Chapter 34: Three Months
And thus, both O-Ren and Beatrix were sent back to work. So far, Clarice had been the only assassin they had been allowed to work with and it seemed that was the way things were going to be for awhile. The icy blonde only treated them worse on their next assignment and didn't appear to be thawing any time in the future. At night, Beatrix and O-Ren were left to do what they wanted...but during the day...a very watchful eye was kept on both of them, as they went about the business of working for the CPA.
Days turned into weeks and weeks turned to months. O-Ren and Beatrix, as formidably promised were put through 'hell'. O-Ren remained pissed off at Beatrix for acting so fucking 'not herself' because it only back fired to punish O-Ren as well when she was putting on much better behavior. O-Ren came to realize that when Beatrix had inner turmoil she could become quite the bad ass bitch. A bitch that cared only for herself, her own feelings, and nothing about how her actions would affect the ones around her. Not that O-Ren didn't possess the same personality trait but when she was the victim she regretted it. Thus being soshe kept her words short to the blonde and thought with much lower expectations about the blonde.
Three fucking months of hell and Beatrix still wasn't on her best behavior. After awhile she behaved a little better on assignments. Once and awhile she'd pull off some amazing kick ass trick but they were nothing compared to what she could do if she was behaving and usually the trick was only brought on because she 'had' to, not because she wanted to.
The beginning of the third month wasapproaching and Beatrix was lying in bed. She was huddled under the covers, turned on her side, and her face, which remained emotionless was sporting a nasty gash above her right eye that was now patched with steri-stips. A balled up fist was clenched to her chest and within that tight fist she held a wad of paper. That crumbled up dossier that Bill faxed over to Bob almost three months ago.
A loud knock on the door indicated it was time to rise and shine. Beatrix drawled under the covers but made no motion to rise or shine.
"Come on Miss Kiddo!" This seemed to be the favored term for her around the CPA. "Rise and shine..." It was John, one of Bob's assistants that the two women had seen more than enough of as of late...seeing as Bob didn't like being around either of them...especially Beatrix. When John was able to persuade (yell at enough) Beatrix to get up, she was informed she would be working with a new assassin today. Apparently Clarice flat out refused to work with the other blonde. O-Ren on the other hand, Clarice seemed to like well enough to still work with her. And as it turned out Clarice had a special bend of the ear when it came to Bob and thus...the CPA was really not all that different than the Vipers.
Beatrix's new partner...at least for the day...was a man. Bob, like Bill didn't seem to employ many men. But, this guy...Shawn was his name, was the exception. He was brutal looking...not big nor tall, but flat out mean looking with a high widows peak and a set of dark eyes. He spoke in a low voice and said little. He seemed to not care one way or another that he had been assigned to work with one of the "trades" that day.
Shawn and Beatrix were being sent up to Maine. A short plane trip. They were assigned to take out a group of people, a small uprising rallying of militant types. This very well could have been a government sponsored job...but nobody said one thing one way or another. The group was working out of a houseboat out in the middle of the rural coastline. Working with Shawn was like working with a menacing looking cardboard box. He said nothing to Beatrix during there trip that was not absolutely necessary.
By the time they had chartered a car and driven up to the right area of houseboats, the sun was setting. The whole area was actually quite beautiful and a large orange sun was slowly dipping over the Atlantic Ocean. Silhouettes of sailboats dotted the horizon and the air was a comfy warm. Shawn could have cared less...they might as well have been in Antarctica. He parked the car next to a row of run down looking houseboats and pulled out a folder. "Its number five," he said in his deadpan voice, and put on a pair of sunglasses. "Let's gear up Miss Kiddo."
Without further instruction Beatrix began to conceal various weapons beneath her pair of jean capris and light indigo blouse. When Shawn asked if she was set to go she gave a tight nod and followed him to their destination. She had been void of anything the entire morning and now even more so. She had much more important things on her mind.
