Disclaimer: all the main characters don't belong to me, I own nothing

A/N: Thank you forbiddenlove, MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus, Dues Ex, blue_tiger, SnufflestheInsane

and Naurgaearon for giving me ideas for my story. I hope that y'all like this one.

Detention: Drunken Truth

"Yuck, this flobberworm is so disgusting," said Snape. "Is this the last item that we need to get?"

"No. We just need to wait for Lily and Sirius to come back from getting the wiggentree bark," said James.

Just then they heard some screams.

"What was that?" asked Malfoy.

"Sounded like Lily and Sirius," said James. "Come on let's find them."

But before they could move another inch Lily and Sirius came running by.

"Run for the hills," said Sirius. "Wait, there aren't any, who cares run for it!"

"Why? Is it bad?" asked Peter.

They turned around and saw a group of what seemed to be giant spiders.

"Yeah its bad," said Snape, and they started to run.

~* 30 minutes later *~

"Did we lose them?" said Malfoy taking in deep breaths.

"I think so," said Lily.

They all sat down and began to rest.

"Come on, we should get up and head back to the school," said James.

"Potter, which way is the school?" asked Snape looking around.

"Uhhh . . . "

"Oh great, we're lost," said Snape.

"We'll just spend the night here and tomorrow we'll head back," said James.

"Oh no, I'm not spending the night here when there are man eating spiders out there," said Snape.

"Shut up Snape. Okay Peter, Remus can you find us some fire wood, Malfoy and Snape could you . . ."

"Hey who died and made you king of the world?" asked Malfoy. "Why should you give the orders?"

"Because I am so good looking and I have great leadership skills and . . . and why shouldn't I," smiled James.

"Oh please," Malfoy said while he rolled his eyes.

"Hey you guys, look what we found," said Remus, he was holding some glass bottles.

"Liquor, whiskey, tequila, vodka," said Sirius.

"Here give me a bottle. If I'm going to spend the whole night here I'd rather be drunk," said Snape. He grabbed the whiskey. "AH, the good stuff."

~* An Hour Later *~

(They all sang)

"Hey ho to the bottom of my hoe, to heal my heart and drown my woe. The rain my fall the wind my blow, but there shall be . . . many miles to go. Sweet is the sound of the pouring rain and the stream that falls from the hill to plain. Better than rain or rippling brook . . ."

"And a bottle of whiskey inside that Snape," sang Sirius.

Everyone laughed, even Snape when he finished the last drop of whiskey.

"That's a good song. Where did it come from?" asked James.

"Some story about a ring," answered Sirius.

They all sat down by the fire.

"Man I'm a little light head. What about you," said Snape.

"Just an itsy bit," answered James. "Snape I just have to ask you. Why is it your hair is so damn greasy?"

"Call me Sevy and it's because of the gel that I use. Ode De Werewolf, made from real werewolf spit," said Snape

"Oh cool, can I spit in your hair?" asked Remus in delight.

"Why *hick-up*? Are you a wolfy?" asked Snape.

Remus nodded his head.

"Sure, why not *hick-up* I've been needed to gel my hair up again," said Snape.

"Wow, look at all the pretty horse," said Lily.

"I don't see them Lil," said Sirius.

"They're right in front of you dancing and flying," said Lily. "Boy I wish I *hick-up* could fly. Maybe I can." And she goes over to a tree and starts to climb it.

"Look at me I can fly." She'd jump and fell to the ground.

"Look at you, you're a freak," said James.

"Okay Sevy, your hair is done," said Remus giving one lasts lugy to Snape.

"Ah thanks. Oh, I think a song is coming to me," said Snape. "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurt." He took off his shirt and threw it into the fire and started to dance around. "I'm a model, you know what I mean? And I do my little turn on the catwalk. On the catwalk, on the catwalk yeah. I shake my little tush on the catwalk."

Lily got up and looked and Snape.

"Shake Sevy, shake what your mama gave you," said Lily and she went over to him and pinched his butt."

"Owe, I'm too sexy for my pants, too sexy for my pants, too sexy oh yeah." And then he started to unbutton his pants. Once they were off he tossed them into the fire as well. "I'm too sexy for my boxers, too sexy for my boxers . . ." he starts to take off he boxers.

"NO!"

"Oh man. You guys don't know how to have fun," said Lily and then she put her camera away.

"So James, how did you, a sly, troublesome guy ended up with sweet Lily?" asked Remus.

