Disclaimer: Just borrowing a swing on Paramount's playground.
The ReunionHe had battled with himself for weeks, over his growing attraction to Ensign McKay. It had been uncomfortable, unwelcome, and unwanted. He didn't understand how he could miss Kathryn so much that it hurt, and yet get lost thinking about Elizabeth's clear green eyes or the way she blushed when she met his gaze.
When he finally asked her over for dinner in his quarters, she had looked down at her feet for a long moment, and he had agonized that she was groping for the nicest way to turn him down. She finally looked up at him, and murmured a soft affirmative. She had looked so beautiful and inviting that he had kissed her right then, feeling like a twelve year old.
They had since gone out several times, taking the utmost care to keep their dates a complete secret. Chakotay didn't want other people to know until they figured out exactly where this was going. And he wasn't sure exactly where this was going.
It disturbed him greatly that he had continued to see Kathryn in his dreams, always beautiful and ethereal, and he would awaken with the heaviest sense of longing and despair and regret… like he had just missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime, one that would never be available again.
"Captain, we're being hailed," Ensign McKay repeated, and Chakotay started out of his reverie, realizing that he had not responded.
"Who's hailing us?" he asked, furrowing his brow. "Have sensors reported any ships in our vicinity?"
"Negative," Ayala answered. "They just… appeared on my last scan, pacing us at Warp 7."
"They're hailing us again," Elizabeth interjected.
"What is the status of their weapons?" Chakotay asked.
"Weapons are not powered up.Their armaments are extensive for a ship that size, but still no match for Voyager. Their shields are up, and they have very extensive security systems." Ayala paused, then said with some surprise. "They have a cloaking device." Chakotay digested this for a moment.
"That answers why we didn't know they were there until now. They haven't done anything to us yet," he said, finally. "Open a channel."
There was an obliging chirp as Ensign McKay pressed the appropriate keypads.
"This is Captain Chakotay of the Federation starship Voyager. How can we be of assistance?"
There was silence from the other end of an unmistakably open commlink.
"This is Captain Ch – " Chakotay began again, his voice rising in timbre, but he was interrupted. The voice sounded strangely hollow, almost as if the person speaking were in shock.
"This – this is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Renaissance. Request – request permission to come aboard."
A wave of alarm rippled across the bridge.
"What the hell?" Chakotay said harshly under his breath. He jerked his chin toward Ensign McKay's station. "Put it on screen."
Kathryn Janeway appeared on the viewer, looking much as she had the last day they saw her, except for longer hair partially pulled back from her face. When she saw them, her face broke into a radiant smile.
"It is so good to see you!"
Chakotay felt like he had been punched in the gut. And he was pretty sure that he had opened and closed his mouth several times, without saying anything.
Kathryn's eyes darted back and forth, as she glanced at different bridge crew members, who were all in various states of something that resembled catatonia.
"You do understand our… surprise," Tuvok finally said, rising from his chair, and moving to stand near Chakotay in the middle of the bridge floor. "We were informed by the authorities on Gentarra Prime that Kathryn Janeway and Harry Kim were dead."
"The Chancellor of Gentarra Prime has his own agenda. We did not fit into those plans." Kathryn's voice had become colder. It was clear that she did not think highly of the Chancellor.
On that, we're agreed, Chakotay thought emphatically. The corner of Kathryn's mouth turned up in her trademark crooked smile. Chakotay felt his heartbeat accelerate, until it seemed to be slamming against the confinements of his ribcage.
"I didn't like him either," she said. Chakotay did a double take, amazed that she could still practically read his thoughts.
"We?" Tom queried, picking up on something that Chakotay hadn't noticed up until that point.
"Oh!" Kathryn said. "Harry's with me too. We're both fine." Harry leaned into the frame then, looking largely unchanged. His hair was long, and pulled back into a low ponytail. Tom also noticed enviously that he had obviously been working out.
"You guys are a sight for sore eyes!" Harry exclaimed, grinning hugely, as if he couldn't help himself.
"If Chancellor Yegran lied to us, which doesn't surprise me much, then where have you been all this time?" Chakotay asked, glad he was finally able to formulate an intelligent question. He had never felt so dumbfounded in all his life.
"It's – it's a rather long story," Kathryn said, laughing uncertainly. "Could we talk it over in person?"
"I don't think that would be a problem," Chakotay said slowly, still being cautious. "Stand by." He signaled Elizabeth to cut the connection.