Shawn told her to take the front entrance while he stoked out the back. But, Beatrix didn't go to the front door.
Beatrix Kiddo was known for being spontaneous and irrational and this had to rank on the top five list of being one of the most spontaneous and irrational things she'd ever done. She was sick of it, done, thrown out, through, she didn't want to put up with it anymore and the only way to put away your problems was running away. She didn't want to wait for the 'trades' to be 'traded' back.
She stole the car that Shawn had stolen and ran off. Where was she headed? Back to Bill of course. Quite an ironic person to be running to, but she'd run to him before, unintentionally, but it had changed her life. She wasn't afraid of the consequences that would acquire when she arrived at her final destination. As far as Beatrix was concerned the reward of being on her home-turf was well worth the pain. No regrets.
She drove clear across country and only took three stops a day to water and feed herself. Other than that it was a twenty four seven on the road straight through. It only took her a week to cross the border into sunny Mexico.
The car pulled into the familiar driveway and a sparkle of true bliss came into her eyes as she got out of the car. Her features remained firm as she walked to the door and found it was open. Slender brows knit together as she took an awkward step inside. To her disappointment it was not Bill whom greeted her in the foyer but a woman. She was shorter, around 5'6'' with curly auburn locks, green eyes, and she wore a pair of black jeans and a leopard print top. She wasn't pretty but she wasn't ugly, she held an inner beauty in her stature. This had to be one of the 'trades'. "May I help you?" She asked in a civil tone similar to how all the CPA's spoke.
"Yeah, I need to talk to Bill," Beatrix replied in a not so polite tone. The brunette stared at Beatrix for a long while as if evaluating her before she gave a sharp nod. "Wait here. I'll inform him of your presence." She than turned on her heel and disappeared down the hallway.
There were a few long minutes, where neither the brunette nor Bill returned. Then, the distinct sound of Bill's voice filtered up the hallway, mixed with the tone of the brunette's.
"Who?"
"A tall blonde Bill...she didn't give her name, I-"
But Bill had already rounded the corner...and then he came to a sudden stop. Rarely...very rarely did Bill look truly shocked and surprised. This was one of those moments. A pen he had been holding in his left hand, hung loosely between two fingers and his normally frowning mouth was nearly agape. Bill looked a little different, well...he still looked like Bill. But his hair was longer, as if he had simply decided not to cut it in those three months. And he was completely baked tan...looking as if he had spent most of those three months outside in the hot sun. On top of that he looked as tired as hell...with very little or no sleep for a number of days.
"Kiddo..." he finally managed...looking a little silly...which again was a rare moment.
"You know this woman?" the brunette glanced back and forth from Bill to Beatrix, looking utterly confused.
"Of course I know this woman," Bill almost hissed. He seemed to be having an internal struggle of sorts and the brunette was peering at him through narrow eyes. He took a few tentative steps toward Beatrix, and then quite suddenly he embraced her in an almost bone crushing hug. For now, he didn't say anything...no doubt that would come momentarily.
Oh God she needed this. She let arms slip around him to return the embrace and she held to him tightly. The pretty blonde tilted her head so her face was now buried against his neck and shoulder and she still held tight. This made it all worth it, the whole goddamn trip and even going through those three months just to come back to this. He didn't greet her with rhetorical words or telling her how much she fucked this up but instead he greeted her with a hug. A hug that could be shared by any set of friends or even couples but a hug shared by two killers was a sight to see.
They stayed glued together for what could be hours but was only a minute. They both reluctantly parted and stood mere inches from one another. Beatrix stared at him. She didn't want to be the one to speak first and ruin what they shared seconds ago so she stood there with a glowing aurora trying desperately not to keep her hopes up.
Bill's hands were still on Beatrix's shoulders and he held her away from him, but not much. His eyes bore into her for a moment with a mixture of warmth, worry and relief.
