New: The chapters will not necessarily be Rory/Jess anymore… it'll just follow the story – just so you guys know!

Note: the title of this chapter is of a song by Pink Floyd, but the version of the Scissor Sisters is way better – check it out!

Disclaimer: do I look like I own anything?

Chapter 7 – Comfortably numb

In the week that followed I was very relieved and happy. It was like a heavy weight was lifted from my shoulders. A week or so later, I decided to write a letter back… actually it was the first letter I wrote to him, because that first one was really from the past – I wasn't even sure what was in it anymore… but that didn't matter. My life was brightened up, everything seemed so sunny and nice… it was in this euphoric mood I wrote the letter.

For some reason I wanted the circumstanced in which I'd write the letter to be very nice. So I made sure I was alone at my dorm, lit some candles, with my favourite pizza and some music by Moloko. She was all set now. She went over to her desk, took a pen, a piece of paper and started writing:

Hi Jess,

Well, I'm very happy you responded – it really feels like that chapter of my life is actually finished now. It is so for you too isn't it? I noticed because of the calm and rational tone… it's really good I guess we both moved on… but I must admit: we shared some lovely moments.

Europe was amazing! You really should go there… and I you do, let me know because I can tell you some things you never find in these overpriced guides.
it's really funny how everything is so close to one another there… just a couple if hours by train takes you to another country… and the architecture is amazing. You really get this feeling of smallness if you walk in the streets with houses that were built in the 1500. Of course they're cleaned up, but you can still see it. It must be great to live there… and the streets are so funny – some are small, some are wide, some are asphalted, others are paved with cobble stones... you never know what to expect. The cities are not as big as we're used to… if you know New York – Paris, London and Amsterdam just seem very small…

The food is weird… you have like McDonalds and pizzeria's and Chinese food and all, but the real restaurants serve like real food… it was very good… it's really really fun to go to Europe…you should try it too! And you don't have to worry about the languages, they all speak some sort of English… only in Southern Europe there were still a lot of people who didn't understand us – but you know me and my mom, it could've been us too you know. LOL
Anyhow they were all most helpful, especially the men (hehe) … no really, it's a whole different world… it was wow… it just, don't really know what to tell you about it, there's just so much!

What I was wondering… what are you up to these days? You still live in California with your dad? Do you two get along… do you work, you go to school… ? I just wanna know… you know, I want us to be friends, d'you think that's possible? It's just… we can really talk about stuff and I kinda miss that these days… oh well… I just hope you will accept this offer… I feel like I kinda owe you for last year – but I really couldn't come with you – you understand right? I mean, college is the most important thing… and me and impulsive: it never works!

But hey, you know that right?

Yale is awesome – a lot of work, a lot of stress but it's all worth it – I would like to think that I'm still the same Rory that went to Stars Hollow High – but even Chilton got to me – and Yale has even a much bigger effect on me. It's so cool to walk around these old buildings (kinda feels like being back in Europe again!) and get classes from the most intelligent people in the country. They've really deepened my insight in things… it's amazing (hmmm I apparently use that word a lot these days… LOL). Do you go to college? Oh I've already asked that didn't I? I just.. hmmm well I'm just curious: how are you doing?

My mom's still crazy – she has her own inn now – it's really beautiful. When you're in town you should visit one day… do you know that she and Luke are dating? It's amazing… I've never seen my mom so happy actually… I hope they can keep it up, mom deserves it… and Luke certainly too… all this town talk… I guess you don't like it huh? You left it behind for a reason… right? When you're from New York I can imagine it's all stupid and dumb and small… but you have to admit it has something safe about it… it's some place you can hide… although there are disadvantages.. you're always on the spot…

Oh well… I should read a bit… take care and read you soon?… bad joke I guess, but my sense of humour is.. well you know best!

Rory

I was very pleased with my letter – humming I put it in an envelop, I wrote the address on it, put a stamp on it and put it on the table so I could post it the next day.

Life's amazing I thought… after changing into my sleeping clothes, I went to bed, took a copy of Emile Zola's Nana and started reading…

The next morning I woke up with the lights still on. The book had fallen out of my hand and some pages were messed up. I hated when that happened: books should be treated right! I tried to fix the most damage and put the book carefully on my desk. When I opened the curtains I was it was a lovely day… the sun is shining, the weather is sweet yeah! Bob Marley was sooo right!

Suddenly I heard the door of my dorm open.

'Coooofffeee' some woman screamed. I realized it could only be one person… 'Mommy! I'm in here'

My mom opened the door with great difficulty. She was holding two giant pugs of coffee and a bag full of donuts. 'Oh yummy' I yelled…

'wow missy, it's early..'

'it's not early, it's 9 am'

'well mommy got up much earlier to provide her favorite daughter with some food so: it's early. Besides you aren't even dressed yet… ok, where can I put this stuff,'

'My desk's the best… I'm going to get dressed ok?' I took my clothes and went to the bathroom.. But it didn't stop our conversation.
My mom yelled from the other room:

'ok dear, try and look nice today, your mom's here – she deserves to see her kid in the best way possible'

'have you got the 2 pounds make up to make that happen?' I shouted back
'euh no'
'well than you can forget it, I will just be me and not Rory Hilton'

'thank god for that!'
we laughed…

When I was fully dressed mom had put all the stuff on my desk… and she was holding something and staring at it very intensely… she must not have heard me coming because when I said 'mom?' she jumped for like a foot high…

'Rory!' she said… her voice sounded a bit strange…

'What's up mom?' I looked at her and tried to read her body language… she looked very puzzled. Than I saw what she was holding: the letter to Jess.

'oh that!' I was relieved…

'what – what are you saying Rory? This is a letter to Jess!'

'yeah, I know… I wrote it… look, you don't have to worry, it's just.. I did as you told me… to move on. I found a letter that I wrote when we were in Europe and I sent it to him. He answered to all my questions… he was very polite actually and I feel great now. That's just a letter to thank him for the letter and tell some about Europe'.

Lorelai stood very still… 'I can't believe this. I need coffee!' She drank some coffee. There was an uncomfortable silence between us… I didn't really get why she was just making such a big deal out of this… she sighed and finally she spoke again:

'are you going to keep writing him?'

'I don't know – maybe… if he wants that…'

'Oh Rory…'

'Mom! It doesn't mean anything! I just want to be friends again… I miss our conversations… There's no one who knows that much about literature than he does – I can't talk about it and discuss it.. I miss that'. I was getting angry… and so was my mom, she raised her voice

'Rory – you're studying literature at Yale… I would think there were enough people you could talk to'

'well I hardly know any one here!'

Lorelai shook her head… 'You know best I guess…'

'yeah I do' I said in a harsh voice. My mom looked hurt.

'sorry mom, I didn't mean it the way it came out… it's just… I just wanna be friends'

'yeah like when you were 'friends' with Dean!'

I felt like she slapped me in the face – that was so unfair! I had loved Dean – more than once… I still didn't regret that night, although I might not have done it for the right reasons… but still! I couldn't believe my mom had said that… and if I could read her expressions like I thought I could, she didn't quite believe it either… she wanted to say something but I cut her off. 'No it's ok. I get it. All I can say is: I need this, I want this… I haven't got feelings for Jess anymore… I'm in love with someone else. I just, want him in my life… I don't even know if he wants that too, so for all we know – I could never hear from him again.'

Lorelai swallowed… and said: 'Ok… you're a grown up – I should trust you. I'm letting it go…'

She looked at the floor… 'Coffee? It cannot get cold you know'

I tried to smile at her… 'That would be nice'.

Next – Chapter 8 – Piece of my heart