Confidence
By Serena-chan
DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em. Probably never will. Applies to all other chapters.
Percy was curled up in his bed in the 7th year boys' dormitory reading a book. It was his favorite thing to do, especially on a dreary winter's evening. It wasn't quite cold enough to snow yet so the steadily darkening clouds above had contented themselves with pouring down bucket loads of icy cold rain, which beat against the windows with a comforting rhythm.
Because it was only 7 o'clock he was alone in the dormitory, which suited him just fine. He had already finished all his homework for the weekend, organized his notes in an orderly fashion, and now he was looking forward to a little peace and quiet. He snuggled deeper under his warm comforter and heaved a contented sigh. What a perfect way to end the week.
His contentment was very short-lived however, when moments later Oliver Wood burst through the door, muddy, dripping wet, and disheveled. Honestly, Percy thought irritably, how can anyone think of having Quidditch practice in this mess!
" 'Lo," grunted Oliver, whose upper lip had turned blue from the cold. He proceeded to strip off his soaking wet Quidditch robes and toss them unceremoniously on his bed and the floor next to it.
Because his bed was located next to Percy's, bits of water flew off the discarded clothes and landed on Percy's cheek. He opened his mouth to ridicule him for being so careless, but Oliver had already disappeared into the bathroom.
Whiping his cheek, Percy shot a disgusted look at Oliver's bed and the floor space dividing the two beds. Water from the soggy clothes was already soaking into the carpet and Oliver's bedsheets.
His first instinct was to leave them where they were. After all, Oliver had made the mess, he could clean it up. However, Percy did not relish the idea of stepping onto soggy carpet if he got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.
Sighing, he decided to at least deal with the mess that was on the floor. He set his book carefully aside, and swung his feet over the edge of the bed.
After wringing the rainwater out of Oliver's clothes into a nearby potted plant, he neatly draped them over the bedposts to finish drying. He mopped up what he could of the water in the carpet with a clean towel, but it was still very damp.
Grabbing his wand, he murmured a charm that caused a hot dry wind to fly from the tip of his wand. Using this as a sort of blowdryer, he soon had the carpet dry. Then his eyes fell on the wet spot in Oliver's bed. Oh well, why not? Oliver was already bound to notice what he'd done so far. He might as well finish the job.
After drying the sheets he set about to making up Oliver's bed, which was never made. He knew he really shouldn't be going this far, but Percy had always hated being in a room with any kind of disorder. It would give him satisfaction to, for once, be in a completely clean dormitory, (even if it wouldn't last).
As he smoothed the bedspread, some of the scent from the sheets floated up to his nostrils. It smelled like pine and the outdoors and was positively infectious. Percy had a sudden picture in his mind of Oliver the last time Percy had seen him at a Qudditch match. Wind blowing back the dark hair, revealing the shine of exhilaration his eyes held whenever he rode a broom.
Percy shook his head to clear the images. He shouldn't be thinking about another student like this, especially not another male student. Disgust for himself overwhelmed him, and he flopped onto his bed in a most unPercy like fashion. Why can't I just be normal?
After a hard workout on the Quidditch pitch, nothing felt better to his aching muscles than a nice hot shower. Flipping the water off, he toweled himself dry with one of the fluffy red and gold towels offered in the Gryfindoor washrooms. He discarded this towel and wrapped a dry one around his waist before retreating back to the bedroom.
He stopped in his tracks when he looked toward his bed, a wide grin slowly spreading across his face. All his Quidditch robes had been neatly dried and hung up on the bedposts, the floor was dry, and his bed was made up in such a perfect manner than only Percy could have accomplished it. In the bed next to his, Percy appeared to be very absorbed in whatever book he was reading, but Oliver saw a light blush start to spread across his cheeks.
"Been tidying up in here?"
"I'm assuming that's a rhetorical question seeing as we're the only two in here," Percy said without looking up. His blush was now deepening and had spread down his neck.
God, he's cute when he blushes, Oliver thought, but all he said out loud was, "Thanks." Percy just nodded curtly in reply, and Oliver went over to his trunk, pulled out some pajamas and began to get dressed for bed.