"Jesus...Kiddo...I was so worried," he said softly, a hand straying from her shoulder to her face, "Bob called me about a week ago and told me you just up and disappeared on an assignment. Well, I assumed the worst of course...some asshole had killed you...I..." He seemed to search for his next reaction.
Meanwhile, the brunette was just standing off to the side looking shocked and more than a little uncomfortable. Bill still seemed to be fighting an internal battle. He was so amazingly happy to see Beatrix, that he was having a hard time reaching for the normal professional reaction he should have. He'd thought about her so much over the last three months...but he had not expected to see her like this. It had thrown him off completely.
He could yell at her...surely that's what she expected, judging by her expression. He could...but would he...?
"Why'd you do it?" He simply asked her quietly.
Was this the same man she left three months ago? Yes and no. But more so was her relief that they weren't going into a full out argument. They were being...rational.
Beatrix pursed her lips into a tight smile and turned her eyes to the floor. "I.." she trailed off, her eyes rising to him but her head remained tilted to the floor. "I missed you." She was being truthful for once and no amount of sodium menthol or verbal coursing had to be induced. Her smile stretched. "That and I couldn't stand it anymore."
Bill stared at her. She had told him the truth...he knew that. And it was so refreshing. As needed as that hug had been for Beatrix...and him as well, that little bit of real truth was needed even more. She hadn't of lied, or been vague. Nor had she given him a smart ass remark or a shy brush off.
"You..." a trademark half smile smirk spread across Bill's face, "...drove across the entire US...went AWOL on the CPA...because you missed a bastard like me? Well..." a smile, "...that and not standing it...I..."
It was a little hard to comprehend for him...not that he was complaining but...her irrationality was extremely frightening. But, right now he wasn't sure if he cared.
"I missed you..." a flicker of raw emotion, "...so much." His hand tightened on her shoulder.
If the watching brunette felt awkward before, she sure as hell did now.
Bill looked on the verge of spilling his emotional guts, but he was keeping it to together as he did so well. "Bob's irate...he told me he was glad you were presumed dead." A murderous gleam crossed Bill's face, "I told him to go burn in hell."
Beatrix brought her head back up and laughed. A real hearty laugh with full frontal of white teeth and lips tugged into a smile. The laugh died down and her lips came into a thin smile. "I appreciate that."
She knew if that fucking CPA brunette wasn't standing there she would be able to dig out more of Bill's raw emotion. But the emotion she was getting, and she was getting a lot was more than enough...well she wasn't going to work up on too much of a 'good' thing. Bea wasn't sure if Bill was aware how much it meant to her that he didn't 'yell' at her, as it put a whole new perspective on things.
Well, all sappy romance aside, time to get serious. The tall blonde took a step back from him, put hands on her hips, canted her head to the side, and narrowed cold temperature blue eyes on him. "Do I get my job back?"
Bill let the question hang in the air for a few long seconds. He fixed Beatrix with a serious expression, that if looked at close enough was simply one of his fake theatrical expressions. As if his previous reaction wasn't enough of an answer to her question. With a sudden turn, he gestured towards the brunette...who had slowly been sinking further into the corner of the entryway. "Beth," her name was finally revealed.
She brightened up, "Yes Bill?" she said in peppy ready to please voice. She stepped up to him, ready to receive in instructions.
Bill leaned in close to her face. She flinched backwards. He then very implicitly said, "Go pack." Beth's jaw dropped. She looked like she was going to argue. But with a face such as his, like it was...she wasn't about to. "Yes Bill...of course..." she took a few steps back, shooting Beatrix a glance, "...Right away..." She hesitated a moment longer and then stormed off down the hallway.
Bill turned back to Beatrix, eyebrows rose, "Does that answer it for ya Kiddo?" A smirk.