"Chakotay to EMH," he stated.
"EMH here, Captain."
"Can you scan the ship and compare the biosigns there with those we have on file for Kathryn and Harry?"
"It appears so. Stand by," the doctor replied.
"They're scanning the ship. Making sure we are who we say we are?" Harry questioned, watching his console.
"I figured he would," Kathryn said confidently, still appearing firmly in control of the situation.
"You scared?" Harry ventured, wondering at her calm demeanor. Kathryn grinned at him wryly.
"Shitless," she admitted. He laughed involuntarily, then grew serious again.
"What do you think is going to happen? Once we're back over there for good."
She reached over to clasp his hand, and he threaded his fingers tightly through hers.
"I don't know," she answered, although she wasn't entirely sure what he was referring to.
"And when they see Alli?" Harry pressed.
Kathryn had seen the look on Chakotay's face. She could read him better than many telepaths would be able to. He still has feelings for me. The way his face lit up… she wanted to cry.
"I think it's going to be a … shock," Kathryn said hesitantly.
"Well, we were stranded together for a long time. I think the crew will understand, don't you?" Harry had the uncomfortable sensation that he was standing on ground that was rapidly shifting out from under him.
"I wasn't talking about the crew," she said in a strangled voice.
"Oh," Harry managed dully, as he realized what she was talking about.
"He hasn't forgotten. It was written all over his face." Kathryn's face was stricken.
Harry took a deep breath, exhaled it slowly, and watched her for a moment, without speaking.
"And what about your feelings for him?" he ground out, the question sounding like it was torn unwillingly from his soul. There was agony in his eyes.
Kathryn blinked at him, hurt. "How can you even ask that?"
"EMH to the bridge."
"Go ahead."
"The biosigns on the ship match what we have on record for both Kathryn Janeway and Harry Kim." The doctor did not mention the third biosign over on the smaller ship.
Chakotay audibly exhaled.
"Thank you doctor. Mike, lower the shields. Ensign McKay, instruct them that they may beam over at their convenience."
"Aye, sir." There was a pause. "They will be arriving shortly, sir," she added.
Chakotay stood and nodded. "Thank you, Ensign."
He turned to his first officer. "Tuvok- "
"Please - " Tom burst out, before Chakotay could finish, and then looked apologetic. "May I be in the transporter room when they arrive?"
Chakotay nodded, a slight smile creasing his features. "You have the conn," he said quietly to Tuvok. "We'll be meeting in the conference room in 20 minutes. Contact the rest of the senior staff."
Harry slung the satchel that they used to carry Alli's baby things over his shoulder. "That everything she'll need for awhile?" he asked, as Kathryn gently picked up their baby girl.
"I think so," Kathryn said distractedly, smoothing Alli's raven-dark hair. "I feel like I'm going to be sick," she added in a murmur.
Harry watched her with concern, and tried to put himself in her position. She was the leader of a starship, and has returned to a crew that is already following someone else. She is afraid of what the crew will think when they find out she's married a subordinate, and she's afraid of badly hurting someone who was already badly hurt when she disappeared. At least, Harry hoped that's who she was afraid of badly hurting.
"Come here," he ordered gently. She walked into his embrace and he folded his arms around her and Alli. "We've made it through a lot of things, and we'll make it through this too. And," he swallowed hard as he made the next statement, "as long as you are satisfied with the decisions that you have made, then what anyone else thinks doesn't really matter."
Kathryn's eyes were shiny with tears.
"I love you, Harry." He stepped onto the one-man transporter unit tucked into a tiny alcove just off the bridge.
"I love you too," he said, hoping to God that it was not a farewell.
By the time Tom and Chakotay had arrived at the transporter room, B'Elanna had joined them as well. She looked down self-consciously at her slightly rounded stomach, and smiled,
"I couldn't wait to tell Harry the news. He knew we were trying before he - before he left," she finished, unsure of what word was appropriate.
"Energizing," said the transporter chief. Chakotay felt his insides tying into knots as Harry shimmered into view.
Harry bounded off the pad immediately. He and Tom embraced, clapping each other on the back, and laughing like idiots. "B'Elanna!" he exclaimed. "Look at y - " he broke off when the transporter chief indicated he was beaming Kathryn over.
When she coalesced into view, Harry was standing next to the transporter pad, and held up a hand to help her step down, with an ease and naturalness that was apparent to everyone in the room. Chakotay swallowed and worked valiantly to maintain his composure.
