She remained silent as he drove out of Hartford and towards the country. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, though he wasn't sure what it was they weren't saying. It'd been his choice, both to be at the funeral and to make his presence known afterwards. He easily could have left without her being the wiser. All the mourners were so wrapped up in their own grief, no one really noticed him. This was her own personal hell, and he knew that. He wasn't here to upset her further. He just couldn't stay away now.
Originally he was just coming to pay his respects to Lorelai. Once upon a time, she'd tried to set all that had gone wrong right again. He'd been too stubborn to listen to her, though. He wondered if Rory even knew about that. The two women told each other almost everything, but he wasn't sure if she knew about Lorelai's last conversation with him years ago. When he got to the large church, he saw her, standing alone at the coffin. She looked so lost, so alone—not surrounded by her usual web of supportive friends and family. The girl that everyone loved. Himself included. He expected at the least to find her husband at her side, but it seemed that there was no one now that she'd let hold her. It was in that moment that he decided to go after her when she left the gravesite.
He had so many questions.
"Turn here."
Her voice startled him, the suddenness of it. He'd been on autopilot the whole way thus far. He looked to her, as she sat motionless, still clutching her large handbag.
"I remember," he smiled. He was sure that no matter how long he lived, he'd never forget any of the small back roads leading to the tiny town she grew up in. They were engrained in him like neural connections in his brain.
She gave a faint nod, and turned back to look out the window as they neared their destination. It was all going too fast for her.
"Where are you supposed to scatter the ashes?"
"The pond, out by the potting shed."
Talk about a place filled with overwhelming memories. He knew Lorelai would have chosen that location as a symbol of her freedom and independence, but he wondered if she could have foreseen her wishes bringing the two of them back here together as well.
"Tristan, shh," she giggled softly, attempting to open the door. His arms were wrapped around her, and his mouth was moving down her neck now, making her efforts more futile. "It's stuck."
"Allow me," he said, prying himself away from her just long enough to jimmy the door open. "Where are we?"
"My first house," she said proudly, turning to face him again. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and he could feel his heart beating against his chest from their very recent warm-up in his car. He looked inside and saw a cot under one window and a bathtub with a curtain drawn around it in the opposite corner. He knew instantly why she'd navigated him here.
"We can do this somewhere with a real bed," he said as he continued to look around the meager surroundings.
"We have one hour until Lorelai sends out the search party, along with condom-sniffing dogs," she poked his chest playfully. "We don't have time for anywhere else. If we go in the Inn, we're sure to have a mob harangue us before we get to a room."
"Rory, this should be special for you, in a fancy hotel or something." He smoothed back some hair from her face, longing to kiss her, but afraid to make up her mind.
"You want to wait, after," she bit her lip, staring into his eyes. He knew what she was alluding to—he could still feel her hands all over him, and her soft moans as he moved his hands to places before untouched.
"No, but, you deserve," he began, but she put a finger to his lips.
"There is no perfect place, and this place is magical, believe me. And as long as I'm with you," she paused as her breath caught in her throat. He studied her face, landing once again on her eyes. The moonlight lit up her face, and suddenly he wanted to drown in the blue orbs. He suddenly realized that she really didn't care about anything but him in this moment, and he gathered her up in his arms and carried her inside the small shed.
He wondered if she could look at these grounds and not think of him, as he pulled the car to a stop near the pond. She made no move to exit the car.
"You ready?"
She shook her head, and placed her hand on the urn.
"You don't need the ashes to keep her with you," he said quietly.
A single tear slipped down her cheek, and she turned slightly to look at him for the first time since they left Hartford.
"She got me through everything," she attempted to hold back the flood of impending tears. They'd been coming regularly for the last three days.
"Do you want me to come with you?"
"No, I have to do this, alone," she paused, but seemed to be thinking. "Will you take a walk with me afterwards?"
He nodded, and watched as she opened the car door, removed the urn from her bag, and closed it behind her. He fought to stay in his seat, gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. He hated seeing her in this much pain. She was being brave, for whom he wasn't sure, possibly for herself. She walked down the gentle slope of the hill to the water's edge.