Beatrix beamed. "Aye, it does." She stared at him. Her blue eyes glimmered and set off immediate clues of what she was yearning to do. Something far from a loving embrace. A tentative step was taken towards him. Her eyes came half lidded, her head tilted, and she leaned to bring lips to his. So close and then she canted her head as if she never had plans to kiss him. "Hello Budd," she spoke softly.
"Hey Bea. You're not dead," the cowboy said. He had been in the back training with the other 'trade' and had strolled in for a drink to see his brother and presumed 'fallen off the face of the earth' blonde friend standing there rather immersed with one another.
"I'm a live and well," she stated taking a step away and peering at Budd past Bill's shoulder.
Budd tipped his head. "Good to hear." He flashed her a suggestive smile and turned to the fridge to get a drink. He meant it, he liked Beatrix he just had his doubts. "Oh, Bill," Budd popped his head out from behind the fridge door. He puckered his lips to regain what he was about to say, "Ah, yeah, Bob's on the phone. Seems ya got Beth in a tissy and she called 'em up." He chuckled with a shake of his head and shut the fridge door with the tip of his boot. "Anywho, I'll be out back." He began to walk to the patio. "Nice to have ya back, Bea. Shit, Bill was starting to drive me up the wall these past few months. I swear--" his muttering dissipated into a jumble of words as he exited to the outside.
Goddamn Budd...
Bill remained frozen, head tilted to the side, a hand on Beatrix's shoulder. He gave her a wry smile and then slowly turned around to glare at his brother. "Wonderful," Bill said in a dry tone when Budd told him about Bob. He gave Beatrix a deeply regretful look and picked up the phone sitting on the end of the bar. Right as he was about to speak into the receiver, he covered it with his hand and turned back towards Beatrix.
"Kiddo...get that woman out of my house..." a raised eyebrow, "Forcefully if needed" Apparently calling up Bob and tattling hadn't gone over well with Bill. He uncovered the receiver, and frowned as a faint male voice could be heard yelling manically on the other end. "Bob...calm down," he spoke in that trademark smooth tone. "No...and I don't care...Hrm..yes of course. Send it over. Well, Bob...your an asshole that's why...of course I am..but..." he watched as Beatrix went down the hallway to "help" Beth in leaving as soon as possible...
Beatrix was more than happy to oblige to Bill's demand. She walked down the hallway and halted in the doorway to one of the spare room's. Inside was Beth in a 'tissy'. Beatrix leaned against the door frame. "Are you leaving?" She questioned coolly.
"Yes," Beth replied tartly and stuffed a handful of clothing into her suitcase. A hustled and unorderly fashion of packing pursued until Beth was completely packed. She hefted up the suitcase and walked to the door. She halted as she came side to side with Beatrix. The brunette looked up the tall blonde and started as if she were to say something. But, she didn't either to the fact the tall blonde appeared too menacing to the shorter brunette or she just didn't want to. She huffed; brushed past her, speed down the hallway, and left.
Beatrix followed soon after the slamming of the front door was heard. As she reentered the living room she found Bill still immersed on the phone. So, she plopped her boney ass down next to him and let her head fall to his shoulder in a content manner as she had done the next best thing while waiting for him to conclude.
Nonchalantly Bill wrapped an arm around Beatrix's shoulders, as he continued to talk to Bob. His gaze was fixated across the room, as he was obviously deeply concentrated on the conversation, "Well...Bob, I don't know what to tell you...That's just the way it's going to be...No...No...Fuck you Bob. What?" He laughed. This bizarre conversation went on for a few more minutes and then finally Bill hung up.
"Fucker," he mumbled under his breath as he shut his phone and tossed it on the coffee table. He turned to Beatrix with a smile, "This is gunna be good," he untangled himself from her and walked across the living room over to the fax machine that was discreetly camouflaged into the entertainment center.
