered peremptorily. She felt him laugh.
"There better not be any short comments forthcoming, Mister," she said, poking him in the back with her brush. She ran her brush through his dark hair a couple of times, and then used her fingers to smooth it as she fastened the thong at the nape of his neck. She tried to ignore how much she enjoyed the silky feel of his hair sliding through her fingers.
"That should work. It's still a little short, so the sides might fall out later on." She held out her hand to help him up, and found herself mesmerized by his eyes on hers. She backpedaled rapidly.
No, no, no, this cannot happen. I will not allow this to happen. I am not ready for this to happen, she thought, her mind racing. Dashing Harry, dashing not-in-a-uniform Harry, staring at her… she was not prepared for this. The door clattered behind her as she flung it wide in retreat.
Harry saw the divided emotions flit across her face, and wondered, as they headed for the center of the village, how many times Chakotay had seen the same thing.
"We are exiting the sector, Captain," Tom said from the helm, his voice heavy with significance. Chakotay glanced at Tuvok for affirmation, and then took a deep breath.
"Set a course for the Alpha quadrant, Mr. Paris," Chakotay intoned. "Best possible speed."
Tom actually swiveled in his chair to look at Chakotay for a moment. He, of anyone else on board, knew what Chakotay was going through. He had lost the two people on the ship who meant the most to him, next to B'Elanna.
Chakotay understood the reason behind Tom's delay, and met the helmsman's gaze head on. He nodded, once and firmly. Tom turned back to his console.
"Course and heading laid in, sir," Tom's hands moved rapidly over the smooth surface.
"Engage," came the terse reply. There was an obliging chirp from the computer, as Voyager surged to high warp.
The bridge was tense. Tom's shoulders were rigid. Ayala's face looked to have been chiseled from stone, as he stood at his new position at tactical. Tuvok was subtly watching Chakotay from his chair to Chakotay's right.
Kathryn… it was a kind of sigh from the depths of Chakotay's divided soul. He was no longer sure he would ever be home, regardless of how much closer they came to the Alpha quadrant.
There had been murmurings from the Maquis, which had reached his ears. Fearful speculation on the treatment they'd receive when they arrived home, if they arrived home… now that there was no longer a Kathryn Janeway to champion them… flitted throughout the ship uneasily.
The Alpha quadrant was no longer the shining beacon of hope that it had once been.
An alarm began to blare from Ensign McKay's console, and forced Chakotay from his musings.
"Report!" He barked.
"There's an unidentified vessel approaching… correction, there are three vessels – on an intercept course, Captain," she replied.
"Onscreen."
The viewscreen shimmered to life, showing two ships in the act of winging out to either side of a central ship, in battle formation.
"Open a channel," Chakotay ordered. He didn't like the looks of this. Ensign McKay's console chirped.
"This is Ca – " he was interrupted by a speaker from one of the alien vessels.
"You will stand down all weapons and prepare to be boarded," came a disembodied voice.
"We merely seek passage through your system on our journey home," Chakotay tried, thinking that they were answering to a charge of trespassing.
"We have scanned your vessel. You have Gentarran technology that is illegal in our star system. You will submit to boarding and inspection."
Chakotay felt his temper rise. Damn the Gentarrans. He was beginning to wish he had never heard of them.
The air was crisp and cold as Harry and Kathryn walked the kilometer or so to the Council Hall. Stars studded the black sky, like ice chips, in that way that only occurs in the wintertime.
"It's a beautiful night," Kathryn remarked, trying to ignore the sting that came with gazing at unfamiliar stars.
"Look!" Harry exclaimed, grabbing her elbow, and pointing upward. "There in the crook of Flaron's staff!" A shooting star streaked across leaving a wide, bright trail behind it.
Kathryn gave Harry a sidewise look. "You know Gentarran astronomy?"
Harry looked sheepish. "Hyral's been teaching me." Her eyes lit up like a child's, and Harry's heart constricted.
"Show me!" She said excitedly. He bent closer to her, so they would be looking from the same angle.
"That's Flaron, the sheep herder… or grehnak-herder, I guess. See, those stars close together are the crook of his staff, his hand is outstretched…there's his sash…"
"What about those five stars there, in a straight line?"
"That's a stake." Kathryn looked questioningly at him.
"Weylor was impaled on it. He went crazy and killed a bunch of people two hundred years ago." Kathryn was horrified.
"So they immortalized him in the stars?" Harry shrugged, in a what can I say? manner.
"Do you know any more?"
