Disclaimer-Still own nothing. Still just for laughs.

When Fanfiction Attacks Part 2

Heero finally broke away from the fangirls by telling them that there was a kitty behind them, to which they all responded "NEEEEEEEEEEEEEKOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" and ran away.

"HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-CCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Heero fell face-first into the street as Duo suddenly descended from nowhere and landed on him.

"Duo, get off me!" Heero yelled, face full of mud.

"HEEEEEEE-CHAAAAAAAN, how could I ever leave you alone, my only love/dove/darling/sweetie/angel/insert your own sickeningly sweet and completely uncharacteristic term of endearment here?"

"Look, Duo, if you're gonna follow me around, you have to stop calling me "Hee-chan"…"

"I knew it! You hate me, don't you? Well –expletive- you! I wouldn't want to be with someone who would betray his own friends!" Duo slapped him and stalked away in a huff.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-breath-

ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh, no…"

Heero tried to run, but Relena suddenly fell off a conveniently placed balcony and landed on him, much like Duo had a few minutes earlier.

"My darling, where have you been? Do you know how often I've cried myself to sleep because I missed you after our one night of passion?!"

"Relena, you do realize that the only thing I ever did was kiss you in Blind Target?"

"YOU COULD'VE CALLED ME, YOU -EXPLETIVE-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Relena slapped Heero. "How could you walk out on me…AND OUR CHILD??!!"

"I don't have any kids."

"That's right, you don't, because you could never love me enough to marry me!" Relena burst into tears. "Everybody is out to hurt me! I know! I'll change my name and become a hermit! Forget the fact that everyone in the world is looking to me as a leader! My name's not Relena! My name is the author's best friend's first name and her crush's last name! But I'll go to the mall first!"

Relena jumped off Heero and scampered away. Wufei sauntered up.

"Yuy!"

"What?"

"Why am I feeling a sudden attraction to you?"

Heero reached for his gun.

"Maxwell!" Wufei yelled.

"Yes, my cutie pie sugar bunch?" Duo called from across the street.

"Why am I referring to you by your last name? INJUSTICE!! ONNA!!"

"Shaddup, Wufei!" Sally appeared from nowhere, toting a gun. "I'll abandon you in the desert again!"

"INJUSTICE!!!!"

Trowa and Quatre sauntered by, making horrendously bad and wildly out-of-character dirty jokes that make all the little teenage girls do the Happy-Gay-Guy-Squeal™.

"INJUSTICE!!!"

Dorothy suddenly appeared, dragging Lady Une behind her.

"I thought you were normal?!" Heero yelled at Lady Une.

"Sorry, I succumbed to the hotness of Dorothy's eyebrows," Lady Une apologized sincerely.

"Well, is Noin still okay?" Heero asked desperately.

"Nope. She's fallen into depression because Zechs left her for Treize/Wufei/Duo/you. She'll probably die a slow, painful, feverous death. Or she'll just disappear completely, almost as if some teenage author decided that females are too inconvenient in a yaoi story."

"QUATRE!!" Dorothy abandoned Lady Une and tackled Quatre to the ground. "YOU'RE MINE!!!!!"

"NO WAY!!! HE'S MINE!!!" Trowa shouted in an unusual display of emotions.

Trowa and Dorothy began a Tug-of-War with Quatre.

"ONNA!!!!"

"What, Wu-Man/Wuffers/some other nickname that I would never ever use since I'm not dumb and know you'd kill me if I did?" Duo called from across the street, thoroughly exasperated.

"BAKA!!!! I'll baka you and then I'll baka you and then we'll baka!!"

Heero stopped to wonder just what content was contained within each "baka", and then decided that he fervently did not want to know.

He instead turned back to Lady Une. "Well, since Treize is dead and Dorothy just left you, what are you planning to do now?"

"Oh, I don't know," Lady Une said cheerfully. "While slash and incest are totally acceptable, necrophilia hasn't been touched on too much yet, so no Treize/me here. I guess I'll go hook up with some random female or return to being an attentive mother to Mariemaia. I'm surprised no one's made me a pedophile yet…YUY!! YOUR BACK IS NOT PERFECTLY STRAIGHT!!!"

