Disclaimer:I own nothing. The character's are JKR's, the plot is Frank's, and Deke has dibbed the nymph.

Chapter 3

It was almost as if the willow was trying to avenge the thump James had given it.
Well, yeah! Remus thought, mentally kicking himself. The Whomping Willow!
"It's alright." Remus got to his feet. "I think I know how to get our fruit."
He picked up the stick and dodged nimbly between the flaying branches. The stick connected with the familiar knot and the tree slowed, so the only movement was the gentle rustling of the leaves in the wind.
"Well." Said James after a moment. "That's handy."
Remus grinned, and plucked a peach and a plum from the tree. "You've got to know where to aim. Want one?"

James puffed out his straw-filled chest "I can get my own fruit thanks!"
He decided to get the biggest one there: The watermelon.
Remus rolled his eyes as James forcefully tried to lift the gigantic melon. Pretty soon, his arms began to fall off. As he lost more and more straw, he seemed more and more determined, until he suddenly paused, straightened, and walked away, head held high.
"I wasn't very hungry anyway." he said arrogantly, swaggering onwards down the road.
"The wizard would do some good giving you some modesty along with those brains." Remus murmured, following his friend. He split the apple with Padfoot, reveling in how juicy it was.

They had not progressed more than 12 steps before a rustling was heard in the bushes. Remus stopped, looking around nervously. Padfoot had also stopped, and was beginning to sniff around curiously. From their right came a throaty laugh, and a very feminine squeal.
"Oi?" asked James, walking backwards to where Remus and Padfoot had stopped. "What's going…"
Suddenly a loud noise, much like something metal being struck, echoed across the golden stone road. A shrill feminine voice rang out "I cannot believe you! You're heart is as black as your name!"
The laugh came again. "Babe, I thought I already told you, I ain't got a heart." There was a second bong, and a scantily clad, willowy dryad came skipping nimbly out of the bushes, nose in the air. She caught sight of the three travelers, and after a moment of looking seductively at Remus, she slipped behind some trees and disappeared. James and Remus exchanged bewildered glances.
"Third this week, you know." Came a voice for the bushes. They looked down, startled, to see a grinning face popped out between the bushes. Sirius stood up, stretching and creaking, completely covered in silver. He smiled handsomely, dressed in shiny silver robes that perfectly matched his silvery complexion. Even the hat perched jauntily on his perfect silver hair glistened in the sunlight.

"Who're you anyway?" he asked, jerking his head at James. "And why'd you take him away from his cabbage patch?"
"Erm…James, Padfoot, and I'm Remus" he said, pointing at each of his small band in order. Sirius looked up interestedly. "Quite ugly, you lot. 'Cept for the dog over there, handsome mutt, he is. How do you get the nymphs?"

James's mouth fell open. "What? Hmph. I don't need nymphs and dryads, I have the Good Gryffindor of the North!" he pounded his chest proudly, which made a nice "ppfff' as he thumped the straw.
Sirius scratched his chin mildly. "Lily, eh? Tell me, have you been sniffing fertilizer? Everyone knows she's got a thing for the Hufflepuff Hermit down South."
"You're not a very polite silver freak," mumbled the scarecrow huffily. "I notice you didn't have much luck with that willow you were with."
Sirius stretched, creaking again. "Well, you know girls. They don't care about the fling thing, they want romance. They want a man who will love them and stay with them till the end of Foz." His silver eyelashes fluttered. "A little hard to be romantic when you haven't got a heart." He pounded his chest, which made a hollow booming noise. "Although I've done a pretty good job of faking it so far…..but I've gotten a little rusty lately." He inspected his arm joints. "Literally."
He looked around, and picked up a small bottle of 'Oldmans Oil Ointment' and applied it liberally to his knees and elbows. "Could you get my neck then? Remus, wasn't it?"