"Over here, is Yuthonna… she's the water-maiden. See the cluster of stars? That's a flower in her hair, and that spiral pattern is her water jug. And here…" he moved with her, his face next to hers, across the sky, and pointed out another constellation. "… here is Thedahl, her lover. He's on his knees, with his head in his hands."
"Why is he so sad? And why are they so far apart?" Kathryn asked.
"She was promised to another. They were in love, but she wouldn't marry him. The jealous new husband finally had him executed, but that caused Yuthonna to kill herself. Hyral said they are separated in the sky for all eternity because they were separated at death."
Kathryn stared up in the sky, transfixed, and then looked at Harry in wonder. She reached up one hand, as if to touch his cheek.
"I had no idea…" she murmured softly, but checked her hand suddenly, and thrust her hands deep in her pockets. She darted a glance at him, and said in a brisk tone of voice, "We better get going, or we'll be late."
"Who are you?" Chakotay asked.
"We are the Fylari," came the voice impatiently. "Gentarran technology is illegal in our space. Prepare to be boarded."
"We were unaware of the restriction of their technology. What are our options?"
"You are in our space. Prepare to be boarded," came the implacable voice.
Chakotay rolled his eyes, and signaled to Ensign McKay to cut the channel.
"Ayala, get a security team and let's meet them in the transporter room."
"Sir?" Ayala was incredulous. "We're just going to let them board and inspect us?"
"You would prefer that they blow us out of the sky, Lieutenant?" Chakotay asked dryly. "Hopefully we can extricate ourselves from this situation without violence." Ayala looked taken aback, and subsided.
"Open the channel again, Ensign," the captain directed. "We are transmitting coordinates. You are welcome to beam over and inspect our ship."
"Your cooperation is very… wise, Captain," came the voice. "We will be transporting shortly."
The Council Hall was bright with both candlelight and solar cells. Archways and ceiling beams were festooned with garland and greenery. A large fire roared in the fireplace at one end of the hall. A group of musicians played at the opposite end, with a variety of stringed instruments and a couple of wooden flutes that had slides in a similar manner to trombones.
The atmosphere was festive and the murmur of conversation was quite loud. There was a long table loaded down with food and drink… including a kind of spiced wine called faplaria that was a regional specialty.
The background music ceased, and the band struck up what sounded like a kind of reel. The floor immediately cleared for dancers.
"Do you want to dance?" Harry asked, jerking his head in the direction of the dancers.
"I want a drink," Kathryn said succinctly, smiling at him to take the sting out of her words. She patted him on the shoulder, in lieu of excusing herself, and made her way toward the buffet table at the back of the Hall.
Harry noted Hyral's younger sister standing by herself, swishing back and forth to the music, and made a decision.
"Hynali?" he asked. "Would you like to dance?"
The pretty young woman's face lit up. "You honor me, Harry," she said formally, although a teasing smile played about the corners of her lips. He caught her hand in one of his, and whirled her out on to the dance floor.
Kathryn stood at the back of the room, with her goblet in hand, chatting with Prastin and Kariva (who was, of course, not dancing). She tried not to notice Harry dancing with Hyral's sister. The tempo of the music increased, and both of them collapsed in gales of laughter, as Harry misstepped and nearly took them both down.
They threaded through the other dancers, and Harry got them each a goblet of wine. They were still laughing as they walked up to Hyral and Harana, who began ribbing them on their performance almost immediately.
Kathryn turned her eyes back to Prastin, although she had no idea what he was saying. She glanced at Kariva, who smiled at her knowingly. Kathryn felt herself flush.
He's too young. He's an officer under my command.
What command? Another voice answered derisively.
Why is he doing this anyway? We're going to leave as soon as the portal reopens.
So he can't have a life while he's here? 5 years is a long time to just cool your heels. Nobody ever said I couldn't have a life either.
I can't… not with him. He's –Don't start with the protocol garbage. Shouldn't I be heartily sick of that by now? There's no Voyager. There's no Federation. No one but us.
He's a boy. Why would he want me, when he can have –More excuses, Kathryn. He's made it pretty clear how he feels about you.
Yeah, it's great to be wanted because you're the only other human on the planet.
She had just started down this glum train of thought, when Prastin pressed another goblet into her hand. She blinked at him, startled.
"Thank you," she said, hoping she hadn't looked too distracted. She darted another glance at Harry. Hyral had just clapped Harry on the shoulder, whooping with laughter at something that had been said. Harana was wiping away tears of mirth.