Spirits above, they have a baby! was his one coherent thought.
There was uncomfortable silence.
"You had a baby?" B'Elanna rushed to fill the lull, coming as close to squealing as a half-Klingon could. "She is so pretty. Our girls won't be very far apart then!"
Kathryn finally smiled, and congratulated B'Elanna. "Her name's Alli," she added, almost as an afterthought.
Tom stepped over to them then, to examine the baby. "She's gorgeous." He met Kathryn's gaze with a genuine smile. "It's good to see you again, Captain," he said sincerely.
Chakotay saw Kathryn relax visibly. She and Tom had always had a kind of rapport that he couldn't fathom.
Tom and B'Elanna quickly appropriated the baby, and began making a fuss over her, asking questions while Harry answered them, beaming as only a proud father could.
Kathryn turned and looked at Chakotay for the first time since they had arrived. Her eyes were wary and uncertain, but she smiled.
"It is good to see you again," Chakotay echoed Tom, his voice rough with repressed emotion.
"I missed this so much! I didn't even realize how much I missed it. And I – I missed you," she said in almost a whisper. She threw herself toward him, and hugged him tightly. He hesitated for a moment, but then his arms embraced her as well.
When she stepped back out of his embrace, she was wiping away tears, and laughing at herself for acting so ridiculous.
"How's Voyager?" she asked. "Why weren't you further ahead? Did something happen? Is everyone okay?" Her questions tripped over one another, and Chakotay held up one hand to stop her.
"We have questions for you too," he said, smiling, although it really didn't reach his eyes. "We've got everyone coming to the conference room in a few minutes. We can go over everything there."
Just then, Alli shifted uncomfortably in B'Elanna's arms and began to fuss.
"Oh, she's probably getting hungry," Kathryn said with chagrin. "It's about time for me to feed her."
"Why don't you both go to sickbay?" Tom suggested. "I know the doctor is just dying to give you both a once-over, and you can feed her there."
"Thanks, Tom," Harry said. "We'll come up to the conference room in a few minutes."
B'Elanna and Tom were talking excitedly to one another, as they made their way up to the conference room.
"Wasn't Alli beautiful? Those eyes!" B'Elanna exclaimed.
"Harry's going to have to keep a phaser handy when she's old enough to start dating," Tom added.
They both realized at about the same time that Chakotay had not spoken since they had left the transporter room, and looked shamefacedly at each other.
"Chakotay, are you okay?" B'Elanna ventured tentatively. Chakotay looked stunned, almost as if he wasn't really aware that they were there.
"I… I imagined what it would be like if, by some miracle, she was alive… I imagined it a thousand times. And never once, never once…" his voice trailed off, as he thought of beautiful dark-eyed babies that weren't his.
B'Elanna and Tom looked at him sympathetically, as the turbolift came to a halt on the bridge deck.
"Maybe it'll help, once we find out what happened," B'Elanna said, not really believing it.
Chakotay smiled bitterly, and he barked out, "Call me when they're ready," striding past Ensign McKay without even acknowledging her existence.
"I don't think that went so well," Kathryn said, pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. "It was really…awkward."
"Yeah, it's nice to have your welcome be the captain of the vessel looking like he'd like to beat the holy shit out of you," Harry said, without humor.
"Harry, he did not look at you like that." Her voice was tired and frustrated.
"Kathryn, I was there! The hostility was rolling off of him in waves."
"He's just… had a shock, that's all. We all have really."
"Why are you defending him?" Harry's voice was edgy.
"I'm not defending him. He didn't do anything to be defended for!"
"Were you in the same room I was?" Harry asked sarcastically. "You could have cut the tension with a laser scalpel. He was as jealous as hell!"
"He is the captain of this ship, and you need to give him the respect that title merits." Kathryn said, low and dangerously.
"Don't cast his rank up to me, Kathryn. You think I am not aware that I'm only an Ensign? You think I don't know that my lower rank is part of your whole problem with this?"
Kathryn threw up her hands in disgust. They had arrived at sickbay, and came through the double doors, still arguing.
"I knew… I just knew you would make this an issue eventually!" she seethed.
"I didn't make it an issue. You're the one who brought it up!"
The doctor came around the corner, but retreated quickly when he got the gist of the conversation…if one could call it that.
