Chapter Fifteen-The Ground So Far Away.

Ava ran. She ran the way she did when she was nine and terrified that if the neighbours dog got her then it was going to eat her. She ran the way she did on a treadmill when she'd been told she had to lose three pounds by Tuesday and it was Friday. In other words Ava ran like her life depended on it, which was hard considering she was wearing one shoe and her hands hurt. In her mind, all she had to go was get to the nearest hotel and call her Mom to pick her up. Any hotel would do, any hotel where she could lock the door and use the phone. She would be damned if she stayed there any longer after what she saw in that mirror. Home was where the heart was, home was where John was and now she knew it would all be okay. Ava would call E! and give them one hell of an exclusive. She tore across the road, and stopped when a piece of glass pushed itself further into her foot, she gave a yelp and hoped then she was pulled backwards into a car. A limousine with Josh inside, and for once just Josh.

"Drive!" he barked and Ava screamed blue murder.

"Get off me now!"

"Ava you're sick. It's stress and you're not well but we'll get you some help."

"Get off me now!"

Josh pushed her to the floor and her dress gave a rip, so much for quality.

"Do you know what your jeopardizing?"

"I don't care! I don't want to be an Actress if the price is my identity! I don't want to be your wife, I don't want your baby! I want to go home and away from you!"

"You don't know what your saying!" Josh told her, and Ava threw her other shoe. It hit him in the eye and he screamed in pain.

"Stop the car!" she demanded to the driver and reached for the door.

Josh grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"You're not going anywhere. Sooner or later you'll see that this is all just stupid. You love the life you have, why would you want to throw it away?"

He was speaking to her as though she was five.

"I am sick of being manipulated and told what to do."

"What does that matter? You're a success story. Billions of people idolise you. "

"I love John!"

His grip on her arm tightened so badly that it would later leave a bruise for six days.

"If you go to him you'll end up as a has-been housewife with four kids. You'll end up like Justine."

Ava tried to pull away from him, but he wrapped his other arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him and holding her tight.

"I'm going to take you home and it will all be ok, you'll see."

She knew it wouldn't be, and every time the car moved closer towards 'home' her hope was fading, fading fast. Ava thought this was what drowning felt like, you'd struggle and struggle but really there was no point, you where just going to die. That's how she really felt, she felt as though if she walked back through that front door and saw the smashed mirror, then she'd die. The car stopped, the door opened and there was Gloria and Nathen, looking at her as though she was in the zoo. Josh helped her out and Gloria put her arms out.

"Ava, sweetheart, we'll make this all go away."

"If you touch me…"

Which Gloria did, she went to pull Ava into a hug and Ava pushed her away as hard as she could.

"If you touch me again I swear to god you'll end up with a bloody nose." She stopped and looked at all of them. "That goes for any of you. Now here is what's going to happen, I'm going to go inside, change, pack a bag and leave. If you try and stop me every news channel, every magazine and every reporter will hear all about this."

She headed towards the house and they followed, all speaking at once.

"Ava, you're not well…"

"….good doctors. This won't get out."

"…our marriage. For us. You do…"

"…it's stress. Sleep and you'll feel better."

"…can't risk it."

"Fuck off!"

Ava screamed it as loud as she could, not caring that fuck wasn't a PG word and she shouldn't be saying it.

"Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off!"

She went upstairs and when she closed the door there was a sudden shout of 'Stop her!'

Ava should of paid more attention to that then she did.

John re read the e-mail more times then he'd readily admit, he typed out several responses, none of which he sent. He couldn't, not that he didn't want to, believe that Ava saw it. That she saw what was wrong and that she was willing to fix it. She was too far gone for that. He couldn't imagine Ava with her, in her clothes that Dontella Versace had made just for her, with stylists, dieticians, make up artists and personal trainers hovering around her, living with him and loving him. They didn't want the same things. Eventually, he decided not to type a reply, he blocked her address and turned off his computer.

If he'd only known what was going on.

The click that meant the door was being locked came half an hour ago, and Ava was still raging as loud as she was then. The room with it's en-suite bathroom, walking in closets and dressing room had been turned upside down. She threw anything she could pick up at the door, kicked it, rattled it scream and swore, but it did no good. There door didn't budge.

"Josh you bastard!"

When she saw the heavy antiqued chair in the corner, she hurled it at the window which cracked, she picked it up, screamed and threw it again. It smashed this time and when the door reopened she was out on the ledge.

"Ava!" Josh's voice was distant from inside the room, all she could hear was blood in her ears. He appeared to the left of her, but didn't make a grab.

"Please come in."

There was a sadness and desperation to his voice she only heard in his voices. It took her a long time to stand up, the ground seemed so far away.

"Please come inside, you're not…"

"Well." Ava finished not looking at him. "I have no idea what you think is wrong with me Josh."

"Stress, but don't jump. You don't want to die."

She almost laughed, she hadn't been thinking of dying, she'd been thinking that she could hut the ground and make a better run for it now she was wearing better shoes. Suicide didn't seem so bad actually.

"Why not?"

"You don't want to."

"I don't want to do a lot of things, but you make me don't you? It's always smile Ava, take this part Ava, let's have a baby Ava. I don't want to, I don't even love you. I want John."

She moved further away.

"Ava don't! There's a Doctor here who'll help, just come inside."

She didn't want to, but surely our girl wouldn't jump. Would she?