A chilling thought entered Kathryn's mind. What if he doesn't want to leave when the portal opens? What if he decides to stay here? The thought of complete and utter isolation was one of the few things that made Kathryn truly afraid. If I push him away, he may get involved with someone, and decide to stay.
"You could just go talk to him, Kathryn," Kariva said gently, smiling not unkindly. Kathryn looked abashed.
"Am I really that obvious?" She asked with chagrin.
"Kariva is extremely astute, Kathryn." Prastin interjected. "But when even I notice…" Kathryn laughed half-heartedly, and drained the rest of her wine.
Harry, for his part, was not unaware of Kathryn's gaze on him. It made his palms sweat and his heart race. I'm acting like an idiot. It's obvious she still thinks of me as a kid and an ensign she's in charge of. Even if… do I really want to be a substitute for something she's always wanted but will never have now? Tendrils of hair framed her face, and glowed in the firelight. He felt something in his stomach tighten. God, she's beautiful.
She looked across at him then. The electricity that crackled between them surprised them both. Kathryn dropped her goblet, and it shattered on the wooden floor. In the ensuing chaos, Harry asked Hynali to dance again.
Chakotay stood tensely in the transporter room, with Ayala and two armed security guards. Four Fylari soon materialized on the platform.
"These areas gave out Technology Alerts," the first Fylari said, handing Chakotay a kind of PADD. "You will take me there immediately."
"Might I have the pleasure of your name?" Chakotay bit out, not even trying to sound polite.
"I am Pynor, commander of Fylari Fleet Battalion Pilasta. Now, if you please, Captain…" Chakotay swallowed, his face dark with anger.
"This way, Commander," he led them first to sickbay.
By the time the party had reached Engineering, Chakotay had calmed down somewhat. Most of their purchases were not Gentarran in origin, but had some Gentarran modifications. The Fylari grudgingly tolerated these.
Pynor peered inside the dilithium matrix.
"You will remove your dilithium please. It will be confiscated."
"What the hell?" Chakotay exclaimed.
Pynor gazed at him placidly. Chakotay reined in his temper.
"I'm afraid that is not possible. That fuels our ship's warp engine. We would be crippled without it." Chakotay tried to appeal his case.
The Fylari gestured to two of his men to forcibly remove the dilithium.
"You're pirates, aren't you? This is some kind of elaborate ruse, isn't it?" Chakotay guessed. "Do you use the dilithium for your fleet, or do you sell it to the highest bidder?"
Pynor narrowed his reptilian eyes, and chuckled. "You humans may be foolish, but you are not stupid. Now, do you see how highly advisable it is to acquiesce to our demands?"
"Get away from the engine!" Chakotay said in a low tone. The Fylari took no notice of him, and he nodded to one security officer, who opened fire.
He took out the two Fylari, before the third, still standing by Pynor, shot him with a small blaster. Chakotay took a defensive stance, drawing his phaser, but the Fylari, including the two that were stunned, quickly shimmered out of sight.
The remaining security officer looked around, nonplussed, when it suddenly dawned on Chakotay the reason for their sudden disappearance. He slapped his communicator.
"Bridge! Shields up! Red alert!" The klaxon began to wail, as the first volley hit them. He and Ayala headed for the bridge at a dead run.
The fire in the Council Hall shot up sparks, as two young Gentarrans threw another large log onto the embers. It soon began to crackle merrily again. The crowd had dwindled some, but the people who could still stand were still dancing.
Kathryn had been standing quietly in the corner, talking with one half of her mind, while the other half tried to garner up courage to approach Harry. There was a round of clapping and cheers as another dance came to a close. Harry smiled and bowed jauntily to his partner, as they left the floor. Now was her chance. She drained her fourth – fifth? – goblet of wine, and walked up to him.
"I'm ready for that dance now," she said, lifting her chin, as if daring him to turn her down. His eyes danced, as he took her hand, leading her out to the center of the Hall, as the music started anew.
She had just started enjoying the feel of his arms around her, when her feet faltered, and she felt dizzy. She stopped him.
"Can we just take a walk instead?" she asked him, adding unnecessarily, "I think I'm a little drunk."
"Really?" he said blandly, causing her to narrow her eyes at him. He took her left hand in his, and put his right arm around her, ready to support her, if need be. They exited the Hall.
The cold air was a shock, and helped the fuzzy feeling dissipate somewhat. She huddled closer to Harry… he was so warm.
"Did you enjoy the party?" he asked her.
"It was a nice party," she said. "You certainly were a hit!" He gave her a measured look, to see if anything else was behind that remark.
"Thanks, but if someone had just said the word, all those other ladies would have had to find another person to dance with." She stopped walking and looked at him, and his eyes burned into hers.
