Chapter Four: Business.

"What is it?" spoke a highly compressed voice.

The first stop on our wild goose hunt took us smack-dab in the middle of New Koop City, and in the midst of all the skyscrapers we were somehow able pinpoint where the package might have gone. The building, sealed tightly with only an intercom for intercommunication, was labeled 12 Ware Place.

"Is this the game-testing studio?" asked Brother, speaking into the mic.

"Who wants to know?" the speaker shot back.

"Mario and Luigi," said the guide, trying to help.

"Oh?" came the warbling message. "Why didn't you say so?" A harsh buzzing burst out from the speaker, unlocking the front entrance. "Come in."

Awkwardly, we stepped into the lobby, where two Koopa guards stood before a huge vault. As we walked up to it, the tightly bolted door sprang open.

"Oh... it's just you," spoke Wario, standing inside. "I thought you folks brought a pizza."

A sudden, violent din erupted from the inside of the vault.

"Sorry about that," said Wario, hopping over several outstretched wires. "Just testing the new microgames with the beta group."

Three rapid CONK sounds fired in succession.

"Knock it off over there!" he yelled. The noise finally settled.

I was the first of the three to speak. "If you don't mind me asking, have you ever received any sort of package in the last few days?"

Wario took off his helmet, scratching at his toupée. "Well, I'm constantly getting new games to test..."

"Besides that," I said. "Anything else?"

"Not anything of value," he said, "or I woulda pawned it." Wario gestured with his shoulder. "Come in, I guess."

Quickly maneuvering around the cables, Mario, the guide and I stepped into the grand testing room. Stretching into the horizon were countless gaming sets, with Koopas trying their best to discover the kinks in the various systems.

I could barely make out what kinds of games they were; some appeared to be nose-picking simulators, others were a breakdown of how to serve a sausage, and yet another apparently instructed on how to catch a sliding cup as it passed by. "These games are horribly simplistic," I noted.

"Sure!" said Wario. "The cheaper they are to make, the more I get in profits!"

Mario shook his head. "But folks won't buy them if they're all crap."

"Course they will," he insisted. "When I get my buddies in the magazine business to hype the things up, the kids'll go crazy for 'em!" He grinned brightly, baring his garish teeth. "Just one good looking ad in Game Informant and we'll sell half of our stock supply on day one!"

"Pfft," scoffed Mario. "I doubt people would buy a game solely on how shiny the ads were."

"I would!" said the guide, nodding his head vigorously.

My eyes rolled. "Can we get on with this, now?"

"Oh, right..." Wario realized.

The four of us sauntered over to the mail room where we were greeted by another largetastic group of worker Koopas.

"Hey, y'all!" Wario called out to them. "Have any of you seen a VHS tape around?"

One of the Koopas raised his hand. "Sir? What exactly is a VHS tape?"

His eyes widened after hearing those words. "WHAAT?" he yelled with his arms outstretched. "You don't even know what that is?"

I tapped Wario's shoulder. "Er, hello? I think they might be a little too young to remember those, but--" I turned to the group-- "It's a rectangle shape, with two spools inside."

One of the workers in the back stood up. "Oh, I think I have it right here."

Mario and the guide rushed over to the Koopa, staring at a package he had in his hands. "Hmm?" said Brother. "It's addressed to Wario!"

I caught up with them and examined the wrapped package. "There's a bit of writing here." I brushed the caked residue off of the small text over the word WARIO.

The guide gaped at what he saw. Mario backed away several steps, and Wario's jagged moustache straightened out slightly.

The words above WARIO were 'To My Oldest Son'.

"That can't be right," I said. "Wario is certainly not young enough to be a son of Papa... Heck, you aren't even related to us at all."

"Oh, you had to bring that up," spoke Wario. "The settlement wasn't enough for you all, huh?"

"Settlement?" said the guide.

I tried to explain. "A few years back, Papa and him were rivals. Most of that came out of the fact that Wario's name just happens to sound like..." I stopped, and looked back to the package.

"...Mario," completed the guide. Now that we all peered at it, we could see that the W did look a little like an M.

Then I remembered what Cranky said earlier. "It must have been mislabeled."

"Oh, I get it," said Mario. "The tape was addressed to me. 'To my oldest son, MARIO'."

"Ah," I said, understanding. "Now that we have that resolved, let's open it up and see what's on the tape."

Wario smiled again. "That's the ticket..."