"Bob seems to be having something an affair with his fucking fax machine," Bill said snidely as he pulled a piece of paper out of it. "I might as well indulge the pathetic tightwad." He returned to the couch and returned to his former position with Beatrix. "Now," he chuckled, obviously very amused. He put on a fake "Bob-like" voice, and cleared his throat overdramatically as he began reading, "Beatrix Kiddo...is...a highly irrational, irresponsible, rebellious, foul mouthed, trashy," he raised an eyebrow, "...white trash, piece of useless trash. She is hardly worthy of being called an assassin. She is flippant to authority and is nothing of a team player. She has no respect for her fellow employees. She cannot follow orders correctly. Her assassination skills are mediocre at best. She has been a complete waste of my time..."
Bill stopped and turned to Beatrix with a smirk, "Something tells me he's a little upset with you..."
Beatrix was leaning back on the couch, one leg crossed over the other, and her arms draped over the back. She gave him a look that read 'no shit Sherlock', along with a sly smirk. She slipped her hands back down to her side and placed a hand into the depth of her pants pocket.
"I happen to like this one..." she said as she pulled out a crumbled, battered, wad of paper. She began to gingerly unfold it and straighten the creases by putting it on her lap to make it look presentable. "And I thought it was much more accurate." She ran hands over the dossier Bill sent Bob that now looked nowhere close to what it used to be. Once it looked somewhat worthy to be shown to Bill she lifted it and set it down on top of the fax he had currently been reading. She held a gentle smile.
Bill glanced down that the rumpled piece of paper in his lap. After a moment, he gingerly picked it up. A small smile spread across his face, "I sent this over three months ago. " he said quietly. It looked like Beatrix had been sleeping with it under her pillow. It appeared well loved, read and reread...as if it had been a light clung to for dear life in a dark place. In just that simple state of this piece of paper so much was said. It was quite touching...in a strange way.
He chuckled, rereading his own words. "Oh yes...this is far more accurate..." After a few moments of looking back over his own description of the woman next to him, he slowly set it back down still smiling. His hand rested lovingly on the rough piece of paper. He turned to her, "I meant every word of that. I hope you know that..."
"It took me fifty rereads to realize that," she said softly her tone laced with sarcasm. Of course, she knew. How couldn't she? If she didn't believe he meant it than she wouldn't have spent each night reading and analyzing it. She kept a fond gaze on him but her expression became more severe.
He smiled at her sarcasm. Yes, of course he knew...he needn't even have said that. The love and wear the paper had endured spoke volumes.
"Don't ever do that to me again, Bill," words spoken with more of a threat than intended. But, she had to get that point across. She had to somehow make it clear to him how much 'suffering' she endured the past months. But, all that suffering was able build a harder shell and in some ways she was thankful for it but in most ways she was not. Either way the outcome was becoming more gratifying than first anticipated. Everything had a pro and a con.
Bill frowned at her "threat", but it wasn't a frown of anger...more of mutuality. With Bill, frowns didn't necessarily mean bad...they were seemingly always there. He nodded in understanding. And leaning on his elbow, he took a moment to obviously think something out...an idle hand, some might say a nervous hand, scratching his earlobe.
"No...I don't think I'll ever do that again..." he said with a tone of finality. He wanted likewise to have her understand just how much "suffering" he too had endured. Not in a selfish means, but in an expressive way. But he wasn't sure how to exactly communicate that. "While you were away," he began in a story mode voice, "I took some time off...drove South." When Bill spoke of driving South, he was generally speaking about his childhood home, Acuna Mexico. "I...needed...to think and get away from here. I did some camping...you know, running around naked, beating on drums, dancing around a blazing fire screaming, " he gave her a wry smile, "typical male exfoliation stuff. And then I went and saw Estiban." Beatrix was very familiar with the name of Estiban, even if she'd never met the man. "It was good to see him again. I told him about you, us..." he held up a hand, "...don't worry...just a general overview. Anyways, I told him...that I think I was falling in love with you, and it was driving me absolutely crazy," he kept going, despite the weightiness of that statement, "...And that I, honestly was at a loss at what to do."