"You don't know what you're saying. I'm old, and your captain besides. Why would you wa – "
"You're beautiful," he breathed, his voice barely audible. Kathryn felt a shudder go down her spine. "And of what exactly are you the captain?"
"I a - " Anything else she might have said was cut off by his lips on hers. They were firm and warm, a contrast to the cold air nipping at her ears and cheeks. She felt herself begin to sag against him, as her knees were failing to hold her up. His arms crushed her to him tightly, and her arms went around his neck, her fingers threading through his long dark hair.
They kissed until they were forced to breathe, and when they broke apart, Kathryn's cheeks were flushed and her eyes were starry. Harry was breathing hard, unable to process exactly what had just happened. Kathryn stood up on tiptoe then, and kissed him, a long, tantalizing, sensuous kiss.
"Let's go home," she murmured.
Alarms were blaring all over the ship, as the engineering station on the bridge went up in a shower of sparks. Smoke poured from the fried relays. Two lucky shots from Ayala had disabled one Fylari vessel and destroyed another.
"Shields down to 18 percent!" Ensign McKay shouted over the red alert.
"B'Elanna, can we go to warp?" Chakotay called over the comm system.
"If we hurry!" came B'Elanna's voice amid crackles of static. "We're looking at cascade failure here, and I'm not going to be able to stay ahead of it for long. If you're going, go!"
"All reserve power to aft shields. Tom, bring us about! Mike, fire at anything you can target." Voyager limped around at what seemed at agonizingly slow pace. The ship shook under fire once again, then there was a large explosion. The engines ground to a halt.
"We're going to have to stop," B'Elanna said. "We've just lost a nacelle!" Chakotay shot an alarmed glance at Tuvok.
"What's the status of that other Fylari ship, Mike?"
"Their shields are low, and it looks like their warp reactor is starting to fluctuate."
"Target the reactor, and fire," Chakotay said evenly. Ayala did so.
"Direct hit, sir. Their core is destabilizing… they've ejected it!"
"On screen!" A small object was propelled away from the Fylari flagship, but it was not enough. When it exploded, the Fylari ship was ripped apart, and the recoil of it knocked Voyager out of control.
"I've lost the helm!" Tom said frantically, his fingers flying over the console.
"Is there anywhere we can set her down?" Chakotay asked.
"There's a Class M planet, just back over the border in Gentarran space," Ensign McKay offered. The dampers had failed, and Chakotay felt the G-forces press against him, as Voyager hurtled through space.
"B'Elanna, can you engage the thrusters from there? Full reverse?"
"Hold on," B'Elanna called back, out of breath, as if she were running across Main Engineering.
She must have been successful, for Voyager spun to a halt, knocking everyone from their chairs as the G-forces reversed on them. Not a few crewmen on other decks lost their lunches. The thrusters stopped, then engaged again, propelling them steadily across the Fylari border.
"I want reports!" Chakotay barked. "How bad is it?"
"It's bad, Captain," B'Elanna added. "We've got to set her down. The nacelle is still attached, but not by much!"
"Is it drifting?" Chakotay asked.
"Yes! If it hits the ship….!" B'Elanna trailed off. The result did not bear thinking about.
"Try to get it with the tractor beam! Can you set her down manually, Tom?"
"I think so, sir," Tom replied, and turned all his concentration to the task.
Sunlight streamed through a window, but the warmth was deceptive. The windowpane itself was cold, had either of the occupants of the bed deemed it necessary to touch the window. She was cradled on his chest, their legs intertwined. He began to stir, and she shivered, reaching down to pull the covers further up over her shoulders.
He captured her hand, and pulled it up to his lips, kissing it tenderly. She withdrew it from his grasp, her eyes still closed, and reached for the covers again.
He let her snuggle under the covers, before leaning in to kiss her gently on the lips. She responded ardently, and their kissing became much more urgent. She opened her eyes, and smiled at him fuzzily.
"I love you – " she finished her sentence with a name. A name that wasn't his.
Harry jerked away in pain, cold water figuratively thrown over his ardor. I knew, I knew she loved him, and I let myself – let myself - He threw back the covers suddenly, and fled from the room.
Kathryn hazily came awake. She had been having a lovely dream about New Earth, all about Chakotay and what she wished had happened while they were on that planet alone. She opened her eyes as the door slammed shut. She reached over to Harry's imprint on the bed… it was still warm.