"How in the hell did I bring it up?"
"You're the one who brought up that he was the captain."
"Heis the captain. That is merely a statement of fact!"
"I never disputed the fact that he was the captain, and that he deserves my respect. He has my respect. But the fact remains that I also deserve respect because I am your husband!"
"That has never been up for debate either!"
"You didn't tell him we were married," Harry observed quietly. "You let him think - well, who knows what he thought?"
Allanora chose that moment to wail in protest that her nutritional needs had apparently been forgotten. While her parents were momentarily distracted by this, the doctor reappeared.
"Ah," he said. "Thank you, Miss Kim, for putting an end to that… emotional display I was just forced to witness."
Kathryn and Harry glowered at him, but he appeared unfazed.
"Captain Janeway, would you like to begin feeding her, while I go ahead with Mr. Kim's physical?"
"That would be fine, Doctor," Kathryn muttered, and wandered around the divider in search of a comfortable chair.
"So you and the Captain are married?" The Doctor asked in a soothingly neutral voice.
"Year and a half," Harry answered, his tone still somewhat sullen.
"And the name of your daughter?"
"Allanora. We're calling her Alli."
Kathryn looked down at the perfection she held in her arms, and Alli blinked back up at her with a sleepy gaze. Precious baby, she thought, I hope… she couldn't finish her thought, because she didn't know what she hoped. No one was going to emerge from this unscathed.
They walked up toward the bridge and the conference room in silence, when the Doctor had finished with them. The unresolved conflict had smothered the desire to speak. They were aware of astounded eyes on them as they walked to the conference room, and managed to make themselves return smiles.
When they entered the conference room, the awaiting senior staff burst into spontaneous applause. Kathryn held up one hand, shaking her head that they did not deserve this kind of attention. Everyone was present, except the doctor, who had volunteered to watch Alli for them, and would monitor the meeting from sickbay. Kathryn made the rounds of those who had not been in the transporter, giving heartfelt hugs to Seven, Neelix, and especially Tuvok.
"Let me first," Chakotay said, somewhat formally and heavily, "on behalf of the crew of Voyager, welcome you both back to the ship. It was a shattering day to everyone when you were lost."
"We missed everyone as well," Kathryn murmured, in a similar manner.
"So, what happened on Gentarra Prime? The Chancellor said you were murdered by a street thug," Tom asked.
"I was assaulted," Kathryn began, noting that her voice sounded like it was coming from somewhere else. "A Gentarran male stole my communicator, and came after me with a knife. Harry came to my rescue," she flicked a glance up at Harry.
"I really just ran with her," Harry demurred.
"We came to this door, which was slightly ajar, and ducked into it to hide. I was hoping to get us enough time for Harry to signal for a beam out - "
" – but we weren't in any kind of building," Harry interjected. "We were in this field, with no buildings in sight. My communicator was dead, and - "
" – we found out we were still on Gentarra, but in an alternate universe, one where Gentarra had remained agriculturally centered."
"The Gentarrans figured out how to create a stable portal between universes?" Tuvok asked, raising his eyebrows. "Impressive."
"Is this what they were so intent on keeping secret?" Chakotay asked, trying to ignore the pain slamming through him. They were finishing each other's damn sentences!
Kathryn nodded. "They had just completed a cycle, and the agrarian end of Gentarra had no control over the system. The cycle had to be reset and charged up again, and that would take years."
"It would have been nearly five years, but the scientists on Gentarra Prime had been experimenting with two-way transport, and opened the portal early," Harry added.
"We got lucky," Kathryn said.
"A sympathetic scientist hid us until our ship was ready. The Gentarran government would have killed us to keep us from leaving their planet with knowledge of the portal."
"Yegran told you we were dead. Why? Wasn't it enough that we had just disappeared?" Kathryn asked, looking at Chakotay.
"I sent a security team down to look. We found your communicator crushed into powder, and Harry's communicator signal had just vanished. When we got too close to the area where the signal had disappeared, they forced us to leave. They gave us all of our supplies free, and produced some random Gentarran to say that he had attacked and killed you. Even talked about stealing your commbadge." Chakotay seemed to realize that he was rambling, and stopped rather abruptly.
"What was it like on the other Gentarra?" B'Elanna asked. "Did they have any technology?"