"Yes, erm…..just out of curiosity…" began Remus as Sirius began bending his greased joints. "Why don't you have a heart? Fitting though it is…" he added under his breath.
Sirius shrugged. "I have no idea. I'm supposed to be a tin man, you see. Cut down trees, give them to the woodsman, all that fun stuff. But he DID give me a brain, and come on now. Would you have cut down wood for free and have no fun at all, or would you go off, do whatever you want, and fool around with the nymphs and dryads?" he winked at Remus. "The woodsman wasn't too happy though. I think he was going to put in the heart, and never got around to it after I told him I wasn't working for him anymore."
Remus and Padfoot exchanged glances. James was sulking with his back turned.
"Right then." Sirius stretched and grinned broadly. "So, where are you headed this fine day on the Gold Stone Road?"

"We're off to see the Wizard." Replied James sourly. "And you can't come!"
Sirius scratched a silver ear. "The Wizard? You mean, the Wizard of Foz?"
The two nodded. "I'm trying to wake up." Remus put in. "I'm in the middle of a dream, you see. And James is trying to get a brain, so that he can be as smart as Lily, "henceforthingly" winning her heart."
Sirius frowned slightly, then took off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair. "A brain, huh……Do you think this wizard of yours could…uh……think he could give me a heart?" he tilted his head and looked woefully at Remus. "You see, that dryad…Nadine, she's…well, you know."

He shrugged. "Well, if he can give 'Super-Crow-Scarer-Guy' a brain, I'm sure giving a heartless bastard such as yourself a cardiovascular organ should be a snap."
Sirius bowed low. "Thank you, my fine sir. Do you know how far it is? Or how far you've come?"
"I'm not sure how far to the Wizard it is…"Remus admitted as they began to walk down the road. "But we've come a long way already…"
"Hah! A long way!" came a scoff from above. The three of them turned to look atop the roof of a cabin, where Snape stood, staring down at them in contempt.
"Oh not him again." Said Remus bitterly. Sirius looked up interestedly. "I say, isn't that the Wicked Slytherin of the West?"

"Unfortunately. I think he's following me." Remus sighed.
"You call that long?" Snape continued. "I can still see that stupid house elf town from here!"
"Yeah." Agreed Sirius politely. "I've heard vampires have super-human sight, after all."
Snape's greenish face contorted with fury. "I'll see you repaid….and what are you doing with Lupin! I thought he was supposed to go alone!"
"He wants this staff." Said Remus ignoring Snape, and gesturing with the staff. "It belonged to the Wicked Slytherin of the East, before I landed my dormitory on him."
"You landed what on him?" asked Sirius eagerly. Remus began to explain, while Snape crossed his arms impatiently.
"Come on!" Snape shouted. "I'm trying to intimidate you!"
"And doing a lousy job of it." James commented. "What color were his socks did you say?" Sirius suddenly yelped, and jumped away from James, who's head had suddenly burst into flame.
"Aiieeee!" the scarecrow began to run around in circles, waving his arms and trying to put out the flames. "I'm burning! I'm burning!"
Sirius sniggered for a second, before helping Remus to beat the flames out.
"There's more where that came from." Snape sneered. "You'll never make it to the Wizard in one piece. Come on." He held out his hand, and the dryad that Sirius had been with held his hand, grinning cheekily, as the two of them disappeared. The smoke was still pink-ish red.

"What!" exclaimed Sirius in outrage. "He took Nadine!" he whirled on Remus, fists clenched. "He took my dryad!"
James snickered, still a little sore that Sirius had laughed at him. "Serves you right. You are heartless after all."
Sirius whirled furiously around, and began marching as quickly as possible down the Gold Stone Road. "Right." He huffed, as the others tried to catch up to him. "Right. That's it then. I'm going with you if it's the last thing I do!"
Padfoot barked in agreement, and tore off after his human counterpart. Remus smiled a little, as James began to race Sirius, even though he was shedding worse than ever. Maybe this dream wouldn't be so bad after all.