That night, Sandra sent William out, called off her babysitting duties and baked a chicken and ham pie, Ava's favourite when she was a child. They ate it sitting by the television watching the news, Ava couldn't help noticing all the DVD's with her name on the side.

"Ava, is it serious between you and Joshua?"

"Is what serious?"

"The problems you're having, is it serious? Do you think you'll get a divorce?"

The answers was no, only because Gloria and Nathen would rather have her die then divorce, at least Josh could play grieving husband rather then angry ex. Plus she could see in Sandra's eyes that she couldn't handle another daughter divorcing again, especially not her.

"No Mom, I don't think we'll get a divorce. We'll work through it."

"Sometimes, when I see you on the television I forget who you are and I think, her Mother must be so proud. Then you turn around and I can see your eyes and I remember that you're mine and I am proud."

Ava stopped eating, and not because someone had given her a hard kick under the table, because she was shocked. Really shocked, so deeply she thoughts he was going to cry.

"Mom, I'm still your baby."

She sounded almost desperate. Sandra smiled.

"No dear, you're not. Marissa Kirsten and Austin are my babies now. You're Ava and you're all grown up. I hardly get to see you."

"I'll fly you out to Hollywood, William too."

"You're always so busy! Who else can say their daughter is an Oscar winner, besides Nicole Kidman's but personally I think there's no public interest since she and Tom broke up."

Sandra carried on eating and watching the news for a few minutes before taking a deep breath.

"You can tell me if you and Joshua are going to break up. I would like to know."

Gloria's voice cut through her head.

Under no circumstances are you to tell anyone the depth of this. All you say is, we're fine.

"Mom," she paused and her first instinct was to listen to Gloria, the second was fuck her. "We're fine."

Sandra smiled, she was satisfied, but Ava wasn't. Fuck Gloria, Fuck Nathen and fuck Josh. Inside her head, she could hear a voice.

"My name's Ava. I've just reailsed my life is an illusion, my marriage is a sham, I have no free will and I'm in love with someone else. Oh, and I have no idea who I am anymore."

She wanted to get out of there and just think, but she couldn't. Why not? There was no one there telling her she couldn't, demanding she take a driver and a minder so why not? Ava thought the same too.

"Mom, can I lend your car?"

For a very long time, Ava just sat in the front seat, listening to the low hum of the radio not really moving and ignoring the made, hysterical ring of her phone. At some point she fell asleep and woke up abruptly at seven am, praying that nobody with a camera had even seen her. Ava woke up with her head on the steering wheel and looked at the steamed up window. It took some time before she reailsed there was someone knocking on the door.

"Ava."

A muffled voice called through the door, but she didn't move.

"Ava, open the door, or at least move so I know you haven't died."

It was then she sat up with a stiff neck (as you would get if you'd slept on a steering wheel) and pushed the door open. There was John and her heart soared again.

"What are you doing?"

"I came looking for you. Your Mom phoned. Josh is here."

You wouldn't expected the thought of your husband to make you want to physically vomit, but she could feel it rising up in her throat. Not Josh, he couldn't be there, she didn't want him to be there.

"Are you ok, you look a little green."

She shook her head and got out of the car.

"Why is he here? What does he want? I told him I needed a break."

John shrugged. "He must miss you. I guess if he knows your marriage is in trouble he wants to fix it."

Right then and there Ava had an epiphany. Standing by her mothers banged up old car, looking like crap, with John, she reailsed everything that had been wrong. She laughed because if she didn't do that she was going to cry.

"My marriage isn't in trouble John, it's over."

"What? Why? You seemed so happy."

"I'm not, I don't even know what it is to feel happy. Me and Josh are a sham, I don't want to be with him. I want to...."

"Ava don't."

"I want to be with you." she finished.

Oh my god, she actually said it. Give her the first round of applause she actually deserves. We've know this from the start, it's taken her thirteen chapters to realise this, of course this can't be a good sign and if it was a movie everything would have been alright, the screen would fade to black after and close up kiss. Please.

"John, I'm in love with you. I want to be with you and I don't care what it takes. You make me feel whole."

"Don't do this Ava!" John shouted.

His voice was so loud that Ava was taken back. Wasn't he suppose to carry her far away?

"Look at me! Look at you! You're Ava Carson and I'm not in love with you, you're not the same! I knew you when you had ideas, when you could think on your own, when you made mistakes and didn't care what people thought of you. I loved Ava Ashcroft and I know she's still in you because I've seen her and fallen in love with her again."

"We're the same person."

"You're not, and no matter what we say today, you won't be the same person. You can't even change because you can't see it."

Ava took off her ring, she slid the rock off her finger and slammed it down on the roof of the car.

"Don't make me go back to him."

"He's your husband and he loves you."

"No he doesn't."

John took the ring and put it back on her finger.

"It doesn't matter, I can't be with you, I can't because....I just can't"

Bullshit.

She knew it, despite all the evidence that suggests the opposite, Ava wasn't stupid. She slapped John as hard as she could, with the flat on her hand and it gave a satisfying crack.

"You asshole."

She didn't say anymore but really, did she need to?

Later that day, Ava Carson got back on her private jet and flew back to Hollywood with her husband and a broken heart. Poor girl.