Don't look at him when he's changing, don't look at him when he's changing. . . his mind chanted, but that didn't stop his eyes from peaking out from the side of his book as Oliver let his towel drop to the floor. Even though he had his back to him, Percy couldn't help but admire his roommate's naked form.
Oliver was tanned and muscular from hours of Quidditch training, but not in a bulky way. No, Percy decided, Oliver had the perfect body. Just watching the way the muscles in his back moved when he bent down to pull on his pajama bottoms sent waves of heat rushing to his face and groin, his heartbeat doubled, and his stomach tightened.
Oh why, oh why, oh why does he have this effect on me? Percy thought anxiously, as he hid his face once more in his book.
When he had finished changing, Oliver turned once more to face his redheaded roommate only to find him once more absorbed in his book. Tumbling onto his bed and rumpling up the bedcovers that Percy had so meticulously arranged, he rolled on his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows, facing Percy.
"So, it looks like it's just me and you tonight," he said, grinning widely at the book his roommate was hiding behind.
"It's only 7:30," Percy replied. "Why don't you go down to the commons? I'm sure my brothers will be only too delighted to entertain you."
"Nah, I'd rather stay up here with you." Percy gave him a look from over the top of his book. "Okay, Fred and George are testing out these new prank tea cakes that explode and throw cream and jelly everywhere when you bite into them. I don't want to be up with them half the night, helping them mop it all up." That's a lie. I would rather stay here with you, but you'd kill me if you knew the reason why.
"I'll kill them," Percy said, speaking of Fred and George.
"Don't bother. They're not worth it." Pause, "So what are you reading?"
"Advanced arithmacy." Oliver made a face at which Percy couldn't help but chuckle. "It's really quite fascinating. Of course you've never given it a chance because it doesn't fly around on a broomstick."
Ouch. That kind of hurt. "There's a lot more to me, you know, besides Quidditch, but I wouldn't expect you to know that because you never take your nose out of a book long enough to see what's happening in the real world." Oliver immediately regretted his emotional outburst, but luckily Percy's face held only amusement.
"Touché," he said chuckling, putting his book down, and actually focusing his attention on Oliver.
There was a sudden rapping on their bedroom door, and Fred's mischievous voice shouted from the other side, "Oh Oliver? Now you wouldn't be hiding from us would you?"
"There's a certain gentlemen friend down here that would like to get aquatinted with you," George said, in a sing-song manner.
Groaning, Oliver pulled his blankets over his head, and Percy faintly heard him mutter, "I'm not here."
Percy went to answer the door. "He's not in here, and will you please lower your voices? Some of us are actually trying to study."
"You're the only one," muttered Fred. "Besides, it's the weekend and Christmas break is only a week away. Lighten up."
George on the other hand was looking quite suspicious. "How do we know your not hiding him in here?"
"You'll just have to trust me," Percy snapped, "unless you want me to write home to Mum about your exploding tea cakes." Grinning at his brothers' horrified faces, Percy said, "That's what I thought. Good night."
Oliver poked his head out from under the blankets when he heard Percy close the door. "Am I safe?" he inquired.
"Quite," said Percy, coming over to sit at the foot of Oliver's bed, something that had never happened before in their entire six years of rooming together. "However, I do think that I'm entitled to an explanation."
"How do you figure that?"
"Well, unless you want Fred and George to know your up here-"
"No! Alright, I'll tell you." Oliver did his best to glare at Percy. "Before I do though, I just want you to know that you can be really cruel sometimes."
"Fair enough." Percy grinned.
Oliver sighed, I really didn't want him to find out this way. "Okay, Fred and George are trying to fix me up to go on a date with this guy who's only 4th year. Seriously, his voice has barely broken. He's practically still a child. Definitely not old enough to know what he wants." Just leave it at that. Please, just leave it at that.
