Teal'c yawned and sat up to receive the breakfast tray being handed to him by the human slave. Yum innocent alien sausages and some very rare Asgard pate (the first prime only had the best). After eating he sighed happily remembering that as it was a new month he could flip over his pin up calendar and, flipping it to this months picture he saw a grinning Hathor in a very skimpy bikini. Teal'c cursed maybe he would get the Anubis dance of the seven veils next month; damn that Jaffa law that forbade skipping forward through calendars.

Teal'c was deciding that he would definitely buy the dancing symbiote calendar next year when he saw that tomorrow was marked with a huge star meaning it was an intergalactically important day. Disaster, it was Apophis's birthday tomorrow! Damn, the one time in the year his stupid master remembered what day it was and Teal'c hadn't bought him a present.He would have to go to Chulac today and get him a one. The question was what did you buy the man who had everything; or more accurately the question was what did you buy a lipstick covered, snake headed bimbo of a god, Apophis had over one million hairbrushes, five hundred bottles of perfume, three hundred packets of gold lipstick and half a mothership full of designer gold and silver clothes.

As Teal'c was putting on the last of his huge armored outfit and pondering what to get for him, Apophis's face popped up on the screen. 'Teal'c I command you to come to my room immediately I wish to discuss something with you.' He demanded. Teal'c obliged and swiftly took the rings to his masters room.

When Teal'c walked into the main chamber he saw his god lying naked on his huge silken bed being photographed by someone from 'goodbye' the universe's most popular magazine.

'Em master why exactly are you allowing pictures of you naked to be publicized all over the known galaxy?' Teal'c asked carefully.

'It is my birthday interview and they thought me naked would definitely bring the punters in.' Apophis answered grinning at the camera and Teal'c sighed.

'You want me my lord.' He commented weaily,

'TEAL'C what an absurd suggestion slap yourself for suggesting it!' Apophis said in outrage blushing a little. Teal'c shook his head in exasperation,

'No No my lord I meant you wished to see me.' Teal'c said very slowly.

'Oh yes I remember. I called you to tell you about my birthday party arrangements.' Teal'c inwardly groaned, last year Apophis had made Teal'c and seven Jaffa re-enact swan lake and Teal'c dreaded putting on that and tutu again.

'I'll go and get the palace guard fitted with leotards then my lord.' 'No No No Teal'c I wish a special party this year one like they have on that stupid planet Earth with celebrities and dancing floors. Well go on then the transport is waiting.' Teal'c bowed and left happily this planet sounded like a cakewalk and he was certain that this would not involve a thong this year.....

End of chapter one go to the next chapter you know you want to.....