She shook her head, trying to clear it. Her dream had been so vivid. She knew she should regret what she and Harry had done, but she really didn't. Chakotay was a dream, a faraway unattainable dream, and Harry was a reality… a delicious reality.
"Harry?" she called out. There were heavy footfalls outside her door, then the front door slammed shut.
Voyager came in roughly, veering to one side as one landing prop failed, and skidding to a halt. More sparks flew as other consoles exploded. Chakotay peered through the smoke and dust, searching for movement among his bridge crew.
"Is everyone okay?" He could see vague movements from his crew. "I want a status report."
There was silence, punctuated by some groans as people got to their feet. Lights from consoles flickered dimly. Ensign McKay braced herself against her station, and hit a few controls.
"We've got life support, some replicators…. Weapons are gone, shields are gone….the engines look pretty bad."
Backup generators finally flickered on, bathing the bridge in a dim glow.
"Chakotay to sickbay. Casualties?" Thank the spirits we still have communications, he thought.
"We've lost 11, Captain," the nasal voice of the EMH was sympathetic instead of strident. "I've got 8 injured in here so far, 4 severe, 1 critical. There are 23 still unaccounted for."
"Did we breach?" Chakotay asked. Ensign McKay checked.
"Yes," she replied somberly. "Hull breach on deck 10, sections 22 and 23."
"Crew quarters," he murmured dully. "Tom, can you get down to sickbay? Sounds like the doctor is going to need you."
"Aye sir," the helmsman replied promptly, and began trying to pry the turbolift doors open.
"Power's spotty, Lieutenant," McKay advised him. "I'd take a Jeffries tube."
"Thanks, Beth," he said, smiling briefly, and was gone.
Oh, Kathryn, I am so glad you didn't see this, Chakotay thought, emotional numbness stealing over him.
Kathryn dressed as quickly as possible, remembering to grab the knit hat, scarf, and mitts that Kariva had made for her, before barreling out the front door. The little street was quiet, no doubt with people sleeping off their merry-making of the previous night. There was no sign of Harry, but she knew where he'd be.
Her quick, decisive strides carried her rapidly to the old tree near Prastin and Kariva's house, where he had gone when he first found out they were trapped here.
"You'll catch your death," Kathryn admonished him dryly, without preamble.
"Kathryn, go away," Harry said wearily.
"Not until you tell me why you ran!"
"I – I – we – I think we made a mistake," he finally said, still not looking at her.
"Why do you think that?"
"Oh come on, Kathryn!" His voice was angry. "I realize that I was just a good lay! I guess I should really be flattered. But I – I hoped -"
"A good lay?" Kathryn's voice was icy. Harry recognized the danger in her tone. "Is that really what you think of me, Mr. Kim? You think maybe I screwed random crewmen or even aliens from time to time, if I happened to be horny??!" Anger caused her voice to crack.
"No – I – god, no - " Harry stopped, and then started again. "For God's sake, you said his name. In bed, with me… and you said his name."
The fight suddenly left Kathryn.
"Chakotay," she said dully. He turned toward her then, but she did not meet his gaze. "I was dreaming… about New Earth… about him, and – I'm sorry, Harry."
"No, I – I guess you can't help the way you feel. You can't help who you love." Naked longing was on his face, and Kathryn wasn't sure if he was talking to her or to himself.
"You're right," Kathryn conceded, and watched his face fall further. Then he lifted his chin resolutely.
"I'll be all right, Kathryn. We are all we've got, and I don't want to ruin it." He started to stand, and Kathryn stopped him, kneeling down next to him.
"Chakotay was a lovely dream. Something I hoped to have someday… that has now become quite impossible."
"Because you're stuck here."
"Because I'm with you." She spoke quickly, nearly before he could finish speaking, and watched hope steal across his features.
"We would have – this would never have happened on Voyager. I can tell you that with the utmost assurance. But we're not on Voyager. And we'll never be on Voyager again. Why – why should we deny ourselves this… if - " she nearly faltered, but finished, with her lips just millimeters from his, "if it's what we both want?"
His dark eyes burned into hers for a powerful fraction of a second, before he leaned forward to capture her lips with his own.
"Besides," Kathryn said, after they broke the kiss. "I want to try for home when the portal opens, and I want you to come with me."
"That was always my plan," he said, confused.
She filled him in on how she had been afraid, watching him dance with Hynali, that he might decide to settle down and stay here, even once the portal reopened. He smiled at her tenderly, wordlessly letting her know that she never had to fear abandonment from him.
"I'm going to be right here for you," he said, kissing her softly again, "For as long as you want."
TBCNext chapter: The Renaissance
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