"That's preposterous!" Percy spluttered. "I really will have to give them a talking to. It would be one thing trying to set you up with a girl, but to try to set a straight man up with-"
"Percy, stop." Deep breath. "I'm gay." Whoa. That was a big step. Did I really want to do that? I can't take it back now though. It's already there, hanging in the air. All I can do now is wait to see how Percy reacts.
Oh, now this really isn't fair, Percy thought bitterly to himself. It was so easy to hide my attraction from him when I thought he was straight, but now. . .
"Percy?" He jumped, realizing that he had been sitting there in silence and shock for quite some time. Taking his silence the wrong way, Oliver said, "It's okay. You don't have to say anything. I understand. I'll just ask McGonagall tomorrow if I can switch rooms, okay?" Oliver had turned away from him now and was doing his best not to cry.
"No, Oliver," Percy desperately wanted to reach out and take the other boy in his arms. "Don't. I'm sorry I didn't say anything, but it just surprised me. That's all. Of course I still want to be room mates. Do you really think that something like that would matter to me? After all, I'm-" Percy stopped, shocked at what he'd almost said. Oliver had turned to face him with a look of utmost curiosity on his face.
"What? What were you going to say?"
"Nothing." Percy hastily tried to retreat back to his own bed, but Oliver was now sitting up and had a firm grip on his arm.
"Hey, I shared something really personal, and let me tell you, it wasn't easy. I think the least you could do is finish your sentence." Oliver was now staring intensely into his eyes, and Percy found that he couldn't look away. Those dark eyes were deep and entrancing. He was more and more aware of Oliver's warm hand touching his skin, and he was close enough to smell the same outdoorsy scent that Oliver seemed to radiate. He felt he was going to go mad if he didn't do something soon. He'd have to tell him.
"Alright," he said at last, swallowing, "I'm. . . I mean, I'm also. . . " God, this is hard.
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Oliver was looking questioningly at him. Percy thought he detected some sort of raw emotion in his eyes.
Oh, to hell with it. "I'm gay too alright, but it's not that easy." He pulled away from Oliver's grasp and returned to his own bed.
"What's that supposed to mean? It's never supposed to be easy coming out of the closet, but-"
"No, you don't understand." Percy felt tears prickle at the corners of his eyes. "My parents can never know. No one can. They'd be too disappointed."
"From what I've heard about your parents, they seem like they'd be pretty understanding," Oliver said thoughtfully.
"Oh, I know they would be," Percy moaned. "That's not the point. They wouldn't be disappointed in me specifically, but they would be disappointed that their only hopeful prospect of having grandchildren is nonexistent."
"But you have loads of siblings-"
"Oh really? Bill and Charlie are both imersed in their work, they haven't dated in years, and they're not exactly getting any younger. Ron's completely oblivious to everything that goes on around him, and can you honestly see Fred and George settling down to raise a family? That just leaves Ginny, but she's too young to notice boys."
"That's not entirely true," Oliver murmured, his mind drifting back to only a few days ago, when he'd seen Ginny watching a certain Gryffindoor seeker very intensely.
Percy, however, didn't seem to hear. He kept rambling on, "Mum always used to tell me when I was little that I was her one hope that she might have grandchildren. How can I tell her that that will never happen?"
"So, what? Your just going to go through life pretending to be something your not?" Oliver was getting mad now. "Get married to a nice woman who really deserves someone who truly loves her, manage to have sex with her enough to produce a few kids, and go through life completely miserable? Oh yes, I'm so sure that's what your mother wants for you."
"Just shut up!" Percy snapped. "You don't have any idea what your talking about." Slamming his head down on his pillow, facing away from Oliver, he tried to suppress the tears that were streaming down his face. Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! How could I be so stupid! My one dream, that my roommate might possibly be gay, has come true, and now I've gone and ruined any possible chance that he might feel the same way about me. Ugh! I hate myself!
In the next bed, Oliver was quietly kicking himself for losing his temper. Poor Percy was obviously having a hard time coming to terms with his sexuality. And I might have been the one to help him through it, but noooo. I just had to go and ruin it, didn't I?
Laying back on his pillows, he stared at the figure in the next bed. He had never wanted anyone so much in his entire life.
To be continued...