He paused, eyes narrowing in thought, "He told me..." and of course Bill could nearly mimic a voice that Beatrix would hear much later on, "...if you want to love this woman...then, you must...learn to hate the part of you that she hates. You must find it, and loathe it. Take it out of you and give it to her to destroy." He looked quizzical at his own words and dropped the Estiban voice, "Well...I didn't know what the fuck to think of that. So, I went away again...Keep in mind Estiban used to be a pimp, albeit a good one. But he's a wise man nonetheless." He fell silent again, still frowning in thought, "I can't say I've completely figured it out...but...I'm starting to understand."
It appeared that for the first time in his life Bill was willing to admit to a shortcoming on his part and make an effort to adopt a new method of thinking. Needless to say, it was a work in progress.
"In short," he said finally, "I don't think I can ever do that to you again."
This woman that Bill supposedly loved stared at him for the longest time. Her lips in a taut line and blue eyes covered emotion. It hadn't been her intention to stare nor for such a lengthy period but in the process she was thinking. So, it finally all made sense, partially. Bill loved her and it only took dancing naked under a full moon and receiving wise words from a pimp to establish that realization. The problem was she didn't love him back. Not yet. Beatrix told him that they, she was close. She was almost there but that was three months ago. It was up for debate whether she still felt that close.
She blinked hard, breaking her reverie and sat up. Another dose of questioning plagued her mind before words filled her mouth. 'Learn to hate what she hates.' Well, Beatrix had a very, very long list of things she hated about Bill and she was positive some of these things Bill wasn't and never would be aware of. Unless she told him, but most likely never would. That involved telling the truth about him.
Even if Bill was to get rid of numerous traits she despised, that brought up the factor of if she'd still be left with the same person. She learned from her own set of wise words that you could love a person's flaws as much as the person themselves. Thus, she was put in a dilemma but this time she knew how to solve it.
Her façade washed over warm but deadly serious. She caught his eye and kept it. "Let's try and get a few things clear." A heart beat. "Don't change, not for me." Another pause. "Shit, there are so many things I absolutely hate about you. And as much as I'd love to destroy all of it I'd be destroying what makes Bill, Bill and I don't want that." She folded hands on her lap and brought her eyes downcast. "What you did today...that...that was amazing. You knew what I expected and turned it upside down. It wasn't necessarily a change in character but a self discovery. That you don't need to be a complete bastard to get a point across." She looked back to him. "That, that, is taking what I hate about you and...tweaking it just enough so I can still hate it...but I can deal with it." Beatrix let a timid smile grace her face. She wanted to tell him that if she could learn to deal with it maybe she could learn to love it. Although that would be getting their hopes up and she didn't want to step in that far.
This had all gotten very weighty very quickly.
Bill shifted on the couch, "I didn't say I was going to change...I simply can't at this point in my life. Attempt to moderate...that's more what I mean." He thought about what she had said further, "And I didn't say I was in love with you," This was Bill attempting to pull the heart off he had just displayed on his sleeve, "I said I think I am falling in love with you," he reiterated with a pointed finger, " And I surely don't expect you to return the favor...that's asking a lot." He gave her a small smile to take the edge off those last few sentences. He hadn't meant them to be harsh. He was just trying to gain back some sense of realism in all of this.
He thought about what she had said, in what he had done today as being "amazing" He watched her with a furrowed brow. The concept of a simple hug seemed something of a no brainier to most people. But, to Bill, being a bastard to get a point across was the only way to do it. Maybe not the only way, but it had been the most effective way...until now. He gave her a half smile, "You really hate that much about me...that you would destroy all of it given the chance?" Well, it was more of a joke, of course he knew that. But, he was a little puzzled...if she hated so much about him then why did she choose to be around him the way she did? Why had she allowed him to get so close? He knew she wasn't telling the full truth about him...but he'd learned to live with that...at least for the moment. For right now, she was giving him partial truths and that was enough.
