Welfare Twin # 1: OKAY! chapter 4! I've gotten a few awesome reviews so I wanted to get a new chapter out there for those of you who liked the previous ones! Don't forget to check Welfare Twin #2's story: Succession of Chapters: A Turk Story! He hasn't posted new chapters yet, but I've read them, and they're great!Also, sorry, this one's kind of short again. Chapter 5 willll probably be just posted as the continuation of this chapter.

Who knows how much later...

Zack's cramped little room was dimly lighted. Yes: he got a crappy, smelly room while all other military personnel Including SOLDIERS had to share even crappier, smellier barracks. Mostly because Zack's reputation for being an avid photographer scared most men into not showering for several days at a time and trying to perform military maneuvers whilst not inhaling the odour of the man next to you ( or within 5 kilometres of you, really) was really not very efficient. So, back to Zack's room...

As dimly lit as it was, any good boy or girl who eats their carrots could see the outlines of one lump named Zack and a second lump formerly known as polyeurothane sprawled about on the delapidated bed ( presumably sleeping as neither was moving much...well, one was moving a LOT and snoring rather loudly. The other looked dead to the casual observer. ...though, who would be casually observing Zack's room in the middle of the night is up for question.)

A very slight creaking could be heard from overhead...

Rufus shuffled on his hands and knees through the very cramped tunnel above Zack's tiny love shack.

" Linda, Linda LI!" He was whispering aloud to himself.

CLANK, CLANK

The air conditioning in this section of the building turned on. The freezing cold air travelling in the same direction as he. Rufus shivered and continued stiffly, shivering so much he made an audible noise against the air duct.

" Sh-sh-shit, Sh-shiva! My b-balls-s-s are S-s-smarites-s!" Rufus shivvered as he approached the duct's exit to Zack's ceiling ( though his testicles had probably not turned into candy coated chocolate).

"W-what ar-re you t-talkingg about? My balls-s-s D-Did turn into S-Smarties-s-s!" Rufus took his hand out of his pants pocket to reveal a handfull of brightly coloured Smarties.

I stand corrected...

Zack's dreams were filled with visions of Linda, nude photos and kittens. ( yeah, that last one's a shocker, but he's rather fond of kittens. He has a T-shirt that states " I am rather fond of kittens." proving, without a doubt, of his fondness for kittens) Before he had the chance to dream about taking nude photos of Linda with kittens, he was awakened by a crashing above him. His half unconscious mind hoped it had something to do with one of the afore mentioned subjects.

Unfortunately for Zack, Rufus was neither a kitten, nude, nor resembled Linda in any way, shape or form.

" WHAT THA HELL?" Zack tried to sit up but was instead pulled up by a suprizingly strong Rufus who had very cold hands.

" WHERE is my LINDA?" Rufus screeched as he shook Zack's shoulders, banging his head into the headboard on every other syllable.

Zack glanced over to the side of the bed Linda had been on. She indeed, was not there.

" I thud DON'T smack KNOW! thud OWWW!" Zack replied between smashings.

" GAAAAHHHH! I KNOW SHE WAS HERE! YOU'VE DEFILED MY LINDA!" Rufus was still smashing Zack's cranium into the headboard.

" ... SMACK ...-SMACK...THUD...thud..."

" GAAAHHH!..." Rufus stopped his assault.

He looked at the limp body of Zack and his anger was replaced with shock. " I...I...I didn't ...I..." His eyes caught the relection off of a dark, liquidstain near Zack's head. Rufus' heart leaped nearly out his throat. He caught himself staring at Zack's still open eyes.

Rufus stepped back towards the bed in a complete stupor.

Zack grabbed his arms as quickly as any SOLDIER could and screamed in Rufus' face,

" BOOOO!"

" EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Rufus emitted a very high pitched scream.

" Ha ha ha ha ha! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" Zack laughed maniacally in Rufus' face, still clutching his arms.

" ...THUD" Rufus' body made that corpsy body-meets-the-floor noise as he fainted.

" ha-ha..ha...haaa!" Zack wiped a tear away from his eye as he finished chuckling at the unconscious heap on his floor. After contemplating wheather or not to strip him down and take incriminating photos, Zack shrugged and stuck his finger tips in the ketchup on his headboard.

" mmm, ketchup. " He stuck his fingers in his mouth. Zack was definately a strange character and probably the only person in human history who would think to stick packets of ketchup in his pillow as a night-time snack.

Chapter 5 to have: more LINDA! More SEPHIROTH! more CRAZY!

I -WAS- going to make Zack actually -die- here. But, then I though " Zack can't die! he would HAVE to TURN this into a joke!"

Any suggestions for upcoming chapters? Please tell me your thoughts and suggestions!