Chapter 4

I served drinks for about another hour, when I heard Bors yell, "Vanora will sing."

Then many of the knights joined in, "Sing!…Sing!...Sing about home!"

Eventually Vanora gave in and sang, "Land of bear and land of eagle, land that gave us birth and blessing, land that called us ever homewards, we will go home across the mountains, we will go home, we will go home…" and on she went.

As she was singing the song I observed the knights watching her and taking in every word of her song.

Galahad had his eyes closed and was singing along; Lancelot had lost his usual cocky demeanor and was solemnly looking down at his cup; this made me realize how much these discharge papers meant to the knights.

They had been fighting for fifteen long years; never having enough time to start a real family or get married; fifteen years of their lives consisted of fighting, blood, and death.

Fifteen years of pain; physical and mental. Sound familiar? It did to me, it made me think of a young girl who also went through many years of pain…that girl was me. Then I realized why I felt pulled towards Lancelot, we both lived similar lives; but why Lancelot? Why didn't I feel this mental connection with Galahad, Gawain, or any of the other knights? Why didn't I feel such a pull towards Arthur?

I was snapped out of my pondering when Jols and Galahad yelled, "Arthur!"

All the knights, and I, got up and walked over to where Arthur was. I didn't like the serious look Arthur had on his face.

"You're not completely Roman yet, right?" asked Galahad with a chuckle.

Arthur looked from me to the knights and said, "Knights…brothers in arms…your courage has been tested beyond all limits….but I must ask you now for one further trial."

"Drink," interrupted Bors with a laugh.

Arthur continued, "…we must leave on a final mission for Rome before our freedom can be granted…"

Gawain and Galahad thought this to be a joke, or just hoped it was, and started laughing.

Arthur kept going, "…Above the wall, far in the north, there is a Roman family in need of rescue. They are trapped by Saxons. Our orders are to secure their safety."

Bors was starting to get aggravated and, as calmly as he could, said, "Let the Romans take care of their own."

"Above the wall is Woad territory," said Gawain in a shocked voice.

Galahad was extremely drunk, and that wasn't helping the situation at all, "Our duty to Rome, if it was ever a duty, is done. Our pact with Rome is done."

Bors couldn't keep his temper under control any more, and he yelled, pointing at Arthur, "Every knight here has laid his life on the line for you. For you. And instead of freedom you want more blood? Our blood? You think more of Roman blood than you do of ours?"

"Bors…" Arthur replied firmly, but calmly, "…these are our orders. We leave at first light, and when we return your freedom will be waiting for you. A freedom we can embrace with honor…"

"I am a free man!" yelled Bors, "I will choose my own fate!"

Tristan, who usually never said a word, replied coolly, "Yeah, yeah, we're all going to die someday. If it's a death from a Saxon hand that frightens you, stay home."

That was the last straw for Galahad and he yelled at Tristan, "Listen, if you're so eager to die, you can die right now! I've got something to live for!"

Lancelot and I jumped between the two and he yelled, "Enough. Enough!"

I was glad to hear the confident voice of Dragonet, "The Romans have broken their word. We have the word of Arthur. That is good enough. I'll prepare."

Arthur looked at Gawain and said, "And you, Gawain?"

"I'm with you…Galahad as well." Gawain replied. Galahad smashed the mug he had been drinking out of and both walked away.

The only people left standing there were me, Lancelot and Arthur.

Arthur looked at me and said, "I will leave the decision of whether you want to go or not up to you; but I prefer you would come with us, I have lost you once before, and I am not about to lose you again."

I gave Arthur a reassuring smile and said, "I'll go pack." With that Arthur walked away and I was about to go to my room, when Lancelot grabbed my hand.

"Julia, it's far too dangerous, I can't let you come with us, you don't know what the Saxons are like; they will rape and kill any living being…I could never forgive myself if anything happened to you…"

His words made my skin tingle and my heart skip a beat; did he really care for me that much?

I had to ignore them though; there was no way I was going to lose Arthur again. The only time I felt protected and safe was when I was with Arthur.

The only thing I could reply to Lancelot was, "Then you better make sure nothing happens to me."