"I was failing Charms one year and McGonagall didn't want to kick me off the Quidditch team so she told Lily to tutor me to keep my grades up," said James.

"So did you like her then?"

"No way, she was too serious about school and did not have a social life. But when I came home that year my parents told me that I was promise to be married to an ugly French witch. So I told them about Lily and that she was my girlfriend and they called it off. So when school started I asked her out," said James

"Do you like her now?"

"Let's just say more than before."

She got up and walked over towards them.

"So you really don't love me? Well that's a relief I don't like you at all. I just went out with you so I could be popular and to get laid," said Lily. "And man you're so annoying like when ever you takes your shoes off you have to make sure that each and every toe is clean of lent. You should see Remmy, I'm sitting in the Common Room and he would say stuff like: Ooooh I think I see more lent by my big toe. I better go and dig it out"

"That is so ridiculous. Reminds me when James and I put slime bullfrogs in Malfoy's pants," laughed Sirius. "How long did it take you to get rid of the slime?"

"You know if I could stand up and walk, I would walk over to you and pound you and James into the ground," said Malfoy glaring at him.

"Ah, come on, let's all stop. Fighting is bad," said Snape. "Why don't we all hold hands and sing a nice song."

"I think that the whiskey went to his head," said James.

"Come on, is anyone going to hold my hand and sing?" asked Snape.

"I will," said Peter.

They took each other hands and began to sing, "It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all . . ."

"Now I know they're mental," said James.

"It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small, small world," they sang

"You want to know something?" asked Malfoy and then he took a swig of vodka. "I got a tattoo over the summer holiday. Do y'all want to see it?"

"Yeah sure."

"Why not."

Malfoy rolled his sleeves up and on his right arm below the wrist they saw a skull with a serpent.

"Oh cool," said James.

"Hey look, I got one too," said Snape.

"Me too," said Peter. And he turned around and took off his pants.

"Nice heart Pete but who's Fluffy?" asked Sirius.

"Oops, wrong one." He pulled his pants up and rolled up his sleeves. "Here it is."

"Wow."

"I want one," said Sirius and James.

"Where did you get it done at?" asked Remus.

"From a guy . . . I think he was called the Dark Lord," said Malfoy. "This means that you're part of his club . . . I think."

"How do you join?"

"Don't know."

They then sat down by the fire once more.

"Some night this became," said Remus. "Does anyone think we will remember this?"

"Not one damn thing," said James. "You know what would bring the end to this night if some one would streak by us."

A couple of minutes later Snape got up took his boxers off and ran around them.

"Whoa, pretty fly for a white guy," said Lily.

When he stopped he grabbed his boxers and tossed them into the fire. Then Snape began to dance around and sing.

" And I do my little turn on the catwalk. On the catwalk, on the catwalk yeah. I shake my little tush on the catwalk."

"Okay Sevy, that is enough," said James and he grabbed his wand and did a spell to give him some clothes. But with his mind all cloudy, he instead gave him a barrel to cover up.

But after James gave Snape his barrel they all past out.

"Thank god they're alright," said Professor McGonagall. "What should we do with them now Albus?"

"Well first we would need to make sure that they won't remember what went on here, and in the morning we will come and get them," said Professor Dumbledore and then he did a Memory charm. "Come now Hagrid."

"Oh man, they drank all of my whiskey," said Hagrid and they left.

~* In the morning *~

"Ugh, my head, it hurts," complained Snape.

"Mine too," said Sirius. "What happened?"

"All I remembered is that we were being chased by giant spiders," said James. "And then Remus and Peter found something . . . and it's all a blank after that."

"Good morning students," said Professor McGonagall.

"Good Morning Professor McGonagall."

"How did you know where to find us?" asked Lily.

"When you didn't return last night Professor Dumbledore and I went looking for you. Then Hagrid reported smoke by his house and when we came to investigate we found you," said Professor McGonagall.

"We're by Hagrid's hut?" asked Malfoy.

"Yes."

"Oh man," said Snape. "I could have gone back instead of staying here with these crazy nuts."

"Eh who are you call a crazy nut?" said James.

"Come now so you can get ready for school," said Professor McGonagall

They got up and began to follow her. But Snape stopped and looked at himself.

"Hey, why am I in a barrel? Where are my robes?" asked Snape. "Potter you did this didn't you?"

And he chased him all the way back to school.