Disclaimer: I own nothing . . . not Raistlin . . . not Tas . . . not the evil Crysania . . . not anybody.

RAISTLIN TORTURE!

cough

ahem, now that that's outa my system, I'd like to thank all of my wonderful patient readers who are probably wondering if I have fallen off the face of the earth. Sorry for taking sooooooooooooooooooooooo long to update, but I had a Major Research report to write, then I forgot my password, then I remembered my password two says later, then the computer crashed . . . you get the picture.

OK, presenting:

Caramon's Turn.

"Crysania . . . that was evil." Tika giggled, managing to solemnly shake her head as she did so.

"But highly amusing." Sturm remarked.

"Hey . . . where's Raist?" Caramon asked, having left to get a banana two seconds before Crysania had pulled her devious trick.

Everyone snickered.

"And then the two wizards were like, 'Arble garble gwacamoshious!' and this really pretty streak of lightning szished past me, it was so cool,and I yelled 'Giggyup pony!' which, while it works on ponies, it doesn't work on wooly mammouths, and-say, have I told you this before?"

"Many times." Raistlin answered through clenched teeth.

"I have? Well, anyway, I'll tell you my favorite part-"

Raistlin sighed. That evil, evil, evil cleric. Sticking him in a room with Tas . . . her magical bindings were the only reason the 5# Kender wasn't already throttled yet.

Yet.

"Well, now what?" Laurana asked.

"Well, technically Raistlin should have his turn now, but, ah . . . since he's not here, I think Caramon get's to go in his twin's stead." Crysania finished.

"Wait . . . why is Raist not here?" Caramon asked, looking suspiciously at Crysania.

Crysania, in answer, flung her head back and began to laugh maniacally.

Everyone looked nervously at the people next to them and inched a step or two away from the revengeful cleric.

"Um . . . Ooooooooookayyyyyyyyy." Tanis, Laurana, the Bunny, Kitiara, Tika, and Caramon alled said together.

"Caramon, go!"

"Ok . . . " Caramon looked around. "who shall I pick?"

"Whatever, just choose someone." Tanis said.

"Ok . . . I know! I'll use the Anciant Sacred Method of the Hyakwahikis! to determine my choice!"

Silence.

"The Anciant Sacred Method of the Hyakwahikis." Kitiara said doubtfully.

"Yes! see . . . eeny meeny miney moe, catch a tiger by the toe, if he hollas, let 'im go, eeny meeny miney moe!" Caramon's hand fell to . . .

Tanis.

"Tanis!"

"The author already made that clear, fool!" Tika lightly slapped Caramon up the head.

"ohhhhhh."

Silence.

"Ok, Tanis, truth or dare!"

We Interrupt This Program To Say:

"Anybody want a cookie?"

The companions turned to see Mishakal, bearing fresh, warm chocolate chip cookies.

"Oh, yeah!"

Everyone conviently forgot what they had been doing two seconds ago and grabbed acookie.

However, this caused a problem.

Raistlin felt the clerical bonds preventing him from throttling Tas suddenly disapear. Mishakal's presense had dissolved them.

Cooooool.

Tas, who was still conviently chittering away, noticed that Raistlin was pointing at him and saying some very weird things

"Hey, Raistlin, what are you do-"

ZWAP!

Mishakal looked around for the mage and the kender. To give them a cookie, you see.

"Anyone seen Raisty and Tassy?"

Everyone choked with laughter.

"Yeah, Raisty's a little . . . 'tied up', you migt say." Crysania smirked.

"Thank you, Cryssie." Mishakal thanked Cryssie, turning that smirk into a frown.

"But where?" she wondered aloud.

"Underneath us, in a padded room with Tas." Kitiara pointed to the lever.

"Thank you, (can you guys guess?) Kitty. You see the benefits of being nice?" Mishakal smiled.

"No . . . hey, wait, what did you just call me?" Kitty - I mean, Kitiara, Kitiara, kenlims, help!

Everyone paused to watch Kitiara and the authoress engaged in a wrestling match, Kitiara obviously winning.

"Boy, you're almost as puny as Raistlin!" Kitiara complained, shoving whisps of red hair out of her face.

Suddenly, Kitiara disapears.

MEANWHILE . . .

Mishakal peered into the padded room where Raistlin and Tas had been.

Well, now only Raistlin remained, if you don't count the cricket chirping away in the corner.

"Where's Tas . . . " Tanis, coming up to look beside the cookie-bearing Mishakal.

"There is no Kender, only that cute widdle crickit in the corner."

"Cricket . . . " Laurana muttered. Suddenly her eyes went wide.

"YOU # MAGE!" A furious Laurana dove into the room, grabbd Raistlin by the shoulders, and yanked him up. "YOU #! TURN HIM BACK NOWOR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!"

Raistlin did not want to FACE THE CONSEQUENCES! obviously, so, muttering, our Mage un-crickified poor Tas.

After ten seconds of Tas's blabbering, Raistlin thought he just might wanna FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!. What else could the furious elfmaid do to him?