"I can deal if you can deal," he said finally.
Beatrix was confused. She was confused about emotions, feelings, and judgments. This was becoming too weighty for her mind to hold and she didn't want to strain herself. Thus, she dropped it and gave a tight nod. "I can deal just fine," she said with a touch of reassurance more for herself than him.
Silence issued through out the room. What was just said and issued would take time to come to terms and all that was left was uncertainty. Beatrix shifted on the couch. She pursed her lips and finally said, "You know next week draws the fifth year of my working here." Her words were misplaced but it helped break the silence. Her blue eyes drew over to him, her expression came docile.
Bill knew that she'd reached something of an emotional wall, and honestly...he felt much the same. It was all the well with him right now. He smiled, "Five years? Damn Kiddo...well...you're right. When you get to be old and jaded five years doesn't seem at that long..." He gave her a smirk, "Oh...that reminds me...look what I found..." He pulled a photograph out of the pocket of his jacket. This was Bill's usual jacket, so obviously he'd been carrying it around with him for sometime, "I was cleaning up some old files in the back room," Beatrix was aware of exactly what the "back room" was now.
"And I came across this..." He handed her the photograph. It was of her, but she looked so drastically different it was somewhat amusing. It must have been taken right when she had joined the DiVA's. She was standing a little off center in the frame, wearing a light blue peasant girl shirt, and a pair of stone washed jeans. Her expression was fresh and naive. Her eyes large and innocent...almost childlike. Standing next to her and a little chopped off the side of the picture was Elle...then with two eyes. Elle's hair was longer, a little wilder. On Beatrix's other side was Budd, but his back was partially turned. Only Beatrix seemed to actually be looking at the camera.
"I suppose I took this," he said, after she had looked at it for a moment, "You look like a baby there...five years has changed you..."
Beatrix pulled her legs up into an Indian style sitting posture on the couch. She hastily snatched the photograph from him, in a non-hostile manner, and dawned on the photo with an amused smile. Just the fact that Bill happened to be 'cleaning up' and found the photograph told her she wasn't the only one counting the days. It was a welcome and a very humorous fact.
Bill found her reaction amusing, he knew she'd find it a trip to look at that picture. He also knew his very act of clinging onto that picture was something of a dead giveaway of how he had felt the last few months. It was fucking silly...but after what he'd just said, he figured he didn't have much more to loose in the way of not being a complete heartless bastard. "I'm terrible at taking pictures," he stated the oblivious as she was looking a it.
She didn't recall when the photo was taken or what they had been doing. Bill's job with a camera left something to be desired. "I look so cute," she pointed out as she continued to inspect the 'memory' in her hand. "Shit, five fucking years. It feels like I've been here for ages." She settled the photograph on her lap and blue eyes still stared at it almost fondly.
"I was a...kid," her tone leveled and she spared a glance to him. "I was so fucking peppy and naïve it scares me." She laughed lightly. She was a kid five years ago. She was twenty, hardly into her adult years or even legal. But, now she was no kid, she was an adult, a woman. She returned her gaze to the photo and traced a single digit idly over the glossy surface in a silent envy. "We've all changed."
He watched her talk with a faint smile. She was still something of a kid in his book...well, at least age wise. Five years didn't seem like ages to Bill. But he remembered thinking that it was, and he didn't discredit that. He chuckled, "You did look damn cute," he agreed with utmost truthfulness. Beatrix, always...always was attractive...the words for it simply changed. "We were all peppy and naive at some point in our lives Kiddo..." he leaned back, hands lacing behind his head, "Believe it or not, even I was naive at one point...peppy no...but certainly naive. We all have to be that way at first to grow up." It hadn't of bothered him she had been that way those years ago. He'd seen many act the same way as her, they always got over it...and if they didn't, they were doing the wrong thing for a living. Besides, it had been rather fun to impress her back then...nowadays...he had to do something really fucking cool to get that reaction out of her.