"Well, that might be because I'm sitting on the ground…"

"DON'T YOU TALK BACK TO ME!!!" Lady Une slapped Heero. "I AM YOUR COMMANDER AND YOU WILL DO AS I SAY!!!!!!!!!!"

"Uh, since when?"

"Since you joined the Preventers, silly!" Lady Une said, smiling sweetly.

"But I said in Battlefield of Pacifists that I'd rather work alone."

"My poor confused child, have you forgotten that this is Fanon? You don't even have your gun anymore!" Lady Une patted Heero's head, and then burst into tears. "TREIZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COME BACK TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Attempting suicide always works for me," Heero offered. Indeed, his gun was now missing. It must have been stolen by the attacking fangirls.

Lady Une sighed again. "I'm not important enough to commit suicide."

"INJUSTICE!!"

"Hey, suicide's a great idea!" Duo said suddenly. "I think I'll go attempt it!"

"Don't do it, Duo!" A very wavering form of Hilde showed up, at times becoming invisible. "Be impressed by my use of alliteration, instead!"

"Nope, sorry, Hilde. Even though you have remained completely faithful, let me live with you, and risked your life twice on my account, I've decided that Heero is my only true love. But since he's rejected me, I have to go kill myself now…"

"Oh…well, I'd better go hook up with Relena, then," Hilde said resignedly.

"NO!!! RELENA IS MINE!!!!" Dorothy dropped Quatre and ran off in the direction of Relena.

Hilde sighed and disappeared.

"She's not important enough, either," Lady Une explained. "YOU IDIOT, WHY DON'T YOU KNOW THAT????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She smacked Heero again.

Heero stood up and ran, cursing the day some fangirl had stolen his gun.

BOOOOOOM!!

Heero jumped backward as a building suddenly blew up. Quatre laughed maniacally and then disappeared.

"But we destroyed the ZERO system," Heero mused aloud.

"It's not the ZERO system," Trowa explained sadly. "It's Quatre's HORRIBLE and TORTURED past coming back to haunt him. His father beat him, you know."

"No, he didn't."

"Oh, well, it was either Quatre or one of his sisters," Trowa said, shrugging. "Doesn't matter which one, because Quatre's empathic powers are growing so quickly and suddenly that he has seizures all the time/blows stuff up at random intervals. Poor, poor Little One." Trowa ran off after Quatre, who had fainted in the street.

"MEOW!!"

Heero looked down to see Duo as a kitty.

"Duo, I thought you committed suicide. Why are you a cat?"

"I prefer "neko", if you please," Duo said.

"Why?"

Duo shrugged. "Dunno, guess it makes the author sound smart to throw in random Japanese words even though the story's in English." Duo began playing with his tail, which looked distinctively like a braid. "Oh, yes, and I'm expecting a litter, too."

"But you're a guy."

"Well, that's debatable, but for right now, yes, I am."

"That's not biologically possible."

"Can't you accept miracles, you…you…non-yaoi fan!?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You don't like pairings like Wufei/Treize, so you're close-minded, narrow, and homophobic!"

Heero rolled his eyes. "So, let's say, hypothetically an author preferred me/Relena over me/you. They're automatically considered a homophobe?"

"Except for the very rare ones who support Quatre/Trowa as well, yes!"

"I see." Heero rolled his eyes. "Back to your litter. Who's the father…mother…whatever?"

"Well, I'm just not sure," Duo said sadly. "There's a very minimal chance it's Hilde. Maybe it's Wufei…or Zechs…or Quatre…of course, there's a very strong chance that it's you."

"You and I aren't involved, Duo."

"WHAT?!" Duo burst into tears. "HOW COULD YOU???!!!"

He somehow managed to slap Heero and run away.

Heero wondered how many more times he was going to get slapped today. He decided it was time to buy another gun.