"Not much!" Harry laughed. "They had a sort of communications system, and they had good medical equipment, but all that they got from Gentarra Prime in exchange for food and ore and natural resources. I worked in the blacksmith's forge, and Kathryn had a garden!" Laughter rippled around the table, but Kathryn's smile froze at the last part of Harry's statement. New Earth.
Unwillingly, she dragged her gaze up to meet Chakotay's. Her heart thudded in her ears, at the longing on his face. He wasn't even bothering to hide it. Color flooded her face, but no one appeared to have been paying any attention to them.
"I even canned them too!" Kathryn forced herself to say merrily.
"Damn near blew up the house," Harry teased.
"Only the first time!" she protested innocently. Tom guffawed.
Chakotay managed to smile, despite fresh agony from their teasing banter, as well as the innocent phrase "the house". Then he noticed that Elizabeth was watching him from the other end of the table. She was pale, and her blue eyes were dark and thoughtful. He realized guiltily that he hadn't given her a second thought since Kathryn had contacted Voyager. She noticed the emotion that flitted across his face, and an infinitesimal shudder went through her body. She jerked her gaze away.
"But what happened to Voyager?" Kathryn asked. "You should have been more than two years ahead of us."
Chakotay related the tale of the Fylari pirates, and Kathryn's eyes were flashing with indignation, as B'Elanna told about the crash landing and extensive damage. Her face clouded with sorrow when she heard about the lost crewmen.
"We probably both left that area at nearly the same time," Tom mused.
"And we were following almost the exact same course," Harry added, and told the story of the Sikari marketplace, and how they come to realize that Voyager was not far ahead of them.
"What day did you launch?" Kathryn asked. When Chakotay told her, she and Harry exchanged a significant glance.
"Alli's birthday," they said in unison. There were confused looks from some of the senior staff, and Harry explained how they had been discovered and forced to flee Gentarra Prime in the middle of Kathryn's labor, and about Allanora's subsequent birth on an isolated moon.
There were some nonplussed glances, as the remaining senior staff tried to digest the fact that their captain had a baby, and with Ensign Kim, no less.
Harry noticed that Kathryn kept her hands firmly in her lap, and she was twirling her wedding ring around on her finger, pushing the stone with her thumb. Does she wish she didn't have it on? he wondered. In any case, it was obvious that she didn't feel comfortable revealing the more permanent aspect of their relationship.
"What are your plans for your ship?" Chakotay asked, but then backed up. "You will come back to Voyager?"
"Of course," Kathryn said, looking quickly at Harry for confirmation. "She's too big for the shuttlebay, isn't she?"
"Yeah," Harry agreed. "Unless we got rid of everything else in there."
Kathryn looked pained. "I hate to leave her behind. You worked so hard on her." Chakotay had the uncomfortable sensation that he was eavesdropping on a private conversation. At the same moment, Kathryn seemed to realize that they were still in a room full of people.
"We could strip her down," Harry offered. "There is a lot of technology on board that could possibly be adapted or reworked for Voyager."
"That way nobody else would have access to the technology, either," Tom said, "once you left her behind."
"That's true," Kathryn replied. "I guess it's the only thing to do. What about…" she stumbled, searching for the appropriate words. "What about our status? Are we back on active duty?" she asked.
"You may resume command any time you're ready, Kathryn," Chakotay said immediately.
"Chakotay, I don't want to just show up and steal your command. You've obviously done an excellent job." Their use of each other's given names did not go unnoticed by the others in the room. Neither did their apparent unawareness that they had done so.
"Kathryn, it means enough that you've returned. I don't need to be captain," Chakotay said, in such a heartfelt way that most of the senior staff felt the need to concentrate on something else, like their laps, or the opposite wall.
"Only if you're sure," she said.
"I'm sure," he replied, and no one was really certain of what exactly they were talking about anymore.
Harry stood abruptly.
"If we're about finished, I'd like to go check on Alli please," he looked at Chakotay for permission, but his countenance suggested that he would do what he damn well pleased.
"The meeting is over anyway," Chakotay said. "We would like your reports on file, as soon as you have them. You're all dismissed."
As the room emptied, Kathryn and Chakotay found themselves alone. She flicked a quick glance at him, and then turned to go.
"Kathryn?" Chakotay said hoarsely. His dark eyes burned into hers, and her heart began to pound. "We need to talk."
TBC
Next chapter: Conversations
Thank you so much for all the reviews! I was so excited when there were so many of them. I hope I got this update out quickly enough…the reviews were certainly motivating!