With that I turned around and quickly walked towards my room, I heard Lancelot give a loud sigh and then walk away in the opposite direction.

When I got to my room I realized that really I had nothing to pack, the best thing for me to do would be to go down to the stables and try to find a saddle and bridle for Rhaebus.

I grabbed my sword and made my way down to the stables. On the way there I stopped by the courtyard and grabbed a canteen and filled it with water.

As I walked into the stables I heard Lancelot's voice.

"Arthur, you fight for a world that will never exist. Never. There will always be a battlefield!"

Lancelot was talking to Arthur; they were obviously in an argument. I wanted to walk away quietly, but both had noticed me and were looking straight at me.

"I was going to get a saddle, but I can see you two are talking, so…uh… I'll just come back later…" I said quietly; turning around to walk away.

Arthur replied quickly, "No, no. Julia it is fine. We were just done discussing tomorrow's mission. I laid a saddle and bridle for you in front of Rhaebus' stall."

And with that Arthur bid me and Lancelot goodnight and walked off towards his room. I walked towards Ray's stall to examine the saddle and attach my canteen and sword. Lancelot was still sitting on a bench, in the back of the stable, silently staring at the ground.

I was just about to go into Ray's stall when Lancelot quietly said, "To try and get past the Woads in the north is insanity…"

I could tell from his voice that this was deeply troubling him. I closed Ray's stall and sat down next to Lancelot. He was still staring at the ground.

"Well, the Woads you've fought before." I quietly said.

"Yes, but not north of the wall…I don't believe in this mission…Suicide cannot be chosen for another!" he was getting very angry; he jumped and started pacing back and forth, still looking at the ground.

I sat quietly, thinking of the right words to say to him.

"Lancelot, I have heard so many tales of you and Arthur about the many battles you've fought together; how many times in battle have you snatched victory from the jaws of defeat? Outnumbered, outflanked, yet still you've triumphed. I know that if Arthur has you by his side, you will be able to do so again. Lancelot…please…"

I got up and grabbed his hand; this finally caused him to look at me and not at the ground.

"…please…come with us Lancelot…if you won't do it for me, then do it for Arthur, your best friend, the one who has fought by your side for so many years."

I was standing right in front of him and he was looking down at me. His gaze got softer with my words and I could see the anger in his eyes fade.

"I'll do it for Arthur…and you." He put the hand I wasn't holding to my cheek and leaned down to kiss me.

I quickly let go of his hand and took a step back. He looked at me with confusion on his face. I turned away and walked towards Ray's stall.

"We…uh…we better get some rest; we've got a long journey tomorrow," I said with a laugh.

I couldn't kiss him, I just couldn't. I was afraid if I kissed him I would develop even stronger feelings for him. During the last day I had experienced so many emotions, some I had never experienced before. Most of my 'growing-into-a-woman' years I was locked in a tiny room; well away from any man I could ever fall in love with. Now that I was slowly falling for Lancelot these feelings scared me, they were overwhelming. I wanted them to go away, yet I longed for them to stay.

I walked into Ray's stall and, as I pet his silky neck, softly spoke to him, "Hey there, how's my boy doing, did you miss me?"

I thought that Lancelot might be upset with me for pulling away from him, but I soon found out he wasn't.

He walked over to Ray's stall door and said with a laugh, "Wow, you can talk to animals!"

I looked at him and said with a smile, "I can talk to you, can't I?"

Note to reviewers: Ok I know my chapters are short…I'll try to make them a bit longer from now on…lets just say I enjoy leaving my readers on the edge! Muhaha! Lol.

Anyway…thank you guys so much for reviewing, keep it up! And I'll make sure to publish another chapter SOON! You see that's another reason my chapters are kind of short…I try to update as soon and as fast as possible…so I write a chapter really fast and update it right away!...but bear with me I usually get a chapter published ABOUT every other night…so it'll be worth the wait for each chapter! Thank you guys soo much! ALL of you!....I'll make sure to update soon, and more will happen in future chapters..I just try to get you to REALLY understand the character and her emotions/feelings…that's why these first few chapters are kind of slow!...but hang in there…I've got a couple twists planned for this story!

Thank you again for reviewing! I am really happy to hear form you guys!

Lots of luv,

Julia