She stood, a warm wind whipping her hair across her face, staring out over the relatively calm water. A few ripples danced across the top of the pond when the wind picked up. She pulled from her deepest determination. Lorelai wanted this.
"I don't think I can do all of this."
She'd been thinking this very thought for weeks, since they found out the prognosis. She'd tried to be strong, keeping up the light tone her mother had set.
Lorelai looked at Rory, who was reading over the legal pad. "Hey, look at me."
Rory did as asked, and the first tears she'd let her mother see her cry over her imminent loss fell from her eyes. Lorelai reached out for her hand.
"This wasn't my choice, Hun, but I need to know that you'll take care of things."
"I'm going to miss you," she whispered, trying to hold back a sob, and squeezed her hand.
"I'm gonna miss you, too," she teared up as well, pulling on Rory's hand. The two embraced, holding onto each other as hard as they could for the longest time. At long last, they pulled apart when Luke opened the door, returning from his coffee run for the girls.
It was just so final.
She turned back slightly, almost to see if the car were still there. She saw Tristan watching her from the driver's seat, staying put, true to his word. Waiting for her. She decided that patience had never been a virtue of his, and if she hesitated too much longer, he'd come to check on her.
Everyone has their limits.
"Bye, Mom," she said out loud as she shook the contents out over the pond. She watched as some gray ash caught itself up in a ripple and danced its way into the middle of the pond. She smiled, knowing Lorelai would have loved that.
She had that thought a lot lately.
She was ready for him now.
She sank down to the ground, as if crumbling, and wrapped her arms around her body. He was at her side in less than a minute. She tried to focus her thoughts on the sound his dress shoes made as they temporarily flattened the grass in his path; on the realness of his form as he crouched down beside her; on the warmth emanating down her arm when he placed an open hand on her shoulder. So much seemed surreal to her, but she grasped out for the tangible.
"Ready for that walk?"
His voice was steady and solid. Nodding, she took his hand and let him help her up.
-
"So, how long are you in town?"
"Indefinitely."
She glanced at him, and he continued. "I'm thinking of switching gears. I'm taking some time off."
"From what?"
"The military."
She stopped and turned to face him on the narrow path. They had been winding their way through the park.
"Why did you really come?"
He looked into her eyes, so full of pain and unanswered questions. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."
She nodded. "I'd probably do the same."
"No one's as close to me as Lorelai was to you."
"That's sad."
He shrugged. "Why are you here alone?"
"I wanted to be."
"I doubt that."
"Tristan," she sighed. "I'm tired. This has been hell. Can we not do this now?"
"You aren't just going back to that house all by yourself, Rory," his tone was adamant. "You can't be alone now."
She bit her lip, and turned to look at the potting shed, now just on the other side of the path. The Independence Inn had been bought out after the fire, and rebuilt. It wasn't really the same inside, but they'd left the grounds almost exactly the same. The potting shed was still standing, and she moved to towards it like a moth to a flame. He watched her as she moved to the small structure, his mind flooding quickly.
She opened the door, and looked inside. Gone were the contents she was used to seeing, the set up for a studio apartment. It now held actual gardening tools, and only a small pathway to walk through. He came up behind her and put his hands to rest on her shoulders.
"Everything's different."
"You want me to take you home?"
"Yeah. Please."
He closed the door without looking, not wanting his memory of the place tainted. He followed her back up the car. She stopped suddenly.
"I have to go to Ms. Patty's."
"The dance studio, why?"
"The town, they're having food there, for after," she stopped, not wanting to mention the funeral again. "They expect me there."
"Okay. Come on."
The truth was he wasn't ready to leave her and she wasn't ready to be left. He was going to take her anywhere on this green earth that she wished. They got back in the car and made their way slowly through town together.
AN: Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and all the kind words and assurance in my story. I know I've left out a lot of detail, but I promise all will come in future chapters. And I promise, even though Lorelai is gone, she'll have a major role later on.