"Plenty." Kitiara muttered, appearing beside her brother.

"How did you get here?"

"Dang authoress."

"Ah."

"So, we're back to Tanis . . . truth or dare?" Caramon asked, once they had all finished their cookies.

"Umm . . . truth." Tanis was pretty confident that he had nothing that no one else didn't knoe.

"Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyy . . . " Caramon grinned suddenly, struck by an awesome brilliant idea. "When you were a kid, did you have a stuffed animal that you slept with, what was its name, and do you still sleep with it today?"

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm . . . " Drat that Caramon!

"I thought you could do only one."

"Nope."

"Yeah, you can only do one."

"Where does it say that?"

"The Rules."

"What rules?"

"The Rules of The Game."

"The rules of the game . . . uh huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh."

"Yes, the Rules of the Game, and 'Rules' is supposed to be capitalized!"

"Sturm . . . this is a dilogue. It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does."

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does."

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does."

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does."

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does."

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does."

"No it doesn't."

"BOTHOF YOU SHUT UP!" A very irritated Crysania finally snapped.

"Yes ma'am." Tanis and Sturm chainted in usion.

"That last sentence didn't make sense." muttered Laurana.

"And there's something I'm confussiled about."

"That's Delger's word."

"Well, I stole Delger's word. So sue me."

" . . . dude, that's about the stupidest thing to say, you do not want to invoke the Wrath of Delger Erdenesanaa, she'll chase you around the recess field with a muddy stick . . . "

"That's not so bad . . . "

" . . . chanting that annoying baseball version of Annabel Lee . . . "

"That's not so bad . . . "

" . . . and with a rubber spider."

"That's not so b- SPIDER! EEEEEEEEEK! GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME!"

And so the conversation betweenSturm and Laurana screeched to a halt withSturm jumping up and down screaming 'GET IT OFF ME!" and slapping at himself and Laurana yelling that there was no - spider and that he was phycho and Flint lecturing Laurana about 'that's not the way ya spell that word, man' just like the Jellyfish do in that pathedic movie Shark Tell and with Tanis lecturing Sturm about the virtues of spiders and this is gettinf really long.

The pandemonium was broken by Crysania.

"Ya know, I remember that Tawny from A Loony Kender was modled after Delger."

After that, people pretty much shut up and sat down.

"Ok, Tanis, back to the game: When you were a kid, did you have a stuffed animal that you slept with, what was its name, and do you still sleep with it today?"

Tanis twitched and laughed nervously, but Crysania's spell compeled him to Obey.

"Yes . . . I had a stuffed animal . . . its name was Lamby . . . it was a cute widdle bunny . . . and . . . yes . . . I do sleep with it today."

"Pervert!" Raistlin stuck his head through the trapdoor.

"Raistlin!" shrieked Sturm.

"That's not nice!" Laurana snapped.

"But sleeping with a bunny . . . who would willingly sleep with a bunny?" Raistlin shivered.

"I agree with the warped mage here, you have to be corrupt to sleep with a bunny . . . espeically one with a wimpy name like Lmaby . .. " Kitiara stuck her head up beside Raistlins.

Just then, Crysania noticed Raistlin. Springing to her feet, looking very much like Ellifain besides the obvious fact that she wasn't an elf, she shrieked, "RAISTLIN! AAAAAAAAAAA! EVIL MAGE! GET BACK IN YOUR HOLE!"

"She's gone physco."

"That's not the way ya spell that word man."

"WOMAN!" Tika ended her and Flint's conversation by whapping him up the head with a skillet.

"Owww . . ." Flint sounded very much like a certain Deli at this point.

Raistlin, meanwhile, wasbeingshoved back into thepadded chamber by Crysania, who had chosen the tatic of jumping up and down of the trapdoor that was being held up by Raistlin's head.

Just then everyone realized that they weresitting smack in the middle ofa football field.

"Boy, Mr. Vendetti was right." Tika nodded.

(Note: for the dreaded evil spelling tests Mr. Vendetti, my teacher, chooses a theme.One paticularily funny one was the thought offootball fields having trapdoors. Yes, this was the week before the Superbowl.)

Two nanoseconds later, Crysania had suceeded in driving Raistlin back into the padded room with Tas.

"If you ever come out again, I'll take the clouds away andfill this crummy football field with sunlight!" she shrieked.

"Sunlight . . . " back in the padded chamber, Raistlin hissed and dove under a blanket the magically appeared. "No . . . suuuuuunliiiiiiight . . . evil suuuuuunliiiight . . ."

Kitiara and Tas just stared. Well, Kitiara just stared. Tas was embarking on another Uncle Trapspinger tale.

Next up . . . Sturm torture.

Yeah . . .

OK, people, review! Hope you liked it, I'm just jotting ideas down and this is just for fun, no real plot . . . so . . . why the heck are you still reading! Tell me what you think!

And someone please inform me of the correct spelling of physco!

Danke!