She knows that moments of pure truth are rare. Being honest about her feelings has never been her strongest suit. She chooses instead to hide behind her witty comebacks and confusing dialogue. She thinks that if she refrains from the truth, that perhaps the truth will cease to exist.
If she never admits that she enjoys Luke's company, or admits that his deep-set eyes make her weak in the knees, or that she loves the way he seemingly growls her name… Lorrrelai… that all these feelings and thoughts will disappear into obscurity. Vanish into thin air.
Because admitting that these feelings are real only makes life messier. And, she doesn't want her relationship with Luke to be like that. Messy. She wants it … unmessy. Uncomplicated. Certain. Luke is the one man in her life that she can depend on – for anything. Time. Comfort. Companionship. Christopher had always been an enigma. Max was a good man, but unfortunately she had never been one hundred percent comfortable with him.
But, Luke. Luke was different.
She knows that she has had very little success with romantic relationships. And, the risk of ruining her friendship with Luke – in search of romance – would be too high. It's a risk she's not sure she can take. He's her rock, she thinks. And, she needs her rock.
Yet, there are times when moments of truth can not be denied. When they are beating relentlessly at your door,… and you can not help but invite them in.
In the end, she can only hope that the truth really will set her free…
"There was a moment!" The clarity in my voice startled even myself as the words resounded in the air. There was a moment, I repeated in my head. There was.
He stood there for half a beat, his eyes softening from his earlier rant, and he took a step towards me, a look of determination washing over his face.
"What are you doing?" As the words came from my lips, I realized how false the question was. Because I knew what he was doing. I just wasn't sure if I was ready … for that moment. The moment I knew would change the rules. Change everything about my relationship with Luke.
"Will you just stand still?" he replied in return – his determination stronger than ever.
And, with those words, the light became blinding.
As his lips caressed mine, and his muscular arms enveloped my body, I couldn't believe what was happening.
I couldn't believe that it had taken so long.
My mind was spinning with a million thoughts and questions. I'm kissing Luke! Oh my GOD! I'm kissing Luke! And, it's… amazing. Kissing Luke is amazing… Is this really happening?
I pulled away first. Was this really happening? I could feel my whole body long for him the moment we lost contact, and I decided that THIS was indeed happening.
And, I needed more. Of him. I needed more of Luke.
I stepped towards him this time- wanting more. And, in turn, it was he who hesitated.
"What are you doing?" he asked, echoing my earlier sentiments- his breath heavy from round one.
And, so in return, I echoed his earlier words. "Will you just stand still?"
Touching his face gently, I leaned in - and was once again transported to heaven.
There are some moments in life that are so indescribably beautiful. They change the way you view the world, the way you think, and the way you feel. Your first kiss. When your crush finally notices you. The touch of your newborn child.
These moments are often few and far between. So, when they do come, you cherish them, remember them, appreciate their perfection. And, wonder whether any moment afterward will ever meet those standards of greatness.
Kissing Luke for the first time was one of those moments.
These moments are almost dream-like. Unbelievable. But, they are very real.
And, with reality comes responsibility.
The responsibility to deal with the consequences of that one beautiful – but very real – moment.
She realizes that it will never be the same again. That a line has been crossed, and it was impossible to go back. To re-cross the line. And, she also knows that she doesn't want to. Re-cross. Step backwards after having made such a monumental stride forward.
The first kiss between Lorelai Gilmore and Luke Danes had opened up a realm of possibility. Potential. Luke had cherished Lorelai from afar for years. Eight to be exact.
It once seemed that the Gilmore-Danes union would never occur. Bad timing,...other relationships always got in the way. That was their excuse. But, really, the biggest reason for them not being together was greater than that.
They had both been afraid.
And, they still were. The fear hadn't subsided with the first kiss. The kiss had only changed the context of fear. They were no longer afraid of pushing boundaries, because they had already been pushed. Now, they were afraid of the future. Of the unknown.
However, now that they were undoubtedly in the midst of it, there was no turning back. And, so they began.
Part two of the Lorelai Gilmore and Luke Danes saga had officially commenced.
"Lorelai, this thing we're doing here… me, you… I just want you to know that I'm in. I am all in."
I looked at this wonderful man sitting across from me with amazement. Luke was "in"… he was committing himself to us… to me.
"Does that… are you… scared?"
For once in my life, I was completely speechless. How was I to top that? How exactly would I tell him that while I was totally "in" as well… that I was also scared senseless. That I was scared of messing up. Scared of losing my best friend. Scared of wrecking everything?
And, so I didn't.
I simply smiled back… and shook my head… "No," I said. "I'm not scared at all."
That night was a night of passion. He wanted me, and I wanted him in return. I chose to set aside all my fears and let myself be carried away with him. To lose myself in him. As we made love for the first time, I couldn't help but think that life was perfect at that very moment. Sex had always been easy for me. Fun. Crazy even. But, here, with Luke… it was MORE. It was… special. I was with someone whose care for me, and mine for him, knew no limits.
Later, satiated, I watched him sleep and I took the time to notice every line on his face. Every inch of his body. He was stunning. I smiled, remembering all the times I had wondered what it would be like, to be with Luke. And, now here I was.
As I settled myself next to his warm body, I realized that being with Luke was everything I thought it would be. Soft one moment. Rapturous the next moment. Extraordinary. Sublime. Perfection.
And, most of all…
It was scary.