For a lovely disclaimer, see chapter one.
Yes, it's yours truly, welfare twin #1! If you haven't checked out Welfare twin #2's story, Succession of Chapters, do so now!
Now editted for your enjoyment!
The next day at approximately the same time and place...
Sephiroth had had no interruptions the previous day during his session in his hideout. Thus, feeling more relaxed, he'd brought an outfit to work in. It was black ( of course), mostly made of spandex and left nothing to the imagination. Sephiroth prepared his stereo and again, took deep, relaxing breaths.
The CD played,
Breathe in...now breathe out.
Lesson four will begin with interpretive dance.
soft music plays
In your first excersize, you will be a tree...
Sephiroth stood tall and positioned himself into what would be a tree if humans were made of cellulose.
He would have heard snickering if it weren't for the fact that trees don't have ears and he was playing his part well.
Now the wind is blowing
Sephiroth swayed slightly but looked more like a recovering heroine addict than a tree in the breeze...
More snickering.
And now, you'll become the ocean...
Again, Sephiroth acted.
There was a gargled choking sound implying that either someone was being drowned or they were laughing so hard they almost swallowed their own tongue.
And now..you're a fairy princess on her way to the fairy ball to meet your fairy prince!
Sephiroth hesitated..
DANCE, DAMMITT!
Sephiroth pranced.
Zack could no longer contain himself. He laughed out loud -so- hard his face began to turn purple as he was rolling on the grass clutching himself to make sure his lungs didn't explode.
Sephiroth stomped over to the trees where Zack was hiding ( he wasn't very well hidden at all. He was almost clearly visible to the average person. But, then again, Sephiroth was far from average.)
" GAAAAAHHH!" was all he could yell. He was mighty angry(and thuroughly embaressed). Angry people don't usually say much before they smash you into pulpy human juice other than GAAAAAHHH.
"HA-HA-HA-HA!" Zack laughed as he pointed. Needless to say, Sephiroth's face was definately an unhumanly shade of red. Sephiroth grabbed ahold of Zack's collar and his fist made sure that -this- was not something to happen again nor be discussed in the future.
-morons aplenty-
After arriving back at ShinRa headquarters, Sephiroth rushed as quickly as he could manage in the direction of his appartment.
Before he could make it there, Rufus stopped him in one of the many halls on the way.
" I know what you're up to!" He said accusingly.
" Up to -what- exactly?" Sephiroth tried to keep his composure. It was impossible that news could spread this fast! He'd made sure Zack was nearly-
" Oh..Don't play dumb! I KNOW You want LINDA!" He was furious.
"...Linda?" THANK YOU JENOVA!
" I KNOW YOU KNOW her! And YOU CAN'T HAVE HER!" Rufus' eyes were practically buldging out of his head.
" ...OK."
" Oh, and Hojo wants to see you. He's in dad's office" Rufus walked away calmly.
"Right"
Sephiroth looked slightly confused but made his way to the office anyways. He never did know -why- Rufus was allowed to wander around giving orders. His office was less of an office and more of a broom closet, much like his head; small, emitted a strange odour, only good for storing buckets and wet mops. You get the idea.
Before Sephiroth could ponder what the hell he could have possibly be wanted for he came across a battered Zack trying to woo a certain young Linda at her desk. Zack stood and acknowleged Sephiroth with a grin. You know, one of -those- grins. The ones that chime " I know something about you! You don't know if I've told!" He looked positively stupid. His face was black and blue, one arm was in a sling and his neck in a brace.And there he was grinning( showing off the very obvious holes where a few teeth had been lost).
" Hello, Seph. This is Linda. She's new here."
" ..." Said Linda.
" We've met." He said. " I've got to go. I'm busy." He stalked away. It appeared to Sephiroth that Zack's memory of previous events was going to require further attention...
Sephiroth finally made it to the office and entered.
" Aaah,Sephiroth there you are!" Both the president and Hojo looked worried.
" I need to talk to you, Sephiroth...it's about...well. I think you know," Sephiroth's worries started up.
" Well we got these photos the other day from an anonymos..." Hojo dropped a packett of photographs on the desk.
"..." Said everyone in the room.
Sephiroth picked up the packett and braced himself.
" These photos are all of the Shinra building..." He said.
" Yes...and they're HIDEOUS, aren't they?"Exclaimed the president.
" Uhm..well..."
" ADMIT IT! It looks like palmer took a big crap on the whole building!" ShinRa said.
"Well...now that you mention it..." Sephiroth stared at the photos.
" The thing is, we wanted you to help decorate seeing as how..you're..."
" I'm what?"
" Well, we know you're gay, Sephiroth. "
" ? " Sephiroth was flabbergasted. Not only was he -not- gay he didn't see how it all of a sudden would mean he's an interior designer.
" You know, you admitted to not even liking -LINDA! EVERYONE wants Linda!" Exclaimed Mr.ShinRa.
" Oh, that, and Zack gave me these." Hojo plopped a second packett of photos on the table. Sephiroth snatched them up, ripped them open and said,
" These are all recruits...in the shower..." Sephiroth was even more confused.
" Oh uhhh...wrong bunch!" Mr. Shinra snatched them away and plopped another package on the table. He tucked the other inside his vest pocket.
" These are photos of me...in a leotard."
" Yes! DANCING!" Shreiked Hojo. " one minute you're just wiggling along to some interpretive dance CD and the next you're doing ballroom, or even worse, DISCO"
" Sephiroth, we haven't had 'the talk' yet, have we?" Asked Hojo.
" Uhm, no." Sephiroth wondered what the hell was going on and what Disco had to do with 'the talk'.
" Well, " Hojo started reminescing." When I was about your age. Your mother and I were first class disco dancers..."
" Oh sweet lifestream here we go..." Sephiroth pulled up a seat and pretended to pay attention.
FLASHBACK!
I was a strapping youth with slicked black hair and a cropped moustache-
"That's all lies. You're one of the homliest- Wait, you had a moustache? AHAHAHAHAH!" Sephiroth interrupted the flashback
" What DID YOU SAY, BOY!" Hojo glared menacingly ( or at least as menacingly as a skinny short guy with glasses and a pocket protector could).
" Nothing, keep reminescing while I go drown myself" Sephiroth rolled his eyes.
Your mother and I were attending the ShinRa sponsored -Fascists Against Reality Television- disco dance competition-
" Hey, i didn't know ma' was a dancer"
" SHUT UP! this is MY FLASHBACK"
ANYWAYS, we were dancing like nobody's business when a rogue military group stormed the party! Sure, they -looked- like a couple of rabbits who were fluffy and adorable, but I knew better! There had to be at least three or four of them, but I took them all on myself. I single-handedly used my killer dance skills to annihilate them.
But..I couldn't stop and I..I killed everyone in the building! Including Lucrecia.
END FLASHBACK!
" WAIT! YOU KILLED MY MOM?" Sephiroth cried.
" Well, yes," Hojo replied .
" But this was years ago! How was I-"Sephiroth was interrupted .
" We used Vincent as a surrogate mother." Hojo explained.
" I seee..." Sephiroth supressed a giggle as he imaginedMr. Valentinecramming his face full of pickle covered cheesecake and peeing when he laughed too hard.
" So, you see Sephiroth... Sephiroth?" Hojo looked to the chair in which Sephiroth had been sitting and in his place was a broom with a sock on it.
" Goddammit!" Hojo cursed to aloud.
" That was the saddest story I've ever heard!" Mr. Shinra said through sobs.
" Oh, go stab yourself!" Hojo snarled as he marched out the door.