"But yes, I suppose we all have changed..." he agreed, eyes downcast on the picture, "Elle's the only one to have lost a vital body part though...pretty good stats." He smirked, but sobered up when he noticed the touch of envy in her voice. "You miss yourself, how you were then?" Bill much preferred her now, but that wasn't the point.
It was hard to think of Bill as naïve... but everyone was at one point. Although Beatrix recalled herself being more of an innocence naïve. Almost, everyone was innocent, in their much younger years but Beatrix kept a touch of her innocence past the designated age. Of course, she wasn't a full fledged innocent because if she had been she wouldn't have gone into the profession that she had. No, her innocence was more directed towards what she was getting herself into. Within one year of joining the DiVAS she had done and seen more than any human would care to witness.
She'd never regret loosing innocence. She'd lost it training with Pai Mei and Bill finished it off with any further corruption. Beatrix didn't regret it, but looking at the picture she did spark a feeling of missing it. She tilted her eyes down at the photo. "A little," she said gently. She side glanced to him. She could tell by his voice that he much preferred her now. Hell, so did she. Beatrix finally built up that stone wall and there were little to no cracks to speak of.
A timid smile slide over her features. She wasn't going to elaborate further and avoided it by recalling, "That's right, Elle had both eyes back then." She suppressed a laugh. "One of these days I'm going to find out what she said to make Pai Mei snatch out her eye. And she's not going to give me a shitty it's none of your business."
Innocence was such a broad term. There were multiple facets of it and multiple ways to eventually lose it. Most "normal" people always retained a little speck of it, at least in Bill's mind. But to be a killer, one had to be willing to give up every bit of innocence. To kill, in itself was an extinguisher of all that was pure and blissful to the sins of the world. Bill could safely say...not a grain, not even a minuscule one, of innocence remained within him. He had seen enough, done enough, been enough, lied enough, fucked over, been fucked over, literally fucked, killed, hurt, been hurt, corrupted, pillaged, ripped apart, damaged, destroyed, erased, bastardized, bloodied and hated so much that he was pretty damn sure that the frailty of innocence couldn't have survived it all. A pity...at times, he wanted to remember what it felt like. There were snippets of memory...but they were dim and lacked the full saturation of the moment.
Ah, but Beatrix on the other hand. There still remained a small ray of innocence within her. It was slowly fading behind the walls of experience and pain she was currently building...but it was there...like a tiny slowly dying light. A few more years for her, a few more really hard knocks and perhaps it will finally fade away. More than that, there was still that soft side to her, a side that Bill had mixed feelings about. It was that side that refused to kill that mother and her daughter awhile back. That side kept her from crossing the line over to the side where he stood, waiting like a cold shadow. On a professional level, he hated that side of her...it was a huge risk. On a personal level, he adored that side. It made her a woman...and brought all the tantalizing qualities of that nature out in her.
Bill blinked out of his reverie, realizing his gaze had been fixated on her for sometime. "Hrm? Yes...Elle," he gave a knowing smile. "Someday...she'll tell you." He said confidently and left it at that. Whatever words and confessions transgressed between Elle and Bill would always remain a locked mystery to the rest. He then slowly reached over and picked the picture back up that had been resting on Beatrix's knee...and then slipped it back in the pocket of his jacket.
Beatrix watched solemnly as he stowed the photo away. "If you come across anymore photographs of me, do share," she said and pulled herself up to stand on two feet. A small smile remained on her visage as she turned to him. "I'm off," she declared lightly.
"I may not look it but I feel like shit."
Showing a great amount of relief at her return, Bill sent Beatrix on her way with a kiss to the forehead. He told her his usual 'go home and get some rest', knowing that the moment she left, he was going to do just that himself. He'd lost a great amount of sleep that week due to her disappearance and now he had every intention to get it all back.